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Author Topic: should i tell my gf that i cheated?  (Read 1122 times)

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cheeznips

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should i tell my gf that i cheated?
« on: December 12, 2017, 05:36:57 AM »

so i had an pretty bad injury at age 19 i pushed down on my penis and had a pretty bad injury whether it was a penile fracture idk, but none the less it was a really bad injury and from that injury it caused me to have a scar tissue inside the penis and really bad numbness. anyways life goes on and and i find a girlfriend who i dated for 7 years. i do love her. shes the only person that iv had sex with and we've had alot of good sex but i always wondered in the back of my mind whether i could had sex with another woman with my peyronies. so on july 4th i cheated with some girl on tinder. while we were having sex in missionary position i had a sharp pain and heard a crack in my penis. there was no hematoma or blood or bruising. we stopped having sex and i stopped all communication with that woman. ever since then iv been having really bad erectile dysfunction and pain in my penis and this has lasted for 5 months now since it is december now. i actually told my gf that i injured my penis during masturbation and i feel so guilty inside. i wish i could take it back and never had sex with that women but my curiosity got the better of me. i feel so guilty and now i feel like i might need to have an implant. i can have an erection but i lose it real quick. i feel so guilty i want to tell her that i cheated but im afraid that she will leave me. and, to be honest i really only cheated as an experiment to test my peyronies. should i tell her? now im left with even more numbness, in certain parts of my penis i feel absolutely nothing like the nerves are completely dead. i asked my urologist if i could have fractured my penis or ruptured or severed my nerves and he said no.i had a ultraosund that came back fine. i even had an std test that came back normal. at this point he said the best thing we can do is wait, but it has already been 5 months and i feel like no nerves have come back. tbh my situation is different from most of the people that cheat because i have peyronies and i strictly wanted to test my peryronies as an experiement. i even told this to the girl that i cheated with. iv'e been going through some huge emotional turmoil this past year. it probably has been the worst year for me since i was 19. i love her very much and i don't want to lose her. btw im 30 now

suicidecomingsoon

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Re: should i tell my gf that i cheated?
« Reply #1 on: December 12, 2017, 05:57:12 AM »

Do not tell her, how will that help you? Get the implant and F^@% with your girlfriend and whoever you want without fear. Do not be p~$$%, have a bit of pride and do not give explanations to your girlfriend that she does not need and they will not help you, tell her that you got hurt while masturbating or f'^+'ing with her and do not let her see you weak. and enjoy your life
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cheeznips

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Re: should i tell my gf that i cheated?
« Reply #2 on: December 12, 2017, 06:05:31 AM »

thanks for your opinion. i think the best thing i can do is wait for my nerves to come back and hope this pain goes away and hopefully my e.d will resolve itself. i don't think im going to tell her that i cheated.

james1947

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Re: should i tell my gf that i cheated?
« Reply #3 on: December 12, 2017, 06:37:17 AM »

Quote
should i tell my gf that i cheated?
NO NO NO

James
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Stabler67

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Re: should i tell my gf that i cheated?
« Reply #4 on: December 12, 2017, 07:19:33 AM »

Please dont use the Peyronies as a reasonable excuse for cheating... and Yes you should feel guilty because you are. The ED may be a result of the guilt you feel I'm not sure if you have considered that. Weather you tell her or not is going to be up to you only you know how she may or may not handle it, but no relationship can be built on lies.

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JohnWright

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Re: should i tell my gf that i cheated?
« Reply #5 on: December 12, 2017, 09:17:26 AM »

Well Cheezenips -- When you pop a question like that on a Forum like this, there's no way we can give you what you need -- a clear conscience.

You say want a meaningful relationship to continue. You've cheated and now you've started down the path of lying to her.

Do the math on that equation, dude. You keep lying and swirling down into the pit, hating yourself, and slowly injecting toxin into the relationship. Then, there's the boat anchor of all guilty infidelity consciences, that niggling doubt you'll encounter, "Is she cheating on me like I cheated on her?" You will have created the foundation for this.

If you don't respect her, don't tell her. And, if you don't respect her, why would you string her along? Hiding hurt and pain from others is a clever ploy, but hurt and pain are part of human existence.

I say stop the insanity. Pay your dues now, confess, ask for forgiveness. Will she probably need some time for healing? Wouldn't you -- as a human being?

