What and how now? How to continue life that you hate ? Just agony

[Inkognito]

Okey i am 22 years old guy. I am suffering from bad depression for like 8 years now. First father left and never called again , then all family members died slovly except my mother , then i got Peyronies Disease and have conogental curvature in same time, then quit collage because I could not continue because of depression. Now i am sitting in my room for like 6 mounths and looking at bad  changes on plaque , curve , leginth , grith. I live in fear every day like i am in Auschwitz. Will it stop ? I dont know. Doctors keep telling me that i dont have Peyronies Disease. so can you tell me whay my penis curves more  then and why there is nothink show on ultrasound and color dopler. Do i really need to become total new person to stop suffer ? I am sex addict and i enjoyed it. How can i overcome fear that my girlfriend wont cheat on me in future with helthy dick. How can i live life that i dont want to live ? How can i put in my mind that this is not that big of a deal and stop to suffer? How can i become not jealous person. Sometimes i got feeling that i am not human beeing anymore. How to keep moving forward? I mean my life is onely sitting in room and telling " WHY ME , WHY AT THIS AGE , WHY WITH CONOGENTAL CURVE , WHY AT WORST MOMENT IN MY LIFE WHEN I NEEDED MOTIVATION TO COMPLETE COLLAGE". Well first i taught i got onely small curve and thats it and it wont Progress. So i stopped using helex ( antidepresant) and smoke weed. One day  biggest fear accured ... My curve got worse. Now i know that it can progress anytime and i am now again on antidepresants and drugs. Why ? Because i will probably make suicide without them. I know there is little chance that it will reverse in original form...Like what 1%? Lol. Do guys got spontaneous resolution even after lets say year od 2 ? I dont have money for operation , implant and all of that. Just streching and suppliments. But having conogental curve and Peyronies Disease really puts you in place where you think that onely option for you is spontaneous resolution. I need to work one year and to literally starve for one injecton...literally just one. I know just sad story. How to overcome fear ? How to make myself believe that dick is not important think in life ? How to stop black taughts keep comming about girlfriend will cheat on me sooner or later ? I fell like pathetic crap all day every day. Even when i got motivation it fades away quickly.. day or 2. When i am on drugs i got some hope that maybe some day this will be just bad memory. But when i woke up i loose all hope. There is just no way to overcome this crap. When you loose all hope and suffer for long period od time what to do then ? I mean suicide is no way to do because my mom needs me. But i keep dreaming when i sleep that i am happy with no problems... And when i woke up  i just cry or stare at F^@$!ng wall. I mean most of people have bad dreams and then woke up and say ohh that was just bad dream... But what if you live nightmare. Believe me or not i wish every day to not woke up. Mornings are hardest. Now i feel like ugly peace od shiit with wierd dick. What is point of life if yours dreams fade away and you loose all hope ? With or without drugs i live like zombie. I will never find my inner peace. I know that i need to stay positive. BUT HOW?  Can please someone  tell me what is point of life ? I have deseae 100% just dont have Peyronies Disease experts here. Curve , photos over time snd plaque tell me the truth. It is not that they just cant help me. They cant even diagnose me. What is the point ? Motivation 0% , happy 0% , hope 0 % ... Onely curve got more %. I hoped i prayed for father , family members , motivation , this crap of deseases to not progress. But it seems there is no god and even that hope is bullshitt. I was humble and i didn't want too much from life just normal sex life , little bit of money and lovely family and home. Thats whay i put hard work in collage deposite all bad things . And what now? Be jealousy all life ? Suffer every day ? Believe me or not i was sure many times that i loosed hope.. but did not just said that to myself and somewhere deep down I knew there was hope. But this time there is 0%hope. I can't find hope even deep  down there. Now I know what it means to lose all hope. That is worst think ever. At the end of the day I don't even know why I wrote this article. I didn't kill myself but i live like a dead man... Every day. what is the point of life if you live in the worst nightmare for years that you cannot influence ? I am not an evil man and i have never cheated on a girl and i have had many opportunities. I just didn't deserve this much suffering and I can't influence on it. Oh it is not suffering ... It is every day agony... endless agony.

[samsung]

I don't know about the rest because I am in exactly the same boat as you. But I do know one thing and it might just be a guess in your case. I looked up Helex. One of the ingredients in it seems is alprazolam. That is a benzo. Benzodiazepines and withdrawal from them cause horrifying symptoms including depression, depersonalization, etc. There are over 300 symptoms. Benzodiazepines are absolutely deadly poison and should never be taken by anyone for any reason unless you're having a heart attack and they need to sedate you quicky. Other than that they have zero use and anyone who tells you otherwise has never gone through benzo withdrawal.

[samsung]

What I hope I'm saying is clear is your feelings are probably directly caused by stopping helex. Peyronie's doesn't help, certainly but a lot of the language you are using sounds like everyone else on benzobuddies.org.

