Peyronie's has demhumanized me and has left me without an identity.

Previous topic - Next topic

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

AphexTwin

I'm a 28 year old male who has been dealing with this disease since puberty (around 13).   I'm thinking the trauma was when i first started masturbating i would lay on the floor or the bed and just hump away, i didn't know i was doing anything wrong( and it felt good so i didn't think anything of it) .   This is when the true hell begins, i noticed chances in my penis not only erect , but flaccid as well.  There is a long chord of scar tissue that extends throughout the whole thing even into the glans.  Ever since then i felt like i have lost my identity, my confidence is completely shattered and have basically avoided females at all costs in fear of humiliation and ridicule.  Around 21 years of age, i went to mayo clinic and went ahead with the surgery (nesbit tuck application).   If anything the surgery only shortened my penis more and caused additional scar tissue as well.  This disease is literally driving me insane, i have no job, no motivation to get a job....im basically just an empty shell.   What else should i do guys?  help.

AphexTwin


AphexTwin

I realize i can start by getting a job, and forcing myself to go out and socialize more.  What is the point though, i am miserable.  I'm not even going to pretend i am okay with this.   It's out of my control and has caused so much anger.....the rage is real(most of it is directed at myself in self loathing). Have they come out with any new treatments?  At this point im willing to do anything , ive heard modern medicine is coming out with ways to grow body parts in labs.  If that's what it comes down to.....ill accept.  Anything but a scarred useless penis.  Would do anything to feel whole again, to be able to love myself.  To be able to experience romance and joy/laughter.    

QuackAttack

Aphex,

You are still a kid compared to most of us who are in our 40s, 50s and beyond. I feel for you, but you have to suck it up and kick the crap out of your problem. If somebody came up to you and pushed you down trying to steal your wallet, would you lie on the ground, curl up in a ball and say take it or would you do whatever you could to kick the guy's a$$? There is plenty you can do. Traction is an alternative. You said you have lost length, but do you still have significant curvature? Are you seeing a competent URO who specializes in Peyronies?

AphexTwin

No, theres not curvature anymore.  It never gets full erect however, tried the cialis, viagra...etc.   Also, the doctor at Mayo clinic, said i was fine and refused to see me anymore.   His name is Dr.  Nehra, so i scheduled an appointment for Cleveland Clinic and they basically told me there wasn't much else they could do.  Now i simply dont have the money as i dont have a job, and im not under my parents health insurance anymore.   I don't have any health insurance.  So i know what you are going to say, (Well get a job and get some health insurance),  yes i know this.  It's just hard for me to do anything being this depressed.   The curvature was to the right and bent up towards my stomach.  I had 5-6 sutures they put in.  Big mistake to get surgery in my opinion.  If anyone is thinking about the nesbit tuck i would re-think it (while it may work for some, i felt it made it worse.)  How are you going to counter act scar tissue , by creating more scar tissue.?  

QuackAttack

OK brother,

Sorry for the hard knock news! You have to gut it up, pull yourself out of your rut and be thankful for whatever blessings you have. Do you have stage 4 pancreatic cancer, AIDS or something that is terminal? NO! What you do have is something that is a pain in the a$$. Granted, it can be very psychologically crippling condition, but you have to overcome it. Does the economy suck, you bet! Are good paying jobs tough to come by, absolutely! You have to get out there, find a job and not beat yourself up. If you don't believe in yourself, you will project that and you won't be viewed as a viable candidate in any job you go after. If you are near the Cleveland Clinic, then you aren't so far away from Chicago where Dr. Levine practices and he is probably the best in the world with Peyronies. Get a job, once your insurance kicks in go to the Cleveland Clinic or go see Dr. Levine.

