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Author Topic: Planning suicide this week  (Read 2339 times)

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peter123

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Planning suicide this week
« on: August 31, 2020, 01:16:08 PM »

I'm sorry, I can't bear it anymore. Usually I find ways to cope, I have coping strategies but they don't work anymore. Nothing works anymore. And my peyronies gets worse day by day and with flaccid pain in full force. This would be bad if I was 50yo, had an average sized penis and a normal life otherwise. But I haven't. My life has been an utter disturbing mess even before peyronies. Depressed for a decade at just mid 20, never had a positive day in years, never went to treat it until it became such a substantial part of life. I can't explain everything, that'd take too long. But the combination of being 22 and having peyronies with substantial deformity now, no apparent access to help be it urological or psychological, body dysmorphia for 7 years which strong depression and obsession over my penis BEFORE peyronies set in. This is a lethal condition for me. I'd have chosen cancer many times over this. It's one of the worst things that can happen to a man and the worst thing particular to me. Sometimes I think I'm dreaming bc how high is the probability that someone who has such massive issues with his body, sexuakity and masculinity gets such a disease that attacks exactly these issues. At 22?? It's not very likely. And even a quite severe case at this point. I'm devastated, I have ne tleft my room in days, I can't sleep or eat because I'm not hungry. It's terror in my head that I just need to end, desperately. I hate myself so much I have scars and blue hit marks all over my things and arms from hurting myself.
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1234

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Re: Planning suicide this week
« Reply #1 on: September 01, 2020, 07:34:13 PM »

I'm 16 and was 15 when I got this (almost a year ago). First weeks I was only feeling sorry for myself then I told myself to man up.

Have u even tried traction, diets, VED all that things?
I'm trying all different things now to see what works, eating raw ginger and garlic helps for my pain.

Focusing on the peyronies all day will make it worse than it already is..
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Daniel2222

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Re: Planning suicide this week
« Reply #2 on: September 01, 2020, 08:00:55 PM »

Hey Peter. I have been on the forum for long enough to know that peyronies aint your biggest problem, but your actual mental state. Im 18 now and I got this bs disease 3 yrs ago. I cant even recall when it happened. I used to have a proud 6.3 incher. Quite thick too. Im now way thinner too and my size has went to 5.5 inches. I know its still ok and im not complaining but having new plaque makes me think ill lose more. It sucks and its definitely having an impact on my depression. But even in the darkest times i get to see the brightness at the end of the tunnel. You seem to be having some severe sort of depression. I encourage you to seek help for your mental stability rather than for your peyronie. You obsess too much with it but it is understandable...who wouldnt. Everyone wants their old size back..or even more than what they had before. It sucks. And while I cannot say that I know how it feels since we arent dealing with the same severity of peyronies I know that you wouldnt want to "have cancer". Trust me . You also never specified what kind of cancer. You know that there are things such as penile cancer which can leave you with no penis. Tbh id rather have my peyronie - venous leaking pp rather than nothing. I know that you werent happy with your size before but heres the thing. There are women who dont care that much. Even heard of asexual women? It just depends how much sex means for you. There are people who are single and fine. You dont need no one to be happy ...learnt this on my own skin  if you arent happy with yourself, you wont be happy neither when you get a gf. And if you dont? So what. Spend your money and time on things that make you happy . Theres no way you got no passions. There has to be smth you like to do.
Im praying that you dont do something stupid. I think of suicide as well ...but i dont wanna die...and I know that you dont neither. You just want the pain to stop but theres no quick fix for this sadly. Suicide just brings more pain man.
Take care man...
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Age: 18
First symptoms age :16
Curve:aproximately 30 degrees to the left 10 upwards.
Recently hurt myself and i am scared that the curves above and my symptoms will get worse.
Currently on l-arginine , alc l-carnitine and vitamin E.

Daniel2222

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Re: Planning suicide this week
« Reply #3 on: September 01, 2020, 08:05:12 PM »

Also. If you dont mind. Is there any way we could get a pic of your penis erect? Or just pictures of the deformity or whatever? Seen your latest post with your "cord" and if it makes you feel better I got a lot of those in my penis during erection..i kinda think it ia related to tight pelvic floor due to clenching it hard to keep an erection.
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Age: 18
First symptoms age :16
Curve:aproximately 30 degrees to the left 10 upwards.
Recently hurt myself and i am scared that the curves above and my symptoms will get worse.
Currently on l-arginine , alc l-carnitine and vitamin E.

NeoV

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Re: Planning suicide this week
« Reply #4 on: September 01, 2020, 08:20:26 PM »

Peter, I got over severe body dysmorphic disorder, OCD, and Peyronie's as well as other sexual issues. Now my sex life is pretty pornographic, at 33, and it's not slowing down but getting even more crazy. There are many ways to deal with these things. Started at 18 for me but I had issues with how I felt at even younger. I felt so bad in my twenties man, I remember it clearly. Physical pain is a real issue, but you can get through this man.

peter123

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Re: Planning suicide this week
« Reply #5 on: September 01, 2020, 08:40:22 PM »

Daniel. Just find myself some asexual woman?? Are you serious? Suicide is not a great option but at least it is an option at all. Just think about what you are saying. As if I can or would want to change my. Entire sexuality. I have a very high sex drive and obviously sex means a lot to me. My dick is substantially shorter before peyronies than yours after. Seriously you don't know what you are talking a out, honestly, makes me. Just even more suicidal realizing just how ducked I am even compared to the people here. And honestly what you're writing is quite delusional. Just be happy without sexuality and intimacy bro, just be happy having the body of a F^@$!ng child in every aspect imaginable.. You have no clue about body image issues apparently otherwise you'd realize how destructive they can be. I despise my body so much I just want to end it
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Tortão Pra Direita

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Re: Planning suicide this week
« Reply #6 on: September 01, 2020, 10:41:43 PM »

You are depressed. I think not even recovering from Peyronie would solve this. Would help for sure, but probably not solve.

I have some knowledge about nootropics and substances cause I've dealt with anxiety and mood problems some time ago. Fortunately, I'm ok in this area nowadays.

Go to nootropicsdepot (or any website that sells noots) and buy some agmatine. Polygala tenuifolia is good too. If you're dealing with anxiety too, buy some nigella sativa and lemon balm.
These substances are very safe and can really help your mental state right now. They won't solve your psychological issues but can help a lot.

