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Author Topic: Is it fair to live for somebody else  (Read 314 times)

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Asphyxia

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Is it fair to live for somebody else
« on: January 02, 2021, 04:11:19 AM »

As i was talking with my family, we somehow got into this gloomy topic of life and death, non existance after death or life after death.
Since i cant talk to my family about my health issues and mental problems
i mentioned the rapper 2pac who in his song mentions contemplating suicide but when he holds the gun all he can see is his mothers eyes, i asked if they think its fair for a person who suffers through all their life and is about to suffer for the remaining duration of his life to live for someone else, to go through the unbearable pain of existing just to make the existance of another person bearable.

Today just isnt my day, hopefully i can stay sober.
To me suicide makes sense the same way pulling the plug on a braindead coma patient makes sense, waste of resources for nothing, or even worse, for suffering
I promised myself il wait and see if out of all my problems in life i could atleast fix my dick before i let thoughts like that dictate my actions, but some days they get to me.
Il be fine but im wondering what you guys think.

Btw the answer i got from them was yes, one must suffer and live on for those who care about him

Now i dont want to be so depressing all the time.
 im about to get out of bed, put my traction device on, have some herbal infusion and some coffee and cacao later on and keep on going with the struggle
I urge you guys to do the same, i wasted years laying in bed, staring at the celling(all day everyday) tormented by my thoughts, entertaining my thoughts. and letting them play me like a puppet.

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Age:23. Onset of symptoms: september 2020.
Curve mostly semi erect about 60 degrees, slight pain
Tried short & prolonged fasts, keto,carnivore, traction and most of the supplements.
Severe digestive issues, probably an autoimmune disorder

Hawk

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Re: Is it fair to live for somebody else
« Reply #1 on: January 03, 2021, 12:49:34 AM »

Asphyxia,

Pulling the plug on a brain dead coma patient is a false comparison.  You know that.  Setting up a paper tiger like that and knocking it over as evidence for a totally different scenario is the first evidence that you have a weak argument. 

Of course, we selflessly live for others.  My point here is not to preach religion, but the age-old axiom "to find yourself lose yourself in the service of others" has survived time because it is a time proved principal. You are going to die.  That is inevitable. Chose to live for something in the short time you have. 
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Prostatectomy 2004, radiation 2009, currently 68 yrs old
After pills, injections, VED - Dr Eid, Titan 22cm implant 8/7/18
Hawk - Updated 10/27/18 - Peyronies Society Forums

Asphyxia

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Re: Is it fair to live for somebody else
« Reply #2 on: January 03, 2021, 02:06:26 AM »

Yes it is a false comparison but i dont think my argument is weak when i have mentioned that being braindead and in coma is somewhat better than suffering. the same way that you didnt feel any suffering a 100 years ago, because you werent alive.
 it has been a messed up fantasy of mine to be "nonexistent" just like a coma patient is and just like what i assume we are after death,i really do wish there is no life after death and i think id be better off if id get into a coma and be mindless, or dead, whichever one.

kinda what the monks are trying to achieve when meditating,to be mindless.
but to be completely mindless and not existent, which would be superior(i bet you find this sounding very peculiar and nonsensical, i kinda do too but thats just how i feel).this is also a strange comparison, but the point is that you have to struggle just to achieve peace of mind, and its never ending.
 i can see where you are coming from though, i had normal thinking patterns once and i go back and forth with my thoughts and moods with all those mood swings to the point of not recognizing myself sometimes all while being completely self aware, or atleastt i think i am.

Losing yourself in the service of others seems to be the biggest motivator for people, and often when i found myself lacking motivation and looking for answers wether online or within myself, i did find it to be true, as long as i appreciated the people i found myself interacting with,but i always been more selfish and did things for my own sake, and for most of my life i didnt really interact with people, and later on i tried to avoid people and didnt appreciate anyone, its only recently that ive started to feel more empathy and emotions, which i did purposely, and i often regret it, being numb is more fun or less excrutiating i should say, its like looking at your crumbling life through rose colored glasses.

I do feel extremely motivated to help people with the little bit of knowledge i gained on the treatment of this dissease lately, but i never feel a strong sense of purpose in anything i do.
Im the type of person to either be really selfish with my goals hobbies and pursuits, or give up on it and watch as life pass me by, and when its not up to me, i have to let go and let it pass me by, and end up with existential dread, i must be ego-driven or something, but arent we all needing our basic needs met

i know theres something very wrong with me and its probably not hard to tell with all the weird things im writing, but thats who i am i suppose, or what life made me, idk
and honestly i feel weird writing this, its like im this gloomy guy who tries to convince himself and everyone else that life is pointless, but this is just how my mind operates, and besides, in reality im trying to see the light, not lure to the shadows,

 thanks for the response, i do like to see things from other perpective from time to time, and lately even more so
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Age:23. Onset of symptoms: september 2020.
Curve mostly semi erect about 60 degrees, slight pain
Tried short & prolonged fasts, keto,carnivore, traction and most of the supplements.
Severe digestive issues, probably an autoimmune disorder

