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Author Topic: Male here, seeking a woman's input...  (Read 1820 times)

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29mUK

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Male here, seeking a woman's input...
« on: August 23, 2014, 03:16:05 PM »

I'm fortunate enough to be in a long-term relationship.

I'm also fortunate enough that my girlfriend attends my medical appointments with me, so has met my urologist & heard what he has to say.

Thirdly, I'm fortunate enough that when it comes to intercourse, she appreciates how delicate my member feels - & that we have to be very careful because certain positions can be quite painful for me.

All this said ^ (& believe me, I am grateful to have her), I don't feel emotionally supported. She makes little quips about me "having" to use my VED/traction devices, sometimes rolling her eyes or huffing if I say "oh I've got to do this..." etc.

& whilst I'm appreciative that she'll let me know that none of this is a "big deal" & that she "doesn't care", she doesn't seem to have put herself in my position to realise that - although she may not - I do care. Arguably, I know I should be happy that it apparently doesn't matter to her; but the cautious part of me is horrified at the idea of this disease progressing to a point where it stops me having intercourse & causes other such issues - because who's to say I'll be in this relationship for the rest of my life? Prior to meeting my girlfriend, women would frequently compliment the size & appearance of my genitalia. The prospect of one day having to pull out & greet someone with a diminished & curved "freaky" penis scares the crap out of me, & I whilst I know the size of a man's penis often means more to him that it does to his partner, I guess I'm a little stuck knowing how to contend with the feelings I'm having.

I suppose my question for you ladies is this... how do I convey to my partner how scary this situation is for me? (without saying "well if we ever split up..." etc, obviously!). I just want to feel like I can talk to her about the situation a little more openly, without it seeming like it's a taboo subject. As things are, I feel like I'm bottling too much up :(
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JJB6

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Re: Male here, seeking a woman's input...
« Reply #1 on: December 12, 2014, 11:55:49 PM »

Hi, it's been a while since your post so I don't know if things have changed since then.  One communication tool I've heard is to use "I" statements (hokey as they sound, they're effective, and do not sound so blaming).  E.g., "I feel _<emotion>__ when you __<action>_."  And as far as letting her know how scary it is for you, just tell her it is scary for you, and why (agreed, leave out the part about maybe splitting up someday). 
I'm guessing if there is a new relationship you'd want to get to know the person well first, and talk with them about the Peyronie's so it's not a surprise.  Any woman who is worthwhile will be okay with it (and to me, "it's okay with me" sounds better than "I don't care".  You probably want her to care.). 
I hope things have improved since you posted this!
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