Just an update

[popopo]

I have been here since I was about 17 years of age. I'm now 25 years old. I developed peyronies like symptoms as a result of injuring myself with jelqing and VED and it's been getting progresively worse over time. The progression is now way slower compared to when I first started to have symptoms. The pain used to last all day somedays and now I only have like 2 very short stings a day, but I do know by the fact I still get pain and see slow but gradual changes in size and shape that the inflammation is not entirely gone and it might never happen. I've seen many urologists over the years, but I gave up cause first of all they never really saw anything wrog and thosethat did see abnormalities said it was minimal and thought it wouldn't get worse on it's own. They where wrong. Something I do know for sure is that I have pelvic floor tension, but physiotheraphy to try and reverse this never was succesfull.

The last doctor I visited was the kindest and didn't treat me like I'm imagining things. He took it very seriously and in his opinion the pelvic floor tension could cause problems and he also thinks I have venous leak. He also didn't see any scar tissue on an ultrasound, but he did feel it with his hands when I pointed out exactly where I had pain. Anyway, that visit was about 2/3 years ago and even though the doc was nice he didn't know how to help me other than trying to relax my pelvic floor. I also didn't see many options here on the forum as pentox and VED never helped me and I'm not sure an implant is for me, especially considerig I still have inflammation and a surgery probably won't help that.

So for the last couple of years I've been depressed, unmotivated, always tired and just lost in life. I recently moved out, so I'm trying to get my act together. I now eat healthier as I have a low budget and only buy foods that are good for me and don't buy more than I actually need to eat. I also have a power rack in my living room to try and get back in shape. With this I can do all my compound lifts without leaving the house.

Recently, I started to feel that no matter what I do, I struggle to do the simplest tasks and would rather lay in bed all day. I force myself to workout, but my strenght is barely increasing and it really drains me way more than it used to. Then it hit me.. it could very well be that my testosterone levels are not good. When I was about 17 years of age I measured my testosterone levels and they where low average (in the 400 ng/dl). I kind of obsessed about this number as I was surprised that I had rather low levels even though I'm a teen. One doctor even admitted to me that normal people of that age have about double.. I was so frustrated because despite this nobody was willing to give me testosterone. I eventually decided to do it all by myself and buy testosterone from an illegal source. To this day I haven't really regretted that choice, I'm still just dissapointed that no doctor could understand that I wasn't happy about having such sub optimal levels.

When I started my own TRT regimine I gained A LOT of muscle and finally felt motivated to get in the gym again. Working out didn't feel like an uphill battle and gaining muscle didn't feel like a lot of work for nothing anymore. Before TRT I could take like a week off the gym and I'd have to almost start from scratch again. But eventually the thought of relying on an illegal source made me anxious and I didnt wanna keep doing that anymore. Then I got to rehad for weed and also had to get off TRT there and since then I kinda said "F~@< it" and never cared about my testosterone anymore even though my level in rehab was measured at only 110 ng/dl! I figured that must have been from having my endogenous test productiin shut down from the TRT and expected it to go back to low-average levels, but never had a bloodtest since then to confirm that.

Now that I'd have to get a job soon and be able to function properly as I'm now and adult living on his own, I decided to do another blood test again to determine if my levels are low or not. I personally feel just as tired and unmotivated as I did right after stopping TRT so it could very well be that they're still low. I actually always felt more tired than normal people and always needed 9+ hours of sleep just to feel okay. TRT didn't fix my depression, but it did get rid of the depression symptoms if that makes sense. I was going out again, I wanted to be with friends, I kissed a girl, I finally saw my body change for the better, I was a little more confident and just changed my behaviour. All those things where basically never happening in my life before TRT.I did still feel depressed, but I felt like the reason was clear. My penis was still not working.. and to this day that keeps depressing me and I know now that testosterone is NOT the answer to peyronies, but in theory it can only help. It sucks that it's not helping my erectyle problems, but in all other area's of life I did improve.

Anyway, right now I'm excited to go to the urologist and hopefully I'll finally get proper treatment if my testosterone turns out low again. I do NOT expect him to fix my peyronies, but I hope he has some tips on how to get rid off the pelvic floor tightness. For now I'll just accept that I got no relationsships with girls and don't have sex. Maybe if I get out again I might kiss girls once in a while, but I'm not looking to take it to the next level as it will only frustrate me. I like being alone and I'm starting to appreciate the single life. All I want now is to improve myself as much as I can untill better treatment options come along in the future.

So my first few steps will be as follows:
-keep working out
-keep eating healthy
-have a normal sleep pattern
-measure testosterone levels
-fix pelvic floor tension
-get a job
-quit smoking weed and especially tabacco

For me these steps are huge, but I'll be happy if i can do this in the next months. I know this post is not entirely peyronies related, but I thought it would be good to share this with you to later update this and see where I stand in a couple of months. I'll keep y'all updated.


Have a nice day

[Caseyjones01]

Happy to hear about your goals! I know all about depression, dealt with it my whole life. The more you keep working at your goals the less depressed you will feel. It may still linger around you, but its important to feel like you are making progress. Hang in there, looking forward to hearing some updates from you.