On the Light Side

[Lancaster]

Sometimes I find myself having impure thoughts about my VED.

That is to funny S-works. Have you given your VED a name yet?   

[Old Man]

skunkworks:

Well now, after all it is your VED and your body!! You can do what you want to with either of them or both!! Call it impure or impulsive, huh?

Old Man

[skunkworks]

Sometimes I find myself having impure thoughts about my VED.

[jackp]

Guys check this link, very funny

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AttKkWUd-RQ&NR=1

Jackp

[GaryNC]

I went skinny dipping with some male friends in the lake in NC.  Soon a large fish with a large open mouth was scoping me out.  I had to shew it away several times.  It is nice to be wanted but not that way.

[Woodman]

Skjaldborg- Thanks for the laugh! I really needed it.

[Skjaldborg]

I have an appointment this week with Dr. Lue at UCSF this week. I have been filling out the usual forms  that contain some very personal information. Nothing new here since in the last seven months I have undergone various prodding and pulling by strange men various urologists, which has fundamentally redefined my definition of personal privacy. Dr. Lue, by all accounts, is very thorough and in addition to the questionnaires, he requests that the patient take a digital picture of his erect penis and email it to him prior to the appointment.

So here I am this morning getting ready to take a picture of good ole morning glory with the camera equipment I set out the night before. I strode with confidence from my bedroom, old faithful pointing the way, if only slightly askew, to the privacy of my home office. I pull open the elastic waste band of my shorts to snap a quick pic and get this little unpleasantness over with and, *BEEP* damn it, low battery. Crap. I rustle through the junk drawer in my desk for some fresh batteries. After some anxious fumbling, my fingers find their quarry: two AA batteries. I pop open the camera and, drop the old batteries and slide the new ones in place with the speed and urgency of a soldier loading a new magazine in combat zone. I switch on the camera to take the pic and...damn it, my erection is gone.

Fortunately, my office has a computer attached to the internet, which as we all know serves up a delightful bounty of nudity and all manner of boner-inducing depravity. With a few clicks I'm on to website featuring women in various stages of undress. Jackpot. I grab a bit of lotion to get things going and start tugging away with the speed and urgency of a man whose dignity is crashing like the stock market in October, 1929. I finally raise old glory and as I reach for the shutter button, my lubed up finger slips and I turn off the camera. Crap.

I am suddenly awash in a great flash of self awareness. My thoughts drift from the realm of "I" to the cold, detached viewpoint of "he." "He" is a man whose life has become an absurd and twisted mockery of reality. This moment reeks of the surreal; it boasts all the feverish insanity of a Salvador Dali painting as described by Hunter S. Thompson on an amphetamine binge. The room grows cold as pornography churns away on the screen in front of him. After a few moments, my thoughts drift back to subjective reality and I think to myself, "Dammit, all I want to do is to send pictures of my ding dong over the internet to a man I've never met, who will later charge me money to tell me that I have an incurable disease. Why do the gods taunt me so? Is the mischievous Norse god Loki behind this? Probably."

I take a few deep breaths and return to the task, er, at hand. "Come on Skjald, you can do this, just lie back and think of England America." Having finished their cruel taunts, the gods finally show some mercy and restore my functioning. I snap a few quick pics and send them off to the doc.

"I hope I sent those to the doc and not my high school reunion committee," I think to myself, "someday, I'll look back at this and laugh."

-Skjald

[Hunter]

Thanks to all for the supportive discussion over the last few weeks on humor. I really didn't mean to offend anyone and regret it if I was too subtle. Nor am I anti-traction in any way: See below (no spam intended). Something for "The Man With the Golden Gun". I wish I'd known it was available earlier while I was still shopping.

Hunter

Canadian medical appliance manufacturer X4 Labs, which sells a penis-elongating traction device for around $400, disclosed in August that it is making a solid gold version on contract for a Saudi businessman. The buyer claimed he required gold only because of allergies, but then also ordered it ornamented with diamonds and rubies, according to an August Agence France-Presse report. X4's cachet as a medical-appliance supplier is expected to get the device past Saudi customs, which normally bans sex toys.          [Agence France-Presse, 8-5-09]

[Old Man]

Jackieo:

What a find!! Guess the boy's old man was not one of the brightest guys around huh? Can't imagine what the smelly goo was though!!!

Old Man

[newguy]

That's a good one

[Jackieo]

I saw an add for a product call the "Fleshlight".  It is a male masturbation item.  I thought it might be good for "getting off" without the stress of hand friction, etc. being that it provides uniform "light friction".  I went to Amazon.com to see what product listings they had and I found this product review for their best selling "Fleshlight".  Ha...Someone slipped one past the Amazon censors.

