what do you tell a new woman about your condition?

[wreaked]

i'm 45.  starting to date again.  what do you say to a new woman about your condition?  and, when do you say something?  and what do you say?

many thanks  

[GS]

This is just a thought, but maybe when you feel intimacy is in the near future.  I don't think you tell every woman you go out with, but maybe practice on one you're not too impressed with to get some experience explaining it.  It will probably get a lot easier the 2nd and 3rd time around.

I would probably ask the question of whether she has ever heard of Peyronies Disease, and go from there to explain it if she hasn't. I wouldn't want to explain Peyronies Disease to someone while I had an erection and was getting ready to have sex with her.  

GS

[RoyHobbs]

I've been in this situation and honestly I'd say skip the details. Wait until you're intimate. Depending on how noticeable your curve is I would say, "hey, you're likely going to notice an extreme bend down there. It's from an injury." The name of the disease will only cloud her head with thoughts she doesn't need to have yet. If the relationship progresses open up more and get into details then. Just own it and be confident. If it seems like it's going to be an issue she may worry about the long term. Think of it as a "need to know" basis.

[IhatePD]

I was in the same situation and I didn't say anything to her until a few days after we were intimate. She said she didn't notice anything and I had a 40-45 degree upward curve at the time. She was more concerned about herself and being naked and intimate with me. At that is from someone who is a very pretty and sexy lady.

We forget that the person we are with the first time has things they are concerned about as well. I explained everything to her from the start of my Peyronies Disease up to the moment we were together including what I was doing about it, VED, traction, supplements, etc. If you are looking for someone that will be your partner and not just a one night stand, then I suggest explaining everything after you have been intimate. Honesty really is easier and having someone you can confide it will help keep you closer.

We have be together since November last year and she doesn't want me to get Xiaflex injections since she loves the upward curve (of 35-40 degrees now) as it "hit spots no one has hit before". Still, the curve freaks me out and I still want it straight again.  

[UrsusMinor]

I think RoyHobbs is right--call it an injury. Or an enhancement. But don't use the word 'disease.' To many people, "disease" = "contagious." And a penis disease sounds like an STD. I mean, really, does a woman want to have sex with somebody who has a diseased penis?

An unusual penis is another matter...

[NeoV]

I always tell them it's a "genetic problem" that made sex painful for me for the last few years when it was bad. The bending is something I tend to bring up as secondary, since mine is pretty minor now, and I'm most worried about re-injury. I also bring up Dupuytren's occasionally. I'm also up front about showing it to women, they are usually pretty curious and accepting, as long as you are accepting of it yourself, as is true with most things with women (or partners).

[wreaked]

thanks so much for the feedback and advice.  I got injured about a year or so ago.  got depressed and diabetic after my divorce.  i got diagnosed with frozen shoulder and worked my way through that.  although it took a long time.  then moved out and was alone and depressed and was limp all the time, even watching porn.  tried to masturebate to make myself feel better as i was feeling miserable all the time, probably clinically depressed.  i think i injured it during those times.  at first i thought i was just experiencing impotence.  went to doctor and got viagra and cialis and was with 4 women over the course of 8 months and could not get it up, even with oral and vaginal attempts.  then i started noticing the curve and then noticed a large plaque area about the size of a quarter on top of my penis.  then discovered peyronies.  

now, i am progressing toward seriousness with a woman.  we have not had sex.  but i can tell this relationship will likely be long term.  i have not mentioned anything about peyronies.  she has been telling me that she has some anxiety about sexual situations with men, that she has a fear of getting an STD.  she said she went and saw a therapist about it.  therapist told her it was an unrealistic fear, and a defense mechanism she implemented to give herself permission to not meet another man or to sabotoge newly developing relationships.  

so, now i enter the picture.  she likes everything about me, yet has that fear.  so now I have the issue of peyrones, combined with her fears about STDs.  seems she could think my peyronies is an STD.  at least i am afraid of that.

i have prepped her kind of by talking about the other complications of diabeties i have had.  including frozen shoulder and the plaque that forms in the shoulder socket.  so, i figure when the time comes where we are approaching intimacy, i will say "there is another complication of diabetes that I am experiencing..."  and explain the peyronies

[LWillisjr]

Wee when the time is right you for sure want her to know that it has nothing to do with an STD.

[Mending the Bend]

wreaked -

seems she could think my peyronies is an STD.  at least i am afraid of that.

Yours is a concern shared by many on this board, I am sure. I started an intimate relationship with a woman during my active phase, and she was very understanding about the curvature - didn't seem to bother her very much. But I struggled to find words to describe the reasons for it. I made the mistake of using the word "cyst" once, and she instantly envisioned it as being puss-filled. "Plaque" or "scar" are likewise not very helpful, because they either don't describe it well or make the woman wonder what on earth we were doing with our penises to get a huge internal scar.

I think I've settled on describing it as a result of a genetic disposition to having fibrosis. And even though I don't know if it has anything whatsoever to do with it (probably doesn't), if the woman is still confused then I would cite a 'similar' example of women getting fibrous growths in their ovaries. That's something that they understand.

Best of luck,

Mending the Bend

[UrsusMinor]

"...or make the woman wonder what on earth we were doing with our penises to get a huge internal scar."

Yeah, I've wondered that myself!