Some days I just fkn can’t

[Godisreal]

WHAT THE F~@< IS GOING ON
Everybody I see in this forum either broke their dick or had a series of traumas throughout their life ultimately causing peyronies at a relatively old age. I've even seen people who tried to change their erect dicks with VED and f'~c<+d their healthy dicks up with that. I understand genetic factors plays a major role in the development of peyronies in some cases as well.
These are all understandable reasons for developing the disease.
And I sit here at home, sometimes completely broken, with no fkn clue why I'm here....  I'm stuck with a ridiculous curve and i'm so fkn young. I didn't come a long way into my adult life before I suddenly had a load of lumps after a harsh masturbation. And later on, after an "aggressive examination" I developed the "full" disease and the curve appeared. How on earth can a doctor, just by examining a dick, cause a patient Peyronies??? I know I was injured before this, but now afterwards I realize it was only a penile injury at first which healed with some scar tissue. And like I said, after a harsh examination of some sort I developed the "full" disease.
If y'all wondering, I went to this doc cuz I had a sh*t load of anxiety because I was sooo afraid of getting the disease... and look where the anxiety got me
I have a very positive outlook on this thing, mostly. But sometimes I just wanna shoot my brains out like Kurt Kobain... this is crippling my whole outlook on life weather I like it or not
I would give my left hand for getting my dick back, as well as the fact that I would be okay with getting this joke of a disease when I'm 50+ but NOT WHEN IM THIS YOUNG. I'm not sure I'm gonna live until 50 even tho haha
But hey there are virgins who doesn't even use their fully functional dicks in their prime years... and not because they are scared but because they don't have the big urge like others do. Me as an example, what do you think my hobbies are?
Sex, drugs, money and sex lol
I'm an arrogant piece of crap and me as well as other people has a big problem liking me.
And when I finally started to like myself for the selfish prick I am, I cripple my dick?? I still wake up some days not believing this is real.. it feels so wrong man. It feels like I've been robbed on my beautiful, beautiful life... you might ask how I call myself "Child of God" when I say that like drugs, I value both things a lot sickly enough, and that might not make any sense at all...
Despite my bad habits, all I have is God and myself. And it sure feels like I'm losing on half of that as time goes, and that half is myself.
We have one life, and that one life shouldn't be raped and torn apart at such a young age, and it's my fault after all, not anybody else's.. I was expecting me to overdose or die in a f'~c<+d up way while living great and fast at the peak of my life. That's how I always wanted it.
Getting this disease forces you into being careful and taking precaution with everything, exactly what I hate. I can't stress that enough. I hate it. I know this disease can make you stronger and turn you into a "better" person, whatever that means. But man... all the people who get this after 50, you don't know how lucky you are.
This was me venting with a long meaningless text lol
Take care people
- Godisreal

[TDix]

Go aggressive then and seek out surgery.  I never wanted surgery, but that was ultimately what I needed.  Barring a slight bulge on one side and a slight ventral dent I am straight again.  Will hear from my Dr in a few weeks about how to treat the bulge and dent.  Don't give up

[Godisreal]

Appreciate your answer man, but I couldn't live with myself if I got surgery this young... I'm gonna try everything I can; topical, oral and psychical therapies. I know patience is key, but if none of it works out after a long time I will either send myself up to God or get an implant. Not kidding. This is a nightmare

[TDix]

Why avoid something that can fix your issue?  It's like having a bad knee.  Yes, you are young, which actually would be a positive for you as far as healing.  I would seriously consult a specialist while you are trying oral and manual treatments to see what they have to say.  Do I get depressed that I got inflicted with this?  Hell yes, but I'm not going to throw in the towel until all avenues are navigated

[Hawk]

Since this is the Psychological Aspects board I won't address treatments here.

Just a little food for thought in response to the issues you were venting about.

