Yes, your penis DOES define you!

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Nitrometer2332

I'm so sick of hearing "you're penis doesn't define you".

It usually comes from guy's with normal dicks, so easy for them to say.
Your dick DOES define you. It define's EVERY MAN, if not entirely, then in a huge way still.
A penis is kind of a requirement to be a man.

Since I was diagnosed in May, I feel like my very gender it's self has been stolen from me.
A cannot take living the rest of my life with a shortened, deformed, disgusting dick. NOBODY will ever see me naked again. And of course I will never have sex again, it's just not feasible. It just doesn't fit anymore. People say that you have to accept it. No I don't l. I will never accept this. I don't want to accept this. I shouldn't have to accept this. NO man should haveto accept this. It's unfair and cruel.

Have totally shut myself off from the world. Work, then straight home to bed. It's affected how i interact with other men socially, professionally, even casually. Nobody will ever convince me that other men can't sense something is off, that i am "less than", no longer a real man.

I've been dealing with severe, chronic depression for four years now, and have made 2 very serious, nearly successful suicide attempts in that time. And now this... another kick in the balls. I've already lost so much, and now peyronie's has taken all that was left. It has ruined my life, left me totally devestated and VERY angry, and yes, jealous of guys who still have their manhood.

I have had the noose in my hand - literally - a number of times since this diagnosis, and ultimately I'm certain that will be how this story ends at some point, probably soon. I don't want to die, but I REFUSE to live like this.

I just cannot deal with this much longer.

And yes I'm trying all the regular "treatments" (pentox, will be starting xiaflex if insurance approves (which I'm sure they won't), PTT. But at best it seems like I MIGHT GET a 10-15 degree improvement in bend, and no recovery of length. Peyronie's has in my case literally demolished my dick, 60 deg bend and DRAMATIC length loss... like by half. So best case i might end up with is a damn 45deg bent 3 incher. What the F good is that gonna do anybody. Sex is still out, and no potential partner is gonna accept or be willing to deal with that. I'm single, btw, and now this disease  has made that permanent. It has sentenced me to a lifetime of sadness and lonliness. I face this ALONE.

Sorry to rant... I guess I just had to get it out. F^@% this thing sucks.
45, diag May 2018, 40 deg to right & 30 deg up with indentation & hinge effect, pentox & traction (restorex - painful af!), told by uro in Dec 2018 that xiaflex not an option, surgery?, don't know yet

hope794

I can feel your depression and sadness. I consider you all my brothers in this curse called Peyronie's Disease. I think that our penis don't define us, but yes, it devastate our lifes for sure and condemn us to a life of sadness and loneliness. If you Think that nothing will work for you and you have nothing to lose, if i were you i:
1. Probably would have tried Stem Cells treatment.there is NO evidence that works, but a couple of members are reporting good results. If you have money to try, i would give it a shot.

2. I would have probably enrolled in Wake Forest experiment. If you go to Developmental Drugs. And Treatments youll find a post of mine where i talk about new trials, they are recruiting for a "partial penis substitution". If i lived in USA, I would have enrolled, but they said to me that i had to live there and i cant enroll from Italy.

If you need to talk, you're free to PM me. As i said, you all are brothers to me and i always try to help a friend.
26 yo from Italy.
Peyronie's since abt 2014
Abt 20-25° bend, w/ a moderate twist to the left
ED for 4 years and getting worse
From pornstar-like to moderately depressed - still fighting for a solution.

suicidecomingsoon

I wouldn't spend money on stem cells

Too expensive for the little or nothing that you will get

hope794

@comingsoon, as i said, it's not FDA approved - but some people (RD, JS1991) reported good improvements. JS1991 is a really kind and good guy, you should contact him, he always answers and gave plenty of informations about the procedure. He just did it. As i said, if you have enough money, you should try, IMHO. Still better than suicide!
26 yo from Italy.
Peyronie's since abt 2014
Abt 20-25° bend, w/ a moderate twist to the left
ED for 4 years and getting worse
From pornstar-like to moderately depressed - still fighting for a solution.

