New Guy Helplessly Hoping Hermit

[Get Unbent]

Hi I hope this post makes it to the correct area....... i dont even know where to start.... im 39 years old and when i was 12-13 i just woke up with peyronies one day.... it may sound stupid and pathetic but it actually caused me to have PTSD which i am just coming to find out now.... what do you need to get PTSD? all it takes it something really messed up and not having anyone to help you through it....i thought i broke it from playing with it too much and was too scared to tell anybody. i was in shock for 2 years and avoided sex as long as i could until my friends started to think i was gay.... long story short was it basically turned me into a drug addict. Getting high was the only way i was able to have sex with someone and even then i could only have sex with people i wasnt attracted to.... 6 years ago i got clean and sober and its gotten so bad i cant even talk to people anymore.... any time body langue or conversation starts to turn sexual, i start having flashbacks, shut down and detach.... any time im at a store and a cute woman starts looking at me, i have flashbacks to that day and i become that terrified 12 year old kid.... i know its not that big of a deal.... my bend isnt very bad and i could still have sex but it has completely destroyed my confidence.... i dont know what to do? i feel like my life ended that day & i just been waiting to die..... i been trying to get used to living alone but i just cant.... i dont want to live like this anymore.... i gotten very good at pushing sex out of my mind and as long as i dont go anywhere or talk to anybody then im ok. what kind of life is that?.... this is very slowly and very painfully killing me and every day i wake up it just keeps getting worse... im at the point where i just want them to either fix it or permanently break it... if i cant get aroused then i wont have anything to worry about.... Since it gave me PTSD anytime i try to look into doctors or anything else i get psychically ill and my anxiety gets so bad that i just shake uncontrollably..... i finally broke down and told my best friend and they been staying on top of me so i do actually go... until my anxiety allows me to go see a doctor i been using CoQ10, carnitine, arginine, vitamine E and even castor oil (topical). i been looking into tracking devices but most you have to keep on a min of 4 hours or more a day. they are expensive and i dont know if they even work. I was looking at this new RestoreX brand which says you only have to use it 1 hour a day...but i cant find any reviews except what is on their site.... im just so incredibly depressed and lonely.... i know the only thing thats going to make me feel better is the bend being corrected but i dont even know if thats possible... i just feel like im going to be alone and miserable for the rest of my life and being in recovery im afraid it will eventually lead to a relapse...... is there any hope for me.... im scared because i know if this cant be corrected it will end up killing me... i almost died 3 times already because i couldnt deal with it.... im not in danger of killing myself or anything like that... i like my life, im just so alone and starved for some kind of affection that it makes me sick... i cant go on like this much longer... PLEASE HELP!!!!

[TonySa]

Rest assured you can get help and feel better and have sexual relationships.  It sounds like you have a naturally occurring cogenital curve.  Penises literally come not only in different sizes but shapes as well.  Surgery can correct a cogenital curve, but the risks are not necessary if it's still useable with the curve you have.  A mild curve (usually 30 degrees or less) can be actually more pleasurable to your partner.  For example, an upward curve missionary style can stimulate a woman's g spot more easily.  Or downward curve doggy style.  Also, if approached from the right angle it's can be easier to go down on someone with a curve.  Please explain your curve.  However, even if you're curve is mild I suspect you're going to need some assistance w coping w anxiety and depression.  Can you see a psychotherapist for counseling or psychiatrist for possible medications?  Please hang in there and keep us posted.  

[Hawk]

Unbent - You are on the road.  You have already made important first steps.  You confided in a friend.  You are here were literally thousands can relate to everything you have locked up inside.  You are going to get through this and come out the other side better than you have ever been.  It won't likely be a moment, it will be a process but that process has already started.

Let's start with a few basics.  I encourage you to fill out your signature line that displays under your posts.  It helps us help you and save all of us lots of time.  I assume Erectile Dysfunction is not a problem.  It is important that you measure your erect curve so you know the degree of curve.  If that curve has been fairly static and not progressive it is very likely you have a congenital curve that is with you from birth or at least from when you sexually developed.  You could have done nothing to stop it.  It is also EXTREMELY rare for a teen much less a twelve-year-old to get Peyronies Disease without a very memorable injury.

Learning to open up here where you are safe will help you open up with good professionals, both medical and psychological.  It very well may be that your self-image is far more out of shape than your penis.  As I type this a new year just rung in and it is going to be a brand new, better year for you and we are going to help you if you will work on doing your part.

