Opening up or keeping it secret?

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popopo

Hey there people, I've been suffering from peyronies since age of 17 (21 now). For me it all started when I did jelqing for a while. I kept trying till eventually I developed symptoms. When I stopped immediately after symptoms developed, it was allready too late, because the pain and deformity and eventually formation of scar tissue came way after.

My penis doesn't look the same anymore... It's smaller and also just looks a bit unhealthy. I feel very much ashamed of this and I regret everything. It makes me feel less of a man and I feel like that's not just my opinion, but kind of a reality since my sexual ability and aestetics of the penis are pretty bad now. I

know I can't do anything about it so I try to continue and like "be a man" in other ways.
The problem is that I still feel inferior. I feel like even if a girl is attracted to me she would still think I'm less of a man once she sees my penis, but telling her about my problem wouldn't make it any better.. It's like a lose lose. No matter what I do, I'm less of a man when the pants comes off..

This also makes me insecure about showering with my teammates. I play basketball and all my teammates shower, but I really don't want to.. I don't want them to see me as less of a man since I'm a big guy but my penis isn't.

I'm really trying to just keep moving forward and focus on other things, but I just don't know if I should hide my penis because I'm not proud of it and keep it a dark secret. Or open up, be confident about it and risk being looked down on (something that would totally put me over the edge.) How do you guys deal with this?

Do you shower in public? Do you have regular sex (do girls mind if you don't get hard or your penis looks "weird" or "small")? I hope you guys can help me out. This disease will hurt me anyhow, but I hope to learn what the least painfull way is to deal with this. Thanks in advance!
Age: 25
Date of onset: 17
Symptoms: sharp pains, numbness, change in shape/size, hourglassing and discolaration from jelqing/VED usage as a teen. Diagnosed with a venous leak and possible scarring.
Treatments tried: cialis, pentox and VED didnt help

NeoV

As you probably know, I'm up front about it to everyone, friends, women, family.

I used to approach women by telling them about my penis and how I couldn't have sex, bring them home, point out to them where it bends, and have sex anyway. Plenty of women didn't care, and it actually made them feel relieved , since right off the bat you establish yourself as non-needy yet still sexually interested in women. This worked for me for a long time and I met my wife this way.

It's literally an attitude change that you won't be able to do until you see someone else do it. I spent years depressed and unable to smile or laugh, and after seeing a few people pull it off regardless of their life situations it clicked for me.

Let girls know, let them know you are okay with it and that you suspect it will improve. The general frame to come from is,

"I have this disease, partly genetic but probably partly my fault, it reallllly sucks, I even wanted to die for a while but now I'm feeling good and dedicated to beat it, oh and by the way, I still love sex and would do everything in my power to please you sexually and have no plans to stop being sexually active if I find a girl I like"

A lot of women have sexual issues that, like Peyronie's, are hard to diagnose, frustrating, and make relationships really hard. An example would be bleeding during sex, even with no STDs, nothing on ultrasound, nothing. How would you feel if you were a girl who had this issue for years with zero explanation or treatment? Well, it's common in young women.

There are all sorts of crap girls worry about. We are all victims of something, find a hot girl who understands that and just accept it and commit to it.


QuackAttack

Popopo,

First of all you are a young guy like NeoV and as he said, he managed to attract somebody.  Even with a perfect package, it is all about attitude.  As for nothing can be done, that isn't true. Find a competent Urologist that specializes in Peyronies. Pentox can be prescribed from a URO, l-arginine and acetyl l-carnitine are amino acids that increase blood flow. Magnesium citrate and Vitamin K2 help pull calcium away from soft tissues where it doesn't belong.  Penile traction and VED can be used to stretch the plaque. So, there is plenty that can be done, but you have to have a positive attitude with the mindset that you are going to beat it and you have to be prepared for slow progress, because as I have learned nothing about ridding yourself from this problem is quick, no matter how much you want it to be.

There are plenty of people on this forum in your situation that can provide you with good advice.

Stabler

Hello,

I am going to give you a "mothers" perspective on your question.

