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Author Topic: New relationship: How do I ask if he is already getting help  (Read 1785 times)

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walk-on

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New relationship: How do I ask if he is already getting help
« on: August 30, 2018, 02:22:49 PM »

I am seeing a guy who has all the symptoms of Peyronie's disease. I don't think he is aware/getting any help or seeing a doctor for it. How do bring it up and ask him to seek help. I don't want to sound mean and I genuinely care.
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Stabler

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Re: New relationship: How do I ask if he is already getting help
« Reply #1 on: August 30, 2018, 02:27:45 PM »

Hello,

Can you share with us why you believe he has Peyronies? How long have you been together and how well is communication between you on personal issues?

Stabler67
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Re: New relationship: How do I ask if he is already getting help
« Reply #2 on: August 31, 2018, 12:29:54 AM »

I say bring it up right away in a light way! The beginning of the relationship is a crucial time to set down a solid foundation in communication AND sexual polarity. It's all too easy to leave either of these two things out at the foundations, but you can have them both together if you just decide it. Don't hold back, communicate, but keep it sexy, fun, and compassionate.
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skunkworks

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Re: New relationship: How do I ask if he is already getting help
« Reply #3 on: August 31, 2018, 11:33:34 AM »

Which symptoms? Is he still functional?

walk-on

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Re: New relationship: How do I ask if he is already getting help
« Reply #4 on: September 05, 2018, 02:37:16 AM »

I am medico (a student) and hence am able to decipher what the symptoms are and what they translate to.
Thank you @NeoV for advising me to be frank. I brought it up this evening. We looked over the textbook symptoms and he said he experiences every one of them. He didn’t pay much attention and attributed them to him getting old [He’s just 33 though :) ]. He has scheduled a PCP visit tomorrow and we will know more after that.
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Hontas

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Re: New relationship: How do I ask if he is already getting help
« Reply #5 on: November 16, 2018, 06:50:28 AM »

Wow arent you a blessing. Good luck to you and your boyfriend, its rare sight to see a woman doing this instead of gossiping about how bad he is at sex with her friends. The second one is still more probable in real life but hey sometimes you get lucky and your boy is a lucky one :) just make him buy oral medications thats a good first step
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Re: New relationship: How do I ask if he is already getting help
« Reply #6 on: November 17, 2018, 07:59:09 AM »

its rare sight to see a woman doing this instead of gossiping about how bad he is at sex with her friends. The second one is still more probable in real life ...

It is not strange at all.  It might be a sign you hang out with people that are shallow or short on values.  Such statements are more often a reflection of the people you surround yourself with, which in turn is a reflection of one's own value system.  You cannot take such specific traits found in your specific circle of friends and generalize them to the wider population.
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Hontas

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Re: New relationship: How do I ask if he is already getting help
« Reply #7 on: November 17, 2018, 02:39:40 PM »

OK man, so what do you know about my views on life or values in general? Nothing, maybe i may have said some things that bothered you before, but i have a lot of reasons why to think such things. I could very well explain why i think like this in a manner that you wouldn't even be able to find an objective counter argument. So please stop responding to all my comments. But if you actually want to talk about all of these i am deeply interested in psychology in general and i studied it for years by reading books and learning myself, also i have an ongoing therapist which helped me straighten things out. If you don't believe me, you can ask her how good I am at understanding social psychology if you would like to get a professional opinion.

So all these things aside -i told all these since you think i am an arrogant brat since i am young- I still think that any healthy woman would gossip about their boyfriends since they want to get the best guy available to them. This doesn't mean they are evil, its the same for guys actually. But if you won't allow the situation to happen she is not gonna do it. It all depends on the acts of the guy here, if he acts like he is good in bed then most girls wont even notice small issues. She will think you are the hottest and most attractive guy around. But that is also dependent on her past relationships and partners.

There are a lot of things in the equation here but ALL girls care only for their sexual needs because NATURE. She expects you to handle yourself, to be a man and stand up for yourself. She won't ever hold your hand. It changes everything if YOU stand up first, then she will support you.

It is so different fundamentally her holding your hand(1) versus her supporting you after you stand up for yourself(2).

If the FIRST situation happens, then two options are on sight. If she is sexually really active she is going to gossip and leave you probably. These are highly sexually valuable girls, and most of them don't care one bit about their partner, same goes for men. If she is sometimes a mother figure to you, she will hold your hand and help you(as seen here) but at the end she will lose respect and attraction to you sadly.

SECOND situation, guy never tells her his weaknesses and gets everything done by himself and goes to her as a complete man, no girl would make fun or leave you in such situation maybe very small minority only.