Let us know about:
your degree of curve.  If you do not know how to measure it we will help with that,  
Let us know if it has been pretty stable over the years.
Let us know what state you live in.  If you are hesitant then send me a Personal Message.
Do you have insurance?
Also if you need to talk to someone there are some of us including me that will be happy to talk to you on the phone if you want.

Best wishes and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!

[Get Unbent]

Rest assured you can get help and feel better and have sexual relationships.  It sounds like you have a naturally occurring cogenital curve.  Penises literally come not only in different sizes but shapes as well.  Surgery can correct a cogenital curve, but the risks are not necessary if it's still useable with the curve you have.  A mild curve (usually 30 degrees or less) can be actually more pleasurable to your partner.  For example, an upward curve missionary style can stimulate a woman's g spot more easily.  Or downward curve doggy style.  Also, if approached from the right angle it's can be easier to go down on someone with a curve.  Please explain your curve.  However, even if you're curve is mild I suspect you're going to need some assistance w coping w anxiety and depression.  Can you see a psychotherapist for counseling or psychiatrist for possible medications?  Please hang in there and keep us posted.

My curve isnt mild but its not as severe as some photos i see.. i have two curves one downward curve which i dont mind that much and a curve to the right... if looking at me from the one side it looks perfectly normal but from the other side it looks ALL kinds of messed up and it really bothers me. i can still have sex but depending on how tight the woman is i can experience some mild pain and if shes too tight it will prevent me from getting a full erection.... i been going to therapy for years and i been on just about every medication one could take.. At first the medication helps with the depression and anxiety but its only a matter of time before it stops working and my symptoms come back stronger then ever. the only things thats were ever able to help me get over the anxiety was Xanax, alcohol or other hard drugs. None of which i can take anymore because i am 6 years clean and sober... i have NEVER been able to have sex without being very very high on drugs and now that im sober the anxiety is so great i cant even look at a woman without having a flash back and becoming that scared 12 year old boy again... i was diagnosed with PTSD 1 1/2 years ago...i knew i had it for a long time but i didnt know what the cause was. i realized about 1 month ago what the root cause was... every time i try to talk to a woman i instantly flashback and become that terrified 12 year old boy again... since it gave me PTSD now when i try to even look up information online, i keep getting triggered and it makes me physically ill and causes instant severe panic attacks, which triggers severe depression... im actually getting sick to my stomach just writing this.... it sucks i know if something doesnt change at the very least i will relapse and suffer a fate FAR worse then death....

[Get Unbent]

Unbent - You are on the road.  You have already made important first steps.  You confided in a friend.  You are here were literally thousands can relate to everything you have locked up inside.  You are going to get through this and come out the other side better than you have ever been.  It won't likely be a moment, it will be a process but that process has already started.

Let's start with a few basics.  I encourage you to fill out your signature line that displays under your posts.  It helps us help you and save all of us lots of time.  I assume Erectile Dysfunction is not a problem.  It is important that you measure your erect curve so you know the degree of curve.  If that curve has been fairly static and not progressive it is very likely you have a congenital curve that is with you from birth or at least from when you sexually developed.  You could have done nothing to stop it.  It is also EXTREMELY rare for a teen much less a twelve-year-old to get Peyronies Disease without a very memorable injury.

Learning to open up here where you are safe will help you open up with good professionals, both medical and psychological.  It very well may be that your self-image is far more out of shape than your penis.  As I type this a new year just rung in and it is going to be a brand new, better year for you and we are going to help you if you will work on doing your part.

Let us know about:
your degree of curve.  If you do not know how to measure it we will help with that,  
Let us know if it has been pretty stable over the years.
Let us know what state you live in.  If you are hesitant then send me a Personal Message.
Do you have insurance?
Also if you need to talk to someone there are some of us including me that will be happy to talk to you on the phone if you want.

Best wishes and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!

Thanks and happy new year to you too. ok i filled out the signature line.... well heres the thing i dont remember any specific injury BUT i was a VERY horny child and i started masturbating long before i even knew what i was doing and i use to get pretty rough... i do remember as a young kid me and my friends use to kick each other in the testicles so did that do it? idk but i also use to wear tight pants to keep my erections down because like i said i was a very horny child and i didnt know what else to do with it? maybe that caused it? idk but i think its peyronies because when i was bad into drugs years later i did suffer trauma twice where i was so rough my penis swelled up three times its normal size for like a few days... after i got sober i started to get an hour glass shape to my penis while getting an erection and i looked it up and it said it was peyronies but back then there wasnt much you could do for it... i started taking coq10, arginine & carnitine and the hour glass shape went away and hasnt come back since (5-6 years ago).