I know where your are brother. I wasn't happy about getting Peyronies and I am not in the job I want to be in, but I have a job so that is a blessing. With my education and experience, I should be running a city planning department or be a city manager at this point, but it isn't happening and may not, so I am throwing irons in many fires hoping for something that pays better than my current job. I am making what I made 11+ years ago, factor in inflation and I am down a good 40%+ but I am gutting it up. Do I have my moments complaining, you bet every time I am stuck in DC Metro traffic which makes LA traffic look tame, but I have a job and can at least contribute something to my family. I am a pretty old school guy and I feel like I should be bringing in the lions share of the money to the house, but my wife makes more than I do, so I have to deal with it and you can pull yourself out of it too.

AphexTwin

Thanks for the responses.  Obviously dwelling on it isn't going to ever solve the problem, and i want a job...i really do.  Just need the confidence to go out and apply myself.    

Steveo

Start on a VED at once.  That's my recommendation as a non-doctor.  Helps tremendously.  

Also, find a psychologist pronto.

QuackAttack

Aphex,

It sounds like ED is your problem at this point since you don't have curvature and Steveo is correct with VED as it is used for ED. You might want to send a personal message to Old Man on the forum as VED is in his wheel house and he can give you the best advice on it, but don't buy a cheap device. On the job front, you'll get one, it just takes time and effort. When my family PCS'ed (my wife is military) I was out of work for a year and I applied for 40-50 jobs in my field and I only had 2 interviews. Fortunately, I was able to get on as a civilian with the Navy through a program for military dependents, but I continue to look for something in local government. So, you may have to take something that you are not as excited about in order to get the benefits and look for the ideal job when you have one. It is far easier to find a job when you already have one because you aren't under as much pressure.

AphexTwin

Quote from: Steveo on January 29, 2016, 02:45:40 AM
Start on a VED at once.  That's my recommendation as a non-doctor.  Helps tremendously.  

Also, find a psychologist pronto.

Talking to a psychologist about a physical problem isn't going to do anything.  I have already went this route, it does absolutely nothing for me but waste time and money.

NeoV

I'm so sorry man. My thoughts are with you and everyone here as are my tears! Simply brutal stuff! Don't blame yourself man. See another specialist, try other treatments and try to improve your general penile health. Tell girls how you feel. I really felt better after I started telling women my age about it. I tell them smiling and not even serious, "I can't have sex, what's your name?"

You're a victim, it's not your fault, and sometimes we forget to acknowledge that, granted feeling bad about yourself or sorry for yourself too much is not the answer.

A lot of women just don't care about what your dick looks like, hot ones. My wife, who is only 21, can't have me go deep because she's small. I honestly still think men care about dicks the most, since we evolved to watch others engage in group sex and compare / compete with other primitive human males. The females never could even see what was going on!

I know the incomprehensible pain you're in and I'm just so damn sorry. I know how terribly deep it goes. You just have to stop at some point, as hard as it is, and feel good from literally zero. Mindfulness has helped me a lot as has meditation. At the same time sometimes just crying and admitting to yourself how sorry you are about it is just what you gotta do. I still always think that even a man without a penis could be happy and sexually satisfied. This sounds insane but it's true. Women, even sexual and hot ones simply don't care (many of them anyway)

The only bad thing about Peyronie's then is that we feel in between, we have a dick, but is it acceptable? Try to stop finding ways for it to be acceptable and abandon the idea completely. Be the "man with no dick" for a while. As I have said before, I did this, told cute young girls about it and they ended up asking me to let them come home with me after me clearly saying I could not have sex.

I am still seeking answers man, but don't give up and I won't either. Let's find ways to think through this.

Steveo

Quote from: AphexTwin on January 29, 2016, 11:25:04 AM
Talking to a psychologist about a physical problem isn't going to do anything.  

Sorry man, gotta disagree. It would seem most of your issues are in your BIG head:

QuoteEver since then i felt like i have lost my identity, my confidence is completely shattered and have basically avoided females at all costs in fear of humiliation and ridicule.

A bent dong or ED doesn't do those things to you.  It's how you think about them that does.  Sounds like you have your persona wrapped up in your penis.  I say that as a guy who does.  But as I heal and get better, I realize that's a really bad place to store your self-confidence.  Body parts fail.