Hello everybody, I believe I have Peyronies Disease. It developed after a very obvious trauma during sex. Classic scenario: she was on top, penis slipped out, hit her pelvis, cracking sound...this happened on May 30th. At first I thought it was a mild fracture, visited a urologist, he couldn't find any plaques or scar tissue. He said it is only a trauma and I should be careful in my future sexual life. The thing is, I couldn't believe him, because I could feel something was not right. Constant pain during the day, hard
flaccid syndrom etc, penis shrinked both
flaccid and during erection. Saw another urologist today and he said "you may or may not get Peyronies Disease, no way to know, just be careful." This is not something I didn't know.
I've been incredibly depressed. Even had a panic atack due to anxiety. Weird and stupid thoughts come and go every second I breathe.
-I always had a slight curve both downwards and to the left. I never been comfortable with cowgirl position, yet I still did it and the worst thing is my partner was just a tinder date, we broke up before my symptoms started to get worse. So I don't have an understanding partner with this. "You injured your penis for nothing and you will have to live with this your entire life" this thought got stuck with me, I can't convince myself against it.
-I am 25 years old, just graduated from one of the top universities of my country. I am not a bad looking guy, I was always satisfied with my penis, both lenght and peeformance wise. Now I can't accept nothing will be the same for a very long time. I am looking for a job, trying to start my life in a very stresfull city with so little money to live a good life. I broke up with my 3.5 years girlfriend 4 months ago. All these things were enough to make me stressed and depressed and now I have a huge problem that will change everything in my life. I am loosing hope.
- I already have a very sad and pesimistic image for myself. I think I am loosing a huge part of me, my chracter. I am no longer a sexual being? Eroticism dissapeared from my life at such a young age. When I see a beautiful woman I used to have nice feelings, I would even try to approach her before the dissaster. Now, when I see an attractive woman, I pity myself. I am not a man for her, she deserves so much better, why would she give me chance once she learn about my situation. Most importantly, I lost my humor, my charm, my confidence, I am a ghost of my real self now. Also I see her as a dangerous thing, like a wild animal I should avoid. I fear, because even if things go right with her, she could cause huge damage on my penis. A
penile fracture is only inches away from me,or a more serious trauma which can lead to a horrible curve.
-I know this is not cancer, I know there are people who suffer much more painful and dangerous disseases, but I feel like this thing is killing me inside. Or it will. It will takme my sexual identity, I'll be someone I don't want to be. Regret, anger, sadness, fear...a horrible mixture of these feelings gets ejected into my veins every morning, and only stops torturing me when I sleep. This is not a life I want to live. I am not yet suicidal, but I know I am not far from it.
If this is not the worst thing to happen to a man's sexuality, then what is? It has been 40 days and I already lost a huge part of myself. I even tried to manipulate my "tinder date" to get back together, so I could say "It was not for nothing, she is with me on this." But she refused me, I understand her, what I did was a terrible thing. Possibly my lowest moment. This is not me, at least I never knew I could be someone like this, yet I did it. Peyronies Disease is turning me into a bad person already. I don't even know what kind of a person I'll be when dissease progress further.
How do one accept such a thing. You don't eget the attention, care and symphaty a cancer patient recieves, but it kills you. No one understands, even some people make fun of your nightmarish life. Where to go? How to continue? How to be someone else?