Start to meditate. Make this a challenge for yourself: meditate for 20 minutes every day. Start to run too, just 20 minutes a day will bring A TON of benefits. Probably, exercise is the best thing you can do for your health. This ain't BS, it's backed by science. 

So, about Peyronie: you need to find a good doctor. People here advised you well, you just have to listen to them. In Brazil, there's one of the best doctors in the world that can correct your penis and recover your length and girth. But you don't need to come here if you don't want, there are other doctors around the globe that do the same stuff. I don't know them, but you should do a research.
Also, do VED and use pentox. What are your currently regimen? VED helps a lot. Recently, I started to do every day 2 sessions of 10~15 minutes. Don't over pump, btw.

If you are really willing to kill yourself, why you don't just give yourself this opportunity to recover? Trust me, do what I said. Give yourself this opportunity.
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Symptoms started around September 2019. Peyronies Disease developed quickly. Pain was gone after a year. Curvature went to 70º+, but now is around 45º. Manual traction is the only thing that made an impact. No erectile dysfunction. I've curvature and hourglass.

sky43diver

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Re: Planning suicide this week
« Reply #7 on: September 02, 2020, 05:11:53 AM »

Peter, you need to speak to someone about this. Are your parents being supportive? A problem shared is a problem halved.Your mental health needs fixing first and then you will have the positive energy to fix the rest
I felt like this last year, feeling that there was no hope and no way of fixing a 90 degree curve to the left, until I got off my backside and made an appointment with Professor Ralph in London (I highly recommend him) and he is just a 1.5 hour flight from you in Germany.
I have just had surgery and I feel like life is back to normal now, so my point is this can be fixed and life is worth living.
Please get help soon!
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jan.schaller1958

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Re: Planning suicide this week
« Reply #8 on: September 03, 2020, 12:29:38 AM »

Do what sky43diver says, or see if you can get a Skype appointment with Dr Lue in San Francisco and have your ultrasounds sent to him in advance. If it cost 400$ it would be worth it. He‘ll give you a definite diagnosis and treatment options. He’s the best and known the world over. If you have a problem that’s non-fatal, like Peyroines, it can and will be able to be improved. Don’t give up.
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Ehiz

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Re: Planning suicide this week
« Reply #9 on: September 03, 2020, 07:44:45 AM »

Hello Peter,

I might not know what you're going through exactly but i think we share some things in common. Like you, I'm 22 years old. Got struck with this disease when I was only 15. Before that, had Social anxiety issues which I'm still dealing with and never had friends. Like you, I've always asked myself why i had to get peyronie's even when I was already dealing with issues like anxiety and communicating with the opposite sex.

It's even worse for me because I live in a third world country in Africa with no access to good doctors or money for expensive pills. But do you know what has been keeping me going? When I look at the likes of Stephen Hawking who struggled with ALS but still performed great feats in science. And then there's Chadwick Boseman who just succumbed to cancer but who was giving us the Black Panther while he was battling that horrible disease which i wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

I know I may sound corny, but I'm someone who tries to find inspiration in the little things. I've come far enough to know that there'e more to life than just sex. I got potentials (which I'm sure you also have) so why should i give it all up for something as silly as peyronie's. Yes, i call it silly because it will be a shame to allow it destroy my life. Besides, i don't know what you've tried but there's always hope as long as you've not given up.

Like others have said, I'll encourage you to take care of your mental health because this has a lot to do with how you view this disease and not the disease itself. Trust me! Perhaps go see a psychologist or get some self-help. One book that has changed my life is "Feeling Good" by David Burns. It's by far the best book out there for mental health issues. For peyronies treatment there's really not much i can say, as i'm also stuck here with little options. Don't give up man! Keep fighting, we're all in this together.






 
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Bend to the left and downward with pain. Suspected erectile dysfunction.
Currently on coq10 and acetyl l carnitine.
Have limited access to good doctors in my country.
Hoping to get pentox through online shipping to Nigeria.

Hawk

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Re: Planning suicide this week
« Reply #10 on: September 03, 2020, 09:34:26 AM »

I am very moved by the great advice and the clear caring and concern all of you have shown. 

I am also VERY impressed with the wisdom of some of you show at a very young age.

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After pills, injections, VED - Dr Eid, Titan 22cm implant 8/7/18
Hawk - Updated 10/27/18 - Peyronies Society Forums

Daniel2222

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Re: Planning suicide this week
« Reply #11 on: September 03, 2020, 04:05:19 PM »

Peter. I didnt know what you were looking for. No need to call me delusional. Im looking for love. Im looking for someone to share my life with. Not looking for a sex doll buddy. Relationships are more than sex and you gotta understand it. You want sex. Thats fine. Who stops you? Is it your penis? Let me tell you. Nope. Is it your "child body" -( btw im not a macho guy neither. Im skinny and look like a 15 yo tbh but i had success with women because I just went for it. Bro. All that stops you from getting sex is your brain. For real. Sorry for being selfish earlier and talking about my size but I never knew what your size was. Also remember that i might shrink more too. None of us is safe with peyronie as we cant predict what will happen but buddy. For the sake of God you need someone to talk you. You really need it and I KNOW because I have been suicidal too and everyone tried to help me but I was blind just as you were. If you really want to make me get into this then aknowledge that I have tried to suicide before and I regret it daily. I destroyed everyone s opinion about me but im still fighting and please...try to fight  man. In the end it is worth it. You are young you just gotta leave the forum for lets say...a month since you spend too much time reading stories and thinking about your penis. Just come here when you need some info. Bro we re all telling you that its not all about your penis. You are a person with your own ideas, opinions, passions. You are unique and it hurts me to see you like this. YOU are delusional...just as I used to be. I wish you the best buddy. Really hope you take the advice of seeking help. Take care
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Age: 18
First symptoms age :16
Curve:aproximately 30 degrees to the left 10 upwards.
Recently hurt myself and i am scared that the curves above and my symptoms will get worse.
Currently on l-arginine , alc l-carnitine and vitamin E.