My point being, it doesn't happen because MY friends and social circle is bad. It happens because of "instincts". As an instinct we want the best sexual life possible no matter what the cost. Girls are the same,guys are the same. And in this type of situation of course the girl can leave and not help if she cares to do that way. Not accepting that women don't have a right to get best sex and mate possible by gossiping is probably not being mature enough itself. Its in our nature to do that and there is nothing wrong with that as well.

But, since most young and attractive girls have 1000 more options and there is no law against humiliating a male, they CAN do that . WHY wouldn't they? Will they lose anything? NO. Then why not act strong and competitive in front of a woman instead of expecting her to not humiliate you? Woman care jack s*** about men, they only care about their children and life quality. IF a dude wants to get sex, he has to accept this fact and defend himself.

This is the important part. Even if the girl tries to downplay the guy , they want to see that EVEN if she tries to shame you, you hold your head high and be sure of yourself. They literally go wild for that type of security in a guy. I am pretty sure you read the Sexual polarity post by Neo, that could help struggling people here as well.

Much luck to all guys struggling to go through this.
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Stabler

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Re: New relationship: How do I ask if he is already getting help
« Reply #8 on: November 17, 2018, 03:18:14 PM »

First I think it should be pointed out that the OP has not been in the forum since Sept and her only 2 posts are here on this board.

@Hontas you have a very dim view of women. You have made some statements that are very unfair, you are generalizing women and that can’t be done any more that women can generalize men.

A real woman that wants a real relationship is going to stand by their partner regardless of the situation, women are not ruled by sex. Women who would gossip about the men they have been with are not mature and are not ready for a relationship. A mans decision to be with this kind of woman must be ready for what comes to him. Peyronies or not when choosing a partner you have to think about what you want from the relationship and choose wisely.

Stabler
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Hontas

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Re: New relationship: How do I ask if he is already getting help
« Reply #9 on: November 17, 2018, 03:46:27 PM »

OK i just told you that its normal for women to be picky about their partner and that makes my view dim? I didn't act sexist or anything i said the both things for men as well. Yes, a real women would stand by their partner etc. but when it comes to sex we don't think logically or we won't act emphatically. How is this not obvious, if there are thousands of men outside and the guy has penis issues, the girl would get stuck on the issue forever. How is this helpful in any way to the relationship? She might help and support her husband but she will most likely be cold to sex with him as she realized that he isn't the best for her sexually. She realized his weakness... How do you think thats gonna work when another guy hits on her. She might feel sorry and not cheat but that doesn't change the fact that she wont look at him the same anymore... Its better to solve all your problems yourself and not show your weaknesses to the girl and how hard can that be??? Honestly I can't believe this is what i am arguing about with 2 grown adults, you should know better from your experience is that sex is something magical and if it gets broken she or he will look outside to get the need. If we are talking about sexless relationship, i don't see it as one.
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Stabler

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Re: New relationship: How do I ask if he is already getting help
« Reply #10 on: November 17, 2018, 05:03:14 PM »

"ALL girls care only for their sexual needs

Woman care jack s*** about men, they only care about their children and life quality."


The above statements are a dim view in my opinion...


And to suggest that a man should not share his feelings and what he may see as a weakness with his partner is absurd, what kind of relationship do you have if you cant talk about things... Again we are talking about people in real relationship/marriage etc...

Stabler
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Hontas

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Re: New relationship: How do I ask if he is already getting help
« Reply #11 on: November 17, 2018, 06:07:59 PM »

Ok that sentence looks biased i agree, i should have said no men OR women.
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TonySa

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Re: New relationship: How do I ask if he is already getting help
« Reply #12 on: November 17, 2018, 06:58:29 PM »

Hontas, there certainly some people who are self serving and prone to “gossip”.  Fortunately there are many who are not...trying to surround ourselves w those certainly makes life better.
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JohnR

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Re: New relationship: How do I ask if he is already getting help
« Reply #13 on: November 18, 2018, 07:20:24 AM »

Hontas,

I'll tell you the truth. I don't care how old you are, your view of women and your thoughts on "instinct" are so far displaced as to make you seem bitter and extremely immature. What are you, 15?  You sound like it...

Somebody has filled your head with excuses for your self prescribed shortcomings that have warped reality around you so it seems that you are twisting "nature" into something that fits your life.

I mean, seriously guy... look around you. How many drop dead gorgeous women do you see with scrawny, not so attractive men? A bunch! They don't go looking for the perfect male specimen (thank god), they want love, honesty, and understanding...

