She cried....

[Jeepman47]

Well, no easy way to say this about the situation... But The wife and I were intimate last night and I couldn't do various things due to the pain and nature of things last night for the first time... And while I was not having trouble with an erection I just couldn't perform as I usually could.  She commented that the tip is now twisted and is pointing at about 10:00 and she was really frustrated and well, that's when it happened... She cried.  Gosh, nothing makes you feel lower or helpless as that... At least not for me.  Needless to say, I'm in a "great" mood today and feel very guarded towards her now and I'm low on myself.  Peyronies sucks, man.  I'm hurting so much today that I'm not comfortable standing or sitting.  Very low does not begin to describe me today.  

[nemo]

Man, I am truly sorry about that and that it hit you in the gut like that.  I would strongly suggest you talk it over with her, as soon as possible.  Find out how it made her feel, and definitely let her know how it made you feel. I'm sure she wasn't trying to hurt you, but I think it's important you let her know that it did - so she understands there are positive ways of dealing with this and very negative ways, and only by supporting each other can it be positive.  

Nemo

[welshwales]

That's a real shitter, no two ways about it. I really feel for you man. That place you are in right now sucks, I've been there myself. At first it's like a suckerpunch, when you discover you can't perform in the ways you and your partner are used to. It took me a good long while to build up the confidence to return to sexual relations after several failed attempts. But the frustration and outright humiliation gave me the impetus I needed to get more creative in bed. Intercourse is no longer the most important aspect of our love-making, and if anything we have a more enjoyable love life than before. But that's not to say intercourse should be side lined, just not the main priority.

The pain won't always be there, and the acute stages of the disease don't last forever. You just need to be more careful during inflammatory periods, and make sure you communicate this with your partner. I found that getting a bit drunk and having a good long discussion about our sex life broke down some of the barriers that we had both erected (no pun intended) as a result of this disease. It is easy to forget how much it can affect our wives, and it's good to be as open and honest as possible with each other. Those pent up frustrations and hang ups have to be expressed somehow, and it's better to do it outside of the bedroom. You'll both know what to expect, and you won't be getting any nasty shocks.

Hang in there, things can and will get better if you make the effort.

[nemo]

Here here, welshwales, well said.  It's about "love life" not "sex life." Both are important, but one much more than the other.  

Nemo

[NeoV]

That sounds absolutely devastating.. I'm so sorry and I'm also just frustrated.

I always ask myself, could I love a girl and even adore her if she could not have sex with me. The answer is yes, but I wonder if that's largely because my interest in sex is now very low and simply altered. I think your story is terrifying because of the truth it may reveal, either about her or about humans in general, but at the same time it could have been a representation of something she only had to feel at that moment, and not something simply true about her feelings towards you overall.

It's interesting how even young guys like myself or others with minor cases still consider implants. Even just a little dent or scarring can be enough to ruin the entire experience of sex. It's just all so crazy. At the end of the day you have to remain humble and positive. Let her know you don't expect her to love your penis or be satisfied, and all you can do is work on it.  

[nemo]

She could have simply been stressed that you were stressed, and the injection of stress into a normally pleasurable, intimate activity just rattled her and triggered a swell of emotions. Sex is a vulnerable time for any woman.  I wouldn't interpret it as a catastrophic fracture in your relationship or anything ... but this is precisely why you need to talk it over. You need to know exactly how she's feeling.

Nemo

[Jeepman47]

Thanks guys, much appreciated...  Yes, I understand that it may have been a frustration thing in the heat of the moment I had to bail due to pain.... But, I also know she cried when we first discovered I had this...  We had just left the Dr. office and didn't see the best Urologist...  So, yes, I know it weighs heavy on her mind outside of the bedroom.  There were some things said last night, but nothing was harsh or mean towards me.  She just asked "why does this have to happen to you, to us??"  I had nothing.  I still have nothing.  I just have tried to laugh it off or not think about it too much.  The truth is it's got me questioning if I'll be enough for her anymore.  We have a good relationship, and this is really the only problem in our life right now (other than regular financial things that all couples seem to have, and etc.)  There are even more open-ended questions due to other health problems with me.  I really have no one who can provide the answers that I need.  I have to watch what meds I take as it is... I mean, I can't even take aspirin for God's sake... due to it thinning my blood.  So, needless to say I've very overwhelmed after seeing how she really feels.  She told me she "needs time to grieve"...

[NeoV]

Jeepman what treatments are you using? What do you think about an implant? Are you using VED therapy?

[Jeepman47]

I have recently started taking Pentox and cialis.  But honestly, I'm am to "perform" so to speak and even keep the erection (for the most part).  The issue is pain.  It was bad around Christmas of last year, that's when I was finally diagnosed, but then it got better about 2 months after that.  I had swelling, tenderness, and girth (probably from scarring).  No change in angle or anything at that time.  Now, this flair-up has been extremely painful.  It's interfering with sex life, home life, work, etc.  So, basically, pain is the issue here.  Pain at work, pain sitting, pain standing, pain, pain, pain... I actually have resorted to taking Oxycodone for it.  Due to my hemophilia issues it's confusing if I have active bleeding or just hyperactive Peyronies.  I have been injecting my IV meds to treat the bleeding just in case.  