I hear you venting and that's good.  That's the reason we are here.  I would suggest that you repeatedly ask yourself what good can come out of this.  Would it be good if you considered changing your philosophy and behavior?  Would it be good if you were determined to be a generous compassionate person who served others rather than a "selfish prick"?  Would it be good if you walked away from drugs and similar harmful substances?  Would it be a vast improvement if you were true to your personal philosophy/religion and followed whatever teachings and beliefs that include?  

If you gained all of these things as a result of this difficulty then a curved penis might seem like a good trade.

[Godisreal]

Thanks a lot for chiming in, fellas.
TDix, I'm currently seeing a psychologist so the psychological issue is most of the times under control.
Hawk, I like your way of thinking, I really do. While I'm trying hard to both cure myself and to find good things that could come out of this, I still feel bad because, well, in a way you grow up to be a certain way and I'm not sure how to change myself. But maybe I'm destined to change myself.
Psychically speaking, I'm not giving up until I have my dick back to good health.
I know I can make it happen, I'm still in inflammation-phase but I've managed to put the inflammation down to the ground. That's how low it is, which means the risk that my penis will change more in shape is minimal. And yes, if I manage to nurse myself back to health I will for sure value my family more, as well as my religion and hopefully stay away from things that could be potential dangers to my health. You kinda have to change things, in order to make this hard time worth your whole, right?
Thanks again for the support guys
God bless you  

[Hawk]

Life is about building the person you want to be.

If you are religious then you are probably familiar with the term repentance.  It is a positive term that means to change our mind and heart.  Again, there is no following any religion without the concept of change.  That is generally the point to religion or spirituality.  

[Eric_C]

I can empathise with your frustrations Godisreal. It does kind of feel like a nightmare you can't wake up from. Myself, I'm no stranger to debilitating physical problems or going without. But when Peyronie's decided to add itself to my tally sheet of challenges it truly has rocked my world. So I'm just saying, I can totally empathise on how strongly it affected me psychologically.

If I had been someone with a lot of sexual experience and a supportive partner for many years, I feel it would affect me a lot less. But that is not the case. I unfortunately have suffered with things that affected my mobility so I have already missed out on a lot for someone my age, and now I am making progress in getting more mobile I have been sexually handicapped. It is brutal.

I'm curious to hear how your psychologist is helping you, if at all?

I sought the help of a therapist too. Despite the fact that she has said it is ok to talk about this condition, due to being somewhat of a gentleman I often don't want to bring it up as she is a woman. And I feel like it's rude or like it secretly grosses her out or something.

I'm contemplating changing therapists. Which is a shame, as a good one is hard to find. And she definitely helped me with the issue I originally went to see her for. I have a session this friday and I will tell her my thoughts on this.

Wishing you all as pleasant a day as possible.

[buzzin2]

yo what hawk was saying is the exact sentiment that i was trying to say to you man.  in all honesty, your view of women and money is in complete contrast to your belief in god and desire to live with god.  you can't have both.  you can't pursue money and try to fuk a bunch of chicks while also disrespecting them and live with god at the same time.  i mean, id be willing to bet anything the reason you have this crap in the first place is because of that mental head space.  you have free will in life, but god might put things in your way - adversity that illicits a mental or spiritual change.  shitt like that can save you from yourself and i know god has done major work in my life to reshape the way i look at everythign.  ive had to suffer in almost incomprehensible ways in order to grow, ive been thrown in the fire and burned for more than a fukin decade before i changed my headspace.  i wish i would have been able to learn on my own but i was incapable of that.  eventually youre gonna have to make a decision whether you wanna live with god or you want to pursue the fruits of this world

[buzzin2]

maybe god ruined your dick because he thinks you're worth saving.  maybe your belief in god is reason enough for him to stop you from yourself.  

