9 Months.... still unable to deal with it!!

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picgg

Hello Brothers,

So it has been dark 9 months in my life.

My journey started 9 months ago, when my wife dilvered my new baby, and I damged my penis by pressing too hard while masturbating.

This has resulted in painfull hard flaccid penis, hourglassing in the middle of the shaft, less girth after the dent till the glans, and mild Erectile Dysfunction.

This has has completly runed my life. My son is 10 months old now, and I barly can spend an hour or so with, before going to my dark room, lying in the bed, and living the deep depression.

during the last 9 months, I lost more than 20 Kg ( I used to be 67, and now 45 Kg!)... I am losing my job as I am not performing well. I hardly sleep 1 to 3 hrs a day, a lot of nights with no sleep at all!

tried several types of anti depressionts, nothing is working with me.

I used to be an A student during my study in University, and outstanding performance during all the last 16 years of my career, I have been rawarded many many time for my outstanding performance during my career, and this year; for the first time in my life, I got partially met expectations in my yearly appraisal. This has knocked me down even more, I know that my boss is compassionate, and he gave me more than what I deserve this year, but the idea of unable to perform in my job is killing me even more.

I tried Gotu Kola as it was suggested by this fourm members, and also it didn't work for me.

as for peyronies, I tried VED and that increased my pain as I already have congential curvture, and hard flaccid.

I tried traction device, which also increased the pain due to hard flaccid.

I tried Pentox, Tamoxifien, L-Arganine for 6 weeks, it only incrased my pain.

i have been on ALC, COQ10, and cialis for the last 4 months, no change and it seems hourglassing is even getting worse.

I am on course of verapamil 5mg weekly injectuons for the last 3 weeks, and it seems just making it worse.

we don't have peyronies specillaist or good physctratic in my countery, and I really don't know how to deal with this curse physically and mentally.

I am 34 years old, and Idon't my childerns to raise without a father, I don't want to lose my job.. but I don't know really how to deal with it.
36 Yrs Old, Peyronies since 03/2018
Hourglassung Subcutaionus atrophy & Mild ED after Steroid injection
Flaccid pain, Curvature to the left
Tried ALC, L-Arginine, COQ10, Pentox, Tamoxifen, Cialis, fexofenadine, Vit E - Nothing is working.

Bubba dawg

You're compounding your problem with this negative thinking. You maybe making your physical problems worse with depression pills, stress and negativity. First thing is you need counseling to deal with this terrible problem. You got to help yourself. Try and think positive! You can still walk, talk and see. You're not terminally ill . You have a new family that need you to provide for them. You can still work and do that. Your dick is NOT as important as providing for your family. Try and look at this as a challenge. You will find a way to get better. In the meantime you will keep a good attitude. Love and take care of your family.  Your child and wife deserve that from you. Go visit the children's cancer clinic and see that things could be much worse. You got a big problem. You can deal with your problem and keep on living like the rest of us.  You are stronger than you think. Dig deep and say I am going to fight this and do what is right by my family. Life is not all about YOU. Go to a counselor.  Whatever you have to do to keep going. The going gets tough the tough get going, as the old saying goes
5 Rounds of Xiaflex. Good results.

I am known to give out false information and post nonsense with little to no evidence to back up my claims.
I have ignored several warnings. Further reports to the moderators or Administrators and I will be banned.

picgg

I know very will that my life is not my dick, but inside my brain I can't accept it. I can't live with it no matter how hard I try. The feel of guilt is killing me because I masturbated the wrong way, the feel of guilt is killing me because I spoiled my penis, and I destoying my life by anxeity  and depression now.. I tried all the possible ways with no success. I cannot imagine my kids future with a mentally disabled father like me, who spoiled his life because of his penis. I feel I have attempted a big crime and couldn't snip out of the guilt feeling. I tried many therapists all was waste of time and money. I know that no one can help me except myself, but I couldn't help myself either.
36 Yrs Old, Peyronies since 03/2018
Hourglassung Subcutaionus atrophy & Mild ED after Steroid injection
Flaccid pain, Curvature to the left
Tried ALC, L-Arginine, COQ10, Pentox, Tamoxifen, Cialis, fexofenadine, Vit E - Nothing is working.