[MisterBee]

Rough situation. Really sucks and I do hope better days are ahead for you.

My wife and I struggled with some problems that life handed us (unrelated to my condition) and I truly feel that doing your best to maintain a positive attitude is important - as difficult as that can at times be.

I looked at the situation and challenges we were facing and decided that we were still better off than someone born into famine, or war, or slavery, or something else truly awful and terrible. Better off than someone born with a crippling disease, or someone maimed and crippled in some bad accident. A good sex life is important and contributes greatly to ones quality of life - but it isn't the only factor, and there are millions and millions of people in less fortunate positions than I was in. This helped me to realize that there are many ways to have a good life.

That being said - best wishes for a recovery and hopefully you can find a way to heal together and grow your relationship.

[nemo]

Jeep, as you've seen, the pain does come and go, so just remember that - it may be here now, but it's on it's way out. You just have to ride it out.  

Like MisterBee, sometimes when I'm in a dark place about Peyronies Disease, I think to myself, somewhere, right this very instant, someone just got delivered a terminal diagnosis from their doctor. It helps me keep things in perspective, as worst case scenario for most of us would involve a surgical implant (which everyone who gets one declares the greatest thing since sliced bread). So while we may be given to doom and gloom, let's try to keep it in perspective.  

Nemo

[Jeepman47]

Thanks MisterBee and Nemo.  I am trying to be positive and I've continued to let her know the desire is there and that it's not over just because of a little setback.  We are just going to have to wait this out and work through it while we wait.  I know all to well about the cancer and stuff you mentioned, as my brother just had a 2nd brain tumor removed in the last 6 years.  So, I am keeping things in perspective... But sometimes you just have a rough day.  I'm in better state than I was when this was posted, that much is for sure.  

[nemo]

Just know you can always come here and find guys not only willing to listen, but who know (almost exactly) what you're going through.  Either on the forum or through PM, reach out when you need some support. While we may not have any sure-fire cures, we can darn sure support one another on an emotional level.  

Nemo

[emasculated]

It is a normal reaction. Women tend to show their emotions more overtly. We tend to bottle it all up until we break down and do something stupid. A lady friend who knows what I was going through once told me "wow, you are handling it really well..". In reality I wasn't, you just couldn't read it on my face that I was terribly depressed, sad, afraid.. and countless other emotions.

[LWillisjr]

Yes, while we worry if our partners will continue to love us, they have emotions and feelings as well. Which is why we have a ladies only board on the forum. The tears may have come at a bad time, but recognize she has her feelings as well. And she may be worried that you might fall out of love with her. This is a time for both you to keep communication open and tackle this thing together.

[Cal30]

Jeepman47, that is a really hard pill to swallow, but you're doing a wise thing in sharing your experience with other men here on this forum. None of knows exactly what the future holds and how it will unfold for any of us. Sometimes a word of encouragement is just the thing we need to keep moving forward to the next thing. (I hope you have found that in some of the replies you've been getting from other men on this post.)

As you bravely and courageously face the disturbing and painful difficulties that lie ahead of you, other men draw strength and hope from you as well. Keep on keeping on!

I pray that your pain will subside, pray for your healing and pray that you and your wife will continue to find ways to enjoy each other even when it seems impossible.

[Jeepman47]

Thanks, Cal.  We have se aside some time to talk tonight.  

[Cal30]

Let us know how it goes! Hope it goes well!

Cal

[Jeepman47]

Well, here's an update.  We talked some about it and the difficulties.  Basically she is afraid she is hurting me and seems to think that I won't speak up enough.  We came to the agreement of speaking up and letting each other know what works and doesn't work and to not live in fear of injury.  I will say after that talk we were able to have a good time without it being painful for either of us.  Time will really show how it all ends up going, but talking about it seems to have drawn us closer so far.  If nothing else maybe this "disease" will grow my marriage and bond with her even more.  If that's the case, I won't say I'm all for having a bent penis, but in a way I guess I am saying that I am.  She means the world to me and even more-so to see how much she cares for me.  

[nemo]

WONDERFUL NEWS!  

[MisterBee]

Communication is everything! Awesome update.

[BX642]

This is great information and it truly is nice
to know that other people share the fear of the
unknown, but are very supportive. Last night was
my first uncomfortable night with my wife since being
diagnosed almost 3 months ago. Not uncomfortable with
pain, but with the situation. I have had a lot of pain
associated with the changes in this acute stage but have
said little and have just dealt with it. Last night my wife
and I did not have sex, she told me that she does not want
to hurt me and then proceeded to say she feels like she could
have caused this. I told her she didn't, and that it was important
to me to continue as normal as possible as long as we could
and we would make adjustments as needed. I have had a very
fortunate marriage and sex life for the past 16 years. I know a lot
of you have gone through or are going through what I am. Any advice
or words of wisdom are appreciated. Thanks

[LWillisjr]

I think you already said it yourself. It is important that you try to continue as normal as possible. Now that you are both aware of this just be careful. You can still have sex without being rough and wild.

Sort of gives a new slant on 'Safe Sex' doesn't it.