A relationship built on honesty is hard to come by. Honesty and perfection aren't the same thing. Nobody is perfect. But everybody has a choice about being honest.

Let me know if you want to PM. A public forum like this is a pretty nasty place to hang your laundry.

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suicidecomingsoon

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Re: should i tell my gf that i cheated?
« Reply #6 on: December 12, 2017, 10:01:15 AM »

Cheezenips do not be silly, trust me, do not tell
You feel bad because you got ED not because she does not know you cheated on her. Saying it will not help you, even in the end it may make things worse
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Tsanchez12369

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Re: should i tell my gf that i cheated?
« Reply #7 on: December 12, 2017, 10:04:37 AM »

Agree w John
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PeetyPeet

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Re: should i tell my gf that i cheated?
« Reply #8 on: December 12, 2017, 11:42:44 AM »

Personally, I don't think it well help anything - other than your conscience - to tell your gf that you cheated.

My wife is a caring, sympathetic and down to earth lady, but if, for example, I told her that I cheated because I was in some way curious, or insecure about my ED, I very much doubt she would understand. Not to mention the immense betrayal she would feel, she would simply not be able to grasp the logic behind a man with sexual dysfunction being promiscuous.

Cheating on your gf was a very silly thing to do, particularly given your condition, but it sounds like your guilt is a suitable punishment. I don't have strong religious views but I'm aware catholics confess their sins before god (and a priest) and in so doing the burden is somewhat lifted. That strikes me as a bit of an easy way out.

I say don't tell and live with your guilt. It will be a good reminder of how much your gf means to you and not to 'experiment' again.





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cheeznips

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Re: should i tell my gf that i cheated?
« Reply #9 on: December 12, 2017, 11:54:51 AM »

i definitely will never do anything like that again. it was a huge mistake and i guess i'm paying the price for it. maybe i deserve to have permanent e.d. idk. i can have erections by myself but this pain is definitely a problem.

popopo

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Re: should i tell my gf that i cheated?
« Reply #10 on: December 12, 2017, 12:58:31 PM »

Damn dude, you deserve ED for cheating? Are you kidding me? Monogamy isn't even that natural man. You where not smart cheating on your girl and you'd be better off trying to fix your ed than try and F^@% other girls, but saying you DESERVE ed makes me pi$$ed off. Sure, sure.. of course the only woman here is trying to make you feel guilty, while for all you know she is cheating on YOU because of your ED. I'm not saying your cheating is justified, but no man should suffer this ED crap and you do not deserve this for hurting one girl. I mean.. ED is gonna make girls more likely to hurt you and I personally rather see a brother of this forum hurt thousands of women than vice versa. We are in enough pain already. Sorry for the rant, just wanted to clarify that I f'^+'ing hate ED and size issues way more than cheaters especially since you can leave a cheater, but you cant leave a broken f'^+'ed up or small dick. (If you're male that is)
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Stabler67

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Re: should i tell my gf that i cheated?
« Reply #11 on: December 12, 2017, 01:41:55 PM »

Sure, sure.. of course the only woman here is trying to make you feel guilty,

I assume this was directed at me.... I am not trying to make him feel guilty, he is guilty by his own admission and I gave him a plausible explanation for his now ED. He obviously was not having ED prior to the cheating.

Cheeznips: Everyone here can give you an opinion of if you should tell your gf or not but as I said only YOU are going to be able to judge how she will react. She may be forgiving but the fact of the matter is you cheated and that is a hard thing for anyone male or female to have to deal with. You have said that you love her but you have cheated... How genuine is your love that you were able to sleep with someone else is what I think you should ask yourself.

If you love her, tell her because lying to her is not love. And by all means feel free to PM me if you want to.

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lessor

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Re: should i tell my gf that i cheated?
« Reply #12 on: December 12, 2017, 03:02:52 PM »

maybe i deserve to have permanent e.d.
How can you say this nonsense man? No man sure you dont deserve it and F^@% with more than one girl is the most normal man. you r a man you r young (I believe that) and you have ED you are very stressed you didnt anything wrong guy, a girl will never understand how you can feel for your ED and because you f'^+'ed with another girl you dont deserve ED come oon

If some day your girlfriend wants to have good sex, a crazy night or something like that, does she deserve to have acid on her face or to be injured in some way? Of course not man so stop blaming yourself and of course tell her nothing because its possible that she ll use it against you sometime if you have a bad moment also who assures you that she hasnt cheated you with others? or cheat you in the future? because girls also like sex and if you have ED she may also make a mistake and she doesnt tell you it

