Blaming myself

[mlafranc]

I suffer from an innate ability to blame myself for this disease.

The treatments I've tried (cialis, pentox, VED) have all made my situation worse and I feel if I just had let the disease progress on its own, it would've stabilized and I wouldn't have had multiple acute phases. I have limited curve but the wasting, hourglassing and indent under the base are severe.

Does anyone else have issues with blaming themselves for the disease - whether it's what caused it or how you've tried to treat it?

How have you coped with this psychological issue? Thanks in advance .

[Oh Boy]

Well I don't have Peyronies but I do have a messed up penis. My condition is caused by scar tissue from two injuries. I literally hurt myself once as a child bending my erect penis heard a pop and lost my erection. Caused a slight downwards bend.
Second time paying football I got kneed in the dick, this caused me a boat load of problems and is the reason why I am here.

What gets to me is that if I was a little more careful I would have a perfect penis. I blamed myself for everything. I literally caused this on myself. Couple of you guys with Peyronies got it naturally and there is nothing you could do to stop that. I believe it's down to genetics, only way I can explain why some get it after an injury and most others don't.

What I do to "feel" better? I am arranging an operation and I am throwing all my hopes and dreams on it. I know it may come up short but I'll have to live with the results and accept it.
I also find joy in other places and just being myself. I love gaming (even though I haven't gamed in 6 months), I love listening to music and watching football (soccer) also working out. Doing these things makes me feel like life isn't over yet.

Okay as I not blaming myself. That's the hard part. Cause it's literally my fault. If you crash your car it's your fault, so me breaking my penis is my fault. Well that's how I saw it. I don't blame myself for these things anymore. Why? Because I was too young to know better the first time and the second time I was just living life being me.
I'll tell you a story and you tell me what you think. There was an incident last year where I live. A kid about 15 years old got into an accident on his dirt bike when he collided with a car. He injured his foot during this accident. Ultimately they amputated foot making the cut above the knee. On one leg from the knee down he has nothing now. About a month he finally got his prosthetic leg so he can walk again and if he wears pants he'll look normal. What really stunned me was when I visited his Facebook page. He has a picture of him shirt less with a short pants on his bike with his prosthetic leg in full view. I thought he would have been hiding it, but instead he just out there being himself.
That's what I learned, it's just about being you even though you have a problem accept it and own it. It doesn't control you you control it.

Sorry for the long reply but I thought it was necessary as I struggled with it.

[JohnWright]

@mlafranc:  

- Are you saying you know that you caused your curved dick?
- Or, it's uncertain what caused it, and you wonder, "Why me? What did I do?"

[Hrvat21]

I broke my penis in three spots in a very bad mental state, and completely ignored it for two years while being impotent, and my ex gf and three of four uros tried to convince me my dick was fine. Then was depressed for one,,sexually frustrated in awful relationship for two and am suicidal for another one. It's hard not to blame yourself if one moment of rational thinking could save your beautiful big penis and almost full 7 years of life that i spent being on verge of collapse, but what can you do now other than fix it, i believe i can get my prepeyronie's size, or close to it, regain those almost 2/1 inches in l/g. I definetly couldn't live with dick like this, but there are thankfully solutions, traction, ved and similar stuff and in the end implant, i'm hopefull i will have my dick back, and will do what i must to fix my mistake the best way i can. Nothing will unmake it fully, and give me back my best years of youth that i could spend having sex with girls and enjoying it imstead of loosing hope and being unable to feel pleasure or live normally, but i will have my dick back in the end, and i will be able to finally live my life normally. I definetly blame myself, but i also blame everyone that put me in mental situation i was into when that happened. I was in great anger and feel inferiority to other man and similar stuff, i was angry at my ex gf for lieing, for having bigger penises than this injured version,of my dick, at guys with big dicks like i was before, at women, at everyone, i was angry and felt like i wanted to physically assault people, i felt like a cuck and like i will never pleasure a women with my dick, but in the end i,don't care about the blame anymore, i just want to solve this issue, get my dick, as much of size it's possible back, i finally started taking steps on solving this and i am happy as i know much can be done about this and i am not doomed to live my life like this, with a dick like this, with feelings like this and i'm 23 and i have much time to live, girls to F^@% and things to do and soon enough i will be free from this degrading condition in a best way possible, it will just take some more effort, presistance and self disciplime but it will end soon. (Sry, a 2am rant, good night)

[mlafranc]

Thank you all for your responses and for the perspective. So many good points and ways to approach things in a positive manner.

@JohnW my trauma was caused either by pelvic floor dysfunction, hernia repair or a cock ring. But the treatment I have tried (cialis, pentox, VED) has led to several acute stages. I just think my penis is hypersensitive to trauma and PDE drugs make it too hard/unstable and cause further damage. Every time I've taken them I've gotten intense pain and it's when more narrowing has been noticeable.

But because of these effects, I tend to blame myself because, in theory, if I had just left it alone, I would've had only one acute stage and things would expand better and be less fibrotic.

But again who knows. If I had done nothing, things could've been just as bad and I would've regretted not trying something.

Thanks again everyone for your input and perspective.