Peyronies Society Forums

Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Advanced search  

News:

ALL Members PLEASE Add a Signature line with age, history etc
PROFILE -> FORUM PROFILE -> SIGNATURE
More instructions here -> Signature Line - History - Peyronies Society Forums

Pages: [1]   Go Down

Author Topic: How to tell a wife/gf?  (Read 2670 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

peyronny

  • 26, diagnosed 2012
  • Voting Member
  • **
  • Country: us
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 91
How to tell a wife/gf?
« on: October 31, 2015, 03:21:44 PM »

What is the right way to tell your gf or wife about this? I'm not in a relationship now, but honestly this is making me desire one even more. Not sexually, but just a romantic companion. Right now, I'm not sure if sex is even possible. My peyronies has taken a turn for the worst. And as horrible as it is, I still don't want to live alone the rest of my life. This makes me need someone even more, even if sex is completely out of the picture.

But I just keep imagining this scenario of having to tell her about this and the whole uncertainty of this. I've always had some social anxiety, don't have a lot of friends or support. So when I do get in a relationship, breakups are devastating. I couldn't expect her to be celibate forever. Hell, if someone was there for me and committed to me, I wouldn't even care if she hooked up while trying to get this under control as long as at the end of the day she's only romantically interested in me. I know that sounds crazy, and I've never believed in open relationships or anything, but I would have to put myself in her shoes and I wouldn't expect her to not have sex at all. Only other thing is maybe oral until this hopefully resolves somewhat.

Of course this, is all hypothetical, but I just keep thinking about how awkward this conversation is going to be, and how weird she will think it is if I don't want sex because of this, which is probably what would make us have to have this conversation.

I used to weight 450 pounds. I know, it's awful. In the past year though I've lost around 100 pounds, and I'm still working on that. Health wise, I don't know if I'll ever be able to recover fully. I'm on 3 different blood pressure pills at the age of 26. It's embarrassing how bad my diet has been the previous 25 years. Ridiculous amounts of soda, fast food, the worse it is for you, the more I ate of it. Now, I've been trying to eat a more plant based diet, more salads, nuts and things like that instead of chips. Mostly drink water, usually a glass of orange juice in the morning.  But I've virtually eliminated soda.  I still give in to sweets sometimes but try not to overdo it. My main motivation to lose weight though is because I'll be more confident/comfortable approaching someone. So, even though I'm still working on my general health, the motivation has somewhat declined because of all this. I'm not looking forward to the conversation of having to explain that right now at least, I am pretty much incapable of having sex. Now, that could hopefully change by the time that comes. But it's just something that concerns me, and the fear of losing someone because of this.
Logged

Stabler

  • Global Moderator
  • ***
  • Country: us
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 537
  • God made us all different for a reason.
Re: How to tell a wife/gf?
« Reply #1 on: October 31, 2015, 08:08:08 PM »

Ok well first of all, if you are looking for someone to share your life with, it will be someone of substance, As hard as it may be to see it right now, peyronies has given you the opportunity to choose wiser when looking for a partner. with the right person this conversation will come easy. It should not be the first thing out of your mouth but if dating someone should be discussed early on. Again by the time youre ready to have this talk you will have been looking for a woman that is in love with YOU and not just your pens.

This disease requires a partner that is willing to support you and stand by you through everything and yes there are women like us out there. How do you explain it? Its simple you tell the truth don't make it all medical and use fancy medical terms, make it easy invite her to the forum to meet us talk with us allow us to help you. Ask her to research this for herself if she wants to and support her in her learning about it.

It may be that you could not have intercourse but there are other ways to please each other and a good woman will not only be interested in the sex part of the relationship, she will went more than that and you deserve more than that. Do not choose a woman that would satisfy her needs with someone else and still claim to be in love with you.

I hope that I have helped some with your question.

Hugs
Stabler67
Logged
Moderator since 2015- Missouri- I work in the medical field and have strong knowledge of insurance and how to obtain coverage for medication and other treatments. Being a woman I do not have Peyronies but you can ask me anything. I am happy to help.

HFB

  • Voting Member
  • **
  • Country: us
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 29
Re: How to tell a wife/gf?
« Reply #2 on: February 24, 2017, 08:38:52 AM »

Honestly there are so many "Players" out there that there are tons of women looking for a good , caring, interesting, affectionate man.  Sex is not primary for some women, heck most women consider genuine affection within a loving relationship primary as such is so much more important to fulfillment. 

