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Author Topic: New relationship: How do I ask if he is already getting help  (Read 2109 times)

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walk-on

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New relationship: How do I ask if he is already getting help
« on: August 30, 2018, 02:22:49 PM »

I am seeing a guy who has all the symptoms of Peyronie's disease. I don't think he is aware/getting any help or seeing a doctor for it. How do bring it up and ask him to seek help. I don't want to sound mean and I genuinely care.
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Stabler

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Re: New relationship: How do I ask if he is already getting help
« Reply #1 on: August 30, 2018, 02:27:45 PM »

Hello,

Can you share with us why you believe he has Peyronies? How long have you been together and how well is communication between you on personal issues?

Stabler67
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NeoV

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Re: New relationship: How do I ask if he is already getting help
« Reply #2 on: August 31, 2018, 12:29:54 AM »

I say bring it up right away in a light way! The beginning of the relationship is a crucial time to set down a solid foundation in communication AND sexual polarity. It's all too easy to leave either of these two things out at the foundations, but you can have them both together if you just decide it. Don't hold back, communicate, but keep it sexy, fun, and compassionate.
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skunkworks

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Re: New relationship: How do I ask if he is already getting help
« Reply #3 on: August 31, 2018, 11:33:34 AM »

Which symptoms? Is he still functional?

walk-on

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Re: New relationship: How do I ask if he is already getting help
« Reply #4 on: September 05, 2018, 02:37:16 AM »

I am medico (a student) and hence am able to decipher what the symptoms are and what they translate to.
Thank you @NeoV for advising me to be frank. I brought it up this evening. We looked over the textbook symptoms and he said he experiences every one of them. He didn’t pay much attention and attributed them to him getting old [He’s just 33 though :) ]. He has scheduled a PCP visit tomorrow and we will know more after that.
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Hontas

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Re: New relationship: How do I ask if he is already getting help
« Reply #5 on: November 16, 2018, 06:50:28 AM »

Good luck to you and your boyfriend.
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Hawk

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Re: New relationship: How do I ask if he is already getting help
« Reply #6 on: November 17, 2018, 07:59:09 AM »

its rare sight to see a woman doing this instead of gossiping about how bad he is at sex with her friends. The second one is still more probable in real life ...

It is not strange at all.  It might be a sign you hang out with people that are shallow or short on values.  Such statements are more often a reflection of the people you surround yourself with, which in turn is a reflection of one's own value system.  You cannot take such specific traits found in your specific circle of friends and generalize them to the wider population.
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Hontas

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Re: New relationship: How do I ask if he is already getting help
« Reply #7 on: November 17, 2018, 02:39:40 PM »

OK man, so what do you know about my views on life or values in general? Nothing, maybe i may have said some things that bothered you before, but i have a lot of reasons why to think such things. I could very well explain why i think like this in a manner that you wouldn't even be able to find an objective counter argument. So please stop responding to all my comments. 

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Stabler

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Re: New relationship: How do I ask if he is already getting help
« Reply #8 on: November 17, 2018, 03:18:14 PM »

First I think it should be pointed out that the OP has not been in the forum since Sept and her only 2 posts are here on this board.

@Hontas you have a very dim view of women. You have made some statements that are very unfair, you are generalizing women and that can’t be done any more that women can generalize men.

A real woman that wants a real relationship is going to stand by their partner regardless of the situation, women are not ruled by sex. Women who would gossip about the men they have been with are not mature and are not ready for a relationship. A mans decision to be with this kind of woman must be ready for what comes to him. Peyronies or not when choosing a partner you have to think about what you want from the relationship and choose wisely.

