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[Pickles]

Hello, All!
I don’t really know how to begin. I found this site while researching Peyronies Disease and was hoping to find other women to talk with about my perspective. I love my husband very much, but am uncomfortable talking to him too much about his Peyronies Disease because I don’t want him to feel like he’s letting me down or whatever. This is so awkward, and there doesn’t seem to be much ongoing chatter from the women. Please don’t hesitate to respond as I try to figure out how to grow with input from these forums.

My husband and I are early 50’s. He has been experiencing the curvature for about 9-10 months (90 degrees near the base) and was formally diagnosed by a urologist today. I guess I’m hoping to get advice about adjusting to life with Peyronies Disease. He doesn’t have any pain, but intercourse has become a challenge. Like many women (maybe) I kind of feel like this is my fault. I also tend to babble when I’m in a new situation, so I’ll chill for now and see if there’s support here for me like there is for the gentlemen.
Thanks for your patience, and hopefully productive, future dialogues!
Cheers!
Pickles 

[Hawk]

Welcome to  the forum Pickles.

We are here to encourage and help you find the information and the support you need.  You are welcome to post anywhere on this forum.

My first recommendation is that nothing will serve the two of you more than opening the lines of communication.  Some have found that Peyronies Disease actually improved their relationship because it forced them to communicate and experiment. Sadly, if they failed to have good communication Peyronies Disease often drove them apart and into isolation.  While Peyronies Disease is a couple's problem  not the man's problem it is never or at least almost never the woman's blame.  Men get Peyronies Disease in most cases because they are predisposed to the condition.  There may be a triggering event but without the predisposition Peyronies Disease would not have been the response.  Even the incident can seldom be the woman's fault.  Few women force a man on his back straddle him and deliberately injure his penis.  They are more likely doing a mutually agreed upon activity and there is a accident that triggers an unknown predisposition to Peyronies Disease.

The most important first thing you can do is read this carefully, probably more than once and preferably with your husband. https://www.peyroniesforum.net/index.php/topic,3180.0.html
There is a ton of useful information there that will bring the two of you up to the point of knowing the basics and helping you formulate questions that you need to ask.

Your husband is very fortunate to have a wife who cares enough to help with this issue that you face together.  We want you to feel welcome here, so relax, read the survival guide I linked to and let us know how attempts to communicate are going.

Hawk

[Monty]

Hi Pickles, i'm monty live in UK, if you to ask, very open minded, i was similar to your partner, so i know what your both going through.

[Yardbirdie]

Hi Pickles,
 
I'm new here too. My husband has had peyronjies for about 2 1/2 years but we are just now finding out his urologists arnt the best in the world. We are looking for a peyronie specialist. Hope you two find some good answers real soon.
 
Yardbirdie

[soda7]

I'm new also. I  found this support group, because I cannot discuss this with anyone. I'll try to keep it short. My husband of 25 years developed peyronies about
6 years ago. I had to beg him to see a Dr. He finally went to a gp. The Dr told him it might resolve itself in 1 1/2 years. No treatment. A year later I asked him to see a urologist, for which he did. No treatment. We are in our late 50"s. Fast forward. I have asked him to seek a specialist over the years. Asked him to help with research to no avail. We have not been intimate in 4 years. Its difficult to even bring up the subject. So i haven't in a long time.  I am hurting, because, he won't even try to get treatment. I feel that my feelings don't matter. I can live with the fact, that we may never have sex again, but the fact that he wont seek help is very painful. This isnt the only health issue, he won't seek help for either. Thanks for letting me vent. I love my husband, I understand how difficult this is for him, but its painful, that he wont seek help.

[GaussRifle]

Introduce him to this forum where we support each other and let him know there is nothing to be ashamed off, there are even 26 year old sufferers like me with my entire life ahead of me. He may not even be aware of the wonders of medical science such as penile implants that can have him perform better than a 20 year old guy in no time , have an arrow straight erection for however long he wants. He just needs to consult a peyronies expert. This site lists some of them. Do not seek treatment from a local average urologist, they don’t know much about this and don’t care.

[Hawk]

Welcome, YardBirdie.

I was driven to find help and was older than your husband when I got Peyronies Disease/Erectile Dysfunction.  I think the difference is often libido.  If you still have a strong sex drive, you will move heaven and earth to fix these issues.  If your sex drive is gone, either because of issues like low testosterone or because you are depressed over Peyronies Disease, then the drive to take charge is just not there.

[soda7]

So we decided to have the conversation again. He left, got in his car, did not come home last night. Left his phone here. I have no idea where he is or if he's ok. Hes been gone 18 hours now. We cannot even have a discussion.

[Hawk]

Well clearly that is not good.  There is nothing you can do if he is unwilling to seek help. 

Do you have ANY insight on how he is feeling?  Is he depressed? Does he just not want sex or is he hopeless that anything will work?

Did you approach him in an open supportive way that would not pressure him?

[soda7]

He came home at noon the following day. I guess he spent the night somewhere in the car?? I am just asking him to follow up with a Dr once a year. Its been 5 years since his last visit. I think I need to let it go now. I was at the point of being hysterical. I thought something had happened to him. I just lost a close family member. I'm trying to manage their estate and dealing with this is just too much right now. If he won't seek help, there's nothing i can do. Thanks for letting me vent. There is NO one I can vent to.