suicidecomingsoon

Well I don't know about RD, but I don't see a great improvement in the case of JS1991,  he continues to have plaques and his problem with the glans didn't improve, anyway he didn't get ED before of stem cells. And he paid a lot of money, I don't know if with these results it's worth it, considering that I don't have a lot of money, and if it didn't work (as it happens with almost everyone) I would be more depressed and with 10,000 bucks less

And nitrometer you are completely right, the thing is many here deny it to protect themselves mentally

NeoV

Nitrometer2332

You are simply wrong, but you will likely never this, because you do not take enough action or make enough effort to talk to women and succeed with them, let alone understand them. I cannot say I'm perfect, but the damn truth is not so convenient. Your penis means NOTHING, and I can prove it to you logically and based on experience with 9s and 10s. Your looks mean nearly nothing, and your penis is just another token among many. If you have a chance to meet me in the US or here where I leave, let me know, There is a higher answer, I promise you. Do not give up.

I promise you, beating the man with a "perfect penis" is easy as hell once you understand why the girl wants that "token" in the first place. If you had no penis, you would be happier than if you had a "non-penis" aka Peyronie's.

I approach women daily, tell them about my Peyronie's, and sleep with them regularly. I have a lot of girls who want to be my girlfriend. I may not look like it, but that's exactly the point.


kusher

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NeoV

Almost every man with Peyronie's can become functional on a baseline level, which is enough for a girlfriend, wife, family, or even sex or fun interactions with girls all your life. For men who are completely unable to penetrate, you can still have all these things minus penetration with your penis.

There is an amazing power that comes from accepting your Peyronie's and letting girls know it. This is because your penis / sexual performance is the root of most of male pain. It is the burden of your DNA, and therefore directly tied to your genetic survival. When a girl sees you are free of that burden (you are not bothered by it whatsoever), she sees you on an entirely different level than other men. Oddly enough, having Peyronie's gives you and EXCUSE to surpass this root pain, whereas not having the issue makes it harder to even approach the topic of sex / your penis without coming off as weird. This is a very important point that hints at something very profound.

The reason woman love gay guys is not because gay guys are funny or this or that, it's because the burden is absent. I know multiple extremely hot girls who have joked about wanting to marry a gay guy or even a guy who is unable to have sex. Sex is less about attaining something, and more about removing something, as if it were a burden. Girls want sexual validation but are otherwise happy to not have that much sex once they have that. We all want the burden of the fear of genetic annihilation off of us, but having sex or penetrating does not really have to be a part of that. It's much more about how you display that you are above the need for sexual validation, and give her full sexual validation that is non-judgmental.

The only thing a woman hates is a man who relies on tokens, or is hung up on his penis (the ultimate token). Even if a woman blames your sexual problems for why she leaves you, this is simply something she has made up. It all comes down to giving the girl validation and being non-judgmental of your and her sexuality, everything else is a lagging indicator.

suicidecomingsoon

If you have peyronie and ED which does not respond to pills then you are not functional, and we are several men here in that way

If that is the case then consider getting a non-stoppable bionic dick and become (as I heard one woman refer to her BF) "an upgraded male  2.0" and get an implant.  3 weeks later you will look down in disbelief at a profound erection that looks like it belongs to a 17 yrs. old in the middle of a wet dream.

But remember, even then, that penis will not define you!

NeoV

There are some guys who cannot penetrate or have sex, but how does that "define" them and their results? It doesn't, it just stops them from penetrating.

kusher

Neov,

You seem to know what you are saying.. did you ever experience mild or severe ed? I saw your YouTube videos and it seems that you are knowledgable about penis issues and thinking outside the box. Do u think time and NOFAP can treat ed in some way if there is no venous leak?  
Please go to PROFILE then FORUM PROFILE to replace this signature line text with your profile info such as age, date of onset, symptoms, treatments tried, etc

suicidecomingsoon

Quote from: NeoV on August 18, 2018, 12:12:31 AM
There are some guys who cannot penetrate or have sex, but how does that "define" them and their results? It doesn't, it just stops them from penetrating.
Well they can't penetrate or have sex, so unless they are old they will tell you that they feel dead in life. (and feeling dead in life already defines quite)
If you do not have severe ED you have no idea what you're talking about

TheTollundMan

Neo... not to veer too off topic, but you are dealing with non-westernized Japanese women. Need I elaborate on this?

