my husband wanted me sign up

[crissyp]

My husband has peyronies that recently developed .  he is 52 years old and we have not really had a great sex life in 24 years.  he thinks that i will benefit by seeing what others have to say about this condition so here i am.  our problems have always been other things tho and this is just another one of his reasons why we are dysfunctional sexually.  i know he loves me,  but i really don't think anyone can tell me anything i don't already know.  i know i sound negative,   but this new development is something i consider minor as we have not really been active for years.  i view it as just another hurdle to a good relationship.  i don't really care WHY  he cant or wont do things with me.  the good in all of this is that i had a brief affair and told him about it.  that woke him up to the possibility that i could leave him and he decided to deal with his problems.   and they are all his problems.  he will agree too ,  so there is no argument there.  i have shut myself down emotionally, for the most part , so while he deals with his issues ,  i will deal with mine.  i will most likely just lurk here and maybe i will find something interesting but i think his problems are beyond what some forum  can fix.  thanks for letting me join.

[james1947]

crissyp

As you think that all the problems are his, including your affair, I don't have too much to tell you except that we have a ladies only board also.
Write a PM to LWillisjr or Christine to get access to the board. You can contact Stabler76 also, she is a lady also, active on the forum

James

[crissyp]

yES James,  sometimes affairs happen because the one having the affair does not want to go the rest of their life in a sexless marriage.
it takes 2 to have a marriage and when one checks out in the sex dept one does what one needs to do .  some women are not able/interested/cannot get aroused thru what men find so easy to do in the "self love"  dept.  So,  it seems you think affairs are the fault of the one stepping out but After 25 years of marriage , it was affair or die,  and he didnt know/care about how miserable I was .  And I feel that was all his fault .  He wanted to M more than touch me and we would go months and months with little interaction at all.   If I needed to feel human thru the touch of a man ,  so be  it.    It was not an option just to live in that hell.

[james1947]

crissyp

Sorry, I can't understand, maybe I have a limited brain capability, why you are still with him after 25 years of misery?
Why didn't divorced him long long time ago?
It was much better for you, no?

James

[crissyp]

James,
ppl stay in relationships for many reasons.   I had good reasons to stay too.   we had small children for one  and I had to raise them.  one is disabled and i had no way financially to support myself as I cannot work the regular 9-5.  having a disabled child it was totally time consuming.   24/7.
also,  there was always the next day, week, year where you are with someone that you love and the promises are so believable , he convinces you  to stay.  I always had hope that things would get better .
Your questions apply to all why wonder why a woman stays in an abusive relationship.  We , as the victim,  always believe the lies, promises, and good intentions.  And,  it makes it harder when you cant leave.   To top it off,  he believed that things coming out of his mouth too.  He had his problems/ habits and when u say vows like til death do you part,  sometimes all u can do is pray death comes sooner than later ,  while you  are dying a slow death.  then u convince yourself that maybe he will go ahead and leave if you give him a reason to since you cant bring yourself to do it.  He loves me so much, that he just clings tighter and realizes that he can lose me afterall and maybe he needs to get real with searching for answers instead of excuses.  In some ways an affair can bring a couple closer.   And I am not the first person to say that.

[james1947]

crissyp

we had small children

That I can understand. I had the same problem, waited that my kids will pass the age of 20 before divorced from different reasons than yours. I wanted my kids to grow up with a mother and a father.
Wish your relations will be much better.
I don't want to be confrontational as for sure you know your relation with your husband better than me, but I still think that blaming everything on him, saying that just he have to change, is not a good approach to improve relationship.

James

[Stabler]

Well, Crissyp,

I guess my first question is are you here to find ways to help your husband and yourself come closer together? He has asked you to come here to learn about peyronies because it is something that HE is trying to cope with, it seems to me that if he has asked you to come he is also asking for your help. But by your own admission you are dealing with your own problems.

This is a wonderful place to get and gain support for both a husband and a wife that are dealing with peyronies disease and you most certainly don't have to post things but it does help. My only suggestion here is going to be this, if your husband has asked you to come here to help him, to help the two of you, and that is not your intention in being here, then certainly don't let him believe that is what you are doing on this forum.

If your sex life is/was suffering then it very well may have been because of peyronies but that is something the two of you can work through. An affair was not necessary, and only the two of you will know if you can work through that.