Hawk

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Re: Is it fair to live for somebody else
« Reply #3 on: January 03, 2021, 07:39:34 AM »

i think id be better off if id get into a coma and be mindless, or dead, whichever one. kinda what the monks are trying to achieve when meditating,to be mindless.
but to be completely mindless and not existent, which would be superior

Losing yourself in the service of others seems to be the biggest motivator for people, and often when i found myself lacking motivation and looking for answers wether online or within myself, i did find it to be true, as long as i appreciated the people i found myself interacting with,but i always been more selfish and did things for my own sake,...
being numb is more fun or less excrutiating i should say, its like looking at your crumbling life through rose colored glasses.

I do feel extremely motivated to help people with the little bit of knowledge i gained on the treatment of this dissease lately, but i never feel a strong sense of purpose in anything i do.
Im the type of person to either be really selfish with my goals hobbies and pursuits, or give up on it and watch as life pass me by, and when its not up to me, i have to let go and let it pass me by, and end up with existential dread, i must be ego-driven or something, but arent we all needing our basic needs met

with all the weird things im writing, but thats who i am i suppose, or what life made me, idk
its like im this gloomy guy who tries to convince himself and everyone else that life is pointless, but this is just how my mind operates, and besides, in reality im trying to see the light, not lure to the shadows,

First Asphyxia, You make another false comparison.  Like most people, you have a false understanding of mindful meditation. Monks don't try to be in a mindless coma.  They learn to focus on a very simple thing that is happening in the moment (like breathing) and block or allow thoughts of the past or the future to pass by.  This trains them not to have wandering minds controlled by random thoughts of past and future.  They learn to give place for deliberate thoughts.  When random, unhelpful thoughts pop into their minds as they do with everyone, they use this skill to allow them to pass out quickly.  Of course, some thoughts of the future or past are useful and not random.  It is a practice you should master.

Next, you repeatedly state, "the kinda guy you are, or how life made you" (selfish, dark, etc.).  If you were a squirrel or a chicken, that would be legitimate, but you are a human being with the unique power to change who you are.  You have the power to disassemble the shack you have, take the materials, and build a functional home.

Also, I want to reiterate that serving others is not just interacting with them.  It is coming to the rescue of someone who needs your help.  Although maybe hidden from sight, there are people around you who would fall to their knees in gratitude for what you could do for them.  What power you have to be a difference to someone.  Be that difference!

Finally,  don't be the devil's advocate, so to speak.  Your negative self-talk and your arguing on behalf of a poorer way to live is the enemy of a better way to live.  You can express skepticism or curiosity about these things without advocating for a way of life that does not serve you and does not serve anyone else.
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Prostatectomy 2004, radiation 2009, currently 68 yrs old
After pills, injections, VED - Dr Eid, Titan 22cm implant 8/7/18
Hawk - Updated 10/27/18 - Peyronies Society Forums

Asphyxia

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Re: Is it fair to live for somebody else
« Reply #4 on: January 03, 2021, 10:27:16 AM »

I find the last point you made very intriguing, as i really do feel like i dont tend to detache from topics that include negative life views, instead i tend to be emotionally attached and take one stance, even though  i do see the point of view of other people.

I've noticed the negative aura this can bring to the people around me and i isolated myself for a long time partially for this reason
and even entertained the idea that nobody deserves to be with me because of my negativity
Unfortunately now the uncontrollable thought that nobody deserves to be with me romantically because of the shape of my penis is also Present.

I find it difficult not to play devil's advocate when topics like that come up, it feels automatic as if its a part of me, and although i notice it i dont feel like i know how to hold control over pessimism and negativity, its like a neurological wiring that has been exercised for years.

The only thing that really helped me with changing my automatic thinking patterns is cannabis, and i find it saddening that cannabis is harmful for peyronies.

By the way im aware of the way meditation works for the most part , i myself see my thoughts as irrelevant often and choose which thoughts to listen to, however i find it very draining to always try to be present and pay attention to my breath or be an observer of my thoughts, or catch myself wandering in my mind about things i feel anxious about, or regretful about, and thats when my thoughts get to me and i stop being detached :o
The idea behind buddhism says life is suffering, however if you dont let the ego take control then it might not be all that bad, i find the journey to mastering your mind a suffering in itself, just like i mentioned, "you have to struggle just to achieve peace of mind"

Wether its by discovering your supressed emotions,facing your fears, letting go of attachments, suffering is inevitable in life, meditation or no meditation.
When i said i became more empathic and emotional, it was through meditation and also cannabis,
It does leave you vulnerable to any future stressors, because you block out less, and arent relying on psychological defense mechanisms, such as redirection, repression, denial etc