NeoV

No problem TheTollundMan,

I have spent most of my life in the US and actually do better with American girls, oddly enough. I have had multiple American girls come home with me after talking about my Peyronie's and laughing together about it or getting really into a playful state verbally. Japanese girls (the hot ones) usually demand that a man leads 100% and will not help with the interaction whatsoever. It's like talking to a wall, where you have to generate positive emotions from absolutely nothing, and take ownership of absolutely everything. On paper, Asian women may appear "easy," but I would say that this is only true on a logistical retrospective view, if that makes sense.

Suicidecomingsoon,

Why not take a girl home and make her orgasm and have fun with the fact that you can't penetrate? I understand that it must be very painful, awkward, and even uncomfortable, but why not turn it into a kind of game where you embrace that identity. How about an implant? If I had no penis, I would buy an expensive briefcase and fill it with all kinds of absurd dildos, from the "Alien" one to the "Zombie" one, and say something like "welcome to my shop," and then give her a bill afterward.

Kusher,

I had ED from 17 to 26 which was psychological with a bit of a physiological aspect to it. I have many memories of not being able to get hard no matter WHAT I tried. I can only laugh about it now, but I was so depressed at the time and hopeless. Once I was in a relationship I was generally fine with the ED, but it wasn't until 26 that I eliminated it. I stopped using porn and limited masturbation and I began socializing and sleeping with women, and this definitely rewired a part of my brain.

I'm 31, and although it's likely 10 years too late, my brain finally makes the connection between real woman and sex. The other night I took a 19 year old girl home and the moment we agreed to go to my place, I felt my penis start to fill out and my pelvic area relax. Isn't that f'^+'ed up? It's embarrassing to admit it, but it's just reality. Until my late twenties, my brain did not accept sex as a normal thing or even a thing that was going to happen. I had a major sexual success barrier all my life, which I carried in my pelvic area and still do to this day. Relaxing my pelvic area is still something I have to consciously focus on, but ever since I really committed to success with women, it's as if my pelvic area is letting go of a decade of tension. It has been said before, but if you don't get hard talking to a girl you're attracted to, something is wrong (assuming you have no hard physiological problem).

True physiological ED is a hard problem that needs to be tackled from a lot of angles. You need to have perfect vascular health, which generally means low insulin and no vegetable oils (besides olive oil). You need to exercise, avoid alcohol, and do everything you can even if it means using a cock ring or getting an implant at the end of the day. I can't say it would be easy to live without penetration, but I'm starting to see how penetration means very little to even ultra hot girls. OR, I'm starting to see that if penetration was a necessity, monogamy was never going to work anyway with that given girl. Monogamy is a problem of it's own, and I don't think any man should demand it from any woman, ever. Allow your woman to see as many men as she wants. Make her cum, give her a good time, and offer her your state of mind.

Hrvat21

I would still prefer having "the ultimate" token, and being an a$$hole that prefers penentration and forces monogamy on women. I will do anything to get my penis back to that state again. And yes, penis does define you in sexual relationships. The size, the endurance and the sexual capability is something that measure us in important way. The only way i "stayed the same" psychologically was to stop sleeping with women, and i won't sleep with women untill i fix my dick, as as big the psychological damage of not having a proper dick is, having to F^@% with f'^+'ed up dick is even worse. I know i can get all those girls to sleep with me, and cum and whatnot, but it doesn't feel psychologically right to me, i want to F^@% to express myself, my sexuallity and my urges - to feel sexually powerful as i was made to be, not to have interaction as a friend - out of compromises - that is my philosophy about dicks, but i believe we can all fix our dicks, restore size with traction and VED, there are many treatments and much can be done about this disease, and if nothing else works, our functionallity can get restored with implant, so i think everyone can get his dick back, in a way - to rebuild our dicks, and ourselves in a way, if you find it important and are willing to put in the effort and time that it requires

suicidecomingsoon

Quote from: NeoV on August 18, 2018, 01:39:03 AM


Suicidecomingsoon,

Why not take a girl home and make her orgasm and have fun with the fact that you can't penetrate? I understand that it must be very painful, awkward, and even uncomfortable, but why not turn it into a kind of game where you embrace that identity. How about an implant? If I had no penis, I would buy an expensive briefcase and fill it with all kinds of absurd dildos, from the "Alien" one to the "Zombie" one, and say something like "welcome to my shop," and then give her a bill afterward.

