On the Light Side

[bodoo2u]

Hawk, I'm not a religious man, but I would actually be willing to START going to church if it was part of a solution which meant a 24/7 erection without the pain and other nasty side effects of priapism.  Let the minister deal with the distraction during his sermon, what do I care? 

You guys are off the hinges. 

[amigo]

Hawk, I'm not a religious man, but I would actually be willing to START going to church if it was part of a solution which meant a 24/7 erection without the pain and other nasty side effects of priapism.  Let the minister deal with the distraction during his sermon, what do I care? 

[Hawk]

I'm with you, most men would rather have to explain to the people at church why they have a boner than to explain to their partner why they don't. 

[amigo]

I just realized that we've been going about this all wrong.  Instead of looking for ways to STOP calcification of the plaques, maybe we should find a doc who's willing to strategically INJECT calcium into the tunica during an erection.  You know, kind of creating a scaffolding of sorts and thereby proverbially putting the BONE back in boning!    On the downside, I suppose it would look like you've got an erection 24/7.  However, I would surmise that at least 105% of men surveyed would opt for this extreme versus the other. 

[Old Man]

Steve:

Boy, that angle would do great stroking of the "G" spot, huh?

Old Man

[Kimo]

Steve,,you are too funny, that is hilarious, i can't quit laughing......

Kimo

[Steve]

Hmmm,  I like it so much, I think I'll use it for my icon! (I may have to make it a little bigger -- then again, I wish I was a little bigger  ).

[Liam]

Best I've seen in a while!!! ROFL

[Hawk]

Steve,

I say go with it and market it.  It is a novel idea.  It is a memorable marketing design and it would promote awareness as well.  Plus it may make you rich. 

Promoting awareness and having rich, famous members is all we could ever hope for.

[Steve]

Liam...here's my version...

[Liam]

House quote from the other night that reminded me of a recent post.

"I'm thinking the broken bones are a response to the building falling on her head."
- Alone -House M.D.

It's going to be a great season!

[Old Man]

BertCobb:

Thanks for a good belly laugh after a trying day for me. Can't go into details, but just let me say that I was riding with an almost 80 year driver who was trying to use his cell phone at the same time. I finally told him, either quit using the phone, let me drive or I will do your calling for you! We finally made to all our destinations unscathed!!!

Sounds like that you have had quite the course in the medical field. Just keep up your good work and you will have a good reward in the end. (No pun intended!!)

Regards, Old Man

[Hawk]

Caring,

It makes me smile to know you got a chuckle.  I see a cute JRT (Jack Russell "Terror" ) as your avatar so you can maybe appreciate my post more than some. 

All people have to laugh. The best ways to ruin your life would be to take everything too seriously.

[Caring]

Hawk,

Oh my. You have no idea how hard I laughed at that when my hubby showed me. Thanks for the lite side of things.

[BertCobb]

Dear Old Man,
     On the discussion about the "sour-pussies", you can argue either side of the issue.  The beauty of a women is not in her vagina but in her mind and heart.  Often, what looks like a tiger on the hoof is a "sour" p~$$% in a tiger suit.  I like my women smart with a good sense of humor because everyone looks better when they smile and laugh.  Humor is the best indicator of a keen mind.
     No, I quit the practice of surgery even though I still needed practice.  I committed surgery for 20 years and changed course in mid life to become an allergist.  If what is about to happen with "healthcare" actually happens, I will hang it up.  America will NOT like what they get and doctors will be blamed for the government's mistakes.  Medicine has become just another profession instead of a calling as it once was.  I started out in minister school, got disheartened by what I saw there and started vet school but left when I saw the misery in that job.  I ended up in medicine but I don't like where it is leading as well.  I guess I will just keep on studying and learning until I become dust.  I have too many questions to stop asking.  I told my wife I want my tombstone to say "I doubt it!"
     In keeping with the "On the Light Side": I saw a lawyer with a stiff neck last week.  He reportedly got a Viagra stuck in his throat.  He spit it out into the commode but couldn't get the seat down for four hours so his "sour puss" wife got mad and hid the rest of them.  I guess his argument will not "stand up in court".  However, they could get him for assault with a "dead weapon".

[j]

Hawk, I suggest you move fast before PDL gets a patent on cat urine and starts selling it for $280 an ounce.

[Angus]

    Hawk, just keep us posted on the clinical trials. And, if you want to work up a powerpoint presentation on JackTrac, we can show that alongside my PP on home made VED's. A guy at the urological convention said we could have a 4 foot by 4 foot booth next to the parking lot attendant shack seven blocks from the convention center; guy said that's the best he could do. I figure if we gave away penis key rings or something we'd get a little traffic.
 