The same way that PTSD patients require long sessions of therapy and relaxed enviorment in order to unsupress their memories and numbed emotions,
I dont feel like im in a mindstate to face emotions overload right now as i feel like im dealing with enough.
However im aware there are many types of meditations and some might fit to me more than others right now.
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Age:23. Onset of symptoms: september 2020.
Curve mostly semi erect about 60 degrees, slight pain
Tried short & prolonged fasts, keto,carnivore, traction and most of the supplements.
Severe digestive issues, probably an autoimmune disorder

shrunken_dick

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Re: Is it fair to live for somebody else
« Reply #5 on: January 11, 2021, 12:13:15 PM »

Asphyxia ; why don't you give Penile Implant a chance. Don't give up without giving a fight. There is a fair degree of possibility that you will win this battle against Peyronies.
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Asphyxia

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Re: Is it fair to live for somebody else
« Reply #6 on: January 11, 2021, 12:25:48 PM »

I dont know man, i have been fighting most of my life with the digestive issues,joint problems and pain,depression and suicidal thoughts, been laying in bed for years due to fatigue, no education and no job experience, relying on family to take care of me.
and i tried to kill myself before peyronies, im just exhausted and so hopeless, and people here are telling me peyronies is a lifelong condition with pain even after chronic phase and high chance for reinjury and i feel like id rather die than get an implant to be honest
I only wonder if this is a lifelong condition even if i manage to straighten my dick with traction, thats the only thing giving me hope right now.
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Age:23. Onset of symptoms: september 2020.
Curve mostly semi erect about 60 degrees, slight pain
Tried short & prolonged fasts, keto,carnivore, traction and most of the supplements.
Severe digestive issues, probably an autoimmune disorder

shrunken_dick

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Re: Is it fair to live for somebody else
« Reply #7 on: January 11, 2021, 12:43:02 PM »

Asphyxia ; Why would you prefer to die rather than having a penile implant. Do you think the others who have penile implants are not happy?
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Dressa

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Re: Is it fair to live for somebody else
« Reply #8 on: January 11, 2021, 01:54:08 PM »

I havet ehlers danlos syndrome. I think that e.d.s triggered peyronies. Have you looked into that? Ehlers danlos causes joint problems and skin problems. I am in pain almost daily.
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Asphyxia

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Re: Is it fair to live for somebody else
« Reply #9 on: January 11, 2021, 01:54:41 PM »

I feel like i elaborated enough on how i see death as a salvation from this never ending suffering, at this point it seems like i still feel pity for those who care for me and it keeps me from killing myself or maybe its too difficult for me to resist my instincts and i need to be pushed to the edge, other than that i dont see the point of life especially being so sick and with peyronies.
Current mindstate is either fix this, or end myself, and im hoping i will follow the plan
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Age:23. Onset of symptoms: september 2020.
Curve mostly semi erect about 60 degrees, slight pain
Tried short & prolonged fasts, keto,carnivore, traction and most of the supplements.
Severe digestive issues, probably an autoimmune disorder

Olive

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Re: Is it fair to live for somebody else
« Reply #10 on: January 11, 2021, 02:26:56 PM »

Hi Asphyxia,

Have you taken antibiotics or any other drugs? Maybe you have messed up your gut bacteria and that's why you have all those digestive issues?
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Olive

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Re: Is it fair to live for somebody else
« Reply #11 on: January 11, 2021, 02:30:07 PM »

Shrunken_dick,

Are penile implants free and do they do the surgery for free? Maybe not everyone can afford to have an expensive surgery especially if they can't even work and earn living.
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Asphyxia

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Re: Is it fair to live for somebody else
« Reply #12 on: January 11, 2021, 03:05:12 PM »

Im a fan of herbal medicine and refrain from using pills
Half of the amount of methods and herbs i've tried to use are enough to show my desperation and instability  :o as im doubting my sanity for continuing to play a game that is rigged

I made a post on the digestive issues if you care to read
https://www.peyroniesforum.net/index.php/topic,14837.0.html?PHPSESSID=2l85ms3uto4oi01t6078297p54
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Age:23. Onset of symptoms: september 2020.
Curve mostly semi erect about 60 degrees, slight pain
Tried short & prolonged fasts, keto,carnivore, traction and most of the supplements.
Severe digestive issues, probably an autoimmune disorder

shrunken_dick

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Re: Is it fair to live for somebody else
« Reply #13 on: January 12, 2021, 12:44:02 AM »

@Olive ; Yes, Not everyone can afford an implant. But you know that there is a solution that exists. OP is young, and he has plenty of time to work and collect money. That's enough motivation for the OP to continue living. At least he should put a good fight before considering suicide.
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