I hope that what you say is a joke. See how you understand anything? You are like those doctors who underestimate this problem.

I want to F^@% with girls, not be like a lesbian with them, I don't want to put on a dildo from a store and F^@% them with that and I don't want to sleep with them and to eat their p~$$% if then I can't F^@% them and enjoy the act. That, the only thing that would do, is to destroy a man psychologically, I think exactly the same thing about this that Hrvat21

0w00dy

I am 100% with you guys, this crap (Peyronies, ED, maybe light fracture) changed me 100degrees. After two or three months when I realized this is going to stick with me, I went from socializing and being funny everyday to shutting down, feeling insecure all the time, paranoid and see what I cant have 24/7...
Its just BS at its best. I dont even now what to work, how to go on, I have now degree, I was in the middle of my apprenticeship when this + the depression finally hit me and drove me mad. I am at my parents house and I dont know how to give them and myself real hope. Shall I lie and say Im okay? I feel bad everyday since it happened.
I experience funny moments, grasp hope, but it feels forced and the drawback after 'good hours' is often heavy.

I want to solve this, and if it means Ill have an implant in the US, Ill give it a try before I lose every hope. If I wouldnt live at home and have a very supportive family I dont know I'd still be here.

But until its solved I will feel crap no matter what. Getting up, sleeping, eating, sports, meeting buddys, the fog is everywhere, I cannot tell myself its okay and I am able to have a relationship with women. Not one I admire to have.

I often hear there are worse things that can happen. Sure physically yes. You can lose limbs, be paralyzed, get dementia and also lose the ability to F~@< with that stuff. Absolutely horrible.

But being healthy and fit and 'just' heaving a dysfunctional dick at a young age, after it worked for many years, is a heavy burden because people dont see you suffer. You walk, you smile, you talk, you can work. So where's the struggle? Damn. I feel no life, no energy flowing, thats the struggle.

Neo, I love your input here and I find it great how you handle and improved your condition. I hope I can internalize some percent of your attitude but its so hard. My brain kinda refuses to be happy, relieved in this state.
Id like to be in a coma for 12months with constant PDE5i IV and someone who pumps me up twice a day to see what changes happen in that time frame haha. Well, I have to take the hard route and stay awake.

I really should meditate more regular again...

NeoV

I'm glad to see people talk about this so passionately, and I'm sorry if I came across the wrong way.

For the record:

I 100% agree that this disease is a f'^+'ing devastation worse than nearly every damn thing imaginable. It is a tragedy that the mainstream is unaware of the disease and does not acknowledge how women truly crave sex and a "nice dick." I really do agree with all of you, and I think it's our "right" to complain, cry, and even shut down completely because of this. I am not trying to say it's not a big deal, and I really am sorry to come off like that.

That said, I got to a point where I needed a mindful solution or I couldn't go on living. In many ways I lost over a decade of my life to this disease, and I have felt derealized and suicidal in the past. Many of you know that women treated me awfully and my ex physical hit me. It was all a nightmare. The only way forward for me was to contemplate and research the topic for years in isolation, and finally I found a different mental channel, if you will, and viewpoint that set me free. Fortunately my experiences with women have all only strengthened this new version of me, but I resisted changing until the bitter end.