So conclusion: dont say
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Hrvat21

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Re: should i tell my gf that i cheated?
« Reply #13 on: December 12, 2017, 03:44:56 PM »

If she is someone you care about, you need too. Tell her, give her your reasons, and let her decide, you cannot live with someone, marry someone you lie to i think. That's unhealthy relationship. What if she finds out? What if you contibue to hide the truth? Maybe i wouldn't tell, but the right thing is only one. As you would like to know if someone is cheating you, she deserves to know. You don't deserve ed, but you need to be truthfull to see if you deserve her. Even, as i said, maybr i would decide not to tell as well.
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swiss

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Re: should i tell my gf that i cheated?
« Reply #14 on: December 12, 2017, 03:52:11 PM »

My opinion is that if you find a girl that loves you and is willing to love you despite your dick, then you hold onto them the best you can. Learn how to be a man with integrity. This disease needs patience and without it, you will be in for a life of misery. If you are not going to tell her I would break up with her at least.
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Stabler67

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Re: should i tell my gf that i cheated?
« Reply #15 on: December 12, 2017, 03:53:38 PM »

Well said Swiss.
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swiss

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Re: should i tell my gf that i cheated?
« Reply #16 on: December 12, 2017, 04:05:22 PM »

It's honestly just so self-destructive. This disease requires care and attention to get better from. I have abstained from sex for two years because I rather not have sex for 10 years to even have the potential of sex later. Though I do get the "this is terrible I don't care if it gets worse" attitude...you have to do your best to not go there if at all possible. Rethink your life choices, place your focus away from sex and better your life man.
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JohnWright

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Re: should i tell my gf that i cheated?
« Reply #17 on: December 13, 2017, 08:52:54 AM »

To future visitors of this Forum -- Please know that comments like this snippet from above are disgusting, reprehensible, and unacceptable:

I personally rather see a brother of this forum hurt thousands of women than vice versa...
should i tell my gf that i cheated? - Peyronies Society Forums
« Reply #10 on: Yesterday at 12:58:31 PM »


This person doesn't speak for the Forum, and that comment is not a reflection of Forum values. There's no explanation for how a person can think like that in the first place, let alone be comfortable spewing that kind of deviance.

Stabler, I appreciate your grace and patience. Please keep doing good things here on the Forum!


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popopo

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Re: should i tell my gf that i cheated?
« Reply #18 on: December 13, 2017, 12:34:58 PM »

I'm sayingit because the reality IS that we are hurt and not the other way around. Women hurt men for dick size or function ALL the time. So yeah I feel comfortable saying that, just like some of you are comfortable telling this man he has no right to cheat because he should be very f'^+'ing thankfull a girl even considers staying with him in spite of his ruined dick. I think this f'^+'ing disease at a young age combined with women hurting you is gonna change the way you feel about women. I especially feel that wat whe I think of basic biology and how we MEN are competed against each other for the woman we all "love" I mean f'^+'ing lust after cause its nothing more than chemical reactions inside our bodies.
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popopo

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Re: should i tell my gf that i cheated?
« Reply #19 on: December 13, 2017, 12:44:49 PM »

Learn about testosterone, submission and dominantion. You might believe it, but ALL women are wired to stay with a beta provider, while they only get wet from f'^+'ing alpha males. Men are no better cause they are all wired to F^@% many many women, coubtless if they can. The only reason we don't act out on these is insecurity, a conscious and our social status makeing it so we can only get as much as we deserve. It's natural selection. Knowing all women deep down like to get banged up by a big strong guy and no matter how "sweet" a man is she will always long for something we dont habe anymore pisses me off. Women are f'^+'ing sluts, just like men. Actually men and women are also fuckong evil, just men are more open abou it and women like to stab you in the back.
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Stabler67

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Re: should i tell my gf that i cheated?
« Reply #20 on: December 13, 2017, 01:14:45 PM »

Popopo,

Why not take a step back and maybe walk away from this topic for awhile. Your posts are not going to do anything to help the OP and they are not necessary.