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
     
19 of 36 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars Worst flashlight I've ever owned, September 4, 2009
By Stuff - See all my reviews
I bought this to keep in our emergency hurricane kit several years ago. One night recently a bad storm came along and knocked out all the power in my area. Imagine my surprise when I dig this thing out and switch it on and find out that it doesn't light up anything at all!

I checked to see that the batteries were inserted correctly and working, and not only were they in correctly, but they appeared to have been replaced by my son no more than a week ago, because I taught my son to always be prepared for hurricanes and he took this duty seriously, going into the garage several times a week to check on the kit.

When I unscrewed the top to check the bulb, the bulb was not only missing but there was a huge hole that was filled with some kind of horrible smelling goo. The flashlight had obviously been made from cheap easily corrosive materials that disintegrated in the humid Florida weather.

I tried to throw it away but my son, who is a very environmentally conscious kid, insisted that we shouldn't be wasteful. He took it into his room and assumed the duty of trying to repair the thing. He spends hours on end locked in his room tinkering with the thing. I personally think it's a lost cause, but maybe we can use it as a toothbrush holder instead of trashing it.

I would not recommend this flashlight.

[newguy]

Noway - It's important that you stick to trying to figure out ways to deal with your condition from both a physical and emotional perspective. Being combative with people who are here to help isn't a useful or productive approach.

[Noway]

Yeah your laughing at a "joke" that probably caused your problem in the first place. I disagree with your post hawk. Also I think saying im going to punch you in the face is humerous .

[Hawk]

This board is for those that wish to therapeutically release or enjoy some humor in spite of their challenges, maybe because of them. Humor is irony, satire, a joke, or other experience that is likely to provoke humor.  Like EVERY comment, it is possible someone might be offended.  Hunter's post was funny to me and very tame compared to many other posts here (for example, my own post http://www.peyroniesforum.net/index.php/topic,28.msg11462/topicseen.html#msg11462).  The ONLY inappropriate post was from Noway.  Our forum's response to humor is that it is healthy and we allow others that offend over humor to confine themselves to the treatment boards where there is LESS humor.  We will not ban humor from the one NON-serious board on the forum to please one person.

The suggestion that someone is likely to come to the "On the Light Side" Board and take a joke as a serious treatment suggestion is absurd.

I might decide to remove the wet blanket that Noway threw on this board by removing all posts that comment on Hunter's very funny post.  Hopefully Noway will become healthy enough that he can take humor as humor and not want to lash out in response to personal anger or hurt.  If not, he should stay away from this one board so he is not bothered by those of us who can.

Hawk

[newguy]

Low Dose Naltrexone apparently sometimes gives people lucid dreams. I'm going to start marketing a half Low Dose Naltrexone, half cocoa pill and call it auto-erotic. Hmm, not that name is slightly inappropriate. I'll call to erotic-immune. Good, that's settled.

[Tim468]

It's late, I'm tired. Ain't been getting any lately. I'm heading to bed and I know what my nightcap is gonna be!

Tim

[skunkworks]

Ok, when I have a cup of cocoa before bed (organic cocoa, no milk or sugar added), I have the most erotic dreams ever!

This is a huge plus in the nocturnal erection area, am waking up with teenage intensity erections!

It has happened too many times for it to be coincidence anymore. If I have cocoa before bed, bring on the naughty dreams.

[Angus]

A recap of the forum rule about personal attacks in case you have not read the rules:

"4. Open attacks and threats will not be allowed.  If we think an idea is stupid we can find a gentleman’s way of saying so.  This is not just a gentleman’s club however. If we are not gentlemen, then we can say, “I think that is a stupid idea”.  We can not however, disrupt this board in an exchange of personal attacks or threats.  A personal attack is one that is directed at a person rather than at an idea."

  Expressing the desire to punch a member in the face is a personal attack. This forum will not be allowed to degrade to a school ground shoving match. Make future posts in a way that members are not attacked or threatened.

[Skjaldborg]

Noway,

I'm sorry you didn't find the joke funny. I don't believe the intention was to mock anyone with Peyronie's or someone's penis size. If anything, the joke is a subtle reflection of Western society's view that men should all have a gigantic penis and the desperate things some people have done to achieve that ideal (often when they are completely normal and have no objective need to do so). Regardless, we need to laugh at this stupid disease now and again because really, whose bright idea was it to come up with a completely non-fatal, self-limiting disease that does nothing except contort and cause pain in the penis? Sometimes for no reason at all! Sometimes in healthy older gentleman! Sometimes even in healthy young men! And it's incurable even though we can send people to the moon and clone sheep! What the %#@*!?