While I 100% agree with the sentiment of sadness in regards to what we're facing, I also 100% think that there is a mindful solution (which may actually be more in line with reality than you might think). If none of you wish to go there, that's fine, I'll keep it up and keep you updated on the counter evidence or best mental models that DO exist, so if you ever need them you can use them. That's all. I want my old penis back just as bad as all of you, and I'm just as furious. It kills me to think about you guys suffering.

swiss

Neo! Love you brother. I go out and I flirt with woman regularly. I am quickly getting to the point of owning my Peyronie's disease. I have come close to telling ladies at bars about it. I approach confidently and we both feel the attraction. I do stop short, but I know I will get there eventually. I will not allow Peyronies to define me as a man. And though there are nights were I cry over it, I know that there are option for me if traction and VED Fail.

Your dick defined your masculinity. Now you need to figure out a way to redefine your masculinity. I am in the process of doing that.

Being a man who is honest, cocky, funny, strong willed, career driven, passionate, caring, kind, takes care of his body, adventurous. These traits will attract a woman. These traits will keep a woman. If you're a dick, if you are sorry for yourself more than you believe in yourself, if you are lazy, not driven, not a good person then having a 10 inch dick without deformities will not help you along in life.

While you rehab your dick use that as an opportunity to take he focus off sex and fix the faults in your own mind in any way possible. It's hard. Im in this fight with you. But no my duck DOES NOT define me as it once did.  

Hrvat21

The "good thing" about this disease is that it allows you to focus on progress in other areas in life without being "distracted" by sex, if you mentally put yourself together, you can advance your life, and push yourself harder, so you can enjoy life even more when you get your dick back - like you are in a symbolic coma or something similar

Stabler

Nitro,

It seems that the only one defining you by your penis is you. You have withdrawn from everyone around you (your words) you only go to work and then come home. NeoV has been spot on with his comments and I can tell you as a woman that your penis is not what defines you as a man in a womans eyes and mind. By excluding yourself from the world around you all you find in your life is isolation, that is no way to live. Your friends are not going to know you have Peyronies unless you tell them, as for women, NeoV is right share it with them if there is the possibility of a sexual situation. If the woman has issue with it then she is not someone you want to be with (in my opinion)

Now I get it, if you are unable to have penetration you feel you are missing out but there are a lot of treatments out there for Peyronies, if the ones you are trying aren't helping you then try something else but your mindset is a huge barrier here in your ability to function in life itself.

Take it a day at a time but start moving with your life, stop isolating yourself from the world around you. If you need to rant come here, we will listen but don't let Peyronies rule your life.

Stabler67
Moderator since 2015- Missouri- I work in the medical field and have strong knowledge of insurance and how to obtain coverage for medication and other treatments. Being a woman I do not have Peyronies but you can ask me anything. I am happy to help.

popopo

I can relate and people do remind us time and time again that it matters. If it didn't matter we all wouldn't be here.
Age: 25
Date of onset: 17
Symptoms: sharp pains, numbness, change in shape/size, hourglassing and discolaration from jelqing/VED usage as a teen. Diagnosed with a venous leak and possible scarring.
Treatments tried: cialis, pentox and VED didnt help

swiss

It matters. It doesn't have to define you. Two different ideas.  

Hawk

"If you have peyronie and ED which does not respond to pills then you are not functional, and we are several men here in that way"

If that is the case then consider getting a non-stoppable bionic dick and become (as I heard one woman refer to her BF) "an upgraded male  2.0" and get an implant.  3 weeks later you will look down in disbelief at a profound erection that looks like it belongs to a 17 yrs. old in the middle of a wet dream.

But remember, even then, that penis will not define you!
Prostatectomy 2004, radiation 2009, currently 70 yrs old
After pills, injections, VED - Dr Eid, Titan 22cm implant 8/7/18
Hawk - Updated 10/27/18 - Peyronies Society Forums

Dee Dee

Nitrometer - I am replying to your post (sorry it's late but I'm new here and exploring the boards) so with two hats on: firstly the hat of a professional psychotherapist  (my day job) and secondly as the girlfriend of a Peyronie's and Ed 'victim' (my life job)
So in my professional capacity I am really worried about the fact you are talking about ending your life, if that's how you are feeling  (suicidal) on a regular basis (so in a nutshell more than just fleeting thoughts of self harm here when feeling low, which settle when you think logically and positively and with no suicide plan) then you really must seek professional psychological support (you can inbox me if you would like advice on this)

But In my second Position as a girlfriend of a man with Peyronies (and ED) I want to tell you my position on this - it may not help at all, but I want to share it with you:

I can't remember if you have shared your age? But I'm guessing you are a lot younger than me (I'm 45) to my kids (20, 16,14) that's sooooo old! But with age comes experience and that is what I want to share and sorry if I'm an embarrassing old woman but I'm going to be honest!