Stabler67
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popopo

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Re: should i tell my gf that i cheated?
« Reply #21 on: December 13, 2017, 01:35:04 PM »

It won't help him, but what will? If he's damaged and has ED/venous leak/penile fibrosis, he will always have these sh!^^y girl problems. I think it's not smart to cheat especially knowing you got this condition and who knows how your girl will take revenge if zhe found out, but him wanting to F^@% more than one woman is not wrong. Cheating is only wrong because it is lying, but other than that what really is wrong is the ED. And I do not believe it coyld be from "guilt" and it probably has more to do with the damage in his penis. Anyway, I know I'm ranting again, but I wanna emphatise that HE is not the problem, his dick is and turning it around in a way that makes him the bad giuy and his condition the punishment struck a chord with me. Like a lot of crap lately. Try being a 23 year old male who wakes up every day being a lesser man because his body just wont stop breaking down his own dick. Sorry for being f'^+'ed up and I say thinks in a not si nice way often, but I do see things for what they are even if it means it's f'^+'ed up, but life is f'^+'ed up many many times.
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lessor

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Re: should i tell my gf that i cheated?
« Reply #22 on: December 13, 2017, 01:36:21 PM »

Well of course popopo doesnt speak for the forum or represent the forum but its an opinion like many others and some will agree or disagree. His opinion in the forum has equal or more value than opinion of stabler for me and dont misunderstand me  but I say it because he at least has this disease and ED and he knows how this makes you feel

As much as she can say or know about this problem, she never will feel or come close to that we feel and that is so. Then lets not get moralistic now because he said that he said because if you were young and with serious ED and peyronie ( he is in this way since 19 i think) you would know that it can make you feel and the damage that it can do on you but as you arent  it is very easy to judge that popopo said in a moment of deep sadness and depression, probably.
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lessor

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Re: should i tell my gf that i cheated?
« Reply #23 on: December 13, 2017, 01:48:09 PM »

HE is not the problem, his dick is and turning it around in a way that makes him the bad giuy and his condition the punishment struck a chord with me. Like a lot of crap lately. Try being a 23 year old male who wakes up every day being a lesser man because his body just wont stop breaking down his own dick.
You people can think that popo says is good or bad but he has a lot of reason in many things that he says and in this i have quoted everything he says is absolutely true  and its very understandable how he feels but not only he many here we feel in a similar way
 


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swiss

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Re: should i tell my gf that i cheated?
« Reply #24 on: December 13, 2017, 06:09:25 PM »

A lot of bitterness here against woman. Woman didn't take your dick away. Woman can't give you back your self worth. That's a battle between you and yourself. In the meantime, learn how to go down on a woman instead of worrying about how they have wronged you. Woman are awesome! Cheating sucks.
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swiss

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Re: should i tell my gf that i cheated?
« Reply #25 on: December 13, 2017, 06:11:20 PM »

Also, this isn't a relationship forum. Go to reddit for that. R/relationships. This topic isn't helpful to anyone.
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LWillisjr

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Re: should i tell my gf that i cheated?
« Reply #26 on: December 13, 2017, 07:10:43 PM »

Wow, let's all step back for a few minutes. I agree this isn't a relationship forum, but Cheznips has a right to post and ask the question. Everyone can express their own opinion to "him". This isn't grounds to square off for a fight. Take it outside.
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Tsanchez12369

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Re: should i tell my gf that i cheated?
« Reply #27 on: December 13, 2017, 09:54:07 PM »

Well said Swiss, no need or benefit from being bitter with women.  This is our own struggle with self esteem given what we’re having to cope with.
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nowhereman

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Re: should i tell my gf that i cheated?
« Reply #28 on: December 16, 2017, 07:35:19 PM »

OP, some people out there value truth over anything, no matter the fallout. At least when OTHER people are concerned. Any complete stranger on the internet that tells you to tell your girlfriend about this does not have you or your girls interest at heart. They live in a moral superiority fantasyland. This is an ego thing for them, it makes them feel better about themselves.

Telling a man with bad ED and penis pain to tell his girl he cheated is like telling a dirt poor paraplegic to tell the police his wheelchair is stolen, and he should return it. Obviously this will have a HUGE impact on the persons life in this particular scenario.