As far as being able to talk to a woman about physical issues, you better believe that it's the only way to make a relationship work. Open honesty. They don't get together and toss out your private business. You've got a lot to learn.
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Hontas

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Re: New relationship: How do I ask if he is already getting help
« Reply #14 on: November 18, 2018, 11:28:27 AM »

Im literally out of words. I dont think i have any shortcomings by the way, did i say you so? I am ABLE to talk, i WONT talk. How is this hard to get? WHY would i tell a women something like this, i dont need female affirmation to me to feel like a male. Also those not so attractive men definitely are confident and are good in bed. THATS why drop dead gorgeous women are with them, and i am pretty sure my current girlfriend is %80 with me because of my confidence. Have you never met with your mates and laughed about how that "ugly" guy is with that hot chick? Well it is because either he has a big dick or has a lot of money, i am sorry to shatter your snowflake world but its not because of compassion or love or honesty jesus christ. You actually sound like you never surpassed puberty because you sound like you got injected with a lot of nonsense when you are a teenager. It is called being stuck in a prepubescent time in psychology and you should search it. I wasnt going to go aggressive but you honestly blow my mind by calling me 15 with that logic of yours. And no i am not misogynistic, every women i get intimite with finally accepts that they think a guy should think like me. You get the real thoughts of a woman about guys only when you in bed with her...

Also if we are going to talk about shortcomings, just because you and I have peyronies JohnR that doesnt mean that good sex isnt important for women. If it wasnt we wouldnt be here trying to fix our dicks for our lives. Its obvious to see who is the inexperienced and immature one here. I dont want to argue on this topic anymore and its not the place, but if you are going to come with an argument please make sure it is valid one instead of an ad hominem attack on me
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JohnR

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Re: New relationship: How do I ask if he is already getting help
« Reply #15 on: November 23, 2018, 12:22:10 AM »

Dude, you have problems that no urologist can fix.
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Hawk

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Re: New relationship: How do I ask if he is already getting help
« Reply #16 on: November 23, 2018, 07:58:55 AM »

Dude, you have problems that no urologist can fix.

That is the truest statement on this whole topic.  I do not say that to insult or spar.  Hontas, has no understanding of psychology, values, human reason or relationships in general.  He either was raised with poor teaching and example or has allowed his mind to be twisted from Peyronies Disease and some bad relationship along the way.  He has ZERO understanding of the typical female thought process or sex drive and impulses.  This is so serious that his attitudes will prevent him from ever having a meaningful relationship even if he had a porn-star penis. 

What truly is sad is that it is crystal clear to everyone but him.  My advice would be to quit worrying about your penis until you get your biggest problem fixed.

Most people (and women are people) don't function off of instinct.   If you take a person a few miles into the woods they cannot find their way home like a pigeon can from 500 miles away.  Unlike geese that never stop to consider if they should l fly south this winter, or decide if they will pick some other direction or destination, mature people decide what they will do based on the options and thought through outcomes. 
Hontas, every post you make screams out and advertises for all to see your confusion and lack of understanding.  Please find a counselor that will take a lot of time to help you work through your misconceptions and help you do the work necessary to make yourself healthy.

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JS1991

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Re: New relationship: How do I ask if he is already getting help
« Reply #17 on: November 24, 2018, 04:03:36 PM »

Hontas, I was going to post a VERY long point-by-point rebuttal, but I'll just say that your argument on women only liking big bank accounts and big dicks is wrong. Those are definitely bonuses, but women just want a guy that frankly doesn't give a crap whether they come or go (until there is an actual bond formed), is confident, makes them feel loved and sexy, and who they don't have to act like a mother to, at least unless it is warranted. If you love yourself and follow what I just said, you shouldn't have any problems. Women are not evil dude, you can't even blame what you said on "BUT IT IS WHAT IT IS, LOL... NATURE!". The woman I'm currently talking to is all over me and it's because she respects me. She is literally afraid of losing me and I have full-blown Peyronie's plus hard flaccid.

Once you break the ice and tell her you have Peyronie's, it's easy as long as you still be yourself. Trust me. I know that it's hard to break that info to a woman, but the way I do it is, I don't say: "Hey, I have Peyronie's disease." I just say "I injured my dick a while ago and I have scar tissue there, I just need to be careful." And then I proceed to do what I used to do. If a large curve or erectile dysfunction physically prevent you from having sexual intercourse there are ways to fix that (VED, traction, surgery, etc.) and you can always supplement with oral, toys, etc. until you are fixed. Just don't act sorry for yourself.

If you disagree, please respond. I too am young, have very high understanding of social psychology (although I dropped out, my major was psychology), and highly doubt you can come up with a counter-proof argument. Best of luck!

Edit: Forgot to mention... on your point of gossip, I agree with other posters in this thread: that is a sign of an immature woman, not all women.

