Hello guys - Not sure if I have pre-peyronies or not? Scared to absolute death

[agranderson2019]

Hello guys,

I have been lurking in the forum for the past couple months reading as much as I can from everyone's experiences. I want to say thank you for creating this forum and allowing people to join it for free. I was avoiding it for awhile because my anxiety has been so bad that I was trying not to self-diagnose on the internet anymore.

Background:

I have had a mild congenital twist/torsion for as long as I can remember. I twist a little to the left, probably 15 degrees or so. I never paid any attention to it until recently and now its throwing me through a loop. It all started when I would use the bathroom and have a bowel movement. When I would kegel/clench to pinch off a turd, my penis would sort of lift up and lean left more than I remembered previously. I never used to pay any attention to this, for all i know this could have been happening my whole life. Anyways, because im OCD all I do when I poop is stare at it and hope it doesn't keep doing it. The best way I can explain it is it feels like my right IC muscle isnt pulling to the right and the left one overpowers it.

Fast forward to early July, I decided to go see a urologist. I was having frequent urination, burning meatus, burning and tender urethra, and hypersensitivity in my glans.
He checked me for Peyronies (no ultrasound or anything) and determined that he didn't see anything out of the ordinary. He told me that I have an extremely tight pelvic floor, and that I am walking around all day like I am trying to "pinch off a turd". He said that my pelvic floor dysfunction is the cause of all my UTI like symptoms and that I dont need to worry unless I have curvature or pain during an erection. As fine and dandy as that all sounds I wasn't very satisfied because in my gut was telling me something different.

Fast forward to August. I have been doing reverse kegels and all the "Headache in the Pelvis" stretches for about a month at this point. I started to notice that my penis on the toilet would start to lean to the right and raise up and to the right when I kegeled (instead of the left) or pinched off a turd. This gave me relief because I said to myself "Why would it be doing this both directions?" It happens so quickly too, where while flaccid on the toilet it can curve to the right/left all the sudden then straighten back out within a matter of seconds.

I was having a lot of anxiety these past few months because there was a noticeable slight discomfort in my urethra when having sex. Particularly when my wife is on top and it bends more so than just missionary going in and out so to speak. The mild discomfort seems to move from one part of the penis to another, one week its up high in the urethra, next week its down low on one or both sides of the base of my penis or lower urethra. Sometimes it doesn't bother me at all. I kept telling myself, hey, maybe if this pain will just go away during sex I can quit worrying about Peyronies because theres no pain. (I know that pain isnt always present in pre-peyronies but these were my thoughts).

As the anxiety continues to build I have developed a tender urethra to the touch that can come and go on a dime, and my perenium is tender to sit on. Hard flaccid as well that comes and goes. My gooch/perenium feels very tight when having sex but doesnt stop me. I started to tell myself, hey, this has to be the pelvic floor dysfunction because I dont have erect curvature and the doctor told me I have pelvic floor dysfunction for the second time in two years. Although, my last experience with pelvic floor problems was nothing like this.

At this point about a month and a half in, im starting to calm down and feel like this is all in my head. I had no baseline to compare my penis to except some old nudies I sent to my wife a couple years ago. I didnt know what my normal flaccid penis looked like and since I always had a congential twist I assumed I always had a mild congenital curve to the left to match.

One morning I wake up and BAM, my half chubbed penis is curved to the left. I immediately panicked and grabbed it and straightened it out with no problem. It stayed that way. Immediately I began to masturbate to make sure that my penis was straight, and it was. LET THE OCD SELF CHECKING BEGIN......

I keep checking, double checking, reassuring, asking for reassurance from my wife. She says everything looks like it has always looked. At this point im driving myself crazy with these erection and flaccid checks. I suppose that my penis has always been a little rotated when semi erect because my flaccid is too, but now that im hyper aware im starting to notice things either A: that were always there or B: that I believe are new symptoms.

Since waking up with a curved penis that morning I haven't had it happen again since. I immediately began taking Ubiquinol 300mg daily, Vitamin E twice daily, Vitamin D twice Daily, Turmeric and now L-Arginine twice daily. It has been 23 days since the last incident and I keep telling myself that if it was a real problem it should show up more than that. Fingers crossed.

Now lately my next freakout occured when I was masturbating and because im not masturbating for pleasure, rather to self check, I over analyze the penis throughout the whole erection process. I always masturbate with my right hand which naturally makes the flaccid penis look like its curving to the left, and I immediately get anxiety throughout my whole body, thinking oh no its trying to go to the left. I watch as my 30% erection deflates and deflates in a more curved to the left/hard flaccid state, almost immediately. This freaked me the hell out!!! Does this sound like a pre-cursor to peyronies? Again, no curvature since the incident 23 days ago. I keep telling myself that anxiety does weird things to the penis and because the way I was holding it in my hand it deflated in that position. This has been bothering me the most... Of course I immediately masturbate to make sure my erection is straight, and it is. Continue the OCD self checking for the next month and here we are. This bring me to the Peyronies forum. I have been reading on this thing like it was the Bible.

I am a husband with a beautiful wife and baby boy. I dont feel present at home and i am extremely anxious and depressed. I want to get my mind together because day to day I feel like I am losing my mind... I keep thinking worst case scenario. I dont want to sound crazy but I want to lay it all out here on the table. Thats what this forum is for and im going to take full advantage of that.