Obviously, my opinion is telling her would be completely NUTS. What good will come of it. This is real life, not a movie. This will not strengthen the bonds of your relationship.
As it stands you are a man with a busted dick in a 7 year relationship with someone you love who is with you despite your issue.
Aside from the fact all you'd be doing by telling her is hurt her. You would lose what you have now. You don't want that.
I'd lose the shame and treat your girl well from now on. Bump in the road. I agree broken dick is the issue here and you should focus your energy on that.
I feel you've been in a relationship so long you may not fully understand what it's like not being in one. The stress you're feeling from your health issues will go through the roof without the support of your lady friend. My evidence for that is purely anecdotal.

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NeoV

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Re: should i tell my gf that i cheated?
« Reply #29 on: December 16, 2017, 09:00:05 PM »

I do not believe in monogamy, as a natural thing or as something that should be expected of anyone, EVER. The issue isn't whether you tell her or not, it's that you had expectations from the start. Open up the relationship and strive for honestly or end it. In my opinion, the more scars you have, the more honest you must be.

oldones

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Re: should i tell my gf that i cheated?
« Reply #30 on: December 17, 2017, 03:25:50 AM »

You should all be ashamed. Truth and honor before lies and deception. You should tell her regardless  of the consequences. You would not like to be kept in the dark if she cheated. The foundation of a solid relationship can never be founded on a lie. If truth is your cornerstone goodness will follow after you, if you live in falsehood and betrayal, you will fall into error and destruction (Peyronies or not) If you force this girl to live in your lie, you will have a stain on you that can't be lifted, but if you give her the truth: there is hope for forgiveness and a fresh start.

A great many of use probably have this affliction because of our own lust and thirst for sex. I can be counted amongst the guilty. Some have this through no fault of their own. Still life is short and precious and we must all one day be held accountable for our misdeeds. If not by God, than by our own conscious (that knows good from evil) If you can rationalize infidelity, lies and deception than you most likely deserve whatever condition you have, and subconsciously your body knows it's sowing the seeds of your own destruction and you will continue to decline. Those with no conscious are sociopaths: and you don't want their advice.

Clear your mind and your heart and atone for your wrongdoing, seek forgiveness and turn away from the lie.  Even if she leaves you, you are better off for coming clean and taking the first steps towards the light of truth.

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popopo

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Re: should i tell my gf that i cheated?
« Reply #31 on: December 17, 2017, 04:49:01 AM »

I respect your opinion about honestly and morals, but there is something between being a lying sociopath and a white knight in shining armor. I think most are inbetween and I see many many men who are douchebags and sexually satisfied at the same time, god doesnt smite them down. I doubt our own “thirst for sex” is what gives us this condition and makes it worse. To think that is putting yourself BELOW everybody else who IS healthy and that’s no better than the other way around, arguably worse. I’m not religious, but a condition like this won’t change my opinions about god. If this truly is a “test”, it’s all the more reason to feel that god is either not real or not my “loving father”.
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nowhereman

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Re: should i tell my gf that i cheated?
« Reply #32 on: December 17, 2017, 10:31:49 AM »

Neo - There you go again using logic. Of course your answer is correct. Monogamy is a ridiculous relic, but unfortunately society isn't yet into facts and reality. 84% of the world population believes there is a ghost in the sky that speaks to them. And that is also the origin of these finger wagging speeches drenched in sanctimony. Just curious, you are married right? Is your relationship open?

If OP were saying he was aiming to go out every night and f_$% different girls behind her back, or if they were married and had kids, then I would say tell her. That's not the case. It seems a one-off.

But then again, I was never really taught good values. You see, up here in Canada, as a poor youngster I was forcibly entered into whats called the "public school" system. They jammed all this "evolution" dogma into our heads. Disgusting. Now if we were lucky, there would have been a Betsy Davos like figure to start some for profit charter schools and I would have gotten a better education, and as an adult my finger would wag at a frightening pace. Though my math, science, history and language skills may have been a bit off.
Sorry couldn't help it.  ;D
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james1947

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Re: should i tell my gf that i cheated?
« Reply #33 on: December 17, 2017, 08:52:44 PM »

I think the time had come to lock this topic.
The owner of the topic got enough opinions.
Proposing to continue the conversation on some other forum.
This forum is for Peyronies disease and not for sexual relations.


James
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LWillisjr

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  • 62 y/o - 10 yrs Peyronies free
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Re: should i tell my gf that i cheated?
« Reply #34 on: December 18, 2017, 05:50:36 PM »

Well said James.
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Les - 10 yrs Peyronies Disease free
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