[Liam]

Some think "jackin" got them into this.  Maybe "jacking" will get them out. 

[Kimo]

Hawk,,that was hilarious'ly funny

[Hawk]

Unlike jelqing which is very radical.  I have developed a traction-like treatment method I call Jacking.  I have hesitated to post this since clinical trials are still forthcoming and like many new manual means of penis straightening, Jacking is being rejected by many doctors without even investigating the results.  As a pioneer in this technique, I can give the first anecdotal report of complete success.  Well, that was until one small injury from being too aggressive/careless set me back (about 10 years by my estimate).  

From my experience you can Jack yourself straight with just a little patience.  You must start by gaining full command of the actual Jack, (for instance, the come command).  Jacking also must be used with caution just like other mechanical methods of treatment. I also have to admit that I am not positive that jacking would work with hourglass deformity.

The Protocol:

First you snuggly tie a rag to your penis. Make sure it is tied further out than the actual curve or plaque.  The rag should be about 18 inches long to allow for a firm grip on the loose end.  If you have access to any cat urine, spray just a tad to the loose end of the rag. DO NOT ALLOW ANY OVERSPRAY TO GET ON YOUR PENIS (that was my big mistake).  Now shake the rag around and either yell "COME!" or whistle (depending on training) for your Jack Russell Terrier.  From this point the process is pretty much automatic.  All you really have to do is possibly brace yourself in a doorway to keep your balance.  

Depending on the age of your Jack, treatment could last from 15 minutes to 2 hours.  Length of treatment will also depend on whether you were able to find any cat urine.

I have included one photo of this treatment to illustrate what can happen when a patient (or the jack) is inexperienced.  The dilemma illustrated here by my episode, resulted from the rag coming untied and some cat urine accidentally coming in contact with my penis.  As you can see on careful inspection, there is one discolored plaque directly where the jacking is taking place.  This is the one that was almost totally corrected prior to this unfortunate episode. You will also notice the dark color due to lack of oxygen.  This usually will not occur if you have an older jack (over 14 yrs) that will let go prior to the 30 minute limit.  Be especially cautious of that violent little vicious head shake thing that Jack Russell Terriers are prone to do.  The "death shake" is far to aggressive for home use.

One word of encouragement, if any of you are interested, I am starting up phase 1 clinical trials to eventually market this.  I am marketing this promising traction method under the name JackTrac.  While I don't have FDA approval, I have completed all the paperwork for AKC and SPCA approval.

PS: Does anyone know of any VED tubes with a 75 degree bend?  I think I am going to give the VED a shot for a few months and give my little buddy a rest.  I think the Jack Russell needs a rest as well.

[Liam]

Need I say more?

[voulezvous]

I couldn't agree more about the importance of laughter.

My girl friend & I were discussing a restaurant we frequent the other day named "Barrone's".

From there we decided that there needs to be a corner restaurant here named "Peyronie's" with, as its marketing slogan, we use "just around the bend."!

[Old Man]

BertCobb:

How do you define sour-pussies?

Do you mean a woman with a sour disposition or --
Do you mean a woman with a sour nookie???

BTW, I think that you said on one of your posts that you were trained as a surgeon, do you still practice?

Old Man

[Tim468]

"Just how long does it have to be incarcerated in that plastic prison before it decides to go straight?" 

LOL - a sense of humor is priceless, but it's really good when someone is actually laugh out loud funny.

As for this line, "  A woman who can make you laugh is worth a hundred sour-pussies."... even though this is the "On the light side" area, I am going to let it alone... but man do I want to crack a joke here...

Tim

[BertCobb]

Laughter is good medicine and seeing the light of the "funny" side of Peyronies Disease is helpful.  When we have learned to laugh at ourselves and our compulsion to "do something" whether VED, oral meds, injections, etc., it means that we have begun to fight.  The other night as I was removing my "object of my compulsion" from its plastic VED chamber, my wife asked "Just how long does it have to be incarcerated in that plastic prison before it decides to go straight?"  That's just one of the reasons I love her so much.  A woman who can make you laugh is worth a hundred sour-pussies.

[Liam]

You called Mr. H

[Kimo]

I think he meant Rosie Palm's Motel 

[Old Man]

Hawk:

Please don't get Rosie involved here!

Thanks, Old Man

[Hawk]

I think I could find a nice Rosie O'Donnell avatar for ya.  No need to thank me, thats what friends are for.

[Liam]

Timely post.  With the weight I gained this summer, I almost changed my avatar to a Hotel
 

[Liam]

How about "Tired Testes Syndrome"? 