Bubba dawg

Nobody knows for sure what causes Peyronies. Many do rough sex and masturbating and dont get peyrones.  So what if you caused it. Accidents happen. We all make mistakes. Humans are prone to mistakes and accidents that cause lots of health problems. Smoking, eating the wrong foods , running red lights etc. I would not beat yourself up over rough masturbating . My wife has menopause.  We had dry sex sometimes. I have a masturbate a lot over many years.  Did that cause it? Dont know and dont think about it does not do any good to think about it. Cant change it. Cant prove it. S*** happens every day. To me. To you. To everybody. Yours may get better on it's own. You may have to travel to get treatment. Xiaflex helped me. Giving up is not a option. I dont think anyone is here to help you give up on life
5 Rounds of Xiaflex. Good results.

I am known to give out false information and post nonsense with little to no evidence to back up my claims.
I have ignored several warnings. Further reports to the moderators or Administrators and I will be banned.

picgg

It is not getting better, it is getting worse!


The hourglassing resulted after a steroid injection.

I need a help, how to get out of it?
36 Yrs Old, Peyronies since 03/2018
Hourglassung Subcutaionus atrophy & Mild ED after Steroid injection
Flaccid pain, Curvature to the left
Tried ALC, L-Arginine, COQ10, Pentox, Tamoxifen, Cialis, fexofenadine, Vit E - Nothing is working.

Bubba dawg

All this experimenting is no good. You need a peyrones specialist. Keep working hard. Save your money. Travel to a country that has an experienced peyrones doctor. There are proven methods, but that may not be right fix for your problem. That is your only option. People travel for medical reasons all the time. Just trial and error are no way to fight a disease. Very tempting to do so with the internet. You need a plan with a good peyrones doctor. Hard to find one in my area too. I did find one that was within 30 miles of my home. I had similar feelings you are having when it first happened. But I quickly found help.  That is what you need.
5 Rounds of Xiaflex. Good results.

I am known to give out false information and post nonsense with little to no evidence to back up my claims.
I have ignored several warnings. Further reports to the moderators or Administrators and I will be banned.

Bubba dawg

Let me add. Until then stick with what your current urologist says to do. May take more time to work
5 Rounds of Xiaflex. Good results.

I am known to give out false information and post nonsense with little to no evidence to back up my claims.
I have ignored several warnings. Further reports to the moderators or Administrators and I will be banned.

picgg

Thanks for response....


anything I can do for anxiety and depression?

anything i can do for pain?

I don't have much pain during erection, its more during flaccid
36 Yrs Old, Peyronies since 03/2018
Hourglassung Subcutaionus atrophy & Mild ED after Steroid injection
Flaccid pain, Curvature to the left
Tried ALC, L-Arginine, COQ10, Pentox, Tamoxifen, Cialis, fexofenadine, Vit E - Nothing is working.

Bubba dawg

Go for long walks or other exercise.
Plenty of sunlight. Stay away from eating or drinking sugar. Stay away from artificial sweeteners like aspartame. Maybe one caffeine drinks a day. There are some calming herbal formulas out there. Practice mind control by focusing on the positive. Takes a lot of practice. You can think yourself into anxiety and depression. Take vitamin e. 200 units a day alpha e. Stay away from gamma etc. Drinks lots of water. Get plenty of sleep
 
5 Rounds of Xiaflex. Good results.

I am known to give out false information and post nonsense with little to no evidence to back up my claims.
I have ignored several warnings. Further reports to the moderators or Administrators and I will be banned.

Hawk

Picgg,

You did NOT destroy your life.  First off, if you were susceptible to Peyronies Disease it may have happened within a year from normal sex.  Secondly, even if you did cause it, it was a mistake.  Humans all make mistakes.  BubaD is correct.  You have greater priorities.  Even if you forget about your penis for 6 months and focus on your family and job.  Even with TOTAL ED you can get an implant that works like perfect.  

Priorities are those things that are most important.  Your wife, child, job, mental attitude are your priorities.  You may not be able to control what Peyronies Disease does to your penis right now but your penis cannot destroy your life.  You can control your attitude.  Your attitude can destroy your life.  Even if you fixed your penis if your job and family are gone you made a big mistake.  Most depression drugs contribute to ED.  Stress contributes to ED.  You probably don't even have as much ED as you think once you refocus.  You are in control of your attitude.  No one else can change it.

Best wished.   I share 2 quotes with you. -
"Life does not have to be perfect to be great"
"Never dispair, but if you should dispair, work on in dispair."
Prostatectomy 2004, radiation 2009, currently 70 yrs old
After pills, injections, VED - Dr Eid, Titan 22cm implant 8/7/18
Hawk - Updated 10/27/18 - Peyronies Society Forums

picgg

I kept trying to do all this during the last 9 months...  Still I am unable to get out of it.

