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Author Topic: Planning my suicide for day after St. Patrick's day.  (Read 1016 times)

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Michiganguy19

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Planning my suicide for day after St. Patrick's day.
« on: February 21, 2020, 12:50:36 AM »

I thought I had this crap beat. 50mg of prednisone took away all the pain and popping going on in my dick. I know it cured the inflammation. My dick went from tightened up and "hard flaccid" back to 5.25 soft for the 5 days I was on prednisone. But I must of damaged it worse cause when the prednisone ran out. It tightened worse than ever before. Idk what to do. But I am done with this crap. I've tried everything I can to stop this reactive arthritis crap. Nothing works. Found out my jaw was still infected and I know it's the cause. Doc won't believe me or help and says it was 100% chlamydia just cause it's the usual cause. And as far as the peyronies does not give the slightest [email protected]< what I am flaccid, because my dick is still like 6.25 erect which is "bigger than his and most guys so be happy. I don't see why you're complaining".  Even though I've lost over 2 inches... literally in girth to the point I can't even wear a condom anymore.

Planning my suicide on the day after St. Patrick's. My fav holiday. Only thing I'm thinking about is whether to send this forum to my family so they can see why, or post it on fb, or just not and leave it. Kinda want people to see what I'm going through, kinda don't want to deal with the embarrassment.
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Peyronies Disease November 2015.
Caused by Reactive Arthritis, caused by chlamydia October 2015.
Length before erect: 7.2in
Girth before erect: 6in? Just a guess.
Length erect. 6.1in
Girth erect: 4.1in
That's what I get for touching a stripper.

pfract

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Re: Planning my suicide for day after St. Patrick's day.
« Reply #1 on: February 21, 2020, 04:09:35 AM »

Why not reach out to the ones here instead of saying stuff like this?

Stabler

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Re: Planning my suicide for day after St. Patrick's day.
« Reply #2 on: February 21, 2020, 07:41:53 AM »

Michiganguy,

The fact that you have posted your plan says to me you don’t really want to do this so why not lean on the forum for support. The members of this forum can relate to your story, your life so let them help you rather than give up.

Stabler
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Moderator since 2015- Missouri- I work in the medical field and have strong knowledge of insurance and how to obtain coverage for medication and other treatments. Being a woman I do not have Peyronies but you can ask me anything. I am happy to help.

popopo

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Re: Planning my suicide for day after St. Patrick's day.
« Reply #3 on: February 21, 2020, 12:08:40 PM »

Hey Michiganguy,

I don't agree that just because you posted your plan means you're not really gonna do it. For all I know you drop this message here, read all of the replies and still end your life. There really is no way to tell just from this post.

I do think it's a good sign you posted here and appearantly still care enough to let us know. I hope you will still read our replies and that we are able to be somewhat of a support to you, but if not I really understand and respect your decision. I will be the last person to tell someone "ooh don't do it" or "suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem" or any of those cliché advices that never saved anyone.. not gonna do that.

What I do wanna say is that I have felt exactly the same and know what it's like. Sure, we're all different and have our own struggles and we all experience life in a different way, but I have often thought about suicide and still do on occasion. I know exactly how humiliated, angry, frustrated and maybe even disgusted you feel about yourself. It's like a part of your manhood is destroyed and nobody that doesn't have this disease can even imagine how that feels.

You will probably go trough hell and back. It will be a very painfull experience and the pain won't stop. It will hurt you till you hit rock bottom, but I hope you are like me and when you do hit rock bottom you'll slowly adapt. You can compare it to someone with excruciating chronic pain. The pain will never go away, but even these people can manage the pain. Eventually you will get used to the pain and while it will never completely dissapear it will bother you less and less because you adjust. The mind is strong and it can adjust to even the most f'~c<+d up situations you can imagine.