[buzzin2]

btw dude, drugs and alcohol will burn you at some point.  i had a 100+ drink habit for over 10 years, ive been addicted to every drug you can think of, ive lived on the street, ive shattered an eblwo torn 2 acls broke a leg and almost died in a car accident thru this crap, ive been to rehab and sober houses for a year and a half, i lost everything i ever had in life and more before god saved me.  in all honesty i think having this disease may save you from pain and struggle in the long run cause you sound just like me 10 years ago and thats terrifying

[Godisreal]

It's great to hear about your experiences and it's also great that you all share your knowledge about everything.
Eric; I'm not going to a therapist right now, i am however taking antidepressants. I also take pills to in order to fall asleep at night. I drink ridiculous amounts of caffeine on a regular day so it's impossible to fall sleep without medication.
buzzin; Is my life a mess? Yes. Does it have to be? No. Is my dick's health more important than having billions of dollars? Yes.
I am and have always been a very problematic fool, I do believe I have a very high intelligence tho. But I've always made my decisions based on greed and needs. Because I have the controversial trait of being very arrogant. Example: i treat the wifey material girl like crap because I have done that to all other sluts I have been with. Why? Because I'm insecure, I used a wonderful girl and missed out on having a wife. She was in love with me, and I used her. I have always been a fool, my belief in God could sometimes be considered only real because I need some sort of comfort. Do I want to believe in God? Yes I do. Are my dreams and goals compatible with the rules of the Bible? Absolutely not. My life is full of unanswered questions, I'm not even 20 years of age and I have already made countless mistakes. But that's OKAY. But getting my dick crippled the f*ck up when I'm this young is NOT okay.
I have way too high goals for me to be depressed about this, regardless of the outcome.
But so far, I'm 3 months into this mess, and I'm a depressed piece of junk atm.
It is what it is  

[buzzin2]

yeah you might have to learn the hard way like me, man.    your path is yours and yours alone.  but if you do go down that road, be careful as fuk and keep your eyes open to the signs gods giving you.  i can't even tell you to swerve, my life would have no meaning had i not been put into the fire. if god thought you weren't worth saving, you probably wouldn't have a dick problem right now. he'd probably let you make your own decisions and go down that road to no redemption.  but let me tell you, i watched many friends die along the way and im lucky i made it out alive.  i watched people overdose and die, my friend jumped off the golden gate bridge, all sorts of shitt.  i even claimed i wanted to live hard and fast and die young like you indicated, but that mentality is fleeting and you wont have that in a few years.  adversity becomes exponential when refusing to change, keep that in mind if you keep hitting hurdles in life.  no one ever warned me about anything

[Godisreal]

I will keep these things in mind, friend. How old are you?  

[Eric_C]

Godisreal (I'm gonna refer to you as GIR, it's quicker). Bud, I hope you will reconsider therapy if it is an affordable option. I thiunk it';s important to be able to talk about this crap with someone, it reduces the weight of it on our shoulders. You are young, yes, but I feel like there is a lot of hope for you. Many guys in their 60s and 70s bodies' are able to cope with this disease and still allow them to have sex, so I think your body will definitely stabilise at some point and at least allow you to masturbate regularly and pain free and have sex too.

BUZZIN: Sounds like you've lived an eventful life there my friend. I am sorry about your friend who jumped by the way. I'd be lying if I said I don't think about jumping too sometimes.

I've lived a pretty crazy life too, several accidents, several serious injuries, lots of loss, restrictions, disability, mental strain. Bujt I am trying to focus on the more positive things these days. I'm doing my best to manage this stuff, I think that's all one can do. And I give credit to anyone who speaks up here. Whether it's about themselves or jujst to help someone else.