[bix]

Before the onset of Peyronie's, I remarked to my wife "I'm sure my penis was bigger than this when I was twenty." "No," she replied, "It was exactly the same size. It's just that the rest of you was much smaller!"

bix       

[Liam]

Mr. Bear and Mr. Fox were walking together in the woods.  Mr. Bear looked over to Mr. Fox and said in his slow Gumpish drawl, "Everybody in the whole forest knows how quick thinkin' you are.  And me..... well.... I'm a little...." 

"S-L-O-W", Fox cut in. 

"No, I was thinkin...um... slow.  I sure wish I could be smart like you"

"Well...., today's you're lucky day," Fox said as he reached into the pocket of his fur coat.  "I just happen to have these smart pills.  Take one three times a day for a week and you'll get smart.  And, all they'll cost you is 50 bucks."

Bear hesitated just a moment before reaching into the Nikes covering his bear feet (he keeps his moolah there for safety).  Pulling out a soggy and odoriferous $50 bill, he handed it over saying, "I hope you're right."

A week of faithful adherence to the prescription went by.  Bear lumbered through the woods to Mr. Fox's house.

"How goes it with the treatment," Fox was quick to ask?

"Well, to be honest, I don't feel any different...and...well... you know...these pills taste like rat poop."

At that Mr. Fox responded,






"NOW YOU"RE GETTIN SMART!!!"

[Liam]

[Liam]

While reading studies and reports and the likes, I was reminded of this excerpt from a mock ad in a Monty Python book

* DEVELOP UP TO 38" BICEPS
* GROW UP TO 12" TALLER
* LOSE UP TO 40" OF FAT IN YOUR FIRST WORK-OUT!
* PROLONG YOUR LIFE BY UP TO 1,000 YEARS
* GO TO BED WITH UP TO ANY LUDICROUS NUMBER OF GIRLS YOU CARE TO THINK OF PROVIDING YOU
REALIZE THIS STATEMENT IS QUITE MEANINGLESS AS THE PHRASE "UP TO" CLEARLY INCLUDES THE
NUMBER "NOUGHT."

Read the whole thing here.  It is quite funny.  It is even better in the book with the graphics.  Scroll down to "FEAR NO MAN"

http://www.intriguing.com/mp/_scripts/brandnew.asp

[Liam]

Tim,

Viva La Difference!

Between the two of us we'll cover all the bases.

If we can't agree on what Peyronies Disease is, how will we agree on what is truth. 

Liam

[Tim468]

Interesting point Liam - but I came to a different conclusion!

"It is only when we examine more closely we see the blacks and whites (or truths) involved"

Yet, when we look at the accompanying graphic, what I see is that when I look at the black and white, I cannot see the "truth" (which is for me, the image of the flower). It is only by seeing the grey, that we are able to see the image.

Tim

[Liam]

I don't claim to be a great philosopher.  I'm not even an amateur philosopher.  But the talk of gray areas has been a recurring theme in my life.  Black and white represent absolute truths.  Gray represents relative truths. 

I tend to think in black and white.  The problem comes in when there are more blacks and whites than a mind can comprehend.  This is when we see gray.  It is only when we examine more closely we see the blacks and whites (or truths) involved.





Source: http://www.webwasp.co.uk/define/bitmap/index.php

[Liam]

  Hourglass wait icon - Hourglass penis deformity - coincidence? 

[Liam]

http://www.gilligansisle.com/main.html

They have free video episodes (complete with new commercials) including the original pilot (different professor plus 2 secretaries instead of Ginger and Mary Ann).

This is about as "lite side" as it gets.  FUN STUFF!

[Angus]

Although I was always a "Betty" man (Mary Ann on Gilligan's Island), I have to go with the purple.  The green, of course, is for ED (as in M&Ms).  The Great Gazoo is for Brain Power.  Gazoo was originally from Vulcan (pre-Spock creation).

    Mary Ann was always hot on G.I. I tell ya. And how did she keep that hair so perfect on a deserted island anyway? And the Professor could build radios, generators, weather stations and communicate with other countries but couldn't fix the hole in the boat?
    I'm going to watch G.I. re-runs and soak in some modified Thackers: 6 1/2 cups of cooked spinach, one crushed orange, a teaspoon of Cramers Atomic Balm and a tablespoon of DMSO. Figured if I microwave it for a minute it'd be better than the apple pie scene from the movie American Pie. Ah, good times.
    Liam, yer killin' me 

[Liam]

Although I was always a "Betty" man (Mary Ann on Gilligan's Island), I have to go with the purple.  The green, of course, is for ED (as in M&Ms).  The Great Gazoo is for Brain Power.  Gazoo was originally from Vulcan (pre-Spock creation).

[Hawk]

Liam,  Would you recommend the purple or green ones for Peyronies Disease?