Keep up with the fitness and cleaning up what you eat (tough yet rewarding journey) and focus on your career while looking for women of substance.  Invite friendship first over relationship and that could lead to many positive relationships.  Finding another who is on a similar health journey is also very motivating.  Believe it...some women are ambivalent about intercourse and would.be happy with oral, hand and/or toy stimulation.

I must say I am unsure as to how to approach dating at your young age. I imagine most people.recommend getting to know a lady first before having the Peyronies Disease talk.  The efficiency side of me would advise you emphasize upfront that you are very affectionate, loving and communicative valuing those qualities more than sex. Play up that you aren't the typical guy but don't go overboard.  I know such is bold yet filtering could save you a lot of heartache.  Perhaps go on two dating sites and try one with such type of statement and the other not and see what happens?  Of course use totally different clothed pictures for each site for better comparison.

As for the allocation of her getting some of her sexual needs met outside the relationship such can work yet boundaries need to be established and the relationship on solid ground.  If you can handle the scenario that could increase your odds of keeping a good, open-minded woman.  First and foremost is interpersonal chemistry.  Perhaps I suggest you try out affectionate oral sex within a friend's with benefits scenario as practice and filler between relationships?

Also at your young age be cognizant that many women are looking to settle down, get married and start a family soon.  You need to address that aspect as you can't predict the future of your Peyronies Disease as you need to be realistic if and when as a couple you might be able to afford fertility assistance options if intercourse or ejaculation isn't an option.

Perhaps the other younger men on the forum will chime in about this topic?  Each stage of life brings about different focus on dating values.  No matter what make sure you have platonic friends to help you ride the wave of life.

No matter your weight or health situation, Peyronies Disease or not, there are women out there who will date you.  Just be realistic. Focus on being the best person you can be for yourself and for others and quality women will be drawn to you.
Logged

NeoV

  • Global Moderator
  • ****
  • Country: jp
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 1653
    • Neoman
Re: How to tell a wife/gf?
« Reply #3 on: February 25, 2017, 12:09:06 AM »

All good insights. I don't think it is inherently awkward, only awkward due to your lack of social skill. I know only because I used to struggle with this. I remember crying and telling a girl, only to have her be disgusted with me and cheat on me because of how weak I was. She had her issues, but you never want to throw something at someone and expect them to "make it okay" in your own social dynamic between the two of you. You have to own it and laugh at it. The day you can tell a girl with a laugh that your "penis is unusable" and have it sound funny or okay is the day you'll surpass it. It isn't about lying or BSing the girl or yourself, it's about taking responsibility to own your issues both internally and socially. It is crucial to start socializing and begin seeing it as a skill to be honed. Relationships won't come to you, they are formed, mostly through a painful process of coming into "you."

I went from making it this heavy issue to a simple joke. When I told my wife when we met that my dick was messed up and I might not be able to have sex, she found it funny or somehow endearing. Ironically, that girl who cheated on me years before said later that she wished she could have a man with no penis! Sex is about something other than your penis. Girls, including my wife, are often attracted to other women, who don't even have penises. Give her good emotions and create an interdependent connection that is deep and rewarding for the two of you, but do not take it too seriously. "Settling down" as a solution to our suffering is a myth if you never practiced relationships to begin with. Take personal growth very seriously, not in a cheesy way but truly learn about yourself and your mind.

You're doing an AMAZING job with our body and health. Honestly, it's legendary. I wish I could meet you and hang out some time.

Logged
*My YouTube Channel*: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCjX1naIryWc6pennKOHWbgg

Talk to me on Skype

LeeBee69

  • Voting Member
  • **
  • Country: au
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 55
Re: How to tell a wife/gf?
« Reply #4 on: February 27, 2017, 04:41:57 AM »

Wonderful advice guys!
Logged

popopo

  • Major Contributor
  • ****
  • Country: nl
  • Online Online
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 477
Re: How to tell a wife/gf?
« Reply #5 on: February 27, 2017, 04:26:14 PM »

I think at the end of the day the problem is us not being able to accept the issue, not other girls not accepting you. It really depends how you look at it and I think it's great how some cope with this, but reading some stuff from my own perspective sounds pretty darn depressingno matter hoe you put it. I don't know how old you are, but I feel saver being alone. My dick is my own secret and no girl needs to know about it. I'd rather not have a girl than have one in the state I'm now. It all depends how you view yourself, how you see women and how you wanna cope. I like to see myself like a lone wolf on a journey to save his manhood. I'm masculine in other ways and pretend girls don't tempt me. I hope I can be strong enough to feel good being alone so one day I might enjoy sex even more when I can actually do it and be physically able to make it enjoyable for both parties involved. Idk if it's healthy, but I'm way too much of a thinker to get involved with a girl who knows my weakness. I'd probably be more misereable worrying about her cheating or actually wanting more.
Logged
Age: 24
Date of onset: 17
Symptoms: sharp pains, numbness, change in shape/size, hourglassing and discolaration from jelqing/VED usage as a teen. Diagnosed with a venous leak and possible scarring.
Treatments tried: cialis, pentox and VED didnt help