I don't wanna tell you it's all gonna get better, cause I don't know.. but I know for a fact you CAN adapt to the situation. Right now you may feel like you don't enjoy anything life has to offer, but deep down you know that's not true. There are still things in life that can make you happy, things you enjoy doing and keep you busy. Even if you never had sex in the rest of your entire life, there are still A LOT of things that can bring you joy. Think about your family, think about friends, think about music, think about motorcycles, think about cars or whatever the hell it is that you enjoy. There's gotta be SOMETHING you enjoy or at least used to enjoy.

I hope you'll find out what it is for you and get busy doing that. If you die you will get rid of your problems, but you're no longer able to enjoy it. It would make no sense to destroy all of you, just because parts of you are damaged. It would not make sense to deny yourself ALL of life's pleasures just because you get less sexual pleasure. It seems like a way out, but it's not, you'll only destroy yourself worse than you are now.

Right now do whatever it takes for you to get trough the day/night. If that means smoking a fat joint, skipping work or laying in bed all day so be it. For now all that matters is that you do not take your life. From there you can plan ahead and start to do things that benefit you long term.

I hope you'll find a way to deal with this. It won't be easy, but I really believe you can do this.
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Age: 25
Date of onset: 17
Symptoms: sharp pains, numbness, change in shape/size, hourglassing and discolaration from jelqing/VED usage as a teen. Diagnosed with a venous leak and possible scarring.
Treatments tried: cialis, pentox and VED didnt help

Michiganguy19

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Re: Planning my suicide for day after St. Patrick's day.
« Reply #4 on: February 21, 2020, 03:31:31 PM »

It's bit even an issue of being depressed. I'm not depressed in the slightest. But when this crap doesn't stop you literally have no choice. This has nothing to do with depression at all. But I'm not waiting for this to get to a point I have nothing left.. and then what? Go to hospital when it gets to the point I can't piss? Have them stick a catheter in? What's the solution? But so far no one, no doctor, has offered any solution. Only solution is suicide or cutting your dick off.
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Peyronies Disease November 2015.
Caused by Reactive Arthritis, caused by chlamydia October 2015.
Length before erect: 7.2in
Girth before erect: 6in? Just a guess.
Length erect. 6.1in
Girth erect: 4.1in
That's what I get for touching a stripper.

Whyisthishappening

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Re: Planning my suicide for day after St. Patrick's day.
« Reply #5 on: February 22, 2020, 09:44:49 AM »

yeah man i know its a miserable condition but do not do anything stupid pm me if you want to talk to somebody there is still hope some members including me are experimenting with iodine and copper you never know
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jan.schaller1958

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Re: Planning my suicide for day after St. Patrick's day.
« Reply #6 on: February 22, 2020, 11:22:39 PM »

I thought I had this crap beat. 50mg of prednisone took away all the pain and popping going on in my dick. I know it cured the inflammation. My dick went from tightened up and "hard flaccid" back to 5.25 soft for the 5 days I was on prednisone. But I must of damaged it worse cause when the prednisone ran out. It tightened worse than ever before. Idk what to do. But I am done with this crap. I've tried everything I can to stop this reactive arthritis crap. Nothing works. Found out my jaw was still infected and I know it's the cause. Doc won't believe me or help and says it was 100% chlamydia just cause it's the usual cause. And as far as the peyronies does not give the slightest [email protected]< what I am flaccid, because my dick is still like 6.25 erect which is "bigger than his and most guys so be happy. I don't see why you're complaining".  Even though I've lost over 2 inches... literally in girth to the point I can't even wear a condom anymore.

Planning my suicide on the day after St. Patrick's. My fav holiday. Only thing I'm thinking about is whether to send this forum to my family so they can see why, or post it on fb, or just not and leave it. Kinda want people to see what I'm going through, kinda don't want to deal with the embarrassment.

