Hi everyone: Long time suffer on the verge of sucicde

[hollowblue]

When I was in middle school I had great erections until one day I messed myself up. I never got help with it.
It progressively got worse. Each year more and more changed. More and more lost.
Its been 5 years give or take. Based on what I've researched, I believe I've long since passed the "acute phase."

HOW IT IS NOW

Now my erections are semi-hard at best. I don't last long and premature ejaculation is how I am now. When I piss it not a straight flow, it stops then goes. My penis tends to lean and curve to one side or another. So much so that it lays on my sack. Sometimes it has that hourglass shape to it. Although not so much now.  It has at least a 30 degree or so curvature upward. I cant get an erection just by thinking anymore. That F~Other things worth noting, my penis is not as hard or long as it was when I was in MIDDLE SCHOOL. I'm 19 NOW. 19. This crap may have stunted the growth of my penis.   When it does get decently erect you can see what I believe are pin point areas of trauma (darks spots, where it starts to curve, dark red purplish veins.) No doubt I have made it worse in the past with over masturbation.

In Conclusion

I went to a Urologist here in Texas and it was a piss poor experience to say the least. I worked hard just so I could afford going and what I got was a Urologist that barely examined me, barely asked me questions, and was more concerned with giving me dam pills or selling a PENIS IMPLANT. I don't want either of those things. I don't need a Band-Aid, I need to be repaired. I wont have anything less.
I joke here and there about this but it has had such a grip on my life that if I didn't learn to laugh id be dead.
As is now im running low on hope. Gonna see another Urologist before I make that big decision. Any help is appreciated. Thank you.

[Stabler]

Hello Hollowblue,

Welcome to the forum although we are sorry you had to join. We have a lot of great resources here, This is a great link to start with Peyronies Survival Guide - Information for New Members - Peyronies Society Forums you definitely need to find a new Urologist we have a list of the best here in the forum https://www.peyroniesforum.net/index.php/topic,4063.0.html this may help you find one close to you that the group find reputable.

All the members here are very helpful and will offer great advice, many have health with Peyronies for years so their experience with this will be a benefit to you. Have a look around and read prior posts, ask questions and make yourself at home.

[wonderbread1662]

Hello Hollowblue,

If you don't mind could you answer some of my questions so that we can get a better understanding of what's going on with you? I'm curious to know what this "accident" was that caused this, if you don't mind. Are you in pain at all? Was there a popping sound when you hurt yourself? The dark spots where it curves, has it been like this since you injured yourself? And when you injured yourself did you see any bruising or the sudden irritated veins? Or did these symptoms happen after you injured yourself? You having trouble urinating is a rather serious problem. When you pee do you feel like there is an obstruction or is it like a clinching feeling that makes you stop urinating?

Can you tell us anymore about what your urologist said when it comes to your condition? All he did was give you some pills? What were those pills? So he saw your penis, and did he say your penis is beyond repair or something? I find that odd that he would suggest you getting an implant if he didn't really examine you all that much. And by that I mean no ultrasounds or discussion on whether you might have had (or still have) a penile fracture. Did he even seem concerned about your trouble urinating?!

What you need to do is click on those links that stabler has posted and to find a specialist that can diagnose you. I'm not a doctor but in my opinion you need to stop all sexual activity as your penile veins need to heal and they won't if you keep messing with them when they are trying to heal. I know it is a hard thing to do but it looks like your best option when it comes to your situation. Have you tried abstaining from masturbation in the past? And if so how long of a period was it? I'm guessing that you have kept this a secret from your parents this whole time? I know it is awkward and embarrassing but you should consider telling them to help you out financially with this if you can't afford the help that you need.

Please don't consider suicide! You still don't know what your condition is and it could be something that can be fixed. Even if it gets to the point of surgery there are many positive outcomes from members on here that have had successful relationships and sex lives even though they have peyronies or have had surgery. You're only 19 and have so much left of your life to live. You don't know the whole story yet and are afraid of the unknown. Don't jump to conclusions and assume that there is no hope when you have no idea of what you're facing. You just need some answers and some help. I'm young like you in that I'm 23. I have peyronies and have lost size, and I have some damaged veins as well. I can relate to a lot of what you are going through. If you want to pm me you are free to do so. I'm down to talk about anything and I don't judge. Please consider it especially if you are considering suicide. I also highly recommend therapy and to call a suicide hotline (which you can google at anytime) if you are at that point.

Read as much as you can here and welcome to the forum.