Daniel2222

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Re: Planning suicide this week
« Reply #12 on: September 03, 2020, 04:13:01 PM »

Also sorry if I sound mean or something, as this is not my scope. I just want you to get better. I doubt you give a sht , but I care about you enough as to not want you to die. I dont know you, but you seem like the kind of person Id like to have a beer with. You just gotta get over the depression. Thats the hardest  and biggest step. Once you do that life will be easier ( easier than it is now...sadly life is never easy but it can be easier than it is now). You are the only one who can change it buddy. Im sure once you start accepting yourself the way you are you will get way more intimacy. Keep your head up man. Please
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Age: 18
First symptoms age :16
Curve:aproximately 30 degrees to the left 10 upwards.
Recently hurt myself and i am scared that the curves above and my symptoms will get worse.
Currently on l-arginine , alc l-carnitine and vitamin E.

hope794

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Re: Planning suicide this week
« Reply #13 on: September 03, 2020, 09:11:37 PM »

Dearest Peter, when i've read your post, the only thing i've been thinking is: "WTF, IT'S SPEAKING ABOUT ME!"
I had a 18cm long penis, with about 14/14.5 cm in girth. Strong, rock hard erections. Then, after the disease came in my life, i've started to have Erectile Dysfunction issues, shortening, and now i'm 15.5cm long and about 13cm girth. Still quite good, but i can't remove from my head that ITS NOT MY PENIS.

I will not annoy you with BS like "Meditate!" or "Find an asexual woman!" or "You can even live without sex!"
All bulls**t. If you've a huge sex drive like me, sex is a GREAT part of life and you can't just live without it. I was suicidal like you for years and years, then i had a speech with my mother 1 week ago that changed my life.

In this speech, she told me that she don't want me to suicide and, to see me happy again, we're ready to sell even our home if it's necessary. And she added that, if i'll need an implant, i'll go for it and i should not worry about money (not really true, but she said me to make me more comfortable with the idea..).

So basically my main issue was the lenght loss with the implant. But lurking on the internet i've found out that there are many techniques to lenghten your penis when putting an implant there, and even if some of them require several hours of surgery, it can be done by a GOOD expert doctor. I personally know someone who have done it and the results are GREAT.. not joking. He basically recovered his measurements before Peyronie's Disease. I've known him online, so i've not seen anything but pictures of him before and after, and trust me the result is great. I am 95% sure that his experience is true.

That said, remember that you just have ONE life. Having a 12-13cm penis with Peyronie's and Erectile Dysfunction is crap, but a woman who love you for real will never judge you for your missing 2 cm, trust me. And with an implant, you can basically [email protected]< every day and every night.

If any girl says to you that you got small penis, remember that NO ALPHA DOG in the world have never been destroyed psychologically by a woman's BS.

You're the alpha dog. She's just a stupid woman which you f'~c<+d and now is crying because you did something to her and attacks you for your penis. But this should not offend you for real. Please, stongly consider an implant and make your own research about lenghtening techniques.

Sincerely regards, brother.
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26 yo from Italy.Peyronie's probably since 2014.Since then,penis bends of about 20-25°, with a moderate twist to the left. Erectile Dysfunction since 4 years and things getting worse.From pornstar-like to moderately depressed,but still fighting for a solution.

Daniel2222

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Re: Planning suicide this week
« Reply #14 on: September 04, 2020, 04:32:42 AM »

Hope.You didn't "annoy him with BS" but I kinda doubt you know what he goes through since he told me earlier ( Kinda doubt you've read anything other than the "BS") that hearing about other's sizes makes him feel worse. You came in , stated your size which is def average / above average and making points such as " but a woman who love you for real will never judge you for your missing 2 cm, trust m" which is exactly what I've been trying to say. I kinda doubt that you have understood anything of what I have said as I was trying to make the exact point.
"You can live without sex" - What's wrong in this? Peter has mentioned that he has a high sex drive which is fine but I didnt know at the time of writing my message. He could gets sex quite easily if he was more confident which is in fact, his problem. Not his size (as he believes) but his mentality. Size could be indeed making it worse but in the end, your mentality makes everything worse or better. You tried to relate to him, just as I did. No one called your ideas "BS". The implant is indeed a good idea if he can afford it and ofc has erectile dysfunction.
"Please, stongly consider an implant and make your own research about lenghtening techniques. " -> implant = ok, lengthening techniques = not ok. Ok buddy suggesting someone to USE lengthening techniques is just pure crap. An implant is the only thing that could help. I hope that you realize that you gotta be as careful with your implant as you used to be with your dick. You can't just lengthen your penis like those dumb ads show and even if you could, is it worth the risk of injuring yourself even more? I hope that you know that.
"BS" like meditating aint bs at all also, meditating helps tons of people, it wont help someone who doesnt want to do anything about it for sure. Also are you a wolf or smth? What's up with all the "Alpha / Beta" crap? This system doesn't even apply to humans and I feel like you watch too much porn or whatever. There's no "ALPHA" or "BETA" males so stop with that.

Peter will hopefully understand that what he needs is help, a therapist will help ( and if he wont, i hate to say this as I hate these drugs, he will prescribe antidepressants which will somewhat help but can have many side effects so I'd be really careful). You just gotta make the first step and get the help. You can't regret it. If you keep digging deeper in this hole it will get harder and harder man. You gotta do something about it now. Just as hope said (and it is the only thing that I can agree with from all he said) is that you CAN find someone to love you even with your size which is F^@$!ng fine AND more importantly you can get SEX which is what you said that you want. If your penis is in a really bad stage go for the implant and then stop worrying about everything as the size is really not the biggest problem here man.
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Age: 18
First symptoms age :16
Curve:aproximately 30 degrees to the left 10 upwards.
Recently hurt myself and i am scared that the curves above and my symptoms will get worse.
Currently on l-arginine , alc l-carnitine and vitamin E.

peter123

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Re: Planning suicide this week
« Reply #15 on: September 04, 2020, 05:56:56 AM »


You can say this inspirational stuff but let's be real, what would you do if you had a 4 icnh penis, you're already depressed about a size I'd be over the moon, I'd kill for. It's not the same problem, one is unfortunate that you'd end up just slightly above average but still better than the majority of men. The other is a joke, a joke of nature and an entrance card to a life full of misery. What are you gonna do with a 10vm penis? I'm so sick of it seriously when I don't like the advice I'm getting or. I'm pouting out stuff that I think is not applicable to me, then I am the villain, I'm the guy who is never thankful and is just an a$$hole to anybody. But I bet that you'd be singling a completely different tone if you'd be in my situation. There is nothing about my body that is even remotely likeable. It's not just the penis thing, I'm short like a child, like an actual child, smaller than 80% of the women at my school. I'm balding badly, my head looks like that if a 35 year old stuck on the body of a school child. With the dick of a school child.

