Overcoming the fear of not trying

[rn524]

I have been a multi-year lurker of this forum and feel this needs to be posted for people who are like myself who have struggled with the decision not try to pursue sex even though you THINK it MIGHT be possible.  

Here's the story:

I am 23 years old and consider myself very social. I saw a Peyronie's specialist back in September who I feel did not do a good job at my appointment. Even with injections to force an erection I could not get fully erect and thus he could not properly measure my curve. He settled on 20-25 degrees congenital curvature both up and to the left with I would say at about a 70% erection. I believe it's more like 30 degrees to the left and 40 degrees up AND I have had a hard thick plaque on the topside of my penis for the last 4 years and have seen absolutely zero change at all after 2018 and have no pain. Past failed experiences, performance anxiety, the concern with the plaque and porn use led to severe psychogenic ED as diagnosed by the urologist for which he prescribed me Cialis.

After five sexual experiences in college where I was trying to have intercourse and one afterwards with a girl I really liked where I could not even get remotely hard, I decided to see two sex therapists after lingering depression due to this issue who both have helped me immensely (and changed my life). I was convinced to try and go back out there with the mindset that I will never forgive myself if I never try. Techniques for keeping an erection (along with the Cialis) and other ways to stay in the moment have improved my ED like you would not believe. MOST IMPORTANT, even with my at least 35 degrees curvature I am able to have sex. Every single thing the guys say on this forum are 100% true about positions and lube. If you are a little bigger and curved up girl on top is super risky and not enjoyable, but missionary where you are on your knees and doggystyle are both absolutely doable (again everybody is different so I speak for people who can somewhat relate to me). And again LUBE!!! It is your absolute best friend! Unfortunately, I am still unable to really get an erection in the slightest (literally will go fully soft) with a condom - even seeing a condom wrapper messes me up big time - and I am sure many other younger guys can empathize with that - due to this, I have not used one with this girl I (kind of) trust but I obviously acknowledge the clear and obvious risks of that and am still working on it. To me, I had to take the "risk" of no condom to see if I could perform and for the time being, I am extremely glad I did.

If anyone sees this and can relate or has any questions I am 100% willing to answer whatever. This crap ruined my life for the last 5 years and while it'll continue to be an uphill battle, I am in a way better place than I was three months ago, thanks to therapists, a really nice girl, and lube.  This forum was huge for me and if this can help just one person it would make my day.

[GreekGuy85]

Thanks for sharing! Be sure that your comments will help many of us.  Just the reminder about using plenty of lube for all sexual activities is helpful.  And I completely agree about the woman on top position being super risky is 100% accurate.  Many of us here can point to that position as the beginning of the problem.  I hope you continue to get help with your ED, especially the non-physical aspects of it, like the depression you mentioned.
Good luck, man, and thanks for sharing.
Nico

[Hawk]

Great post RN524.  It is so true that many guys are not out of the sex game because they have Peyronies Disease.  They are out of it because they refuse to put themselves out there and try.  Not an easy task for a young single guy, but it is doable, and we are very capable of doing difficult things.