I will say that I compared my erection/semi erect pictures to the ones I took years ago, to reproduce them recently, and they look the same. But im stuck here wondering, am I some kind of crazy a$$hole who doesnt remember what his penis has always looked like? Or am I hitting the nail on the head and all these symptoms are new? I feel so lost and alone. My mind is telling me that there is this new subtle curve when semi erect and makes me worry about peyronies. Not to mention the penile pain (very mild that I still am optimistic is my pelvic floor dysfunction pain) is still around and that combined with the flaccid curvature 23 days ago is driving me up the walls.

To better explain the pain I feel, it very mild, like very mild. It only happens when I am kegeling while fully erect and having sex. If I masturbate there is no pain. My penis fairly long and girthy and when I enter my wife I feel it the most because its tight and I keep telling myself that its my pelvic floor perineum pain radiating into my urethra.

Guys, I know I rambled like a crazy man, but I needed to let that out. If anyone has any input or advice I would love to hear it. I have been a nervous wreck and I feel like I am losing my mind. I want so desperately to go back to my old state of mind but I am relapsing day after day.

Thank you for the opportunity to vent here. I hope that ALL OF YOU and your personal journeys are going well. I feel terrible for anyone struggling with this condition.

I really look forward to hearing from someone. Thank you!

[TDix]

Find yourself a pelvic floor therapist that knows about peyronie's.  Trust me, it will help you.  

[Hawk]

Agranderson,

Welcome to the forum.  I am glad you feel free to vent here.  I think you know you have already had a diagnosis by your Uro (pelvic floor) and have already added some self-diagnosis to that (OCD self-examination).  Everything you said in your post confirmed to two issues.  I assume you have read this https://www.peyroniesforum.net/index.php/topic,3180.0.html but if not, read it thoroughly, especially the part about objective measurements and coping psychologically.

1. Measure BSFL, BPEL, 3 erect girth measurements, and erect curve, AND take photos.  Next, stop looking, doing masturbation checks, and spreading stress to your wife asking for useless subjective measurements.    

2. Find someone to focus on your pelvic floor.

3. Practice the art of intimacy and building a solid relationship with your wife and child.

4. In a month use the same ruler to repeat the objective measurements.

Understand that even IF you got an abnormally severe case of Peyronies Disease, the worst it would likely mean is surgery by a very good surgeon and you would be very satisfied with the outcome.  This is NOT panic time.  It is enjoy your family and enjoy your functional penis time.

Good luck
Hawk

[agranderson2019]

Hawk, thank you for the quick response. I will say that after reading your post it made me feel better. You have a good mindset and I want you to know I appreciate you taking the time to speak with me. It is obvious that you have a lot of experience in this field and I value that tremendously.

It seems that I have all the symptoms of Pelvic Floor Dysfunction. However, the main thing that concerns me is the curve I had about 24 days ago while semi erect. I've read a lot of stuff on the internet about some people having a mild curve with pelvic floor dysfunction but I worry that is me just being optimistic. In your years of experience have you heard of an intermittent curve from pelvic floor problems? Also, mild pain during sex from pelvic floor problems?

Also, have you ever made your penis tender from poking and prodding around too much looking for plaques? I know it sounds stupid and I have stopped searching in the hopes that any tenderness resolves. I don't want to cause inflammation that's for sure.

I read your whole post several times and I will absolutely take all your advice to heart. What you said about being intimate with my wife and building relationships with my son was very important to me. Made me emotional actually. Also what you said about this is not the time for panic put things into perspective. I really value your input. Thanks for talking to me.

Hope all is well with you and yours

[Hawk]

Agranderson,

Let's frame this, the value of a penis is pretty much determined by its erect state.  Keep in mind a curve during a semi-erect state does not necessarily mean anything is wrong.  Even IF a bit of a curve when semi-erect was from the presence of some plaque or uneven blood flow, if it is not manifest in the least while erect then there is no functional or cosmetic loss.  That means there would be no real reason for concern.  

Even IF you developed Peyronies Disease, the most you would ever do with a 20-degree curve or less is a PAV cocktail, some supplements, and maybe some VED use so trying to decipher very subtle changes in your penis is a waste of time.

There is a possibility if you live long enough that someday your penis may not work as well as it does now.  Please do NOT waste the time you have with this working penis worrying about it rather than letting it bring joy, intimacy, and satisfaction to you and your wife.  

I was diagnosed with aggressive prostate cancer that I thought would likely kill me in 5 years.  That was 15 years ago and I am still symptom-free and healthy and fit as many men decades younger.  I am glad I did not waste 15 good years worrying about how all of this might end rather than enjoying life.  I did waste a few years obsessively researching and weighing options.  One day it occurred that there is no value in extending my life IF I spent all the extra years non-stop researching how to extend my life rather than enjoying life  I knew with my luck I would research cancer for 7 or 8 years and get run over by a truck and ALL of my worries would be in vain.   -  The same applies to you.  Your son really will be grown before you know it.  Obsess over being a great Dad and husband.  Objectively check your penis every month, stop poking and prodding it.  Stay healthy, take a few supplements, and enjoy it.  If you get a 15-degree curve while erect still enjoy it.  Most men here would consider themselves cured if they had a 15 curve and could maintain an erection.  If it gets worse then weigh the options and fix it.  Even if it takes an implant, implants ARE AWESOME.  

A great life has far more to do with a great attitude than it does with everything going perfectly!

Take care.