My sober penis and I

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ledder

Born: 1981

Peyronies first symptoms: June 2015
Peyronies official start: 11th August 2015
Cause of the Peyronies: Not sure. My guess is a catheter insertion in the penis three weeks before the first symptoms. Maybe sex abstinence (with partner and self) influenced. Possible genetic predisposition as I have Ledderhose Disease (similar to Dupuytren but in the plantar fascia of the feet) and I recall my grandfather seems to have dupuytren in one hand.

Peyronies first symptoms: August 2015
- 60º upward curve at 60% dick length.
- Hourglass.
- Pain while getting erect if I am stand up.
- Mild/strong pain while fully erect.
- From while to while, slight discomfort when flaccid that needs readjustment in the pants.
- Mild erect after shitting.

Peyronies today: February 2017
- 60º upward curve at 60% dick length.
- 10º right bend at the base.
- Less hourglass.
- Almost no pain while erect.
- Mild erect after shitting.

Psychological Stages
First, anger againts the urologist that prescribed the catheter test, and anger and guilt against myself because I followed mild symptoms and my hipocondrism and I kind of asked for the test. It followed the thought that in fact I was not responsible for the test.
Right after I made a commitment to stay positive and accept whatever this disease brings to me, and by all means never blame my dick for this situation nor myself.
I am trying to assume that this will probably be for life, like my old penis will never come back again as it was (thinking how will it be if I tell to a girl, will she laugh at me when she sees it? how would I react? will I be able to make her enjoy sex? Then I think is it that important? and so on.) and even that I do not feel much obsessed about it. But each time I see a doctor something in me has the hope that he will tell me that it is ok and that there is a cure if I do this or that. But doctors have told me, explicitely or not, that what I have sucks, and then that little hope breaks and I sadness comes. Then I have to lift my mood up for a while and through these episodes I learn to accept the disease little by little.
During the day I try to be positive with the disease, and not hate my penis, rather to accept it as it is. I think it works.

Journal
2014-08-11  - Beggining of sexual abstinence (with partner and self).
2015-05       - Catheter insertion in urethra for a bladder test.
2015-06       - First symptoms: discomfort, i have to adjust the position of the penis. I think it is due to the catheter test, so I do not worry.
2015-07       - While peeing I realize the tissue of the penis is harder on the sides. I still think it's due to the catheter test and it will eventually pass, so I still do not worry.
2015-08-11  - Day 0 - I finally check during a morning wood. There is an obvious upward curve. I have a new dick, my broken dick. During the day I find out about Peyronie's. What a sad day. I decide to be positive and to not blame me nor anyone for my Peyronies Disease, just to do my best with what I have and love my dick unconditionally.
2015-08      - Week  1 - First measurements: 60º upward curve. Probably lost length, not measured.
2015-09      - Week  6 - First urologists. Start taking Pentox (3x400mg a day) and L-Arginine (2x1000mg a day).
2015-10      - Week  8 - Temporary drop L-Arginine due to suspicion that it may trigger my latent Herpes Zoster. Slight upward curve decrease: 55º, needs more measurements. Right bend at the base: 10º. Turtle effect. Pain while erect slightly diminished.
2015-10      - Week  9 - Resumed L-Arginine intake.
2015-10      - Week 10 - Dropped again L-Arginine intake. Added cold showers in the morning.
2016-02      - Week 24 - Keeping on Pentox and L-Arginine. Curve more bended upwards, it touches my belly when erect. Also bend to the right. Also penis is thinner.
2016-12      - Have been on Pentox and L-Arginine intermitently for periods of two months. I stop
2017-02      - Pain dissapeared and I only have it during daily erections. Curvature and loss of length is still present, also loss of girth in the base. Ecography shows no calcification. Dr prescribes Pentox again, 2 times a day, and Cialis 5mg once per day, during 3 months, and then revisit. No turtle effect and hourglass almost disappeared, besides the loss of girth.
2017-03      - Cannot take Cialis, it knocks me down terribly. Also Pentox, like if I had a flu: headaches, bone pain, slight nausea.
2017-06      - Urologist says what I have is kelami syndrome, that is, an incurvature due to a catheterization of the urethra. It feels good to know it has a name, though I am not sure it actually helps much. Urologist discards Xiapex because I have no plaque, and suggest Verapamil. Penis sizes and shape remains the same.