Gosh, Michiganguy, but you need to put this into perspective. I won’t repeat what the others have said, because what they said was excellent, but your life is more than your dick. I’ve got a friend who was once I the Army Medical Corps during the Vietnam War and had to tell guys who were paralyzed from the waist down, due to a Landmine, that they’d never have sex again. And that at the age of 19. I can’t imagine anything more horrible to hear. Somehow those guys went on to enjoy life. I’ll have to ask him how, but never give up hope. We’re all pulling for you. You’ll get better.
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maximus99

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Re: Planning my suicide for day after St. Patrick's day.
« Reply #7 on: February 23, 2020, 10:21:15 AM »

Wow this is so sad. can't imagine how you must feel dealing with it at this point. I'm just starting to realize I may have this, not only 2 months after getting engaged with the most beautiful Taiwanese girl.

I typed suicide in the search bar just to see what came up. And I can see I'm not alone in this. My father committed suicide when I was 17 and I can tell you it's a lot of stress on your loved ones.

I don't think it's something that I would do, although I think about it for a little bit. There are a lot of other people in the world that are suffering with cancer and other things. they fight everyday and they make it through, this is something you can do also.

If you want someone to talk to you can send me a direct message and call me or whatever. You just need to get past this

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skunkworks

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Re: Planning my suicide for day after St. Patrick's day.
« Reply #8 on: February 23, 2020, 11:27:58 AM »

I thought I had this crap beat. 50mg of prednisone took away all the pain and popping going on in my dick.

You're an odd one bro. You have actually isolated exactly what your physical issue is, which means success is just a matter of testing and measuring. You're in a way better place than many here if you'd just open your eyes for a minute.
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This is an emotionally destructive condition, we all have it, let's be nice to each other.

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TDix

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Re: Planning my suicide for day after St. Patrick's day.
« Reply #9 on: February 23, 2020, 04:41:38 PM »

Suicidal thoughts have been in my life since I was a teenager.  Thoughts at that time were “I never wanted to be born”.  I would write things on my Peechee folder at school like “death is certain, life is not”.  I would always think I didn’t choose to be here.  But as you get older you realize that everyone is here for a reason.  I have always struggled financially.  I have lost jobs that I thought I’d retire from.  I’ve had mental breakdowns, and body image issues.  I made a conscious decision when I found out I had Peyronie’s that I wasn’t going to give in to it.  I was very aggressive.  I never thought I’d be putting needles into my dick, never thought I’d have surgery.  But I did not give up.  You should not give up.  I had a friend attempt suicide in high school.  He did not succeed, and ended up becoming a fire captain, with a beautiful family.  Things change man.  Life is full of highs and lows.  Don’t focus on the valleys, focus on the mountain tops.  A bad day ends.  Who knows what the next day will be like?  Yes, the suicide option always lingers, like you just want an end.  But to force an end because of being in a rut robs you of ever knowing how life will play out.  What do you enjoy?  Do it and do it some more.  Life provides you that.  Death does not
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Hawk

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Re: Planning my suicide for day after St. Patrick's day.
« Reply #10 on: February 24, 2020, 06:14:42 PM »

TDix,  There was a lot of wisdom in that post and it carries so much more value because it is coming from someone that has been there!  Thanks for sharing.
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diehardpatriot

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Re: Planning my suicide for day after St. Patrick's day.
« Reply #11 on: April 02, 2020, 04:45:24 PM »

Please please please listen to skunkworks dude. Think rationally here, yOu know what is wrong with you. That’s freaking awesome!!! Take action on that! You must get rid of that infection dude. Do everything you can. Fasting, mediation, improving state of mind are all crucial in your recovery. Fasting can fight off infections. My good friend neo I’m this forum told me something I’d never forget when I was depressed after an episode of healing went bad and I went backwards in healing AGAIN. He said “the fact gay you’ve felt it get better even for a little is a sign that you CAN heal and make permanent improvement!!” You’ve found something that helps , keep trying man. Keep going. You got this. You are GREATER than your physical ailments! Take the journey, cross the river and really give This a total fight. Mentally, diet wise, trying new doctors (if certain medications could help). Much love to you.
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Penis injury in late 2017. A lump formed at injury site that caused no deformity, just pain and a palpable lump. Pain is improving through proper rest and use, diet, and mindfulness. I am always learning and looking to share things that have helped.
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