It's 02:06 AM in my countery now, and I am lying on bed since 07:30 PM, I was hardly able to sleep one hour!!

I don't feel I can do excersices anymore, I have lost a lot of wieght, I am barly able to walk and move.

Insomnia due to anxiety and depression is really killing me.

All these raising my blood sugar even without food, I barly eat one meal (if i don't vomit) a day. Still blood sugar is high.

I got horroids as I used to take a lot of medications for peyronies without food.

I leterally destroyed my health...

I need my old happy life back...

I need to sleep....
36 Yrs Old, Peyronies since 03/2018
Hourglassung Subcutaionus atrophy & Mild ED after Steroid injection
Flaccid pain, Curvature to the left
Tried ALC, L-Arginine, COQ10, Pentox, Tamoxifen, Cialis, fexofenadine, Vit E - Nothing is working.

TonySa

I believe you need to see your doc and immediately consider getting on an anti-depressant.  Counseling can help to but you have all the signs of a very major depression.  Until that lessens you likely be unable to formulate a good peyronies treatment regimen and stick to it.  Once the depression lessens read the great doc here for treating peyronies and see where you can pick back up w that treatment.  Peyronies Survival Guide - Information for New Members - Peyronies Society Forums
Please keep us posted and reach out for support.
PxD 2 yrs 9/16.  Failed all treatment. 9/11/18: excision, grafting & implant Dr Karpman MtnView Ca, AMS CX 18cm + 3-1cm RTEs.
Pump failed.  2/11/20 Dr Karpman installed Titan 22cm +1cm RTE.

jj21

Its not all over - some people do miraculously recover over time. It seems like your condition is not yet stable.

As other suggested, it may be a good idea to save some money and see a peyronies specialist in another country. Or wait till your condition is stable and try some other treatments.

Is your wife supportive?

I think some counselling or therapy may help... Be careful with the anti depressants they can have bad side effects - one of them is erectile dysfunction itself which may make things worse (mentally and physically).

Hope things get better for you soon.
JJ
34 Years Old...Peyronies for 4 years. 20 Degree left and upwards curvature, major dents and narrowing, ED.

Implant + Tunica Expansion Procedure, 7th Feb 2023, Titan 22cm +1cm RTE, Partial revision 27th June 23 (fix pump, remove 10ml reservoir).

TonySa

OMG, ignore the anti-medication thinking.  Tens of thousands of lives are lost to suicide around the world each year that can be prevented!  Not all anti depressants cause Erectile Dysfunction for all men.  If you have any side effects work w your doc.  Wellbutrin is an example of an antidepressant that VERY RARELY  has Erectile Dysfunction side effects.  I'm personally a psychologist who knows the value of psychotherapy, but many folks don't have access to counseling or psychotherapy and therefore anti-depressants are necessary and an only option affordable for many.

I got that wrong, just looked it up it's actually over a million people worldwide that die by suicide each year.  
PxD 2 yrs 9/16.  Failed all treatment. 9/11/18: excision, grafting & implant Dr Karpman MtnView Ca, AMS CX 18cm + 3-1cm RTEs.
Pump failed.  2/11/20 Dr Karpman installed Titan 22cm +1cm RTE.

picgg

Thank you for your support

I have seen 4 Physcatrics.... no benfit, medcations made me worse.

Regarding seeing peyronies specialest, I have contacted some, and seems thier approach is wait and see... I have contacted even Dr Levine, and his suggestion was to wait for another 10 months!, stay with NSAID's and use traction and/ or VED.

36 Yrs Old, Peyronies since 03/2018
Hourglassung Subcutaionus atrophy & Mild ED after Steroid injection
Flaccid pain, Curvature to the left
Tried ALC, L-Arginine, COQ10, Pentox, Tamoxifen, Cialis, fexofenadine, Vit E - Nothing is working.

picgg

Quote from: TonySa on December 12, 2018, 11:01:58 PM
OMG, ignore the anti-medication thinking.  Tens of thousands of lives are lost to suicide around the world each year that can be prevented!

I tried first zoloft and cipralex which caused my insomnia that still presisting although i stopped these medications many months ago.

Then I tried 25mg of Amitripyline, which helped me in the begining and then made me much worse.

I tried Mirtazapine, which helped me in the begining for sleep, but gave me sucidal thoughts all the time, and then increased my Anxeity and depression, I used for two months and it kept making me worse.

I tried olanzapine, it helped me a lot, but I had to stop it as my blood sugar level increased.

The last option was Valdoxane, but I am avoiding it as my liver enzimes already in border line, and I don't want to cause more damage to my body....