Before you decide to Share or not share (I don't like the word Hide, you've done nothing wrong) Make sure that YOU are knowledgeable about the disease and its possible treatments, about the "do's and don'ts" make sure you are comfortable talking about it with others before you open up the subject because they will likely ask you personal questions. This bit of information would be my advice weather it is a possible girlfriend or just friends in general. but don't open this discussion if you have not accepted the fact that you have the disease and have started the or at least investigated a treatment plan if needed for yourself and leave those you are trying to be open with wondering what is going to happen to you.

As for the showering with team mates question, I will leave that up to the gentlemen to help you with becasue my answer would probobly not be helpful, and they have had more experience in this area.

Hope I helped some

Have a good night
Stabler67
Moderator since 2015- Missouri- I work in the medical field and have strong knowledge of insurance and how to obtain coverage for medication and other treatments. Being a woman I do not have Peyronies but you can ask me anything. I am happy to help.

Pfract

Everybody has it's opinion on this. I fractured my penis and now suffer from ED. At the time i couldn't control myself because of the state of sadness, depression, misery, frustration... and despair... DESPAIR that i was in. Nowadays, when i am more or less in control of the fact that "now i suffer from ED and things will probably never be the same again, and who knows about the future, i surely regret telling others. Depending on the country and community you live in, if it is known about your pears, you can be screwed and get everybody to talk about it. Not to mention, i will only have sex again with i solve my problem; even if it has to be with a penile implant.

Personally, i would prefer never to deal with such a situation, but take a look at NeoV example. We are all different.

Good luck.

popopo

Full quote removed by moderator. Please read the forum rules

Respect to you for being able to be so open about this. I think I'll be able to open up about it when I'm with a girl, but right now I just don't feel like going after them. I hope some day I'll be able to deal with it in the same way as you, but for now I think I'm just too afraid to do it.
Age: 25
Date of onset: 17
Symptoms: sharp pains, numbness, change in shape/size, hourglassing and discolaration from jelqing/VED usage as a teen. Diagnosed with a venous leak and possible scarring.
Treatments tried: cialis, pentox and VED didnt help

yyy

Nothing to think about. Keep it secret. People don't understand your issues and you are alone in this fight. It sucks but it's the truth

popopo

Full quote removed by moderator. Please read the forum rules

Thanks for replying.
Well.. I am on pentox, cialis and TRT.
I don't go to a urologist anymore, because to them it's either really bad and needs an operation, or it's no big deal at all.. I'm yet to find a doctor that takes me seriously. But I don't blame them, because there really is nothing more they can offer me than the things I allredy tried. (not sure if that even helps for peyronies, but it helps me in other ways).

I've also tried the VED but I'm afraid to use it again. sometimes it seems to help a little, but even when I use extremely low force I still often feel sore after usage and for me it triggered the development of another plaque in the past, so I won't take the risk again.

Traction is something I still consider, but personally I feel like abstinence, taking my pills and sleeping well seems to work best. It seems like any force on my penis is only making things worse. I never had improvement in size/shape, only phases in wich it didn't worsen.

I tried to stay positive about it, but honestly I think I won't have much left to work with once the inflammation is all over, if it will ever happen at all.

I do agree that attracting females is about attitude, but it can only do so much. Just like you can improve your body language to look more confident/manly, but it won't work if you don't look manly at all. Maybe not the best example, but I'm sure you get my drift.
Age: 25
Date of onset: 17
Symptoms: sharp pains, numbness, change in shape/size, hourglassing and discolaration from jelqing/VED usage as a teen. Diagnosed with a venous leak and possible scarring.
Treatments tried: cialis, pentox and VED didnt help

popopo

Full quote removed by moderator. Please read the forum rules

I understand my condition and I've read alot about it (mainly on this forum because the most reliable info is combined here), but I haven't really accepted it. I also learned what triggers pain and how to avoid it the best as possible, but it's not totally avoidable and I think I only have a very little bit of control over it. With my parents I've opened up about it, but I don't talk about it anymore.. there is nothing left to say. I live with my grandma right now and she knows too. I don't feel any shame on talking about this with her anymore, and to my surprise she's actually the only one I can talk to about this without getting annoyed. My parents either don't take it serious, act like it's not that bad or come up with fake solutions like: "maybe you shouldn't drink or smoke or stay up late".