Why can't we have a nice disease that causes us to feel confident, happy and full of self worth? Or a disease that allow us total satisfaction with who we are and how we look? Maybe one that gives us nice erections, cures baldness and does your taxes? Sign me up for that, please.

Sometimes I can't tell if this disease is tragically comical or comically tragic. It's positively tragomical.

Signed,

Dick Hertz Skjaldborg

[Noway]

Newguy

  I did not have a laugh of the whole situation with the potatoe bag lenthing exercise. What if some new person comes on this site and checks that out and tries it. Obviously people tried it before because on manswer a tv program someone asked the question how do I lengthen my penis and a urologist said the only way is get surgical treatment. Not by put heavy things on your penis because that will break it. I didnt find what hunter said in no way funnny. If hes mocking anything hes mocking people with peyronies diesease. Its supposed to be a lighter side of us not thinking about the disease we have and hes putting up jokes about it hes a fool. Also he is not mocking the penis extention crowd that want bigger penis hes making a bad comment to them and making fun of them because not all of us have a big penis.

[newguy]

Noway - It helps some people in dealing with this absurd situation that we're in to joke about it. I don't think his comments are at all deserving of threats. He was essentially mocking the penis extention crowd and the type of weight hanging endevours they indulge in.

[Noway]

Hunter your not even funny putting up that potatoe bag penis exercise lenthening . You shouldnt be making a joke like that on a site where people have problems with there penis expecially bending and curvature. Its a lighter side where you should be making an actually joke that is not a joke at all. Im surprised your not banned from this site. I hope your penis is messed up and deformed it just sickens me you would put up a retarded post like that. I wish I could meet you and punch you in the face.

[Hunter]

To lwillisjr: Thanks Les, here's one more along similar lines that can be told in any company:

New Information Gathered While Studying Lab Mice

Question; Scientists want to know why mice have such small balls.

Answer: Studies find that most mice really don't care to dance.

[lwillisjr]

Hilarious.......   

Thanks Hunter. And thanks for sharing your history in the history thread. I just read through it. Sorry you had a bad experience sharing this with a "close" friend. Feel free to share here...... believe me, we don't laugh (Except for funny stories with potato bags)

[Hunter]

PENIS LENGTHENING EXERCISE


Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have some clear floor space beneath.

Sitting in a chair, tie a 5-lb  potato bag to your penis and slowly stand up. Try not to get too much swinging action at this early point in the exercise. Then sit down and relax.

Each day you'll find that you can do this exercise for just a bit longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags.

Then try 50-lb potato bags and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato bag with your penis. (I'm at this level.)
       
After you feel confident at that level, try putting a small potato in each bag.

[luka-brasi]

yeah, i miss my depressedurbation session also!

everytime i took my trash out i think how cool it would be if the "doc" stops by with his delorian.
only three years back in time...



A friend of mine coined the term, "Depressederbation," a la, when you're depressed you masturbate because you're bored. When I was stricken with Peyronies Disease I was like "Damn, this is horrible on my psyche and I can't even depressedurbate!"
[/quote]

[RichB]

One of the side effects of having it is that the time I spent on looking at internet porn has gone down!

A friend of mine coined the term, "Depressederbation," a la, when you're depressed you masturbate because you're bored. When I was stricken with Peyronies Disease I was like "Damn, this is horrible on my psyche and I can't even depressedurbate!"

[lwillisjr]

from some weight loss website (obviously foreign)

Peyronie’s disease is the condition which is caused by strange flaw of the penis. This equates to which instead of the true penis, it is bended or deviated which creates it really most unpleasant for the pang chairman when he gets the erection. Peyronie’s disease is the aberrant flaw or tortuous of the penis which have it formidable for the group to suffer the passionate ecstasy.

I need to change my handle to Pang Chairman!

This is great! Thank you Mr. Pang Chairman.

[McNally]

from some weight Loss website (obviously foreign)

Peyronie’s disease is the condition which is caused by strange flaw of the penis. This equates to which instead of the true penis, it is bended or deviated which creates it really most unpleasant for the pang chairman when he gets the erection. Peyronie’s disease is the aberrant flaw or tortuous of the penis which have it formidable for the group to suffer the passionate ecstasy.

I need to change my handle to Pang Chairman!