I want to be helped but none of this is helpful. What am I supposed to be, just try being happy bro? Why? How? Everytime. I look in the mirror or go outside it just hits you in the face what genetic trahs I am.

And what if peyronies doesn't get better? The question is not whether I'll have a normal. Or. Even good sex life. That question has already been answered and it's a big fat no. I've had sex before and with 12cm original length it sucked. The mechanics are ridiculous and it's not only unsatisfying for the man but the woman as well. Now imagine having a disease that disfigured your penis making it even smaller thinner and less stable? A legit 4 incher.the day peyronies brings me below 4 inches is the day I'll pull the trigger literally. You get one life but if it is this disgraceful how is it worth living it?

Adn the alhoa thing is completely ridiculous. Most of the time she won't say anything or just cheat on you, explain how it won't work out for other reasons etc. Red pill is a fantasy, I'm the most beta man you can possibly imagine and it comes mostly down to genetics
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peter123

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Re: Planning suicide this week
« Reply #16 on: September 04, 2020, 06:26:59 AM »

People here don't seem to understand that getting help itself is not so easy. I have been waiting for 3 months now to get a therapist appointment. Corona has made it even worse. I legit started reaching out in March its so frustrating.
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peter123

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Re: Planning suicide this week
« Reply #17 on: September 04, 2020, 10:45:06 AM »

alright guys. first I want to say thank you that many people took their time to write and make sincere suggestions. I understand being depressed and hopeless is not an excuse for being a dismissive a$$hole which I obviously am. if I really really wanted to die, id have done it by know. im not thinking about suicide because I love the idea of not existing, because I dont see any value in life. but rather because I find myself in such a f'~c<+d up situation, part of which was handed to me by chance, bad luck and genetics and the other by nobody but myself. I have had not so good cards in life and I made the worst imaginable thing out of it. but thats so much easier said than done. it seems there is two voices in my brain, one calm and rational, realizing that this situation is really bad but not doing anything and just quitting is not the answer, just makes things worse. and the other is just destructive to myself and other people. the latter ruled pretty badly for the vast majority of my time on earth.

I just feel like I can never feel comfortable, sexually not because of my dick and peyronies but even on the streets, I look like a total joke, if you'd seem me, my entire appearance just screams incel. ugly bald like prince Henry, really disgustingly thin hair which really suits my weak frame and short stature(not). it is like everything has been hand crafted carefully to make the biggest joke out of it.

i have never had a single positive romantic or sexual experience in my entire life and it probably won't ever happen because of peyronies. I have no life insurance there(length and girth is your life insurance with Peyronies), an average peyronies disease can give me a medical micro penis <3.5 inches. thats not very unlikely. im not saying that other people do not have their own struggles but as far as appearance goes, the only comparison id draw with a short bald micro penis man is someone with serious disfigurement. I want to understand and learn how people who are conventionally unattractive learn how to cope with it, learn how to suppress their inner sex drive and emotionally when it comes to relationships and rejections.

instead of trying and finding that out myself like a normal human being I just hid in my room for years until something bad happened(peyronies disease) where normal coping strategies didn't work anymore(for example excessive masturbation, very rough 5-6 times a day, which im sure has lead to peyronies in the first place) and you have to face the reality that life is unfair and when you victimize yourself its just going to get soooo much worse. if I could turn back time 4-5 years id punch myself but understanding that even with what I know now I still have to force myself to do anything and overcome this inner drive to fall back into old destructive habits.

as far as therapy does, id love to. sadly the situation is not very good, waiting for an appointment here in Germany takes an average of 6 months, 4 of which I have waited already. all this time I have been on this forum I have been reaching out for therapists, psychiatrist, I feel like im in a movie as nobody really wants to help me. they all suggest to call back in 3-4 months. same with urologists, there is only 2-3 dr who understand the disease well and offer any treatment supervised and I have an appointment in march. then ill have had peyronies for 14 months, probably too late to do anything about it.

it sounds so great in theory, make that first step, pick up the phone and call someone. but there is an entire country full of people with mental illness and therapy spots are extremely sparse. its a big problem in my country.

and thats the hard part. im not even convinced therapy will make things genuinely better(I understand its only to aid me to make myself better etc but even here) and with that conviction you have to stay humble and motivated to do all the searching, making appointments etc? I wrote 70 emails to 70 therapists and only 20 wrote back at all. that was in July and I still dont have anyone. I feel like im doing something wrong or im just utterly stupid. and my thoughts about self harm are getting worse I never thought about it everyday in the past, thats something that has only happened after peyronies because im utterly terrified of getting robbed of my bare sexuality, ending up with a severely scarred micro penis, never having good penetrative sex in my entire life, all things that might very well happen.

and yes, its true that I wouldn't be happy if my peyronies was cured today. not at all. I was really depressed already. as I said something that it did was totally disrupt my coping strategies and threw me into a mental health crisis where negative thoughts and emotions are present every second im awake. and im trying to hide it from friends and relatives, im a living lie quite literally.

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TonySa

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Re: Planning suicide this week
« Reply #18 on: September 04, 2020, 12:25:08 PM »

Hey guys, everyone is just trying to help Peter with their own truth...Which may be very different than your own..or his...no need to get down on each other.  In the end it’s up to Peter as to whether or not he will seek out further help with his depression or not.  We all hope he will.
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Pump failed.  2/11/20 Dr Karpman installed Titan 22cm +1cm RTE.

Tortão Pra Direita

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Re: Planning suicide this week
« Reply #19 on: September 04, 2020, 12:37:08 PM »

I will not annoy you with BS like "Meditate!"

Oh, you really don't know what you are talking about. Go read some scientific papers. Try meditation too. Really, don't be silly. You're talking about something you don't know.

The fact is Peter has a horrible mindset. He needs to change that ASAP! Meditation is a really good tool for that. He also needs a therapist and some CBT. Reading about stoicism would help him a lot too. All this stuff I'm saying is going to help him change his mind.

