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[Suejan]

My partner of 19 years had the Nesbit procedure in September 2016. All seemed to go well but my partner has said it hasn't worked. He told me in April of this year that they have cut off the top of his knob and with that they have taken away all emotions and feelings he could possibly have for me. He doesn't talk to me otherwise about anything to do with what he calls private. He has kept me at arms length for quite a while and I have tried everything I possibly could to keep our love alive and together. The rejection has been really hard to deal with and I have shed many private tears generally when I am driving to work in the mornings. He now sleeps in the spare room and has done for the past couple of months. This has been like a knife to my heart. He has stopped all communication with me and I can't live like this any longer. I have now found somewhere to live and will be moving out in the next couple of weeks. I am devastated but feel if I stay I will have a nervous breakdown. I have told him I am leaving and he just shrugs his shoulders and says ok. I don't even know how financially I will survive but feel I am left with no option

[Stabler]

Suejan,

I'm sorry that it has come to this. If he is unwilling to communicate or try and work through this with you I'm not sure what else you can't try. I know you have been trying to find a common ground for some time now. Has he talked with the surgeon to inquire as to what happened in surgery? Did he question him at all? I understand that he is in a bad place as Im sure you do but for now this may be something he needs to work on by himself. Please stay on with the forum and reach out to us when you need to.

Stabler67

[TonySa]

Suejan, is there any chance he would consider couples counseling with the hope of reopening communication?  Also, maybe he would consider counseling for himself fir the loss he has endured.  If not, it seems like you must take care of yourself while maybe letting him know if he's willing later to talk, you would welcome that.  Re finances, if you are in a common law state, long term partners may be entitled to 1/2 of everything accrued during the time of the relationship.  You might want to call a low fee or pro bono law clinic if there is one in your community.  Please take care.

[JohnWright]

Men are a slippery bunch, and I rarely believe what we lead our stories with. More often than not, we'll toss something up that has an ounce of truth and a hundred pounds of smoke screen.

Sorry, paint me skeptical, but I'd want to know: Is he having an affair? Is he addicted to porn? Did a rich relative die and leave him some money and he just doesn't want to share it with you? What is he up to? What is he planning?

19 years -- sorry -- I'm not buying the dick thing.

And, there is no surgery where the tip is cut off. Not even in Nesbitt.

[Jack1909]

Most of penile surgeries cut it off instead..

[Suejan]

Thank you for your replies. And John I agree with you and who knows what he is or isant doing in his own time. All I know is that I am an honest and open person who has loved this man with all my heart. If he is cheating or lying to me then that is now up to him - he has to live with himself! I don't think he believes I am leaving and even though at 56 I find it so scary and daunting I will be leaving within the next couple of weeks. Thank you all once again 😊

[NeoV]

I haven't heard of any operation that would cut off the tip of the penis either.

Was the nesbit a failure somehow? He definitely should communicate with you. It's a huge mistake if he thinks you will leave him unless he is distant. I know I have said in the past that "communicate more" isn't always the best solution, but he really should open up and tell you how bad he feels. That must be awful for both of you, I really hope it works out.

Lastly, why did he go for nesbit over natural therapies?

[LWillisjr]

Suejan,
Not that it may matter, dut I wonder if he is referring to the fact he may have been circumcised during the surgery. Seeing you are from Great Brittan I know that circumcision is NOT common in your country.

I can also tell you that circumcised or not..... that it does take some time to get feeling back from this type of surgery. And it is too soon to start having intercourse yet. I know that doesn't explain his "pulling away", but I would encourage you to give it some time. It has only been 4 weeks since the surgery and he is dealing with some post-op stress. This isn't the type of surgery where you walk in, have it done, and the next day everything is better.

[JohnWright]

LWillisJr -- Suejan said the surgery was 13 months ago (Sept 2016).

Suejan -- I am curious about the last six months of time:

- Have you seen his penis while erect? Was it straightish? (Some men have a penis that presents challenges to even the best surgery strategy, thus straightish is the goal -- I speak from experience).

- Is there anything unusual about his penis at this point that gets your attention, and you think, "Hmmm..."?

- Have you and he had sex at all during these last six months? If so, thinking back to months 6 and 7 after the surgery, how was he during sex? Did he seem normal? Did he have complaints about function?

[Suejan]

We have only had sex twice since the op and it seems to be painful when he orgasms. He was already circumcised

[JohnWright]

Has he been tested for an infection, or possible prostatitis?

Pain during orgasm doesn't align with surgery. It is something else. In the right place, that kind of infection could make him all kinds of bat crazy.

[4Gmom]

When I first met up with this condition in 97 as a newlywed there was nothing on it on the internet. I just didnt know if I could do it, sex was painful for me. He told me no one else ever complanied. he wasnt open to anythingfor the first 10years but finally had 2 surgeries that were failures. First was nesbit, cant remember the other. His condition was a huge wall of communication in our marriage. We tried counseling but he would never accept the lack of intimacy with me was a huge root cause of a lot of problems.
Our marriage ended after 20 years. I feel like I carried his shame all through the marriage because he either did nothing or blamed me for the failures.
I gave him 2 beautiful girls but he isnt thankful at all for everything I went through trying to help him and accept things.
SomI am just here to read the wives feelings and get the validation I desperately needed going through this as it was so taboo. I need to shed the shame Ive carried and move on.

trying to work out what length i will lose from nesbitt procedure?

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