[deereone]

I got laid-off in February and  have not find a new job. I guess I could become a Gigolo!
Oh wait a minute, E. D. and Peyronies hum.. How much are they paying for blood these day?   

[deereone]

One of the side effects of having it is that the time I spent on looking at internet porn has gone down!

[joe]

I saw this bent fish in the tank at local sushi restaurant and felt like I could sympathize with the poor guy..

[newguy]

Stick a couple of VEDs on a brightly colored hat and claim that you're on your way to an exclusive fashion event.

[Tim468]

I would recommend traveling with the largest one and when they pull it out, sigh and say, well, when it's that big, I need some help getting enough blood into it.

Tim

[Jackieo]

I think I was over-thinking this last night while packing.
I finally have a solution that will work for me....
I will pack some sheet-music with the ved.  If I get questioned I will simply tell Mr. TSA that I am in the symphony....I sit right next to the oboe player.

[Old Man]

Hey guys:

Just tell the TSA agents that it ia a new form of breast enlargement for you new girl friends!!!!

Old Man

[Jackieo]

Very good!
I have visions of arriving on the east coast and needing to file a loss with TSA...
"I am missing a camera, an electric razor, a watch, and, oh....a VED (...all the time seeing the satisfied look on the TSA agents face (YES!  I finally got one for free!))  Maybe I should travel with the "small" tube to limit the possibility of theft!
JackieO

[newguy]

Okay....
Has anyone traveled with a VED?  Any recommendations for packing in a checked bag or a carry-on"
Stuff it with rolled socks?.....wrap it with ties?  Buy it a seat? ....any tricks?
Any problems with TSA?  Any funny stories? 
JackieO

I chuckled at "buy it a seat". I'd just put it in the checked bag, so hopefully it wouldn't be something you have to deal with directly. You could always label it . I definitely wouldn't bother concealing it, as you have nothing to hide. If anything, that could draw attention to it.

[Jackieo]

Okay....
Has anyone traveled with a VED?  Any recommendations for packing in a checked bag or a carry-on"
Stuff it with rolled socks?.....wrap it with ties?  Buy it a seat? ....any tricks?
Any problems with TSA?  Any funny stories? 
JackieO

[Hawk]

Now that was funny 

[Tim468]

Now wee that's what I get for copy-pasting from one place to another. I was trying to be good and not clutter up a serious place with banter (you know.. that seems to irritate some folks).

Jack responded to Pete Here:

http://www.peyroniesforum.net/index.php/topic,700.msg19445.html#msg19445

The urologist called Pete "nuts"...

Jokes are never funny when you explain em, and this wasn't that funny to begin with. But I was thinking of a joke Jay Leno told. "In Montreal yesterday a nude man with a knife held police at bay for two hours, and the stand off ended when he cut off his penis and threw it at them!"... pause... "Well, I guess he showed them!"

that was funny enough, but then he added "Later, it turned out he was just nuts"

[Hawk]

Who called who nuts?  I see no such post and there is no heading on your post to give a hint.

Is there any chance you are going nuts 

[Tim468]

"The urologist that called you "nuts" needs another profession. "

But if one loses his penis, then he might be just nuts after all...

[McNally]

I friend of mine drew this - brought a smile - hope it does for you too! (& I hope this attach function works - if not, sorry). 

[newguy]

Is this section only for posts concerning the light side of peyronie's? Or the light side of life in general? If it's the latter, I'm sure that there are plenty of funny videos, and the like that I can post occasionally.

EDIT: Actually my suggestion would probably be more suited to the Off Topic Discussion Area

[lwillisjr]

Good to know.  My browser takes me here when I open it, and while I haven't posted before, I always check to see what's new.

Ed,
The other threads on this forum are way more active than this particular one. You might want to set you browser default one level up to
http://www.peyroniesforum.net/index.php/board,2.0.html

[deadhead1947]

Good to know.  My browser takes me here when I open it, and while I haven't posted before, I always check to see what's new.  I'll try to jump in with something "on the light side" next time.

Ed

[Old Man]

Yeah, we are still here, but since this is the light side topic we just haven't had any light stuff to post.

OM

[deadhead1947]

I haven't seen a post since Feb 11th.  Is anyone out there?

[Hawk]

Welcome,

That was a pretty heavy (serious) post for the "Light Side" (funny) topic. 

Take a deep breath, make short posts, asking one or two questions or comments and you will get good responses to your posts.

Be sure to do as Angus said and post under a topic that fits what you are talking about.

Good Luck