Anything else you can suggest?
36 Yrs Old, Peyronies since 03/2018
Hourglassung Subcutaionus atrophy & Mild ED after Steroid injection
Flaccid pain, Curvature to the left
Tried ALC, L-Arginine, COQ10, Pentox, Tamoxifen, Cialis, fexofenadine, Vit E - Nothing is working.

Bubba dawg

Very hard to treat anxiety and depression. As you found out , many anti depressants will cause you to be anxious. This is why I suggested natural remedies. Check out calming herbs. Not anti depressant herbs. A lot of your depression may be caused by stress. Skullcap and other herbs can help calm you down. Google them and think rationally. Not as many side effects
5 Rounds of Xiaflex. Good results.

I am known to give out false information and post nonsense with little to no evidence to back up my claims.
I have ignored several warnings. Further reports to the moderators or Administrators and I will be banned.

jj21

Please don't take my post to be anti-medication... Simply stating that there are some side-effects associated with anti-depressants that some people may not be aware of such as further depression and suicidal thoughts as well as ED. I'm sure for some people they have been effective.

Wellbutrin may be a better choice although I did once read personal reviews of people who stated it reduced their libido aftter prolonged use (possibly due to its effect on the bodies dopamine levels).

MAO's may not effect libido and something natural like 5-htp or St Johns Wart may also be a good choice (please talk to a doctor about it if you're considering these alternatives).

My personal opinion is that anti-depressants can be beneficial but should be monitored by a professional due to the side-effects associated with them.

If you're suicidal PLEASE check yourself into a hospital or seek therapy as well as medication - whatever works best for you and don't give up. There have been a lot of cases of people curing their condition and of improvements.

We're all here for support.
JJ
34 Years Old...Peyronies for 4 years. 20 Degree left and upwards curvature, major dents and narrowing, ED.

Implant + Tunica Expansion Procedure, 7th Feb 2023, Titan 22cm +1cm RTE, Partial revision 27th June 23 (fix pump, remove 10ml reservoir).

NeoV

How did traction make you worse? Just curious. How long did you try it and have you tried gentle traction by hand or less tension? Taking supplements or drugs? Gotu kola is not one of the primary supplements to take evidence wise.

picgg

Quote from: NeoV on December 13, 2018, 03:40:37 AM
How did traction make you worse? Just curious. How long did you try it and have you tried gentle traction by hand or less tension? Taking supplements or drugs? Gotu kola is not one of the primary supplements to take evidence wise.

I have Hard flaccid, so whenever i pulled the pins to fit in traction device the pain increase.

I don't know exactly how to use this device, and the instruction manual is not clear. I got Quick Extender PRO for peyronies and curvature.

36 Yrs Old, Peyronies since 03/2018
Hourglassung Subcutaionus atrophy & Mild ED after Steroid injection
Flaccid pain, Curvature to the left
Tried ALC, L-Arginine, COQ10, Pentox, Tamoxifen, Cialis, fexofenadine, Vit E - Nothing is working.

Bubba dawg

One of my relatives has good luck with klonopin and celexa combo. Google those prescription drugs
5 Rounds of Xiaflex. Good results.

I am known to give out false information and post nonsense with little to no evidence to back up my claims.
I have ignored several warnings. Further reports to the moderators or Administrators and I will be banned.

TonySa

I'm sorry you're struggling finding a helpful medication.  Have you tried counseling or psychotherapy?  Cognitive behavioral therapy has proven helpful for many with anxiety and depression.  Combining meds and therapy can increased the effectiveness of both which alone have about the same effectiveness (across groups).  Maybe ask about bupropion (generic Wellbutrineath.) if you haven't tried that.  Also, insomnia aggravated depression.  Trazadon at bedtime can help w indomnia along with sometimes bringing back NTEs.  Often used together with another antidepressant having a synergistic effect.

JJ21, Sorry about the anti-medication allegation.  It's just important that severe depression be treated like any other serious medical condition.  That is, if not treated can result in loss of not just the quality of lifeā€”but for many the actual loss of life.  I just looked it up on suicide.org and it's actuslly over a million lives worldwide lost to suicide each year.
PxD 2 yrs 9/16.  Failed all treatment. 9/11/18: excision, grafting & implant Dr Karpman MtnView Ca, AMS CX 18cm + 3-1cm RTEs.
Pump failed.  2/11/20 Dr Karpman installed Titan 22cm +1cm RTE.

