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Author Topic: Don't know what to do  (Read 1548 times)

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Spring16

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Don't know what to do
« on: October 24, 2016, 02:06:49 PM »

Hi

I'm new to this and come here as a last resort as I don't know what to do anymore.

My partner has had Peyronie's for a number of years but the pain has recently got worse. Having met me a few years ago there was something wrong but I didn't quite know what. We've had a lot of ups and downs and it all came down to I can do better with no real explanation. Since this all my partner finally decided to tell me and I honestly think that takes guts and am so proud that he has decided to tell someone in his life.

I cannot understand the psychical pain men go through with this but I am trying to understand all the emotionals affects too.

We are at the age where we want to settle down, get married and have a family of our own but he thinks this isn't possible because the pain has been there for so many years it will never go away. I think he is scared of being intimate as he thinks it may make things worse so he thinks he is better off alone.

He's pushed me away so many times and told me he doesn't want a relationship because he doesn't want to be physical as it may make his condition worse. Some days he will be completely fine and talk about a future and others it will be the opposite.

I have tried to persuade him to see a urologist but in his eyes he thinks this is his life forever and there's nothing anyone can do apart from God to take his pain away.

I honestly don't know what to do, I've researched everything possible, I've spoken to the urologist and even a councellor to try get him to talk but I can't seem to get through.

He needs to know there's hope and at the moment he's feeling so low that nothing i say will help.

I would appreciate any advice I don't want this to affect our relationship than it is, I want him to see that if he allows himself to get help maybe there's something for him. He believes the only option is surgery which he is not willing to go ahead with.

I won't give up on this guy because of this condition so please any help or advice is much appreciated
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LWillisjr

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Re: Don't know what to do
« Reply #1 on: October 24, 2016, 08:23:56 PM »

You could suggest this forum, and that there are men here who have similar issues and some of us have had positive outcomes.

Also I have granted you access to the "Ladies only" section of the forum.
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Les - 8 yrs Peyronies Disease free
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Spring16

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Re: Don't know what to do
« Reply #2 on: October 25, 2016, 01:24:03 AM »

I have tried he knows about this forum and used to use it regularly but even since his pain has got worse he refuses to look at anything or take any action. I don't know what to do, he won't talk to me now
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popopo

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Re: Don't know what to do
« Reply #3 on: October 25, 2016, 03:21:19 AM »

Honestly spring16, I don't blame him for doing nothing. There is no real cure for this disease yet, you just have to accept that. Still I think he could at least try traction VED and maybe pentox/cialis or other oral treatments. It's no guarantee, but it might do something.
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pfract

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Re: Don't know what to do
« Reply #4 on: October 25, 2016, 03:23:24 AM »

Hello. Nice to see you looking for help here, but it looks like your problem and his too is more than just peyronies.... Up to what point do you want to deal with this?
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Spring16

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Re: Don't know what to do
« Reply #5 on: October 25, 2016, 03:39:37 AM »

There is no cure but there are options to help with pain and the well being of him.

Our problems only come up because of Peyronie's, there has never been any problem is the few years we've been together. He just thinks because he's in pain and not able to have a sexual relationship I can get someone that can give me that and live a normal life but what he doesn't understand is that is not everything!
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Stabler67

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Re: Don't know what to do
« Reply #6 on: October 25, 2016, 06:19:06 PM »

Hello Spring16,

I am glad that you have found our forum, you will find alot of help here. I have sent you a private msg that has some of the most helpful links within the forum. I saw where your partner knows of the forum its good that he has been here to look and see what we have to offer in way of support. We are here to support you as well.

Please go through the msg I sent and if you have question please let me know. There are things he can do/try but he will need to be willing alot will depend on him, your support will be part of him getting through but as it has already been said, up to what point are you willing to deal with this. It is not a quick fix and it is mentally taxing for men with this disease.

Let us know how we can help
Stabler67
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NeoV

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Re: Don't know what to do
« Reply #7 on: October 26, 2016, 12:58:51 AM »

Sexual issues can often become a kind of focal point for underlying issues in a relationship. I don't mean to suggest that the two of you aren't meant to be together, but I do think that when a guy truly loves a woman and sexually values her above other women, his issues don't really matter to him. It reminds me of how a borderline deals with their super caregiver partner. They always have a reason, and use it to push and pull. Usually they are wounded individuals. My ex was a borderline, and she had a story about how she was raped and used it to basically abuse me, pushing me away, pulling me back in. It was a year of absolute torture and we were both happier when we ended it.

