My painful erections make it hard to convince my wife I really want sex - help

Previous topic - Next topic

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

behoge

The worst symptom of my experience with Peyronies is the pain. It starts out pretty bad and gets better the longer I have an erection, but it's hard not to wince when I enter my wife. She doesn't want to pressure me, but she also thinks I don't want her if I don't initiate sex. I'm worried that any demonstration of my pain will make her feel unwanted and make intimacy difficult. What can i do to make her more comfortable through the early pain so that we can get through it? Any suggestions?

james1947

behoge

Welcome to the forum.
Regarding your question, maybe you should read together the posts on the forum, especially pain related. It may give your wife a new perspective and understanding regarding the disease you have.

By who and how your Peyronies was confirmed? Are you making some treatment?
If you are making some treatment, it may give also to your wife also more understanding that you are doing your best.

James  
Age 71, Peyronies from Jan 2009 following penis fracture during sex. Severe ED.
Lost 2" length and a lot of girth. Late start, still VED, Cialis & Pentox helped. Prostate surgery 2014.
Got amazing support on the forum

reynell

behoge

You have to talk to her and explain that its not her. And that might not work but you can try.

My situation was just the opposite.  She would go out of her way to NOT touch me in any way or even show any affection at all because she saw me in pain at times.

When i got an erection and attempted sex it would bring me to tears for a hour or two and would hurt for days.

I had to convince her that the pain was worth it to me at times.
I had to try and explain to her how i felt, It helped a little but i still had to beg for affection.
Try to make the point that this peyronies situation has nothing to do with  how you feel towards her.

Good luck

CCLVR

You know- I don't know the severity of your condition but it probably hurts her too. We just don't bend that way. Ironically, even though sex is painful for me, I feel worse that he acts like he doesn't want me so I kinda started initiating things again because I really miss the intimacy and physical closeness- let's face it- most of you guys give up on the whole making out thing as soon as you're allowed to have sex- whereas we women allow you to have sex so we can get the intimacy (the making out without sex) - so there's a whole retraining thing there. You have to sort of go back to when you began to date and you weren't having sex so you kissed and touched each other for hours because that's what you could do. (By the way- I LOVE that more than anything and I don't think I'm alone)

Every once  in a while I feel a little guilty because sometimes he does get an erection when we do this  but hey-  like the Rolling Stones sing- You can't always get what you want...

However, because I am getting more of what I need I have been willing to work a little more creatively at what he needs- not regularly often because - let me repeat- it hurts. There is no orifice in my body that bends like his penis. But we're starting to have sex of some sort  again.
And the other thing to keep in mind is that we women have pretty fragile egos no matter how we happen to look, so that coupled with the sexual rejection might just drive someone over the edge enough to give up on herself and the relationship.

Men use affection to get sex- women use sex to get affection- if we can get affection without the pressure of sex...well, it does help a lot. And if the affection gets as far as her wanting sex, she might let it slide (no pun intended) but let me warn you- we women have a tremendous capacity for making out without wanting sex. Try some old fashioned making out and then stop and watch a little TV. Then pick it up again later-- and stop and watch a little more TV. Women love for their lover to come up from behind and gently but firmly really caress their front and kiss the back of their necks for no reason at all. Use lot of non-sexual touching to get her used to the fact that you are attracted to her and find her desirable whether or not you have sex- and I promise you will get more sex.

And one last thing here- what YOU say to your wife  does matter-(I'm going to sound like I'm not very nice here, but try to get past that to the point I'm making) when men (and women) tell me I'm beautiful, it doesn't really count for me- I think people will tell you anything to get what they want, (that coupled with the fact that most of the men I know have very low standards). It doesn't make me feel sexy or desirable or beautiful- but when HE looks at me with that "look" or when out of the clear blue HE tells me that he can't stop looking at me...well, that's the bomb right there.

I know I gave you a lot of stuff to absorb with not much sympathy for your condition but I'm kind of hoping that you can also get a little glimpse of what the females think. We are fortunate that we are not trying to deal with trying to get pregnant or teenaged children with raging hormones. We're happy empty nesters here- just not ready to give up sex yet.

james1947

CCLVR

Your assessment regarding man/woman relations worth reading (and understanding). Especially:
QuoteMen use affection to get sex- women use sex to get affection
;D

Hope behoge will read your post also, he was last logged in at June 20.

James
Age 71, Peyronies from Jan 2009 following penis fracture during sex. Severe ED.
Lost 2" length and a lot of girth. Late start, still VED, Cialis & Pentox helped. Prostate surgery 2014.
Got amazing support on the forum

inkhorn

James- I have to agree that "the sayings" of cclrv are good, but I'm reminded of  former thread that stated that we should know the age of those posting, to better relate to the post. Not mandatory, but helpful. Regards Inkhorn