Stabler
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Hontas

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Re: New relationship: How do I ask if he is already getting help
« Reply #9 on: November 17, 2018, 03:46:27 PM »

OK i just told you that its normal for women to be picky about their partner and that makes my view dim? I didn't act sexist or anything i said the both things for men as well. Its better to solve all your problems yourself and not show your weaknesses to the girl and how hard can that be??? Honestly I can't believe this is what i am arguing about with 2 grown adults.
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Stabler

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Re: New relationship: How do I ask if he is already getting help
« Reply #10 on: November 17, 2018, 05:03:14 PM »

"ALL girls care only for their sexual needs

Woman care jack s*** about men, they only care about their children and life quality."


The above statements are a dim view in my opinion...


And to suggest that a man should not share his feelings and what he may see as a weakness with his partner is absurd, what kind of relationship do you have if you cant talk about things... Again we are talking about people in real relationship/marriage etc...

Stabler
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Hontas

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Re: New relationship: How do I ask if he is already getting help
« Reply #11 on: November 17, 2018, 06:07:59 PM »

Ok that sentence looks biased i agree, i should have said no men OR women.
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TonySa

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Re: New relationship: How do I ask if he is already getting help
« Reply #12 on: November 17, 2018, 06:58:29 PM »

Hontas, there certainly some people who are self serving and prone to “gossip”.  Fortunately there are many who are not...trying to surround ourselves w those certainly makes life better.
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JohnR

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Re: New relationship: How do I ask if he is already getting help
« Reply #13 on: November 18, 2018, 07:20:24 AM »

Hontas,

I'll tell you the truth. I don't care how old you are, your view of women and your thoughts on "instinct" are so far displaced as to make you seem bitter and extremely immature. What are you, 15?  You sound like it...

Somebody has filled your head with excuses for your self prescribed shortcomings that have warped reality around you so it seems that you are twisting "nature" into something that fits your life.

I mean, seriously guy... look around you. How many drop dead gorgeous women do you see with scrawny, not so attractive men? A bunch! They don't go looking for the perfect male specimen (thank god), they want love, honesty, and understanding...

As far as being able to talk to a woman about physical issues, you better believe that it's the only way to make a relationship work. Open honesty. They don't get together and toss out your private business. You've got a lot to learn.
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Hontas

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Re: New relationship: How do I ask if he is already getting help
« Reply #14 on: November 18, 2018, 11:28:27 AM »

Im literally out of words. I am ABLE to talk, i WONT talk. How is this hard to get?
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JohnR

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Re: New relationship: How do I ask if he is already getting help
« Reply #15 on: November 23, 2018, 12:22:10 AM »

Dude, you have problems that no urologist can fix.
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Hawk

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Re: New relationship: How do I ask if he is already getting help
« Reply #16 on: November 23, 2018, 07:58:55 AM »

Dude, you have problems that no urologist can fix.

That is the truest statement on this whole topic.  I do not say that to insult or spar.  Hontas, has no understanding of psychology, values, human reason or relationships in general.  He either was raised with poor teaching and example or has allowed his mind to be twisted from Peyronies Disease and some bad relationship along the way.  He has ZERO understanding of the typical female thought process or sex drive and impulses.  This is so serious that his attitudes will prevent him from ever having a meaningful relationship even if he had a porn-star penis. 

What truly is sad is that it is crystal clear to everyone but him.  My advice would be to quit worrying about your penis until you get your biggest problem fixed.

Most people (and women are people) don't function off of instinct.   If you take a person a few miles into the woods they cannot find their way home like a pigeon can from 500 miles away.  Unlike geese that never stop to consider if they should l fly south this winter, or decide if they will pick some other direction or destination, mature people decide what they will do based on the options and thought through outcomes. 
Hontas, every post you make screams out and advertises for all to see your confusion and lack of understanding.  Please find a counselor that will take a lot of time to help you work through your misconceptions and help you do the work necessary to make yourself healthy.