[Godisreal]

As a young man, i have very high sexual needs, but after a heartbreak several months ago I didn't feel for sex at all. I bet this led to lower testosterone-levels after a while. This combined with some minor injuries and BAM Peyronie's. The horrible thing about everything is that nobody can tell you if your case is solvable or not. Most likely, it is. At least that's what I like to believe. But this sh*t sure is the most controversial and most complex disease, possible ever. And since it's not life-threatening, you either suffer forever or take action until you get your man-handled psyche back. As well as your crippled dick...
But f*ck I can't stop fighting until I get my full health back, both psychically and psychologically.
GOD BLESS

[popopo]

I know I'm probably not the most psychologically healthy man here (then again, who isn't crazy in this modern world? lol), but for me theraphy didn't work. I honestly get more mad and frustrated to talk about this and therapist trying to convince me having a non-functional dick is not a problem just triggers me to the point where I'd just push my emotions deep inside and suck it up rather than talk about it with someone I pay to listen to me. It feels powerless and sad to discuss this with some random man/woman that doesn't know what this feels like trying to change my "toxic" thought pattern and blame this on my own inability to "cope" while I refuse to believe that and keep thinking my DICK is the problem not my mind. But to each their own of course, so it may work for others. What does help though, is working with someone that helps you in other area's of life (could also be a therapist, but it could also just be a social worker for example or a job coach). These people have helped me way better, because they're not trying to battle my beliefs about what a man is. They just work around the problem and try to get me to focus on things I CAN change. Also, antidepressants help, but if you can do without it's way better and other than that I push my feelings away with sports, videogames and weed. I'm not the kind of guy who's lifestyle you should copy and I don't advice people to do the same things I do per se, but so far I'm doing relatively okay by finding relief in other things than sex/relationsships.

[TonySa]

Popopo, sounds like you didn't have a very good therapist.  Sorry about that, therapist like any professions have great, good and poor ones.

[NeoV]

What the hell is a "heart break?" And what is a "sexual need"? Are you kidding me? Both of these concepts are absolutely absurd and show you are very confused, not that I can even blame you. I don't mean to offend you here but this just really triggers me. It reminds me of some of guys I have coached in person or online who had this kind of mindset. Deep down they were selfish and disgusting, as if they needed and deserved some "thing" from a woman. Your penis does not need to be pretty or even perfectly functional to make a woman feel sexually and personally validated. If you do need that, then you are stealing the feminine role from the woman, and that makes you selfish and ultimately violent toward women.

[samsung]

A heartbreak is when two people who love each other break off relations and feel bad afterwards. It is very common among humans. Calling people selfish and disgusting doesn't seem very productive. If someone wants their penis to not look deformed, then they are "robbing the woman of their feminine role?" That just sounds like weirdness to me man, no offense. I don't want to start a flame war here though so please don't reply to this unless in a PM.

[Godisreal]

Guys, I appreciate your comments and points of view. Doesn't matter if I agree with you or not, I like that you get involved in the conversation. There's no need to start a flame war lol
However, I'm not sure what's unclear and absurd about a heartbreak and sexual needs. Samsung covered the definition of a heartbreak, and sexual needs is a natural human thing as well as a heartbreak, something that some people have more of than others. I don't expect and think I deserve things from a woman. But the "thing" I do NEED from a woman, is sex, ejaculation & eventually emotional comfort if I have feelings for a woman. Not too different from what a woman needs from a man. I want my penis to remain and hold a solid quality & health throughout my life, not for the sake of any woman - but for the sake of my own well being.
Maybe we are just different, NeoV, there's no need to call me confused or having absurd arguments. My arguments are completely relevant, just like yours.
I might be selfish to some people or whatever, but I genuinely WANT my penis to be healthy while performing sexual acts of any kind. Perhaps I don't need it to please women, but I've got other things on my mind than looking to do everything to please women and treat them according to the rulebook.
It's very immature of you to say "that I'm stealing the feminine role of a woman" just because I want my penis to have maximum capacity and health during sexual acts.
Not all men want to go on a lifelong journey in learning how to "treat women accordingly" just to make women feel happy & appreciated. Some men have other goals, and only want the penis to be there and work when we need the little guy. This doesn't make us selfish or disgusting, neither are we confused or anything else for that matter.
God bless

[samsung]

Exactly. Amen.

[TonySa]

Samsung if you're asking someone to only reply in a pm why did you make it public instead of just sending them a pm to start with?  Otherwise, it just looks like you're just needing to get the last word in.