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Re: New relationship: How do I ask if he is already getting help
« Reply #18 on: November 24, 2018, 07:51:48 PM »

JS1991 i am not even going to have a counter argument as some of what you say is totally on point. I mean i maybe wasnt able to express myself nicely, but other than big bank and big dick topic i agree with you. On those, i feel like they are really more important than other things while even without them you can have as much sex as you want and live your life happily. But that doesnt change the fact that i PREFER to live like i don't have this problem. I just told her that dicks get broken and she should be careful, not that i have a problem. Which means we will be careful still and i wont have to deal with any psychological side effects that come from telling that in our relationship...

I believe most people here think i act sorry for myself while in reality i am happy with the relationship that i have and i can get off with oral sex really well so i have nothing to worry about short term. You also agreed with me on all points except the power factor(big dick big cash), so there is nothing to counter proof lol. Please read my post instead of others' comments about my posts and that would give you a better idea. Maybe i worded some things wrong if so my bad, but i already said (or thought) %80 of things you say here.

What my point is that i believe that telling this to a women most of the time in this forum, is a means to get psychological and motherly support. Which i HIGHLY advise against it. If it means to warn her about the situation, i would just tell her to be careful, not use her hands much and to not bend as it COULD break. And you heard it happen to your friends maybe... huh? I mean in this way she cant use the fact that you are actually suffering from a sexual problem, which could be a weapon in an angry girls eyes. We are human, and we try to undermine the people we argue with, whether be penis problems or money problems or addiction problems. Would you like to get insulted because of such thing or rather it used against you? In high sexual polarity relationships this could very well happen and no thanks, i dont need psychological support or motherly help from a Female so i pass on telling this to any girl...

Also gossiping isnt neceseraly about being immature, any women from any age could do that if they knew they could get away with it. Women arent devils but they arent saints. Same goes for men. I am trying really hard to counteract the "sexist" blaming against me but some people i guess forgot to read where i wrote "same goes for men". The only reason my GF is with me probably is that i am a massive bullsh*t detector and i can smell hers from a thousand miles as well(she called me out on that before). She likes the fact that i don't hold myself exposed to anything including her. That doesnt mean i am not holding her dearly. I love her. Sometimes protecting and hiding these type of things are the protectors of the integrity of the relationship. Let me tell you what, this girl i saved from a guy that was stalking her for years and then we had the best sex we ever had. Love isn't the way it is written in the books and a "softie" wont make it. Sometimes being distant, cold and confident in some ways protect the "magic" in the relationship. Thats my experience as this is by far the best relationship i had.
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JS1991

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Re: New relationship: How do I ask if he is already getting help
« Reply #19 on: November 24, 2018, 09:28:55 PM »

Hontas, Gossiping in most cases is immature and I can almost always tell if the woman will gossip. The girl I'm speaking with currently is very cool and down to earth and doesn't give a crap about telling people my business (it's not even considered a big issue in our relationship). Even if we break up, I don't see her giving a crap. The only person I can see her telling is her mother and I really don't care if she tells her either. I always strive for a girl like this, and you should too! When it comes to an average girl who I don't know as well, who I'm in the beginning stages of hooking up with, yes I might not share my personal info, especially if we are in the same social circles. But when it comes to a relationship, you should strive for a mature woman like what I'm describing; they exist!

After going back and re-reading what you wrote, I do agree that we share a lot of the same opinions, but you did come off the wrong way; what you just wrote is a lot better. Not that I have the right to judge; I just feel I am speaking for the collective mindset in this thread. And in terms of big bank and big dick, to be honest the big dick is just an easier way to get women to come back and can be partially made up for with amazing oral, foreplay, etc. but it is not an end all as something like a lack on confidence or not loving yourself is. The big bank makes it far easier to form relationships but doesn't affect sex. I myself have a lot of money and a pretty nice dick but I've realized the other qualities are more important overall.

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Re: New relationship: How do I ask if he is already getting help
« Reply #20 on: November 24, 2018, 11:37:46 PM »

Yeah the most important thing is social circles, but honestly i am getting more shameless as each day passes so we'll see how good things are going to get. Honestly at this point i wouldn't even care about me getting downplayed since most of my friends would take my word before a random girls anyway. That is what i call confidence and thats why either way i don't see a problem  ;D good luck on your peyronie's man, i have yet to have luck but time is passing by and i don't plan to waste my youth.

Also i don't think you are speaking the collective mindset, its just that there are some people that doesn't like me being blunt and they are aggressively attacking me but i won't plan to answer those from now on unless some argument is at least thrown at me...
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Hawk

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Re: New relationship: How do I ask if he is already getting help
« Reply #21 on: November 26, 2018, 07:27:09 AM »

I intend to move this post to the psychology board since this is an area to make women feel safe about speaking out on the forum with men.  All this topic turned into is men talking about women and much of it nonsense.

I may leave the original posts here.
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