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JS1991

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Re: New relationship: How do I ask if he is already getting help
« Reply #17 on: November 24, 2018, 04:03:36 PM »

Hontas, I was going to post a VERY long point-by-point rebuttal, but I'll just say that your argument on women only liking big bank accounts and big dicks is wrong. Those are definitely bonuses, but women just want a guy that frankly doesn't give a crap whether they come or go (until there is an actual bond formed), is confident, makes them feel loved and sexy, and who they don't have to act like a mother to, at least unless it is warranted. If you love yourself and follow what I just said, you shouldn't have any problems. Women are not evil dude, you can't even blame what you said on "BUT IT IS WHAT IT IS, LOL... NATURE!". The woman I'm currently talking to is all over me and it's because she respects me. She is literally afraid of losing me and I have full-blown Peyronie's plus hard flaccid.

Once you break the ice and tell her you have Peyronie's, it's easy as long as you still be yourself. Trust me. I know that it's hard to break that info to a woman, but the way I do it is, I don't say: "Hey, I have Peyronie's disease." I just say "I injured my dick a while ago and I have scar tissue there, I just need to be careful." And then I proceed to do what I used to do. If a large curve or erectile dysfunction physically prevent you from having sexual intercourse there are ways to fix that (VED, traction, surgery, etc.) and you can always supplement with oral, toys, etc. until you are fixed. Just don't act sorry for yourself.

If you disagree, please respond. I too am young, have very high understanding of social psychology (although I dropped out, my major was psychology), and highly doubt you can come up with a counter-proof argument. Best of luck!

Edit: Forgot to mention... on your point of gossip, I agree with other posters in this thread: that is a sign of an immature woman, not all women.
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Hontas

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Re: New relationship: How do I ask if he is already getting help
« Reply #18 on: November 24, 2018, 07:51:48 PM »

JS1991 i am not even going to have a counter argument as some of what you say is totally on point.  On those, i feel like they are really more important than other things while even without them you can have as much sex as you want and live your life happily.
Please read my post instead of others' comments about my posts and that would give you a better idea. Maybe i worded some things wrong if so my bad, but i already said (or thought) %80 of things you say here.

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JS1991

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Re: New relationship: How do I ask if he is already getting help
« Reply #19 on: November 24, 2018, 09:28:55 PM »

Hontas, Gossiping in most cases is immature and I can almost always tell if the woman will gossip. The girl I'm speaking with currently is very cool and down to earth and doesn't give a crap about telling people my business (it's not even considered a big issue in our relationship). Even if we break up, I don't see her giving a crap. The only person I can see her telling is her mother and I really don't care if she tells her either. I always strive for a girl like this, and you should too! When it comes to an average girl who I don't know as well, who I'm in the beginning stages of hooking up with, yes I might not share my personal info, especially if we are in the same social circles. But when it comes to a relationship, you should strive for a mature woman like what I'm describing; they exist!

After going back and re-reading what you wrote, I do agree that we share a lot of the same opinions, but you did come off the wrong way; what you just wrote is a lot better. Not that I have the right to judge; I just feel I am speaking for the collective mindset in this thread. And in terms of big bank and big dick, to be honest the big dick is just an easier way to get women to come back and can be partially made up for with amazing oral, foreplay, etc. but it is not an end all as something like a lack on confidence or not loving yourself is. The big bank makes it far easier to form relationships but doesn't affect sex. I myself have a lot of money and a pretty nice dick but I've realized the other qualities are more important overall.
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Hontas

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Re: New relationship: How do I ask if he is already getting help
« Reply #20 on: November 24, 2018, 11:37:46 PM »

Also i don't think you are speaking the collective mindset, its just that there are some people that doesn't like me being blunt and they are aggressively attacking me but i won't plan to answer those from now on unless some argument is at least thrown at me...
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Hawk

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Re: New relationship: How do I ask if he is already getting help
« Reply #21 on: November 26, 2018, 07:27:09 AM »

I intend to move this post to the psychology board since this is an area to make women feel safe about speaking out on the forum with men.  All this topic turned into is men talking about women and much of it nonsense.

I may leave the original posts here.
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