[samsung]

You're correct Tony. I should have just not written in the first place. I don't want to start any arguments. I just didn't like what Neo said. But it is his right to say it.

[samsung]

It is also possible I misunderstood Neo and have no idea what I'm talking about and am a moron. This occurs frequently.  

[popopo]

It's a bit like these talent shows for singers. If you can sing well and sing confidently people will applaud you. But if you dare to sing with confidence, but you actually can not sing... prepare to be humiliated. It's WRONG to humiliate these people for trying to sing, but it makes us feel better about ourselves and we don't like it when people think they can do something when they really can't so we bully them and justify our behaviour simply because it feels good to degrade another human being because it temporarily boosts our own fragile ego's.

[NeoV]

I am not talking about any subreddits, and I have never heard of them.

This year I coached a guy in person who is a model, he has a healthy penis, tall, and flawless looking. He cannot get laid and he makes woman sad precisely because he thinks like you do. He always talks about his needs and underneath his fake kindness is a selfish monster. Yes he was abused and went through stuff at a young age that made him like this, but it's his responsibility to work through all that and not just autopilot forward. He also uses words like "heartbreak" as if somehow he is a victim of his current circumstance with women. It is not his physical appearance. This year I also coached a guy on Skype who looked perfect but made women hate him. I am am not blaming him in any way. I feel love for these men because I was in hell for nearly my entire 20s. I am telling you what I was forced to understand in order to move forward, and this applies to the physical aspects of recovery from Peyronie's as well.

You can want a healthy penis and that is simply normal, full agreement. I want you to have a healthy penis. But your thinking that you need anything from a woman is going to destroy you and hurt women. Even if you had a perfect penis, that mindset will not work out for you on any given night or in being with an attractive woman long term. I am saying this because I care about your well being and want you to succeed in the future.

Every disappointment can be a gift, and you cannot have your heart broken, you can only have your expectations broken.

[popopo]

I don't know how you got the idea any of us have a toxic mindset, just because the terms "heartbreak" and "sexual needs" where used. Many people experience these feelings, especially if they're lonely. I do think it's very good to learn how to be alone and not expect to have sex on a regular basis all the time, but none of us say we expect anything from women or whatever.

[TDix]

So I've been married almost 23 years, and I've come to accept that my wife controls when we have sex.  I have needs just like any other man, so I have accepted that I have to be content with my current situation, meaning I don't have sex as much as I'd like to, or I completely rearrange my life to get sex.  As much as I love sex, and my wife, I'm in the stage of accepting my current situation  

[TDix]

I wouldn't say I'm pussywhipped, we both are just stubborn I guess.  She wants affection and I want sex.  How can I be affectionate to someone who doesn't WANT to have sex, and through her eyes it's how can she have sex with someone who isn't affectionate.

[TDix]

Don't get me wrong, when we were young we were like rabbits, but now with two grown kids, me post surgery and her going through menopause it's gotten difficult.  I always thought once we became empty nesters things would get back to our younger days.  Not exactly  

[Godisreal]

TDix, don't wanna inflict anything on anyone - but it's very difficult for us young people to hear you looking back at your younger days, since we might never experience sex as we knew it ever again.
It's the same for you I guess, but there's an actual hidden blessing with getting Peyronie's at an old age - same goes with cancer and other diseases. Catching things with no potent cure is a nightmare for everybody, but catching it under unknown circumstances at a young age is absolutely devastating beyond imagination.
Honest to God, the only reason i haven't blown my brains out is because I have faith that I will get my health and mobility back, psychically. I'm familiar with the fact that things like this have potential to shape us into better men, better people in general. Mentally, this could and will be a blessing after all suffering. I'm confident in that.
We all have the opportunity to grow into something unique and great, something that people who haven't experienced Peyronie's never gets a chance to do. But I doubt any young man wants to change into something great, psychologically & spiritually, if he doesn't have his healthy dick with him.
And NeoV, I appreciate your fulfillment of your thoughts and points. If I you would've explained it like your latest post everyone would have had a better time understanding you in the first place.
Your absolute last sentence, however, is very obscure. The very meaning of a heartbreak is the last and absolute breaking-point in a relationship where one or both parts doesn't fulfill the other part's expectations which either brakes one of the people, or both. As you're saying.
However, it's deeper than that, feelings and love are actual feelings releasing dopamine in the brain. In all it's reality, a heartbreak is much deeper than just "failed expectations" imo.  

