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Author Topic: Why can't be intimate in other ways?  (Read 414 times)

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mysweetiesgirl

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Why can't be intimate in other ways?
« on: September 17, 2020, 10:18:38 PM »

I've been with my wonderful man for 18 months.  We are older in our 60s.  I knew about the Peyronie's from the beginning but at first we used to at least try and so enjoy one another and experiment and be intimate.  He is wonderful with his hands and I love to give him oral which always works, if you know what I mean.  As time progresses, he is really uncomfortable.  We have talked about this and he says he so wants to but he has totally shut down.   It's like if he can't have intercourse with me than he just can't in other intimate ways.

So I let this scenario relax/calm down for the past 6 months or so.  We are extremely affectionate (hugging, kissing, etc.) since.  I have mentioned how I just want to be intimate, to touch, to please orally, but he has said he can't so that is affecting our intimacy.

How can I re-connect with him physically?  Why doesn't he want me to please him orally?

Also, we have discussed him seeing an Urologist but he is SO hesitant but says he is fine about that.  Mentions corrective penis surgery, cutting, etc. and  I say just talk to them and you can always decline drastic measures. 
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Stabler

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Re: Why can't be intimate in other ways?
« Reply #1 on: September 18, 2020, 01:23:09 PM »

Hello mysweetiesgirl,

Welcome to the forum. Is it possible that he is having pain with intimacy?

Stabler
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Moderator since 2015- Missouri- I work in the medical field and have strong knowledge of insurance and how to obtain coverage for medication and other treatments. Being a woman I do not have Peyronies but you can ask me anything. I am happy to help.

pfract

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Re: Why can't be intimate in other ways?
« Reply #2 on: September 18, 2020, 06:18:09 PM »

Hey! i'd say a lot of guys are like that. They unfortunately just close on themselves. Have you tried showing him the success stories we have here on this board about implants? It's a very viable route to solve the peyronies and erection issues that a lot of the times come with it....

mysweetiesgirl

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Re: Why can't be intimate in other ways?
« Reply #3 on: September 18, 2020, 09:23:40 PM »

Hi Stabler,
No he's past the pain stage, just says it doesn't feel "normal".  Well, I am sure it has changed sensation.
He can still enjoy my touch, etc. but has kind of (not literally) said, "what's the point" since it isn't like what he is used to, and how it used to feel.  Seems locked into "if we can't have traditional intercourse then "nope" just can't".

My post was to ask how to encourage my wonderful man to touch me, to let me touch him, to change the mindset of "intercourse only" to whatever physical enjoyment we can provide to one another is a wonderful thing.  We talk about it but there isn't any change in intimacy.  I'm at a loss so thought I would ask how you guys feel so I could better understand.  ??
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jan.schaller1958

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Re: Why can't be intimate in other ways?
« Reply #4 on: September 18, 2020, 10:43:18 PM »

mysweetiesgirl,

You sound like a very compassionate person. Thanks for your contribution.

I think you reflect in your views the way a lot of women, and even gay men, feel about Peyroines in their partners. They usually say things like, „You still have a penis. It may not look or feel the same, but your penis doesn’t define you. You define you“.

But, even if Peyroines doesn’t hit till you’re older ( I’m 62 and it hit me at 56), it‘s  still a major blow to your self-esteem. It killed my last relationship, yet I never had Erectile Dysfunction and still don’t. I had a bend and some shrinkage, but I’m still within the „average“ range I suppose of normal. The range of emotions is enormous. It’s like your whole world is wrapped up in your penis. Maybe it’s the influence of porn. Who knows? It‘s only the hope of straightening the penis out, and getting at least back to some size in the average range (I don’t know, 5 1/2 inches?) that gives us hope. That’s really what we’re here for I guess.

I think Peyroines is a neglected area of medicine, especially urology. I’ve heard guys say if women got this (they actually can, interestingly enough, of the clitoris, but I’ve never heard of such a case, only heard a urologist say once the genetic predisposition for it could be inherited from the mother). In women this must be extraordinarily rare, but if it occurred with any significant frequency in women, as it does in men, women would be storming the hospitals and breaking  their Gynecologist‘s doors down demanding a cure or good treatment options.

So, it cuts at a guy‘s core sense of self-worth. Whatever his age. But, I have to say your opinion of this is truly amazing and wonderful. We need more like you.
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Hawk

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Re: Why can't be intimate in other ways?
« Reply #5 on: September 20, 2020, 07:45:06 AM »

Mysweetiesgirl,

Thanks for the post.   I am currently on the road and short on time but I have two thoughts.   When he says “what is the point” or it’s not the same”, I would tell him lovingly but firmly - this is not your issue.  It is OUR issue.  We are going to talk this out.  What do you mean by that statement?  Nothing in our lives is the same.  Life changes and we adapt.  We are not in competition with how things were.  We are a couple, a unit who care about each other and building intimacy.  We still have new things to enjoy and new things to try.

You get the drift.  Don’t be put off.  Get to the bottom of the real issue.  Is it. Embarassement? Is it depression? Is it loss of libido that is separate from Peyronies Disease?  Does he feel you can’t help but compare him to his old self or old lovers?   Find out

Encourage him to get on the forum or read or print stories from the implant board.  I am seventy,  have had an implant for over two years, and it is as good as my 20 year old unstoppable penis and in some ways better.  My strong sex drive made me find the final solution but with low libido a man will never have the drive to do that.  In that case low testosterone could be the issue and it is easy enough to fix.

The two of you must dig out the answer THEN you can address it.  If he refuses to address it even then,  I would suspect depression that would manifest in all areas of his life or low libido which does not drive him to try every solution to fix sex.

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Prostatectomy 2004, radiation 2009, currently 68 yrs old
After pills, injections, VED - Dr Eid, Titan 22cm implant 8/7/18
Hawk - Updated 10/27/18 - Peyronies Society Forums

mysweetiesgirl

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Re: Why can't be intimate in other ways?
« Reply #6 on: September 20, 2020, 08:03:50 PM »

Thank you for the encouragement!  I will pursue this!
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hope794

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Re: Why can't be intimate in other ways?
« Reply #7 on: September 21, 2020, 07:15:09 AM »

Thanks for your efforts, your husband is a lucky man!
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26 yo from Italy.Peyronie's probably since 2014.Since then,penis bends of about 20-25°, with a moderate twist to the left. Erectile Dysfunction since 4 years and things getting worse.From pornstar-like to moderately depressed,but still fighting for a solution.

mysweetiesgirl

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Re: Why can't be intimate in other ways?
« Reply #8 on: October 01, 2020, 07:43:02 PM »


..
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