LWillisjr

  • Administrator
  • *****
  • Country: us
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 2822
  • 62 y/o - 10 yrs Peyronies free
    • My Peyronie's Story
Re: How to tell a wife/gf?
« Reply #6 on: March 05, 2017, 07:05:14 PM »

For one.....  I could not have imagined going through this journey without my wife's support.
Logged
Les - 10 yrs Peyronies Disease free
My History

popopo

  • Major Contributor
  • ****
  • Country: nl
  • Online Online
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 477
Re: How to tell a wife/gf?
« Reply #7 on: March 05, 2017, 08:47:14 PM »

It depends how you look at it. I'm sad for being alone, but I could not imagine having to tell a wife or girlfriend about this issue. I'd rather not have any woman at all and just hope for a brighter tomorrow.
Logged
Age: 24
Date of onset: 17
Symptoms: sharp pains, numbness, change in shape/size, hourglassing and discolaration from jelqing/VED usage as a teen. Diagnosed with a venous leak and possible scarring.
Treatments tried: cialis, pentox and VED didnt help

LeeBee69

  • Voting Member
  • **
  • Country: au
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 55
Re: How to tell a wife/gf?
« Reply #8 on: March 08, 2017, 02:58:15 AM »

Hey popopo,

I too am alone, I get it. I've held back from getting involved with someone again. I was at a work conference recently and after a bunch of drinks ended up in bed with a colleague. No sex, just talking and being a little intimate. We got onto the subject, I said, I'll show you. I've got a 50-60 deg bend, sometimes more if I am not keeping up my usual clean lifestyle and supplement regime. She was like, "oh I thought it would be much worse, that looks fine". Just shows you eh. Maybe get out there and show it around! Haha. But seriously, it has made me think I shouldn't be holding back.

Cheers,
LeeBee
Logged

NeoV

  • Global Moderator
  • ****
  • Country: jp
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 1653
    • Neoman
Re: How to tell a wife/gf?
« Reply #9 on: March 08, 2017, 03:26:39 AM »

Exactly my experience Leebee!

Show girls on purpose (with consent of course), and they usually accept it or say it's fine! I did this many times and hardly any noticed and somehow it made them more attracted to me, since as I've explained, it gives you honest signals that couldn't be faked, one of the most extremely valuable things to convey, so long as it's done with self acceptance.
Logged
*My YouTube Channel*: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCjX1naIryWc6pennKOHWbgg

Talk to me on Skype

popopo

  • Major Contributor
  • ****
  • Country: nl
  • Online Online
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 477
Re: How to tell a wife/gf?
« Reply #10 on: March 08, 2017, 06:11:53 AM »

I think the acceptance part is key, but I'm not ready for that yet. I dont know if that makes me a stronger and more idealistic man or maybe just more immature and stubborn, but whatever the case, I'm not yet ready for acceptance.
Logged
Age: 24
Date of onset: 17
Symptoms: sharp pains, numbness, change in shape/size, hourglassing and discolaration from jelqing/VED usage as a teen. Diagnosed with a venous leak and possible scarring.
Treatments tried: cialis, pentox and VED didnt help

popopo

  • Major Contributor
  • ****
  • Country: nl
  • Online Online
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 477
Re: How to tell a wife/gf?
« Reply #11 on: March 08, 2017, 06:14:59 AM »

But I do think it's a relief to hear women don't mind as much as men, but on the other hand... It's not the first time a woman says A, but means B. Plus the nurturing characteristics of some women make it so that they tell you this to not hurt your feelings maybe.. not sure if thats the case, but that is a thought that pops up in my mind.
Logged
Age: 24
Date of onset: 17
Symptoms: sharp pains, numbness, change in shape/size, hourglassing and discolaration from jelqing/VED usage as a teen. Diagnosed with a venous leak and possible scarring.
Treatments tried: cialis, pentox and VED didnt help
Pages: [1]   Go Up
 

Related Topics

  Subject / Started by Replies Last post
6 Replies
743 Views
Last post September 24, 2017, 02:24:20 AM
by Jonbinspain
2 Replies
382 Views
Last post October 04, 2018, 07:59:25 AM
by Hawk
23 Replies
1298 Views
Last post January 27, 2019, 09:55:44 PM
by GTJ0