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Author Topic: new relationship  (Read 3425 times)

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bummedout

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new relationship
« on: November 27, 2015, 08:48:04 PM »

So...I'm now 35, and after almost 8 years with Peyronie's my penis is painful, indented, curved, unable to stay erect for any descent length of time, shrunken while hard, extremely shrunken while flacid, overly sensitive causing me to prematurely ejaculate, and overall fairly unimpressive.  Is it safe to say that for most women this will be a deal breaker?
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Stabler67

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Re: new relationship
« Reply #1 on: November 28, 2015, 02:45:38 AM »

Hello,

Speaking as a woman who dated a man with Peyronies, I have to tell you No, it is not a deal breaker. I have said this many times in the forum, men with Peyronies simply need to be looking for a woman of substance, a woman who's entire outlook on a relationship does not revolve around sex. The woman that you find will be one that loves you.... Not your penis. There are many things that can be done in a relationship besides sex and yes... I know it is enjoyable and the both men and women like it, bit it is not the only thing there is in my opinion.

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bummedout

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Re: new relationship
« Reply #2 on: November 28, 2015, 09:08:04 PM »

Hmm.....where can one find these women you speak of?
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NeoV

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Re: new relationship
« Reply #3 on: November 28, 2015, 09:38:05 PM »

Oh they exist!

Which reminds me that I just got married to one of them. : )

I think I told her about my peyronie's like this, "I "f***ed up my dick bad with this genetic thing I have, really sucks!" and she just laughed.

As time went on sex was always fun and light hearted. Very hot often and at other times just able to laugh. She also doesn't need sex at all and loves just hugging instead.

Peyronie's or not, the same rules apply to sex or relationships with women. The most open, free, positive, and loving guy will get the girl.

If this is NOT you, you have some work to do! And damn is it not easy. For Peyronie's sufferers I always recommend learning game or any kind of personal development, because it's simply that bad that you usually end up with no other choice, and somehow that ends up being a good thing. haha!

bummedout

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Re: new relationship
« Reply #4 on: November 29, 2015, 07:52:45 AM »

Yeah, I guess in my case I'm just really uncomfortable with myself now, and I'm still trying to figure out how to become more comfortable with my new body.  It's like the only way I think I'll be more comfortable is to find a way to live with or fix this problem which I have not been able to.  It's a real dilemma......it can be real bad too..... Like I'm not suicidal right now, but I find myself very jealous of people who die, and of course this is no mindset to when trying to find someone.
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Stabler67

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Re: new relationship
« Reply #5 on: November 29, 2015, 09:21:14 AM »

Neo...   I love your post!!

Bummedout, it is understandable your feelings of unhappiness but that is why we are here. call on any one of us when you need to we will get you through that. This forum, it is the best support system out there, the members here have all been in the same place at one time or another OR have had partners that they have supported through this. Trust me when I say we are here for you.

Stabler67
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bummedout

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Re: new relationship
« Reply #6 on: November 29, 2015, 04:30:52 PM »

Thank you Stabler
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Thisismyusername

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Re: new relationship
« Reply #7 on: November 29, 2015, 07:07:00 PM »

Personally I really struggled with this.  My situation isn't the same as your, but I can't have sex due to pain.  I decided that I don't want to be in a relationship.  At least not anytime soon.  Maybe never. 

Personally I don't think I can be in a relationship if I can't have sexual release.  It's too frustrating and emotionally difficult for me.  If I was with a girl who couldn't have penis in vagina sex for some reason, I could deal with that.  But this is different - I can't have any satisfactory release at all.  So being around a woman just frustrates me and leads to feelings of isolation, and if I give in to my urges then I am in pain which causes even further problems in the relationship. 

So personally for me I'm just focusing on living a healthy and active lifestyle and enjoying myself.  I don't want to be with someone unless it will really work for both of us.  Being single isn't so bad.  I'm sad that this is the way it turned out, but what can you do.  This is life.  You just have to make the most of what you have. 
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bummedout

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Re: new relationship
« Reply #8 on: November 29, 2015, 09:55:01 PM »

I really don't want to be alone the rest of my life but I'm starting to accept that it might be a reality for me soon :(
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Stabler67

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Re: new relationship
« Reply #9 on: November 29, 2015, 10:02:04 PM »

You can't let yourself get into that frame if mind. I would suggest first to keep your mind focused on what you need to be healthy to get some control of the Peyronies to prevent it from processing, finding a partner will come in good time and it will be the right partner for you because you will have taken the time to choose someone that loves you for who you are and not what you can do or how you can perform sexually. There is simply more to a relationship that that.

Stabler67
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james1947

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Re: new relationship
« Reply #10 on: January 05, 2016, 12:28:01 AM »

Sorry chiming in so late.
I am copy/paste three sentences that Hawk write long time ago, connected to the subject:

I spent most of my life on a quest looking for the perfect woman.  Imagine how elated I was when I finally found her, but to my astonishment she wasn't interested in me.  Her heart was set on a perfect man.

You are not offering a woman a dick that just happens to have a tolerable life support system attached to it.

Some shallow female never built a woman to go along with her vagina.


And the below sentence shows not to lose hope:
Implant is fitting for me since I work in computer science. I am going in for a Hardware Upgrade. The plan, replace the floppy with a hard drive!