Anyway, thanks for your reply.
Age: 25
Date of onset: 17
Symptoms: sharp pains, numbness, change in shape/size, hourglassing and discolaration from jelqing/VED usage as a teen. Diagnosed with a venous leak and possible scarring.
Treatments tried: cialis, pentox and VED didnt help

popopo



Yes, I know the sadness, depression, misery, frustration AND despair too. Right now I also feel like I got it under control, but you'll never really get used to seeing your penis deformed. I'm off anti-depressants and I don't cry and scream all day long anymore, but I probably still smoke too much weed.
I also try to keep the future in mind, but I try to still enjoy the present so I don't just wait for a time that may not come very soon.
I'm really scared that people will talk about it. I also kinda know who to tell and who not. So far I only talk about it with my not so macho friends, because they're not going to be an a$$ about it like the more masculine one's would (I think). A few months ago one of my friends was going on and on about how his dick is nice enough to be in a porno and how girls think it's so important because they tell him etc. etc... You can see how that didn't make me feel very comfortable escpecially because he was being so sincere about it. At times like these I wish I could say: "Yeah, girls like my big dick too." Instead I just said: "yeah I know girls think it's important..." What do you regret? Did they talk behind your back? I'm afraid that something like that would happen to me too. I'm especially afraid that young people like me are just too insecure and shallow themselves to understand this, while I think most older people could empathise.
Age: 25
Date of onset: 17
Symptoms: sharp pains, numbness, change in shape/size, hourglassing and discolaration from jelqing/VED usage as a teen. Diagnosed with a venous leak and possible scarring.
Treatments tried: cialis, pentox and VED didnt help

popopo

YYY, too bad this is your conclusion. I guess that means your experience with opening up wasn't so good? Could you tell me more? Also, don't you feel like you need some outlet? sometimes I just need to talk even though it doesn't help. I wish I could open up to more people, but I'd rather not be made fun of. So far I only tell people that are kindhearted, non-shallow and not too judgmental. I know loads of people that would take something like this as an oppertunity to put you down to make themselves look better. (something I see A LOT in people my age)
Age: 25
Date of onset: 17
Symptoms: sharp pains, numbness, change in shape/size, hourglassing and discolaration from jelqing/VED usage as a teen. Diagnosed with a venous leak and possible scarring.
Treatments tried: cialis, pentox and VED didnt help

LWillisjr

There are people you can open up to. You just have to know them well and be able to trust them. This can take time and only certain people do this.
Developed peyronies 2007 - 70 degree dorsal curve
Traction/MEDs/Injections/Surgery 2008 16 years Peyronies free now
My History

popopo

I think it's best to only tell people you truly trust. But what about public showers? I'm afraid I look weird compared to my teammates and it seems most of them are better hung or at least more proportional than me. I'm very tall and big, but it just doesn't look good especially not after working out because it turtles very bad. How do you guys do it? I can't avoid teamsports all together and being the only one showering at home seems weird.
Age: 25
Date of onset: 17
Symptoms: sharp pains, numbness, change in shape/size, hourglassing and discolaration from jelqing/VED usage as a teen. Diagnosed with a venous leak and possible scarring.
Treatments tried: cialis, pentox and VED didnt help

QuackAttack

Popopo,

Having Peyronies in and of itself shouldn't be a deciding factor of showering. I, personally, wouldn't take a public shower with other guys. It's just my thing. I went to a Catholic boarding school in high school for one year and was uncomfortable by the public shower thing, so I would shower 30+ minutes before most people woke up. Play your sports and shower at home and have no guilt about it. If there is a social aspect to going out with the boys after playing and having a few beers and a quick shower at home isn't possible, then you need to focus on what is important, that being your mind. If a guy is all about his package, he generally won't have much going on upstairs and how attractive is that to a woman? NOT VERY!!! Worry more about how well you perform on the court, field, etc.

LWillisjr

Maybe it is a generational or cultural issue. I do agree that Peyronies should have little to do with your non erect appearance.