I have had my fair share of sexual encounters over the the last 30  years -  first lust, first love, one night stands, Confused thoughts (am I gay or straight?) happy and abusive relationships. Post pregnancy lack of interest in sex, unhappy sexless end of a marriage,  Loss of my father (attatchment (no man will replace my dad) disorder and many more!  Over the years I've have never had a problem 'pulling' for want of a better description lol - I'm easy going, bubbly and I would like to think relatively attractive 😂  but I've has an absolute catalogue of crap relationships - including a 20 year abusive marriage. But what I can honestly share with you - and this is evidence from both being a therapist, talking to many female friends and also my own experience - your 'dick' does not define you from a woman's point of view (all though it may define you from yours) what women want - and this is never published in magazines or online - is they want a man that wants to make them happy and treats them as if they are the most beautiful woman that they have ever met! Of course we also like orgasms - but hands and mouth do way more that a rock hard penis that makes us sore can even do! (Not saying I don't miss penetration) but I can live without as long as the rest of the cocktails are on the menu!  And this is not me saying this to make you feel better - its the truth! I speak to women every day and this is the truth - other than the women In porn movies  -real women want, love. Care, attention, affection, honesty and loyalty - sex is a bonus, but good oral is even better! (100% of woman i surveyed agree! lol)  so what I'm saying is none of what I'm saying will cure your Peyronies - but I hope it will make you realise from a woman's petseocthe you are not defined by your penis - but by the way you make a woman feel special! Trust me ALL women have mega issues with our bodies. Vaginas, fat tummy, face hair etc We are not judging you on your bent penis! If you turn away from us, avoid intimacy, won't talk - we may get frustrated,  Think you don't trust/love us and leave you, but if you share your problems and Fears, ask us for help, and Remain intimate in other ways than- trust me - you will keep us for life. Don't give up x

TonySa

Thanks for the lovely post Dee-Dee, Tony  
PxD 2 yrs 9/16.  Failed all treatment. 9/11/18: excision, grafting & implant Dr Karpman MtnView Ca, AMS CX 18cm + 3-1cm RTEs.
Pump failed.  2/11/20 Dr Karpman installed Titan 22cm +1cm RTE.

osakadan

Quote from: tiagofil on September 21, 2018, 09:18:16 PM
Not wanting to be vulgar, but maybe we have to see this from his own perspective and sexual pleasure and not from a female perspective.

Maybe he thinks about the great F'^+s he had in the past with his hard penis, all the positions ......

Best response that I have seen in the thread. The poor guy is in mourning. While well intended I find some of the responses here a little self-congratulatory and even condescending. He needs to be able to have time too mourn. Then give him advice when he comes back wanting it. Its like telling someone to have a stiff upper lip - pun intended.


TonySa

She was providing a female perspective, he may or may not find it helpful at this time.  But, if not now—he may later revisit the perspective and it may give others reading it hope as well.
PxD 2 yrs 9/16.  Failed all treatment. 9/11/18: excision, grafting & implant Dr Karpman MtnView Ca, AMS CX 18cm + 3-1cm RTEs.
Pump failed.  2/11/20 Dr Karpman installed Titan 22cm +1cm RTE.

Dee Dee

I certainly didn't want to appear self congratulatory, I can never experience what any of you men are feeling and wouldn't even try to pretend to understand the devastation and loss that you are feeling. I was simply giving a female perspective to the question 'does your penis define you?' I was particularly responding to Nitrometers belief that no woman will ever want him and that he is always going to face this alone:

(quote) . Sex is still out, and no potential partner is gonna accept or be willing to deal with that. I'm single, btw, and now this disease  has made that permanent. It has sentenced me to a lifetime of sadness and lonliness. I face this ALONE.