And I'm not trying to scare you. Just providing some possible context. Take it for what it is worth. Maybe I am wrong and your doctor knows better.

[Inkognito]

I was not all time on antidepresants from beggining. First 2 mounths i never tried them before. Then i was 2 mounths on them. Then i stopped for one mounth then i start again when i saw progress. So i know they are not problem. My unbearable situation is. For exemple if this crap go away over night i can stop use them in one day. I take them... lets say just to suffer a little bit less for a moment. Thanks for response  

[Inkognito]

What drug then you recummend to use ? Thanks  

[samsung]

I can't recommend a drug. But I can recommend you don't come rapidly on and off a benzodiazepine drug. This causes what is called the "kindling effect." You do not want this to happen to you.

[Inkognito]

Thanks for yours response once again. But i dont know how to decrese suffering. I dont want to do heroin or somethink like that. Did you use some drug ? Well at the and of the they like i write im my post situation cant be worse aniway :/. Withdraw is bad but at this moment i suffer soo much that i dont give a Shi... But thanks once again. It is nice when someone care. Thanks for advice but  at this moment i dont care for my life anymore. Just thray to not make suicide and find some hope. But there is none for me. Soo youmg and destroyed.  

[samsung]

That is not true. There is hope for you. You just don't know what it is at this very moment. And you are very young.

I did use drugs. Lots of them. Heroin. Cocaine. Benzos. Crack. I don't recommend it to anyone on this earth.

I have also been on every conceivable type of antidepressant. I do not think they are the answer, but they do help some people.

[Godisreal]

You really should think of these hard times as a perfect opportunity for a spiritual awakening.
You can start seeing life from a whole different perspective; a perspective that will keep you much happier at the end of the day.
A perspective like that, however, does not include forgetting and ignoring your penile problems.
You should always and forever work towards a solution, and i don't doubt that you will find exactly that; but to make the best of everything, try to think and prioritize the other things in life you value besides sex. I'm not saying forget about it, that's just bullsh*t; but put the "sex-addict" thing to the side in the meantime. I can't promise you that your penis is gonna be good again in 5 years, but I can promise you that if you don't stop fighting you will heal, both psychically & mentally.
God bless you, man. Everything is gonna be okay.

[DELETED]

I can't promise you that your penis is gonna be good again in 5 years

https://www.peyroniesforum.net/index.php/topic,12854.msg117868.html#msg117868

We're all gonna be able to legally replace our faulty tissue with lab-tunica albuginea before 2025, mark my words.

Okay

[Inkognito]

I woke up. Again i had a dream that i am happy i dont have all this problems... And i woke up im nightmare...

Godisreal i can see that you are dreamer full of hope. But how you mean i need to fight to find solution ? Onely think i can do i to take some suppliments , do some straching and wait for spontaneous resolution. maybe there is solution for everyone like howk sayd. But i am too realistic. There is little chance that we will have same dicks like before. And again i think that hawk is right but there is one problem. I read forum too much and realized that solution for everyone comes with money. Like i sad i live in poor country and i am poor. Just hate my life and this fate.
I want my peace back that I haven't had since I was a kid.
All best to you.

[Godisreal]

Inkognito:
You cannot hope for your dick back, that train has already passed; but don't be sorry, there's a much bigger purpose in life that obsessing about your "perfect penis". A purpose that is just designed for you, personally, that will fulfill you much more than your your sex-life ever did.
Why do you think porn is free? When everything else on the web cost money?
It's because THEY want you to feel sorry for yourself, they want to keep you at a low state of mind so you just keep being their puppy in a leash; so that you keep busting a nut & just keep being lazy and stuck in your sad & depressing world.
I'm very sorry to hear about your displeasure regarding your "poor country" and poor life etc; but please, believe that you can become complete as a person regardless of a ridiculous penile-deformity.
That goes for you too Alex, I read somewhere on here that you don't even have Peyronie's? You're just concerned with your small and seemingly deformed penis.  
Take my advice, and try and change your perspective on life because you're clearly not thinking healthy; and the quotes you provided are still backed up by me.
Replacing tunica-tissue with lab-made tunica albuginea, obviously, won't come without risks; but I genuinely believe lab-made penile tissue will be an official treatment in 5 years for those of you who can neither cope or go to off-the-law to fix your problems.
This doesn't necessarily mean your penis will be "good" for all eternity.
It will, however, be a solution for those of you who are just constantly plagued and & obsessed with your penis.
Scientists say that they're soon gonna be able to transfer one's brain into a much younger and healthier body and thereby "resetting" one's aging-process. Look it up, it's perfectly real.
Replacing soft tissue with lab-made soft tissue is just a small piece of the pie, believe me.
All you do is cry over your penis size, Alex, and your useless talk keeps reflecting a deeply sad and problematic state of mind that won't get you anywhere at all.
There is a solution for everyone, have some faith.