[hollowblue]

Quote deleted by moderator - James
Please read the forum rules regarding quotes!!!

In the beginning there was  alot of what you described. Now its just there. Think how it mainly happened is that I had a hard on and rolled over it. I remember a noise and an immediate," I did not just do that" kinda thing. Further poor treatment  added to the damage.  I noticed it began to get dark in areas. Like when you get a bruise and its dark or purple. The veins on it aren't clear blue anymore, more like dark red purple skinny ones. I've seen it look and change so much over time that i've just gotten use to not paying attention to it anymore. Its definitely done alot of weird shapes.
I was reminded of the whole peeing problem recently cause it was acting up like it use to. How you described it is similar. Sometimes I get up and go and repeat over and over. Like it'll start to empty but it wont finish all in one go.

As far as the Urologist I will try to recollect as best I can. They did stuff for lab testing like piss in a cup, take blood, that jazz. When I did meet him I told him everything. What problems I was having, what I thought it was, what I think id done to damage it etc. All my concerns. He didn't say much. I think he wrote down some stuff. But there wasn't ever much  of a conservation. After he examined me (less than a minute) he said I didn't have peyronie's disease, that I had ed. He used an analogy that I cant quite remember. Like my penis was a leakage bucket. So he gave me Cialis pills. Said that if that didn't work I could come back.  I remember asking him stuff, cause over years i've dabbled in research over what I thought it could be if anything. The responses he gave were one where he'd bring up the pills or the pumps and the implant. He'd bring that up a lot.
Specifically I remember asking him about a penis fracture/possible surgery. Said they stop doing that a long time ago cause it didn't work. Mentioned that a lot of young guys come in with what I was saying. I brought up the ultrasound thing and he said very uninterestedly " Well yeah, we could maybe do that." I know my memory isn't far off from that crap.  My main goal then was to figure out what was wrong with it. Still don't know.

Ha from the very beginning ive gone on and off not masterbating. I was still masterbating a lot in the beginning even after I thought there was a problem. Theres been periods of time that I stop, think longest was somewhere month wise. But now it every other week ending mostly in failure.
Financially im way better than I was back then. I can work more to afford these treatments.  Ive looked at alot of urologist in San Antonio and Texas as a whole. Can't find a good one. Willing to go out of state but the doc has to be great. Recommendations?

[wonderbread1662]

From what you are describing it sounds an awful lot like a penile fracture. When it happened did you experience any pain? Are you in any pain now? There seem to be quite a few positive reviews on the doctors they have in Texas. Not sure if you checked them out already but I would just find one that is close and has good reviews and then go from there. You need to be seen as soon as possible. A month is not long enough at all to recover from an injury like you have described. It would be a safe bet to hold off on all sexual activity till you at least see your veins go back to normal. This could take a very long time but it would most likely help you out tremendously.

Did your urologist mention a venous leakage? Was that what he was talking about when he was talking about leakage? If you wanted to be absolutely sure to get the best doctor then I would recommend either Dr. Tom Lue from San Francisco or Dr. Laurence Levine from Chicago. Not necessary as there is most likely a specialist near you but those are some of the top tier doctors on peyronies in the world.

[hollowblue]

That's it the venous leakage. Im not in pain anymore. Was alot in the beginning. I haven't seen a peyronie's expert in Texas at all, or even around it.  

[james1947]

hollowblue

You may find a Peyronies expert close to you here:
https://www.peyroniesforum.net/index.php/topic,4063.0.html
Didn't find?
Make a google search and let us know the results.

James

[wonderbread1662]

https://www.peyroniesforum.net/index.php/topic,4063.0.html

If you click on this link and scroll down you will find your state with the doctors below it. When you see a specialist ask him if you can get a doppler ultrasound. You need to be flaccid for him to see the plaque on the ultrasound and you need to be erect to check for a venous leakage. Also ask him if you can get a prescription for pentoxifylline (pentox) as it has helped me and others when it comes to peyronies. That's assuming you do have this condition of course. You can also try and see if he can prescribe you cialis 5mg as this and pentox help soften the plaque. CoQ10 300mg should also help and you don't need a prescription for this. You can start taken CoQ10 now if you want as most drug stores should have it.

Keep in mind that morning and night erections are healthy and fine, but try to keep your erections to just that. Continues erections when trying to let your veins heal will most likely be counter productive. I would wait to take cialis until you are certain that you have plaque.

Quick edit: It looks like James beat me to posting the link haha .