popopo

Not sure if this will help you, but the way I deal with it is that I accept NOT accepting this, if that makes any sense. I mostly stay off the forum and only look for updates once in a while, but I will be back once a new treatment comes up. I try to tell myself that it sucks, but staying home depressed sucks as well so I keep busy with other things I like. A job shouldn't be all fun, but if it causes more stress I simply won't do it. Being on government support isn't great, but doing something you don't like isn't gonna work either. If I'm too depressed to work I'll simply admit that I can't work, but try to do what I can when I can anyway. I hope you'll keep it together and can tell yourself something along the lines of "at least I got a job, at least I got hobbies, at least I got income and whenever the time is right I can even smoke a joint to relax at nighttime" that's how I do it anyway.
Age: 25
Date of onset: 17
Symptoms: sharp pains, numbness, change in shape/size, hourglassing and discolaration from jelqing/VED usage as a teen. Diagnosed with a venous leak and possible scarring.
Treatments tried: cialis, pentox and VED didnt help

jj21

Tony, no problem - you've given great advice and I agree suicide awareness is very important.

I'm in therapy myself and it has helped a bit so far.

Cheers,
JJ
34 Years Old...Peyronies for 4 years. 20 Degree left and upwards curvature, major dents and narrowing, ED.

Implant + Tunica Expansion Procedure, 7th Feb 2023, Titan 22cm +1cm RTE, Partial revision 27th June 23 (fix pump, remove 10ml reservoir).

Bubba dawg

Therapy is great. He needs to learn to live with his penis problem. Most likely he wouldn't be depressed and anxious if he fixed or learned to live with his penis problem. Not like he is depressed without reason. Anti depressants and anxiety meds could make his sex problems worse. Sexual disfunction is a common side effect. Along with constipation etc etc. So then he would have more problems. Still not learning to live with his current problem. I dont know many if any men who take mind drugs for very long. Just make us miserable.

 
5 Rounds of Xiaflex. Good results.

I am known to give out false information and post nonsense with little to no evidence to back up my claims.
I have ignored several warnings. Further reports to the moderators or Administrators and I will be banned.

TonySa

Therapy is great but not accessible to all.  
PxD 2 yrs 9/16.  Failed all treatment. 9/11/18: excision, grafting & implant Dr Karpman MtnView Ca, AMS CX 18cm + 3-1cm RTEs.
Pump failed.  2/11/20 Dr Karpman installed Titan 22cm +1cm RTE.

picgg

I have seen two therapist during last 9 months, no benift at all!

I am not sure if this is the right "Therapy", Simply he wants me to go back and practice the pre-Peyronies life!!!

If could have done this in the begining, why I would visit a therapist or Physcatric in the first place?!!!!

He said it will be diffcult to a man in my age to accept this disease, but I have to accept it?!!!

I have been almost in 6 useless sessions, and I didn't continue wasting my time and money!!

I have no luck with medecations, nither for peyronies nor for anxeity and depression.

I have no luck with medecations since my childhood, most of the time the medcations side effects more than benfits for me!!

The (5-HTP) worked for me in the begining for sleep, but increased my anxeity and depression. I kept using it until it stopped working even as a sleep Aid.
36 Yrs Old, Peyronies since 03/2018
Hourglassung Subcutaionus atrophy & Mild ED after Steroid injection
Flaccid pain, Curvature to the left
Tried ALC, L-Arginine, COQ10, Pentox, Tamoxifen, Cialis, fexofenadine, Vit E - Nothing is working.

Bubba dawg

Maybe find a female Therapist. They seem to be more sympathetic. Any male I have told about this disease don't want to hear anything about it. They fear it! They cringe! Better you than me is the attitude. Females are more nurturing. You don't need a therapist with a suck it up and move on attitude. You need a  understanding therapist to tell your problems to so you don't lay them all on your family and friends. You will alienate them doing that. Help you get through each day. I have had a lot of treatment and I can still barely have sex. So I know it would be much worse for me if I couldn't get help at all.  You have good reason to be upset and depressed picgg.
You may have to travel outside your country to get help. I suggested this before. Search far and wide for a Urologist in your country that can help you. In the meantime, study up on natural ways that helped members on here. Consider this a challenge. Life throws us many challenges to over come or to learn to live with. Keep hunting for a Doctor. Go to a female therapist. Don't be embarrassed by your situation. This is your second job--getting better physically. You have many members on here dealing with the same nightmare. ya for a male it is a nightmare!!
5 Rounds of Xiaflex. Good results.

I am known to give out false information and post nonsense with little to no evidence to back up my claims.
I have ignored several warnings. Further reports to the moderators or Administrators and I will be banned.