When I was young starting in about 7th grade and every year through high school. We always had gym class or swimming class. Public showering was pretty much required. I guess we just accepted that everyone was different. Some shorter, some bigger. And we really didn't think much about it. There were times I felt like I didn't measure up to some of the other guys but I didn't let that bother me. It wasn't them I would later try to impress.   ;-)
Developed peyronies 2007 - 70 degree dorsal curve
Traction/MEDs/Injections/Surgery 2008 16 years Peyronies free now
My History

popopo

I allways felt uncomfortable showering, but it's defenitely different now that I got peyronie's. Maybe you just don't have it as bad as I do but it defenitely impacted the size of my flaccid size (how could it not since tissue that used to be filled with blood is now replaced by scar tissue). The dents and irregularities in my penis are visible even when non-erect. And yeah, I agree that it's better visible when erect and that's how it started, but now it's visible anyhow. Also, I'm not trying to impress them..I just know I'm smaller and I can't accept that. Also, who else I want to impress? It's not like I can have sex anyway. If your case isn't as bad as mine, good for you. But for me it's different. I guess it's best for me to just accept that I'm not comfortable showering so I shouldn't do it. There are a lot of things I need to accept that I don't want to accept and I actually live for tomorrow, not today. suicide is on my mind all the time and I can only see myself even being happy once I got a big fat cock, but I think I'll be dead before that ever happens, because I just can't wait this freaking long before FINALLY someone gets rid of this crap.
Age: 25
Date of onset: 17
Symptoms: sharp pains, numbness, change in shape/size, hourglassing and discolaration from jelqing/VED usage as a teen. Diagnosed with a venous leak and possible scarring.
Treatments tried: cialis, pentox and VED didnt help

ewra


Stop being so attached to your penis. You are a person, not a penis. I've had this since I was 8 through an injury while playing football. Im 21 now. You'll toughen up and learn to rid the mental suffering its causing you. Trust me. Guys with Peyronies Disease have an obstacle to deal with when dating, but in reality its really not as bad as you might think or have experienced so far. Good quality girls are able to see your strength and masculinity shine through if you are able to be happy with your broken dick. If you just wanted to be promiscuous then I guess you're out of luck. Who wants to have sex with many different girls when you can experience the beauty of love and togetherness with a good woman?

Spend time thinking about being too attached to the things in life that we think make us happy. When you get good at abandoning wrongful attachment life with Peyronies Disease becomes fun again.  
Thinking that the impermanent is permanent will always result in suffering experienced as loss.

Stabler

Moderator since 2015- Missouri- I work in the medical field and have strong knowledge of insurance and how to obtain coverage for medication and other treatments. Being a woman I do not have Peyronies but you can ask me anything. I am happy to help.

popopo

I get what your saying, but I dont want to accept being a lesser male, I really just dont want to be one. The fact that I dont get to choose if I want one woman or more women wich I have good dominant male submissive female sex wiyh drives me nuts. Just like women generally need love to feel valued and not just sex, its like the other way arojnd for men. I dont want a girl to have sex with me just because she loves me enough to settle.. I genuinly want to be a good lover. Oral isnt the same.. I love it but the thought of me only.being able to get her off while being with my face inbetweem her legs make me ver sad. I'm a man dammit.. not an oversized lesbian. I try to change my way lf thinking but the reality is kinda out there and I dont have to look hard to remind myself how this kinda makes me less male.
Age: 25
Date of onset: 17
Symptoms: sharp pains, numbness, change in shape/size, hourglassing and discolaration from jelqing/VED usage as a teen. Diagnosed with a venous leak and possible scarring.
Treatments tried: cialis, pentox and VED didnt help