Sexuality is an important thing for people, but should never be the only thing people care about. Imagine if everyone considered their genitalia the most important thing in their lives. LOL. Could you imagine that?

Fact: Peter's mindset is not good and he needs to work on this. You can give this man a giant and functional penis, he will be happy for some time and will crumble again.
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Symptoms started around September 2019. Peyronies Disease developed quickly. Pain was gone after a year. Curvature went to 70º+, but now is around 45º. Manual traction is the only thing that made an impact. No erectile dysfunction. I've curvature and hourglass.

peter123

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Re: Planning suicide this week
« Reply #20 on: September 05, 2020, 05:31:36 AM »

Who says sexuakity should be the only thing? And it's not just sexuakity. I hate the way I look, like a bald child, you can't hide, that's your body, sure you have to accept it but that doesn't mean you'll get happy with it. It's also easier said than done, I wish I would make all those massive flaws up but I'm not. I look like a joke and I feel like it as well
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jan.schaller1958

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Re: Planning suicide this week
« Reply #21 on: September 05, 2020, 01:49:11 PM »

I agree with Tony. Peter has many things going on in his life and none of us here is qualified to help him. He’s admitted it’s not just about Peyroines. It goes far deeper than that. And, this is a Peyroines board.

So, I think it might be time to back off a bit from the advice giving and give him a rest, unless he asks for it. He knows himself and his life better than any of us, so like Tony said, let‘s just hope the best for him and that he gets the help he needs.
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Tortão Pra Direita

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Re: Planning suicide this week
« Reply #22 on: September 05, 2020, 05:11:08 PM »

Who says sexuakity should be the only thing? And it's not just sexuakity. I hate the way I look, like a bald child, you can't hide, that's your body, sure you have to accept it but that doesn't mean you'll get happy with it. It's also easier said than done, I wish I would make all those massive flaws up but I'm not. I look like a joke and I feel like it as well

Dude. Did you start to do things I (and others) recommended to you?
How do you think you are gonna recover?
Do you think an angel is gonna appear in front of you and transplant your soul into a body like Dwayne Johnson?
LOL

"It's also easier said than done" But what did you do to get off this situation??

I see what you are doing. You just want piety. Seems you're sabotaging yourself just to receive pity from others.
Enough. I'm not gonna waste my time with you anymore. If you decide to change, then fine: you can message me and ask for help, but not if you continue with this loser mindset begging for pity.

There are tons of people that were in a way worse situation than yours and today live a happy life. You can't see it cause you're very depressed. If you don't want to consult a psychiatrist, then at least do what I recommended to you above, in my first response to this topic. You need to use something to help you get off this mindset.

Sincerely, nobody likes a whiny bitch. People here advised you very well, now it's time to YOU make some moves.


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Symptoms started around September 2019. Peyronies Disease developed quickly. Pain was gone after a year. Curvature went to 70º+, but now is around 45º. Manual traction is the only thing that made an impact. No erectile dysfunction. I've curvature and hourglass.

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Re: Planning suicide this week
« Reply #23 on: September 05, 2020, 05:47:23 PM »

Tortao Pra Direita,

Well, I have to say your post was good, and that picture is worth a thousand words as they say. I feel sorry for Peter and wish I could say something that would help, but you sort of nailed it with that picture. You know, we all envy other people, for one reason or another. But, I heard it said one time that envy is the most destructive of human emotions, and it’s kind of an illusion in itself. This psychologist said once, „Don‘t compare yourself to others, because it’s not a fair race. The best person to compare yourself to is who you were yesterday, because you can get better. You can change. But, you can’t just be someone else“.  He said „First of all you know absolutely nothing about these other people you envy. And, it’s doesn‘t take much digging, and sometimes all you have to do is scratch the surface a litte, and you’ll find out things about this person you are envious of that you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy.“ Like in your picture. What if this guy has the perfect 21cm erect porno dick, straight as an arrow and no Peyroines? Would you trade your Peyroines to be him? I sure wouldn’t. I’d rather work on the Peyroines. It’s all a matter of perspective. Great post.
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TonySa

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Re: Planning suicide this week
« Reply #24 on: September 06, 2020, 12:06:12 AM »

For anyone struggling to live, even under the most horrific of circumstances please read “Man’s search for meaning”.  A real life story of a holocaust concentration camp survivor, Viktor Frankl, who maintained hope where so many would quickly give up...and even no
Longer wish to live. 
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Pump failed.  2/11/20 Dr Karpman installed Titan 22cm +1cm RTE.

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Re: Planning suicide this week
« Reply #25 on: September 06, 2020, 08:14:18 AM »

Guy I get what you are saying. But can you not understand, I am saying these things to myself, pull yourself up, other peopen are struggling with worse and cope well, it could be worse etc. But this rarely works, I can't get out of my bed for hours in the morning, my Brian is always, always clogged up with speculations and doomsday scenarios, I am not lazy, I feel paralyzed. There is so many areas that are going to crap I don't know where to even starg. Without peyronies I'd still be depressed and hopeless but this has put it on another level. It's just not another added problem, I have always had severe body image issues, it started bad when it wa y15. And at 22 I haven't worked through them at all. And now comes peyronies, the kind disease of emaacukation. I don't know what to say, i really appreciate what you all have written out here for me and there is a lot of truth. Again I'm literally reach nfnout for help in Form of therapy for months now and I still got no therapist or regular appointments. I don't have any coping strategies, I cope with getting super high when I get up and then I'll just be on drugs the whole day. Because ei can't bear 8t otherwise. And the drugs make me unresponsive, not act out on whatever options I even have. Do you think I am considering to kill myself bc I don't like life? No, it's because I don't see a way out of my current situation. I have no guidance, I don't even have a baseline of mental health statues and it just keeps getting worse. There is no rationality with depression, I rationally think the way you guys do but it's impossible to implement, I can't bear this pressure anymore it's absolutely insane. What you please need to understand as much as a value other people's advice is that talking about others who have even greater misery doesn't make myself feel better. For example surely the holocaust was on e of the worst things that could have ever happened to man and yet that people got through it doesn't make me feel better about my completely destroyed penis, it doesn't make me want to kill myself any less at all. 8 don't get relief out of other people's struggles. Imagine if it was that easy, we'd need no medications or therapists anymore everyone would just imagine a holocaust survivor and cheer up. I get the principle but I'm so devastated it doesn't change my feelings. I have no engery and I have lost quite a lot of weight because I'm too sad to eat and have no appetite.and how do you not compare yourself if you are smaller than most girl, balder than most old men and have a unusable penis? I could legit not. Use it not even for maturation. I have a high sex drive, where do I get relief? How? These are genuine questions. I'm not an a$$hole
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peter123