But we all have borderline aspects to us. Even my own Peyronie's became a kind of excuse to end relationships early on that I wasn't truly into. It was kind of subconscious. It can also be a kind of outcry for attention. Sometimes people just can't hurt enough, and want to be comforted in a way where they are not required to get better by their partners. When my wife complains I tend to only comfort her a little, and hunt too hard for a solution when all she wanted was me to just baby her and tell her everything is alright, sometimes for a very long extended period of time.

The truth is that YOU can only offer so much. It is not your job to fix it for him, and you should not even try at a certain point. It may be best to offer him support, but not to try to control it for him. If you do that, you basically have stolen his sexuality from him. He needs to know that you trust him, you trust that it will get better, and you are there to support him when he wants to talk about it.

You need to maintain your sexual individuality, and it can be very hard to do this even without sexual issues. Man or women, sexuality is a delicate thing. For both of you to feel sexually validated is not an easy task, in any monogamous relationship. It's the thing nobody wants to talk about, but it's a real challenge. We all like to assume that two people stay perfectly happy together sexually, but we don't realize how much damage that does to us, resulting in one sided relationships based on pain or guilt or what have you.

There is nothing wrong with taking time apart if that's what you both need, or simply ending the relationship. Any kind of pushing and pulling has to stop immediately.
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pfract

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Re: Don't know what to do
« Reply #8 on: October 26, 2016, 01:11:47 AM »

There is no cure but there are options to help with pain and the well being of him.

Our problems only come up because of Peyronie's, there has never been any problem is the few years we've been together. He just thinks because he's in pain and not able to have a sexual relationship I can get someone that can give me that and live a normal life but what he doesn't understand is that is not everything!

It's not everything but it is a very important part. And....why can't he have sex? too curved to have sex? penis retracted badly? tell us more... because, you can in fact have sex.... 
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Jonbinspain

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Re: Don't know what to do
« Reply #9 on: October 26, 2016, 01:45:41 AM »

Spring 16;

This is tough, for you too. I hate to say this, but if he won't help himself there not much more you can do.

Yes, he can be helped. But he's got to seek that help. Go to a Urologist, find out the extent of his Peyronies, and then go through the available treatment options.

I myself had a near on 90deg dorsolateral curve, at its worst point. And fully calcified plaque too. I finally submitted to surgery some 10+'months ago and now have a dead straight, fully sexually functioning penis.

Without making comparisons, my condition was about as bad as it gets. Both in terms of degree of curvature and in the calcification of the plaque. If I can be treated, I'm pretty sure he can be too. But he won't get cured sitting there feeling sorry for himself! 

It may be fairly expensive if it comes down to surgery, but if you're looking to start a family, it's a small price to pay.
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Spring16

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Re: Don't know what to do
« Reply #10 on: October 26, 2016, 07:49:30 AM »

Pfract - he doesn't want to engage in it because it causes him a lot of pain and he thinks by doing so will make it worse so he's protecting himself from that. Being around me can cause pain after a day or so.

NeoV - I get what you mean about the underlying issue but there is no underlying issue. We have never had any arguments, we are like best friends. His issue is based on not being able to provide everything a normal man would because of the pain and because of this he is at a low point.
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phoenix1647

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Re: Don't know what to do
« Reply #11 on: December 10, 2016, 06:28:46 PM »

I would suggest your boyfriend seek help from a phychologist. I saw one for several years. There is no shame in seeking help. With all due respect, there is plenty help here on this forum and other places. Talk to a therapist, at this point in time, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. He can see a therapist with or without you being there.  You could get his doctor to recommend a therapist if that would help.
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justme108

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Re: Don't know what to do
« Reply #12 on: February 04, 2017, 09:19:43 PM »

Anyone is different but I can tell you what I have found for myself that attuenated the pain.

I would suggest to buy for him Propolis Tincture (concentrated). He could try put on the penis 3 times a day (morning, afternoon, before sleep, all around the zone that hurt).

I felt better after about 2 days (in those days I had not sex). I continue to use it when I need it.

I registered on the forum only to say you this but I'm sorry because I'm not a doctor and this is just my personal discovery and it is nothig I can assure can work for anyone.  And someone may dislike propoli because it stick, paint, and not anyone like propoli smell (but I think is very good for skin). 

Let me know if he try it and feels better. Bye! :)


edit.

I edit the message to say that I believe it's better to listen to the doctor and not me. For example I can not be sure that the alchool inside the propoly could be dangerous.

Just to share my doctor gave me this product to fight the pain (this one is a real medicine): "Dolaut 4%".
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