I stay away from the Wilma and Betty ones.  I think they resulted in a clear loss of penis size.

[Liam]

I admit I see things in unusual ways.  My humor is not always well received.  I do try to address sensitive issues with humor.  If I have offended anyone, who did not need offending (humor), my deepest and most sincere apologies.

If I have not offended you.  I promise to try harder (again, humor).

BTW, I do take and endorse Flintstone vitimins.  Sounds funny.  Is funny.  Taste good!  Real vitamins!!!

[Liam]

You guys are killing me.  I love it!!!

[Angus]

 
   If Peyronies Disease is righteous paybacks, then we have paid and done our penance for these dastardly deeds. You may have a gold mine in that 15 year old jar of Cramer so don't toss it just yet.
   1. Dissolve a tablespoon or two in your gas tank for improved combustion and gas mileage.
   2. See if it will remove old paint and rust from farm equipment.
   3. Write a proposal to have it accepted as a cheaper substitute for C4 explosive.
   4. Possibly a less expensive substitute for the solid propellant used for the Space Shuttle missions.
   5. 4 teaspoons added to a chili recipe will guarantee a win at the next Hot Chili Cookoff in Dallas.
   6. Get Cramer Balm added to the Thacker Formula. In a matter of days we'll not have to read about Thackers any more.

                                                                                          

[Hawk]

Low and behold, On a hunch I searched for that jar of Cramer and found it.  It must be 15 years old.  I addition to camphor, it also has methyl Salicylate, and Oleoresin Capsicum.  No wonder it lit a fire.

Isn't there some guideline that if you haven't used something in the last year, the chances are that you won't (especially if you don't even remember having it) and you should throw it away?

[Tim468]

Outstanding stories.

Tim

[Hawk]

My son left a big fat white jar of that Cramer Balm at the house many years ago.  It just set on the shelf for years until i needed something for a bad back a few years ago.  I wondered if it was still any good.  After applying it I concluded it must have gotten stronger with age, and that was one step down from the "Atomic Balm" level.

The thought of playing a game with that in your pants is beyond comprehension.  It is a wonder it didn't melt the ice rink.  I would try to shame you but since I remember macing the door knob on the officers restroom at the police department, I will cut you some slack.  It is a safe bet that the hand a guy uses to turn a door knob is the same hand he will use to hold his own knob when he takes a leak.  We also maced the toilet seat one evening much to our Lieutenant's screaming horror.

No wonder we have Peyronies Disease.  It is an righteous payback.

[Angus]

Reading the alternative treatments thread about Tiger Balm took me back to the 60's.
   New players to our high school hockey team, almost always sophomores, were given a "warm welcome" the night of their first game. There was a product called Cramer Atomic Balm (it may still exist) that was put on pulled muscles for aches and pains. This product must have contained the most virulent, caustic, volcanic heat producing substance known to modern man because it burned the skin for hours after application. It left redness and tender skin. It burned so deeply that attention was drawn from the pulled muscle to the flaming skin. Of course, Coach told us to toughen up and quit whining after its application and "work it out".
   A teaspoon or two of this caustic skin balm was applied to the inside of all sophomore players jock strap hard cups on the night of their first game. Newcomers were lined up outside and being grilled about playing well while upperclassmen applied the hellish compound to the inside of the newcomers jocks. They got dressed in haste after the "coaching" outside the locker room.
   The burn didn't start immediately after suiting up. A discomfort appeared during the pre-game skate, then developed into a full, three alarm crotch fire during the first 10 minutes of play. The burn was exacerbated by the heat and sweat generated in the groin area. Of course, all requests by the new players to leave the game and go to the locker room were met with blank stares and and a hearty "no" from Coach. After the first 20 minute period was over, the sophomores skated to the locker room with blinding speed, ripped off the hockey pants and jocks and hit the cold shower en masse. Of course, us upperclassmen had no idea how such a dastardly deed could have been performed. Rinsing out the jocks had little effect as the balm traces remained even after heavy rinsing in the shower. The second and third periods of the game produced a burn almost as intense as the unimaginable first period. Removing the jock and cup was out of the question because if you were discovered by the referee without a hard cup on you were disqualified from the game.
   I have lost touch with those underclassmen from those days, but I want to pubically apologize to all you guys who we burned on your first game. And I hope there were no long term effects from this shameful hazing. And to the makers of Cramer Atomic Balm: I hope and pray you've toned down your recipe from the Hellish formula of the sixties.

   Coaches only comment that night during the first period in his Canadian accent was "I tell ya, boy, them sophomores are skatin' a lot faster than in practice there. That's somethin' I need to find out aboot".