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Re: Planning suicide this week
« Reply #26 on: September 06, 2020, 11:21:37 AM »

I literally just want to die wggat are you all talking about you have no understanding of the situation I'm. So sick of this superficial good feel someone always has it worse, just be happy bro, bro it could be do much worse. I'm not thankful for this advice, I think it's shallow and superficial and doesn't aid anybody who is actually depressed. Hey your penis is getting destroyed by this awful disease but be happy cause someone overcame the holocaust
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edgar

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Re: Planning suicide this week
« Reply #27 on: September 06, 2020, 05:40:17 PM »

Peter, if I may say so, please ignore those who say it could be worse or you can just shake it off, etc. They mean well but they just don't get it.

Your feelings are valid. This really sucks and you have an absolute right to feel like sh*t, complain, and feel sorry for yourself. Just don't give up yet, okay?

A good psychotherapist can help a lot. Not just in coping with the condition but in treating it, too. Your mental state is connected to your physiological state, and your tissues will heal better when you're in better spirits. I hope you'll be able to find a good therapist privately if the public system is clogged up.

Please don't give up hope. You're very young and likely to get good results from surgery if nothing else helps. In the meantime, try to focus on things other than s*x that bring you joy. I know it's difficult, but you're stronger than you think. Feel free to PM me if you'd like to talk.

BTW, you might have the wrong idea about asexual people. I know an asexual girl and she's absolutely amazing... sensual, caring and romantic - she just happens to be uninterested in penetrative s*x.
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In my 30's. Stable non-calcified Peyronie's, 45° dorsal. No change with Xiaflex, Verapamil, RestoreX traction.

TonySa

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Re: Planning suicide this week
« Reply #28 on: September 07, 2020, 01:01:51 AM »

Edgar, great still be prepared for yes...but, or no...and.
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PxD 2 yrs 9/16.  Failed all treatment. 9/11/18: excision, grafting & implant Dr Karpman MtnView Ca, AMS CX 18cm + 3-1cm RTEs.
Pump failed.  2/11/20 Dr Karpman installed Titan 22cm +1cm RTE.

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Re: Planning suicide this week
« Reply #29 on: September 07, 2020, 01:18:52 PM »

peter123

I know that at that moment few things (advice) can have any benefit or have any positive effect for you. Really peyronie sucks, only those who go through it know. But if my fight against it can somehow help you not give up on life, I'll be happy. I'm a guy who started this in 1992, so it's almost 3 decades and I survived. I can say with all certainty that I experienced all the terrors and darkness of this condition both physically and psychologically and I fully understand what you are going through. I don't know how I'm alive because I was also suicidal several times during that time. Today I would say that my situation is stable in this regard, although I am not completely cured of the disease, I still have several sequelae of it such as: pain, (sometimes even with it flaccid) curvature, Erectile Dysfunction, thinning, denting, tooth, altered sensitivity, however I manage to have sex even if it is not 100% as I would like. I hope that this little summary of my life will somehow inspire you to continue living and that you can find a way out. God bless you. hug
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peter123

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Re: Planning suicide this week
« Reply #30 on: September 07, 2020, 02:23:45 PM »

?? How could it possibly be inspiring having had 3 decades of pain and still various deformities, how would it be inspiring to me. That I better prepare myself for various suicidal episodes and depression and a ruined sex life? If anything that makes me even more determined. Seriously I think people do understand what terror peyronies is but not what it does to a 22 year old with a history of mental issues in exactly that area and a life of being highly dysmorphic especially in areas of masculinity including penis size. I haven't seen a single vlog on this forum where someone had a penis as small as mine before or even after peyronies. You all have quite frankly no idea. And if you think what you said is inspiring, that's just crazy in my opinion. That is the description of terror. I don't want to life like this and I won't. Not sure when exactly and how but at this stage I don't see anything else that can make the suffering go away
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this_day

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Re: Planning suicide this week
« Reply #31 on: September 07, 2020, 04:14:07 PM »

peter123, I lived a life similar to yours -- I'm here to tell you that everything can change. 

You're 22 years old now, can you imagine what life could be like when you're 44?  What you're going through right now will not be the future.

You need to start addressing your issues, one by one. 

Problem / Solution
Body issues - Don't look in the mirror and obsess about your appearance.  You have to out smart yourself on this -- if you only see a sad face, this is only adding fuel to the fire.  You have to feel some happiness or joy and that will eventually change the expression in your face.  I remember I had misery written all over my face. 

If you feel like you're out of shape, start running and exercising or hit the gym.  Maybe get a nice haircut too or change your wardrobe.  Consistency is key!

Depression - Stop torturing yourself with negative thoughts / self abuse, and stop smoking weed.  Weed will just clog up your mind with all kinds of thoughts, so stop to get some clarity.  But you need to smoke to cope with the pain, right?  You have to look outside yourself to start healing --

I bet if you sign up to volunteer somewhere, they aren't going to care about your looks -- they'll just be grateful that you helped them.  You might make a friend too.  This can get you out of your room, doing something good for someone else, and possibly form a friendship.  You never know who you can meet.

Loneliness - You need to get outside and not let your thoughts consume you.  You need loving from others, whether that be from friends or family.  Love can really change a person if you're open to it.

This is just a start -- like I said, I lived what you're going through for over 10 years.  Things got better after I started addressing my issues.  I'm now a completely different person WITH A LOT OF THE TRAITS YOU HAVE.  I was my own worst enemy.



Want change and fight for it, for no one else will want this as bad as you do. 
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Re: Planning suicide this week
« Reply #32 on: September 11, 2020, 07:12:06 PM »

you know what I think, this is all too much for me. I simply cannot handle it
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this_day

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Re: Planning suicide this week
« Reply #33 on: September 12, 2020, 02:29:15 PM »

Same here -- that's why I turned to God because I didn't have a lot of the answers or solutions, and He showed me a different path than trying to figure this out on my own.  It's overwhelming, I know.