i have two curves  downward and to the right... i dont know how to measure it but it has pretty much stayed the same except the curve to the right looks like it has gotten slightly worse over the past 6 years... i can have sex but if the woman is too tight it causes slight pain and will prevent me from getting a full erection and im limited as to what positions i can do... i know my self image is worse then my penis but i also feel like the only thing thats going to help is either fixing my penis or breaking it so i cant get an erection anymore... i have gotten very good at pushing sex out of my mind and if it wasnt for the random erections i wouldnt have anything to worry about... the ONLY medication that has EVER helped me was xanax. i know if i take 1 xanax all my problems will go away but i also know i will become very highly addicted to like i did before and being 6 years sober that isnt an option for me... i been to therapy & been on just about every medication on the market and they have all been the same... it helps with the symptoms for a little while but i reach a point where the meds just stop working and my depression comes back worse then it was before i started taking them..... im in south florida and i been on disablity for what they thought was panic disorder but it turned out to be PTSD.... i will say this since i got sober i have been able to start my own online business which makes me feel better about myself not living off the system but i still do have medicare so i know i am going to be very limited as to what doctors i can see.. the only downside is working from home helps me isolate even more which i know isnt good but any time i try to talk to a woman. i instantly flashback and become that scared little child who just broke his penis... its the worst feeling it the world and nothing i have been able to do makes it any better.. its actually getting much worse... Early in recovery i was able to flirt with people, then it got to the point where i couldnt approach people and now its gotten so bad that simple body langue can trigger attack and other then narcotic medication or large amount of alcohol. i dont think anything else will work and like i said being in recovery none of that is even an option for me. so idk what to do anymore... im just terrified because i know i cant go on like this much longer if something doesnt change and change soon its not going to end well for me..

[Hawk]

GetUnbent,

I am not a healthcare professional, just an old man that has been around awhile.  I have a keen interest in people, a wide range of self-help topics, and supportive counseling to individuals in several capacities.  As I read your post I I think you would have to agree that your response to your curve has taken a far greater toll on you than the curve.  You would no doubt agree there are men with a curve as severe as yours that have solid sexual, committed relationships.  I think you can see if someone was committed to you and was excited to experiment that you could figure out a whole range of exciting options together.  

While I am not against psychotropic drugs, I think they are most valuable in two situations; 1) Short-term until you face problems and develop new coping strategies,  2) for chemical imbalances that are not based on circumstances.  Now, it is, of course, possible that you would have been stressed out and depressed with a perfectly symmetrical penis, and that you are just focusing on your penis.  On the other hand, IF your stress and depression are truly a result of your penis, THAT needs to be a primary focus.  You can of course work on two things at once but you have to extend yourself to social interaction.  You are a smart guy with deductive reasoning skills.  Whether you hire a GREAT counselor (few are even good) or hire a prostitute so relieve the stress and reduce it to a business experiment, you must work on and reverse this withdrawal and social anxiety.  Maybe even chatting with women online.  Maybe finding one woman you can pour your heart and soul out to who will make no physical demands.

There might be many other options but I just want you to recognize the major issue and I want to help you brainstorm.  I had a very supportive wife fo decades when my issues hit but it was devastating.  As she got close to orgasm I felt intense pressure to perform as needed.  If we changed to a position that did not work I was crushed, angry at my condition, and frustrated in a way that ate at me for days.  One day I told her I was going to have sex but she wasn't.  She was going to be like an inflatable doll, or more like a prostitute.  I was going to experiment with many positions and issue to get a handle on what works and what doesn't.
I told her if she started getting involved it would make me focus on her and bring pressure and stop me cold from trying and learning all I needed to learn.  It was one of the most valuable things we ever did and interestingly when I was finished with using her as a training aid we had some of the best sex ever.

You may be far from such a point but it is the kind of thing within your sights as an objective.  There are many women who would stand by you if you are a caring, trustworthy man.  

I am sure you are aware that most psychotropic meds have sexual side-effects.  Just be aware of that.

Your Medicare is fairly decent and fairly portable insurance.  I know the Premiere implant doctors on the continent take it so I don't think that is a huge issue.


______________________________________now 2 specific commenst and a specific question____________________________________________________________

Not sure If I gave you this but it is a must-read for the basics. Peyronies Survival Guide - Information for New Members - Peyronies Society Forums

Your signature line apparently did not take.  Try again and if you have trouble just private message me what you want on it and I will help you out.

Question:  Have you ever chatted with women online and if so how does that affect you?

[Pfract]

Hey get unbent! Please check out this progress thread from a member using restorex. There are some folks here using it and apparently, it is helping. Please give it a try

https://www.peyroniesforum.net/index.php/topic,10328.0.html