ewra

I guess Peyronies Disease does make us 'lesser men' in the bedroom department, but at least thats the only area of our lifes it touches. Men are so much more than a penis, and women so much more than vaginas.  The essence of masculinity is to overcome obstacles and hardships in life. Life has given us all a great opportunity to develop this strength by overcoming Peyronies Disease. So many modern western men have grown up in relative wealth and easiness - this has prevented them from becoming strong and masculine and so when something goes wrong in life they run away or become miserable because of it. This is incredibly unattractive to women. Women would rather have a man who knows how to be a man than a man that has a straight penis. When you develop this strength some girls will even openly say to you that they feel feminine and natural when being with you. This is very pleasing to hear and tells you that you are really starting to understand what women love. Women are designed to seek out a man that can deal with life's challenges and come out the other end stronger than before. I used to be a very scared and timid as a teenager, only when I learnt to tame my mind and discover the roots of my suffering was I able to grow into what a man really is. Some girls are mean, but many will be so happy to be with you that they wont care.

We have grow up being too attached to our penises and so we think that they make most of what makes a man a man. We all want sex but we cant have it the way we want. This is the nature of life. Given enough time and effort you can accept life as it is and you will start to happily let you sufferings go. We can easily be trapped in the mindset of thinking and feeling like sex, money and other things are more important to our happiness than they are. When you break free of this you realize that life is still as great as it was before Peyronies Disease.  You cant do much about getting your penis back to normal right now but one day this may change. Many men have Peyronies Disease so there must be research and work being done.
Thinking that the impermanent is permanent will always result in suffering experienced as loss.

popopo

I guess you're right but having been anxious and depressed even before all this happens it often feels like it would be easier to just die. Right now I'm actually keeping it together pretty well. Compared to how I was growing up I allready turned into a man and people see me that way, but it's not peace that makes me that way it's anger. It's the hought of not wanting to give up, while still not ready for acceptance. I guess I loke being real to myself and say: "this crap sucks" but I do need to go on with the rest of my life. Do you think it would help to stop watching porn, try to date (just take it slow) and stopping smoling pot? I do get off on thinking about pleasing women in other ways and the touch/love of a woman is something I mis.. I guess I should try to break the habits and start looking for women I love instead of only lust after. And I should try to find the kind I really like (cute and feminine not bitchy and model-like). I know I can do that in fact I got two phone numbers this weekend and I could allways just try to go on a date or something, it's not like I KNOW beforehand what will happen. I'm trying hard to get on the "relatively" right track and I mustt say that breaking my habits gives me mre anxiety in the beginning but its probably worth it. Thanks for your replies.
Age: 25
Date of onset: 17
Symptoms: sharp pains, numbness, change in shape/size, hourglassing and discolaration from jelqing/VED usage as a teen. Diagnosed with a venous leak and possible scarring.
Treatments tried: cialis, pentox and VED didnt help

ewra

QuoteDo you think it would help to stop watching porn, try to date (just take it slow) and stopping smoking pot?

Absolutely. You mentioned in other posts that you felt like you penis would not be adequate enough for women, and that you have been having submissive fantasies which leads you down the road of watching cuckold porn. Believe it or not, when I used to feel like my penis wasn't good enough to please women and I too started watching cuckold/female domination porn. These fantasies can easily arise in people that think they are not good enough... at least thats what happened to me. When I stopped believing that I couldn't have a relationship with girls I realized that watching porn was doing harm to my happiness and the way I though about myself and Peyronies Disease. I stopped having these submissive/cuckold fantasies shortly after I started to feel better about myself and I stopped watching all types of porn. Smoking weed might help some people relax but it is generally a bad idea as it's just another method we use to run away and distract us from our problems. The effects of weed, alcohol and many other drugs cloud and depress the mind making it much harder to see things as they really are.    