What you're living through now doesn't have to be reality later on, if you're willing to try something different.  You may not believe now (as I did too), but when I was at my lowest, I had nothing to lose but to try -- and then I started to see things being taken care of. 
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Re: Planning suicide this week
« Reply #34 on: October 04, 2020, 07:51:29 PM »

https://www.reddit.com/r/short/comments/i7kres/contradictions_ive_seen_on_this_sub/g135fn2/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3

its all BS. other men have also lived it through, it can be fond over and over and over again on the internet, short men are the bottom of the food chain its not a coincidence. ill never be attractive to the opposite sex, its comical, I know that well enough. height is universally agreed upon to be the single most important attractive trait in men. lol I cant even masturbate what a F^@$!ng joke. my entire life was ruined by my genetics but ill send a big [email protected]< you to god and life and ill take it in my own hands literally and put those retarded lights out. There is no hope and there is no cope. 10 years of endless suffering only to get worse and worse fucj that, life was a crap game from the start, every single F^@$!ng day of my life is connected to pain and suffering. And other short men do feel the exact same way, its like they talk directly from my heart, the humiliation the hopelessness, the helplessness of feeling trapped in your own crappy  body


https://www.reddit.com/r/short/comments/i7kres/contradictions_ive_seen_on_this_sub/g132pbe/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3

this is the truth I couldn't have laid it out better myself. and I felt it my entire life.
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NeoV

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Re: Planning suicide this week
« Reply #35 on: October 04, 2020, 08:33:22 PM »

Are you kidding me? You are completely confused.

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Re: Planning suicide this week
« Reply #36 on: October 04, 2020, 09:06:19 PM »

Are you kidding me? You are completely confused.

how am I confused
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TonySa

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Re: Planning suicide this week
« Reply #37 on: October 04, 2020, 11:53:12 PM »

Not so much as confused as resolute in his conviction to remain hopeless and helpless - essentially giving anyone trying to help the middle finger....
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PxD 2 yrs 9/16.  Failed all treatment. 9/11/18: excision, grafting & implant Dr Karpman MtnView Ca, AMS CX 18cm + 3-1cm RTEs.
Pump failed.  2/11/20 Dr Karpman installed Titan 22cm +1cm RTE.

TDix

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Re: Planning suicide this week
« Reply #38 on: October 05, 2020, 01:49:32 AM »

Bye Felicia, as harsh as that sounds.  Why spend time arguing online with peeps you don’t know trying to help?  If you are going to end your life, I cant imagine broadcasting it to a bunch of folks who have had multiple issues with their own penises and have fought the good fight
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47 yrs old, 3 yrs diagnosed, xiaflex resulted in a fracture (original uro), excision/grafting surgery 3/26/19 performed by Dr Faysal Yafi, Implanted 8/11/20 by Dr Yafi, Titan Zero degree 20cm + 1cm RTE

jan.schaller1958

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Re: Planning suicide this week
« Reply #39 on: October 05, 2020, 12:08:24 PM »

Olive,

Oh, you’re the one still awaiting receipt of your Nobel Prize in medicine for having discovered the cure for Peyroines by taking enormous quantities of vitamins and magnesium? That’s right. You read it off the internet so it’s gotta be true. I get it. Oh, and a few books on Amazon explain it all, yet for some reason this „truth“ has escaped the medical world? But, just buy the „truth“ about the cure on Amazon for a mere 19,99$USD.

So, now you’re qualified to comment on people who mention suicide? Did you get that out of one of your books off Amazon written by some nobody selling quack vitamin and mineral cures too?

And, TDix, what qualifies you to understand how Peter feels?
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peter123

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Re: Planning suicide this week
« Reply #40 on: October 06, 2020, 04:53:21 AM »

Bye Felicia, as harsh as that sounds.  Why spend time arguing online with peeps you don’t know trying to help?  If you are going to end your life, I cant imagine broadcasting it to a bunch of folks who have had multiple issues with their own penises and have fought the good fight


you are more than twice my age and chances are apart from your penis you dont have any other deformities. but yeah, im just a whiny bitch its so fun and easy to cope with having a dysfunctional penis in your early twenties when you've already been depressed for half your life. and fight the good fight, what does that even mean?? I have taken every supplement and drug there is, im doing iontophoresis at my own expense 1500 dollars, I've been traveling to various urologists but that doesn't mean anything because nobody in the entire country is what one would consider a specialist. I also presume that these bunch of folks are not in the lower 20th percentile when it comes to penis size and end up with micro dicks, honestly I have sene many cases here on this board and id trade dicks with almost anyone in case you want to know. so dont come me with that. you could be my father, I shouldn't have to deal with this at my age, I have no risk factors either.

and Tony posting the same stuff under every comment, stuff thats not even verified or true "do Cialis to remodel the plauwe to healthy tissue" that is biologically wrong.


but yeah, just get a penile implant bro am I right? I've been doing all kinds of crap and all it does is either make me worse or certainly not stop progression. even if I had a healthy penis id still be stuck with a tiny penis and the body of a man child. a bald man child. im sure whining doesn't do anything as I have discovered the hard way on my own having seen years of my life go down the drain. but what's the point really. there is none.
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TonySa

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Re: Planning suicide this week
« Reply #41 on: October 06, 2020, 03:50:20 PM »

Peter, read the studies-pde5i’s do help remodel plaque to healthy tissue.
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PxD 2 yrs 9/16.  Failed all treatment. 9/11/18: excision, grafting & implant Dr Karpman MtnView Ca, AMS CX 18cm + 3-1cm RTEs.
Pump failed.  2/11/20 Dr Karpman installed Titan 22cm +1cm RTE.