[samsung]

Wait until you are 46 and see if you think 46 is "old age." I hear where you're coming from though. I guess it is old to you. However if you are still single, as I am, it messes with you pretty bad. Probably easier at my age than yours, definitely, but still bad. I think it must be easier to be married. But there are pros and cons to any situation. For ex., if I were you I would hold on to hope of there being a better chance of a cure in coming years. I don't think I would care if there were a cure if I was 92.

[TonySa]

I don't think it really helps to try to compare ones situation as worse than or better than another's.  It's difficult for everyone and if we all do what we can to support each other it will be a great help.

[Godisreal]

I know, lads. It's all a mess, and it's not anyone else's fault that I'm in this mess. But it sure awakens a sickening anxiety every time I wake up, that my dick is very immobilized and can't be bent down at all anymore. I can't see myself being limited to the "missionary only" lifestyle, it's just not me. But right now, it's basically the only sex-position available for me, since I also have a very high erection-angle naturally. After roughly 3 months in this mess, I can with confidence say that I'm okay with having a crippled dick for a great while. Just as long as I'll get my dick's mobility and health back one day. One day! It's insane, but there's only a few diseases and conditions in the whole world that can't be predicted - and neither has a cure. One of them is called Peyronie's. And it's a labyrinth, that contains a lot of guesswork as well as inebriated anxiety-attacks. I'm still overwhelmed however, 3 months later, I never thought something like this could ever happen, EVER. Me before this thought that penile injury equaled penis-fraction during intercourse, not an autoimmune disorder where scar tissue attacks healthy tissue and slowly f*cks up your dick. Think for a second, how fkn insane this disease is. It's absolutely ridiculous.  

[buzzin2]

godisreal, what up dude. i got this feeling like 6 months ago out of the blue, i dunno why, there was no indication that i was gonna be fine from this problem, every uro and dr was telling me if i have anything that its peyronies.  but i got this feeling that i didnt need to look for info on here anymore or take any meds or supplements, i cant explain it i just had a subconscious realization that i was gonna be fine.  all evidence said i probly had peyronies, but my mind completely stopped tripping and the only way i can explain it is that god let me know subconsciously that i was gonna be fine.  so i stopped tripping and looking up info and like 3-4 months later i went to a new uro and he referred me to a pelvic floor specialist and said i probably have an issue with my pelvic floor, which wound up actually being the case.  i guess ur dick goes thru the pelvic floor and the muscles had gotten so tight and f'd up that it was making my dick curve and shooting a crazy amount of pain into my dick.  i just gotta go to physical therapy to get it fixed, i almost feel like i have survivers guilt posting back here that im gonna be alright.  lol.  it was the most bizarre thing tho, i was posting on here all day and researching and then snap, i just had an intense feeling that i was gonna be okay.  thats god right there man, there was no evidence and everyone was telling me to take sups and start treatment early.  ive struggled with understanding trials and tribulations but in the end i think they're necessary.  i think the struggles we go through in life bring us closer to god, i think in some cases, especially like mine, they were a necessity to get me back on the right track in life.  sometimes we have to be brought to our knees with struggles so bad, we have no option but to cry out to god.  in the end that very struggle may be your salvation, even though you may have to endure while your on this earth.  keep your head up man, its far better to live a life with struggle, maintain a relationship with god and end in paradise than to live a fruitful hedonistic life and wind up in hell.  life is f'n crazy man, keep your head up and keep pushing forward.  all the best man