QuoteI could always just try to go on a date or something

This is the first step to overcoming our fears and doubts about ourselves that Peyronies Disease and lack of confidence can give us. When you go on a date make sure to keep your emotions in check to stop yourself from becoming infatuated with girls. Girls are very attracted to men that can attract many women, and are very uninterested in men that cannot attract women; men that can attract many women dont care whether a girl they are talking to or dating doesn't like or accept them because he knows that there are many girls that would love to be dating or in a relationship with him. This type of man will not be needy or desperate at all because it doesn't matter to him if his date doesn't like him or want to date him again. When you keep your self from becoming infatuated or worried about Peyronies Disease you prevent yourself from coming off as needy and desperate, so the girl you are dating will start to become more attracted to you. Some girls will not accept us, but a good amount will and you will find that this is true when you spend enough time and effort learning about how to become unattached to you penis. We can put more effort into understanding how to be attractive, how women work and how build our mental strength and defeat lifes challenges than the men that have normal working penises. Many men just dont put a lot of effort into these things so when you get good at it you will have an advantage over them. Some men get all the girls and this is why! They understand what women love in a man and want out of a relationship. When are penises work fine it is usually hard to understand or care about what women really respond to, but it becomes very obvious when you become skilled at life that it is a lot more than a penis and few hours of sex per week!

Quotebreaking my habits gives me me anxiety in the beginning but its probably worth it

Peyronies Disease can really renew your life as it forces you to break free of the old ways we all used to live. This old way of life is not the correct way to live because our happiness was very dependent upon cravings that we can never satisfy and being attached to things that will not last. It is no good to always chase after cravings because we fall into the cycle of suffering when we cannot have what we crave. When you get good at abandoning attachment to things that will not last then you start to feel good and relaxed instead of feeling like life is pointless if you cannot be attached to it. Its a strange experience, you must feel it to understand it!  
Thinking that the impermanent is permanent will always result in suffering experienced as loss.

JohnWright

Popopo -- Where are you at in your journey?

In addition to what ewra said, if you'll take the time to research options, you'll see that not only has the curved penis cursed mankind forever (so you're not alone), but presently there are a number of successful paths that you could consider (so it's not the end of the world).

No, it's not the end of the world. Science and data are what you need to wrap your head around. I've been reading this site for a couple of months. Like any forum users can say whatever they want -- and they do -- spouting off sentences as if they are factual when they aren't even anecdotal, let alone factual.

I'm new to this forum, and I'm getting my new comments posted so that I can start telling my story and share some before and after pics. I could not be more excited about the future, but it is because I took the time to do the research and be responsible for my body.

You can do the same. It's your choice.  

ThePerfectMelody

Hey popopo,

I know how you feel. Having this is quite a psychological burden and complicates one's social life more than the average guy I think. I am quite secretive about my condition with men , but very open with women about it because I have found that women are very understanding and nonjudgmental. Being authentic with them and opening up about your secret at the appropriate time has always worked out for me, and I have never been rejected or put down for it by my partners. However, women can sense if you are closed off about something and even though they don't know what it is you're not sharing, it will drive them away. So get to know a lady, and when the time is right be open with the right one. I hope this helps. Good luck!

Melody

PS I should mention that I have told some men about it, ones I truly trust. Family members and a few close friends.

popopo

Honestly, I think non of the "effective" treatments are that effective. This disease made my average kinda long and skinny penis very below average in girth and mediocre at best in lenght. I really think I'd only be happy if I could actually get a big functioning penis matching my 6'4" frame. I know I'll be able to find "love" but not "lust". Commiting to love and putting yourself out there with all the risks of failure that come with it just doesn't seem worth it if I know the sexual part of the relationsship will allways be lacking. I'm afraid the word will spread or to be treated like a small child in pain. I want to be able to love myself again and have sex as an addition to life instead of being the weaker link in a relationsship.
Age: 25
Date of onset: 17
Symptoms: sharp pains, numbness, change in shape/size, hourglassing and discolaration from jelqing/VED usage as a teen. Diagnosed with a venous leak and possible scarring.
Treatments tried: cialis, pentox and VED didnt help

popopo

The fact that I turned "red pill" instead of "blue pill" when it comes to women and love doesn't really help either, while in a way it gave me more insight in real life than any of the things I learned in childhood growing up.
Age: 25
Date of onset: 17
Symptoms: sharp pains, numbness, change in shape/size, hourglassing and discolaration from jelqing/VED usage as a teen. Diagnosed with a venous leak and possible scarring.
Treatments tried: cialis, pentox and VED didnt help

JohnWright

If the size of your penis in relation to your massive frame continues to bother you, compensating with the purchase of a big, mondo truck outfitted for stump jumpin' is an option. Lots of guys with small dicks do this.