New BF's condition

[LateLove]

Hello everyone,
very glad to see this forum existing, as I pretty much just started finding out about Peyronies Disease.
To introduce myself: I'm white, female, 42 years old, been married for 15 years to a man who lost emotional interest in me years ago - we've had a loveless but not sexless marriage for several years until I ran into my current boyfriend, white male 56 years old whom I've known since childhood days but lost track of since then. We started off just chatting and enjoying each other's presence until we both realized that our respective marriages had gone down the drain and we were completely out of love with our spouses. I separated immediately from my husband and felt relieved, despite the fact that I was missing the sex now. He on his side had not found the courage to end his marriage with two young children the contact to whom he fears to be losing (for a reason). He had not been engaging in penetrative sex with his wife for about 2-5 years and said that he had just not felt attracted to her and therefore not missed it at all, though he'd been faithful to her.
After about 6 months of talking and sharing our views regarding what we both wanted and missed, our relationship shifted from just exchanging words to body fluids - kisses first, then things got more exciting when we were given a chance and had a full night alone together. It was the first time we experienced each other undressed, and I have to admit that I was unpleasantly surprised to see his penis being curved like a banana that might not even pass the European Commission norms and regulations - it really was very intensely bent towards his belly button. I tried to ignore it at first, but found out later that in order for us to have intercourse, I had to use my hand to guide him - something I wasn't used to with my husband or anyone before him. I would say then that intercourse was pretty normal, except for the fact that he interrupted it due to the fact that we were unsure about contraception (whether we needed it or not - I know that sounds odd, but it's just how it is). I still found the night pleasurable, but it's just very different from anything before. Reading about Peyronies Disease now makes me wonder what our sexual life will be like in the future. I still haven't talked about this to him - I kind of doubt that he is in fact aware of his condition or seeing a problem that might arise from it. I noticed his erecting being far from rock hard, and on top of that he's diabetic and mentioned some kind of liver condition last night... it all kind of fits, but then again I would have to confirm when the issue "comes up" again. We might not have a lot of chances to have intercourse in the near future, so I cannot really say when that will be the case.

My question to the members here would be: I started reading about couples with the condition who became unable to have intercourse - exactly what was the problem - the curved shape, the erection or the fact that it hurt him too much?

Thanks a lot in advance for your hopefully enlightening comments -
greetings from Rixensart in Belgium,
Joanna

[Stabler]

Hello Joanna,

The problem is not the curvature but the reason that he has the curvature.

But for starters, has he told you that he has Peyronies disease or are just thinking this is what it is because he has a curved penis? If he hasn't told you he has it, it could be that he just has a congenital curve. (He was born with it and it has always been curved)

If it is Peyronies, the curve comes from plaque that has blocked the passage of blood flow through the penis over time the penis curves by way of the plaque that is there. Loss of blood flow through the penis can cause ED making intercourse difficult or impossible.

If he indeed does have Peyronies disease then you would want to know what if any treatment he is or has been on. Peyronies can be painful for him physically and mentally so you would need to be aware of that.

Stabler67

[LateLove]

Wow, thanks a lot for your fast response, Stabler67 - I really appreciate this!
No, we have not talked about his curvature at all -our relationship is still very fresh, and I'd rather bring it up in person than on the phone, if you know what I mean. I feel stupid now that I didn't ask him right away when I first introduced myself to his penis. That would have been a great opportunity to ask questions, but I didn't think it might be anything pathologic.

No, I have no clue if he's even aware that his penis is shaped oddly. Therefore , he might or might not know about the disease. And yes, it's also absolutely possible that it's congenital... though I find the curvature pretty strong!

Will need to discuss this with him, but until then I hope to find out more about this so I'll be prepared with some background info :-)
Thanks again!!

[kuaka]

It can be a major issue in a relationship.  My wife of almost 28 years has pretty much had to do without penetration for the last few.  Mine hit about four years ago, and I am unable to sustain an erection and when it is hard enough it is painful and bent too much.  I've been here for a while, but have not been able to pursue treatment consistently due to other life pressures.  I have an ill adult child and I'm working very hard just to bring in enough money to pay her medical bills.  The sum over the last five years is upwards of 3/4 million $.  Yes, I'm in the right business to actually be able to do this, but it is an extreme strain on life in general and specifically the romantic side of it.

You need to bring up the possibility of his curve being Peyronie's and find out if he has done anything or is trying to do anything about it.  In any case, he would benefit from joining here and reading.

Good luck.

[Paolo]

LateLove, do your best to get your boyfriend to read our site, he might even want to register and participate  

[LateLove]

Again, thanks for reading and sharing - I'm very happy to have you guys respond to my issues.

The news is that last night I did indeed bring up the topic. Asked him how long his penis had been bent like this, and he said that it started a couple of months ago. He said that he had assumed this to be associated with cycling (which he performs around 2 hours per day, sometimes even up to 8 hours). In September he had felt a numbness in his penis quite often and consistently during his bike tours, and he had had to stop in between.

Until I mentioned it, he had obviously not spent a lot of thought on all of this. When I told him about Peyronies, he became very quiet, so I suggested that I send him a link to some patient info to get started with. He then replied today that he would probably need to get more info on that. Yes, this forum would be helpful to him, I fully agree. We'll see whether he'll manage to share himself, and otherwise I will continue to write on his behalf (although from my point of view), if you don't mind.

Kuaka, what you wrote about non-penetration almost makes me cry - I am sorry, but even though this might sound egoistic, I'm not yet ready for a non-penetrative sexual relationship. When we did have intercourse, it was pretty tough to get his penis inserted, and back then I kind of thought that it was my fault that he wasn't aroused properly and immediately felt guilty and a bit useless. Now I feel bad for our physical connection that is just now getting started. I know that there's a lot of other stuff we can do, but I had hoped that before we fall back on lots of cuddling and caressing, we could become bored by all the messy things that require a proper erection...

[suicidecomingsoon]

Sex is not very important for women, is not it? LOL
Who said that .. is already the second woman that says this and it is normal, then stabler do not come saying that  it is possible to be in a relationship without sex because it is not reality. If you are like this you will end up cheating and hurting

[JohnWright]

Suicidecomingsoon -- Let's cover the basics:

- Stabler is a woman. You are a man. Stabler is qualified to speak on the subject of females, ahem, she is one. She's been helping women on the Forum for a considerable time -- she knows first hand what she's talking about.

- A couple of anecdotal stories, sincere and painful no doubt, but anecdotal nonetheless, don't represent  all of womankind.  

[Jonbinspain]

Everybody is different. Nobody here is qualified to speak on behalf of all men or all women. What's important to one, may be of secondary importance to another.

LateLove

From all the information you've provided, especially the diabetes, I'd bet it's peyronies. How advanced his condition is can only be determined by a visit to a Peyronie's aware urologist. I would encourage him to see one ASAP.

[JohnWright]

Jonbinspain -- You perverted the statement. Keep the facts straight. Stabler is a woman, therefore she is more qualified to speak about female issues than a man -- generally speaking.

Yes, everybody is different. An irrelevant statement.

[Stabler]

Let's please stay on topic with our OP

Stabler67

[Jonbinspain]

JohnW;

I've perverted nothing. Just made a simple statement of fact!  None of us is qualified to speak on behalf on an entire gender.

Penetration may not be important to all ladies, but to Late Love it apparently is.  

[james1947]

As an introductory topic, the topic is locked
Please continue the conversation on the adequate board
You may also ask a moderator to move the topic to an adequate board and unlock it

James