James
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bummedout

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Re: new relationship
« Reply #11 on: February 10, 2016, 07:02:16 PM »

Just an update:

In December I went on a work trip and met who I think is the woman of my dreams.  We've been talking everyday since then.  Because of this encounter I decided to start off the new year right and try to find a solution to my Peyronie's.  This brought me to Dr. Garber, who definitely seems like the guy to go to if you're thinking about getting an implant.  He seemed super eager to replace my dick with a pump and tubes, but I've been having nightmares and panic attacks thinking about doing it.  Now that I've actually talked to him about it and saw some videos of other men that have had the operation, I'm not so sure I'm ready for it.  The question now is what will I do instead.  I'm going to see my dream woman this Saturday.  Hopefully this isn't a disaster.
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NeoV

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Re: new relationship
« Reply #12 on: February 10, 2016, 07:19:01 PM »

Everyday, damn! That's great.

Honestly, contemplating an implant and having Peyronie's is simply absurd. I mean it's terrible and we all know that, but seriously from an outside perspective it's just insane. I would tell her all about it, try to be light-hearted about it.

There is no such thing a dream woman, there are many dream women.

bummedout

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Re: new relationship
« Reply #13 on: February 17, 2016, 05:03:56 PM »

So I had a great weekend with her and we had lots of intense sex.  I really didn't even think that sex would be possible for me again.  I think she just really turned me on.  The problem is it was kind of painful....even afterwards....and even now, when I have an erection.  I think I might have made it even worse.  I guess I'll see the after effects in the coming days and weeks.
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NeoV

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Re: new relationship
« Reply #14 on: February 17, 2016, 05:11:38 PM »

Did you let her know? Congrats on the wild time! Sounds like it was awesome! I mean you said you really liked her, so that's great, minus the pain. Still, very happy for you.
Tell her next time, just do so in a positive way, not like "I have to tell you something..." "it's serious..."

Instead be light hearted, tell her you had a great time, and next time before you have sex just tell her you gotta be careful, since it hurts and can hurt quite a bit : )

It took me a while to be able to talk about my Peyronie's while smiling and in a positive way.

bummedout

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Re: new relationship
« Reply #15 on: February 17, 2016, 05:29:48 PM »

Oh, I told her about the Peyronie's a couple weeks after I met her, we just only got to see each other again this past weekend though.  She wanted it so bad that I just wanted to give her everything I had.  I'm really worried that every time I have sex I'm gonna do damage now.  Life would be awesome right now if I just had my penis from 10 years ago.
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Stabler67

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Re: new relationship
« Reply #16 on: February 17, 2016, 10:45:06 PM »

Just a friendly reminder, while I am very happy that you have had such a great time you have already admitted to already having pain, ongoing pain. you said that you told her about the Peyronies, did you explain that "rough sex" or over doing it was not going to be a good idea all the time? make sure your limits are known but both of you, more damage will not be a perk of having good sex.

Stabler67
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bummedout

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Re: new relationship
« Reply #17 on: February 17, 2016, 11:11:59 PM »

yeah, I kinda' told her.......in the heat of the moment though.....my fault if it does get worse
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Stabler67

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Re: new relationship
« Reply #18 on: February 18, 2016, 05:43:47 AM »

you cant "kinda tell her" if you think this has a possibility of something long term she needs to know how it needs to be for you, for your safety, for the longevity of your sex life, don't leave this information out. The problem will be you have had great sex, you have had pain during and it has continued after, I dont know if you have shared that with her, if not she could be thinking that Peyronies is not a big deal when in fact there are thing YOU need to be careful with. By all means dont stop having sex if you are able to but if you are having pain then it needs to be known and adjustments need to be made and she needs to be told, it doesnt need to be some deep heavy conversation just make her aware.

Stabler67
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bummedout

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Re: new relationship
« Reply #19 on: February 18, 2016, 07:15:04 PM »

Yes, I understand.  The thing is....I wasn't even sure I was going to be able to have sex at all this weekend.  I might have just done whatever I had to, to actually just make it happen....and once it was happening, I didn't want it to be like......stop enjoying it and let me get off you because I can't really have good sex anymore.  I'm like in a panic right now cause I will see her again next month and I feel like I have to get this thing figured out.  She is a potential very long term partner that I need to please in every way.  I want to give her great sex that will fulfill her.  I know that if I can't she won't be satisfied and the relationship will fall apart......I've had this happen before.  I'm not saying anything negative about her character, this is just human nature.  I feel so desperate and helpless.  I feel like any potential options I have might just make things worse.  crap!  What is the answer here?  What should I do??  :(
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Stabler67

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Re: new relationship
« Reply #20 on: February 18, 2016, 08:14:17 PM »

What you can do is be honest. putting yourself in jeopardy just so you can satisfy her sexually so that she will stay long term, is not how you want to make a relationship, and I am in no way saying anything bad about her, I am a woman, I am telling you do not harm yourself just so you can have a relationship. There are many ways to please her that wont harm you, and if she is really a potential long term partner she will want more than sex from you. Its like I said this discussion with her does not have to be deep, just factual, whats safe for you. If one position is best for you tell her what that is.

Having said all of that...... this relationship is new, have fun, have sex if you can do so without causing yourself pain, if its the type of sex that causes the pain such as rough sex then change it, make it more sensual, spice it up with food or something to make it fun for her and exciting for you but not so that it brings you pain.

If you are on meds for Peyronies make sure you take them, if not get to a qualified Peyronies urologist and get started on them so that the disease does not progress.

Stabler67
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