Might anyone have advice with respect to a less-than fully-supportive wife? We’re both in our 50s, married for eleven years. We’re both Catholic, and prior to the wedding we had deep, mature, and serious discussions relating to our forthcoming marriage, its indissolubility, and our mutual promise to never abandon each other.
On one occasion while engaging with each other, a mishap occurred, causing me substantial pain. Nothing visibly obvious, and wife did not realize anything had gone amiss, so I brushed it aside at the time. It would not be until much later that I realized that Peyronies Disease was then setting in. It started with much pain when I would become erect; I did initially attempt to engage with my wife a few times, but it was difficult to do so. Having been well-equipped and strong in our relations to this point, this affliction felt embarrassing and threatening to me. At this point I just wanted what I thought would be just a passing phase to go away, and not to explain to my wife what I perceived to be a threat to our relationship. At the time I did not know what was going on (it would still be a while before I learned about Peyronies Disease), and for the immediate future I sought to avoid relations, at least until the pain would subside. I was later relieved when my wife later told me that her body was changing, was not having the same interest in conjugal relations, and which put off some of the internal pressure I had been putting on myself. Subsequently she told me that she had to relocate for professional (business) reasons, about two hours away. We continued to be with each other, generally on her days off, and it was during this time that the disease advanced to curvature and difficulty in attaining and achieving erection (something that had never before been an issue). But she was not pressuring me to engage, and so I continued to wait out what I still hoped was just a temporary and passing condition.
Eventually, I read-up about Peyronies Disease, consulted a urologist, and eventually worked up enough confidence to explain the situation to my wife. She explained to me that she wanted to see other people. Apparently, her menopause story was false, and that she actually does want an active sex life. She explained that marriage is all about what one receives out of the marriage (as opposed to what one puts into a marriage), and that she is not receiving enough sexual activity. She thought it was too bad that she had been part of the accident that had initially brought on the disease, but she said her “feelings” had changed, and she needs to take care of herself. Her family and friends appear to have taken the position that a woman always has the right to change her mind, without having to be supportive of her husband and marriage; that promises can always be broken, and that I should just “move on.” Our marriage was valid, and my Catholic faith precludes me from being with anyone else so long as my wife remains living.
Peyronies Disease commercials, videos, and this forum, are filled with stories of wives being supportive of their afflicted husbands. It also seems to me that, having participated in the activity that resulted in the initial injury resulting in harm, it is only fair and equitable that my wife be part of the treatment. So is it common that wives walk away from their afflicted husbands? Is the reaction of my wife, and her family and friends, typical? Should I try to persuade her to be supportive, not destructive, by using reason, morality, or perhaps professional psychological assistance? Should I just give up on her, and resign myself to spending the rest of my life separated and in solitude?
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Topic: Non-supportive wife (Read 36777 times)
January 16, 2012, 03:15:57 PM