TDix

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Re: Planning suicide this week
« Reply #42 on: October 06, 2020, 04:27:52 PM »

Peter I have dealt with depression since I was younger than you.  Not related to my dick but life in general.  Had I killed myself at your age, albeit without any internet platform to broadcast it, I would not have enjoyed being married, the birth of my two beautiful children, and so forth.  I actually saved a childhood friend who attempted suicide at 17.  He is now a retired fire captain with three beautiful children and living in Australia.  You may think I come off as harsh, and yes I probably could be your father, but those years come with experience and life lessons.  I have made a ton of mistakes in my life, I have had many struggles in my life, but instead of broadcasting them to the world and saying I give up I try to push through.  Had I killed myself or my friend had killed himself, so much things would be different for my friends and family.  It is all not about you but those who love you or consider you a friend.  If you don’t want to take any of that into consideration and instead choose to announce the end of your life on an internet site, there is nothing I can do for you, hence my harshness.  You have not walked in my shoes just as I have not walked in yours
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47 yrs old, 3 yrs diagnosed, xiaflex resulted in a fracture (original uro), excision/grafting surgery 3/26/19 performed by Dr Faysal Yafi, Implanted 8/11/20 by Dr Yafi, Titan Zero degree 20cm + 1cm RTE

Tortão Pra Direita

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Re: Planning suicide this week
« Reply #43 on: October 06, 2020, 06:01:18 PM »

Why you all keep feeding this guy? He feeds on your pity. He's like a troll or a vampire.
You should focus your energy on trying to help people that WANTS to get better. He doesn't want to get better.

Peter just keeps saying he's short, has a "tiny" penis (even though his penis seems normal to other forum members), is bald, etc etc.
He IGNORES all your help. He replies with the SAME BS over and over again.

Something that I've noticed is he has a confirmation bias to the negative things he believes and wants to reinforce. This is INSANE! Take a look at his reply about short height. It's comical how he only values superficiality.
You, dear forum member that is reading this reply, save your time! You can argue using solid arguments that height or being bald is not a big deal, and shows what really matters in life, but he will ignore as he is ignoring everyone that is trying to help.

Again: SAVE YOUR TIME AND GO HELP PEOPLE THAT WANTS TO GET BETTER. Don't feed the troll.
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Symptoms started around September 2019. Peyronies Disease developed quickly. Pain was gone after a year. Curvature went to 70º+, but now is around 45º. Manual traction is the only thing that made an impact. No erectile dysfunction. I've curvature and hourglass.

McChicken94

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Re: Planning suicide this week
« Reply #44 on: October 07, 2020, 09:13:09 PM »

No need to lie. Of course the "superficial" things in life matter as well. It is just that at some point you either fix it and if you can't do that you are probably better off not giving it too much thought and let it stand in the way of doing the things you enjoy. But if you can not find that happiness ever, I can not even blame you for being suicidal. I just hope you see that being angry and bitter (like I am as well) will probably only impact you negatively and unless you actually end it, it is only going to get thougher because of it. And I can not judge for you, but to me suicide is extremely hard and while I DESPISE peyronies disease and would love for it to dissapear from this world, I do not hate life and would have an extremely though time ending it before desperately exploring every single possibility of making the best of it first. And they also say suicide is the "easy way out"... it is not. If suicide was easy, maybe half of all people would do it at some point. Commiting suicide will be the hardest thing you ever do, yet it won't reward you in any way for the effort it takes. Might as well try living instead cause no fear in life is as great as the fear of death at least in my opinion.
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peter123

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Re: Planning suicide this week
« Reply #45 on: October 07, 2020, 09:55:57 PM »

you all dont quite understand. peyronies is just the tip of the ice berg. balding young has completely destroyed my self esteem and I dont know about how tall you all are but I am shorter than 99.55% of men making me also shorter than the vast majority of women, im comically short, I dont look like a grown man and I cannot grow into my appearance it is literally not possible and all this is just a massive never ending nightmare. I cant free myself mentally at all and im actually trying but Im realizing just how much my appearence is actually holding me back. its insane. I've seen various therapists and none has clicked with me so far. I genuinely dont know what to do. I understand your all points about me being a dick online and being too aggressive etc but I genuinely cannot process this. its with my every single hour of the day.
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THIS USER HAS BEEN BANNED FROM FORUM FOR REPEATED RULE VIOLATIONS He never had Peyronies Disease but has body dysmorphia and his pastime was to attack all treatments, medical resources, and opinions.

TonySa

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Re: Planning suicide this week
« Reply #46 on: October 08, 2020, 11:15:03 PM »

Find another therapist and consider medications.  Put your energies into that instead of ruminating and you might see some success.
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PxD 2 yrs 9/16.  Failed all treatment. 9/11/18: excision, grafting & implant Dr Karpman MtnView Ca, AMS CX 18cm + 3-1cm RTEs.
Pump failed.  2/11/20 Dr Karpman installed Titan 22cm +1cm RTE.

1234

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Re: Planning suicide this week
« Reply #47 on: October 09, 2020, 10:39:03 AM »

Peter maybe going outside for once helps? Get a job or go to the gym, if I sat in my room looking at my dick all day I would go crazy too
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peter123

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Re: Planning suicide this week
« Reply #48 on: October 09, 2020, 06:51:46 PM »

Peter maybe going outside for once helps? Get a job or go to the gym, if I sat in my room looking at my dick all day I would go crazy too

i am outside almost every hour of the day. thats what you people dont understand. when you are short and bald and ugly, being outside is literal torture. I feel like a child everywhere I go. its so F^@$!ng depressing. but you hav the comfort to at least escape the misery of Peyronies. peyroneis as bad as it is is nothing like being a 5'5 guy with end stage of hairloss, getting disfigured like that is much worse than a penis disorder, the penis cannot be seen by most people.
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THIS USER HAS BEEN BANNED FROM FORUM FOR REPEATED RULE VIOLATIONS He never had Peyronies Disease but has body dysmorphia and his pastime was to attack all treatments, medical resources, and opinions.

Tobyg

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Re: Planeando el suicidio esta semana
« Reply #49 on: October 10, 2020, 11:36:41 PM »

peter123,
I recommend that you help animals, dogs, they are the best antidepressants. they really suffer life more than anyone else, and you can change the destiny of many.
You can choose a prostitute in the short term, until things improve.
I'm going bald too, buy an electric razor, it looks better, and also a nice cap.
I think about suicide every day, but I understand that it is a symptom of depression (I had it before hurting my penis). the symptom goes away after a while. writing it in a forum and reading comments like this will not help you, avoid them.
And finally, spread this disease, look for people who are studying it on the internet and motivate them, send emails to celebrities or newspapers. this will distract you and help you fight this,
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