I was hoping that I could allow him to see that it does not have to be the case, that maybe to hear from a woman that we don't judge a man on his penis but on him as a person may help with the cycle of negativity he is in. When a person is depressed they  can not see any hope anywhere, and with all hope lost then what else is there but suicide?

I do not have the magic wand that we are all looking for to cure Peyronies - I'm sorry, but I have helped many people in their battles against self loathing, dark depression and suicidal thoughts and if I can offer any support to one person here in that - then I will continue to try.

This forum is amazing, it gives people the chance to be open and honest. And I believe anything that is written here in responses whether by male or female is done with genuine caring  intentions, even if the reply is not what you want to hear.

Recently I worked with a family who's two small children were killed by a drunk driver. The devastation left was indescribable. The Mother witnessed it all, her toddlers pushchair was ripped from her arms and he was crushed in front of her as was his brother. I have never seen a human being so soul destroyed, the siblings who also witnessed the carnage were left with severe PTSD. The Mother embraced the love and support she was given by friends, family and proffessionals. The father pushed everyone away and drank through his sorrows - just a few weeks later before the driver was even brought to trial the father hung himself alone in a hotel bathroom, another profound and devastating loss for the family. The mother now alone raising her other children. She was asked if she had contemplated suicide - she said not for a minute, my children need me too much.

I will probably now get shot down in flames 🔥 for telling this story as a guilt trip or to say 'stiff upper lip, there people a lot worse off than you'  I'm actually sharing it because In my opinion the father killed himself because of the pain of his grief, the mother did not because of the love of her family kept her going - he felt alone. loneliness and grief together will kill you - being loved and cared for and loving another can save you.  

TonySa

Well said, reaching out for support is vital to addressing this or any loss.  By coming here, everyone has taken one step in that direction by sharing our experiences, fears, hopes, etc.  I'm thankful for all that participate.
PxD 2 yrs 9/16.  Failed all treatment. 9/11/18: excision, grafting & implant Dr Karpman MtnView Ca, AMS CX 18cm + 3-1cm RTEs.
Pump failed.  2/11/20 Dr Karpman installed Titan 22cm +1cm RTE.

Dee Dee

Tsanchez12369  I agree, to have a place where you can reach out in desperation and gain the support of other people who are walking or have walked your road is amazing  

NeoV

Thank you for sharing Dee Dee. You can judge a man not by the size of his penis, but by the size of his problems.
Having Peyronie's is awful but it's ultimately a minor problem on the grand scheme of life, and even sexuality.

Sex is emotional, and a girl gets wet from your words and behavior, not your penis.
Girls call me weird looking, or even ugly, but they still get wet and turned on because I pass their tests, or "leveling" behaviors. But this is not about tricks, games, or anything superficial.

There's something fundamentally wrong with how most men go about sexuality. Most men come from pain and expect sex to release them from pain. Ultimately sex cannot do this and the girl knows this subconsciously. She tests him to see if he knows this or not.

Dee Dee

Quote from: NeoV link=topic=10511)
Sex is emotional, and a girl gets wet from your words and behavior, not your penis
/quote]

That is so very true NeoV

diehardpatriot

Neo said :
"I also 100% think that there is a mindful solution (which may actually be more in line with reality than you might think)"

This. I used to read NeoVs posts and think they were BS. Seriously. Until I applied them to my life. Now I am not single and I feel for those that are, it must be harder to deal with this without the support of a female. But his advice still applies to my life. I was in a dark dark place for two months, cried nearly everyday. Until his advice registered in my life. My girlfriend is extremely beautiful, amazing curvy body, at least a 9/10. Guys are constantly hitting on her, trying to take her from me, even older guys (she's been hit on by 27 year olds, we are 18). Without being able to give her sex, I thought I was going to lose her for sure, as she can have almost any guy she wants. Our relationship is still going strong , without sex. We haven't had sex in a very long time. Nothing has changed, she still tells me how much she loves me, hugs me and shows physical affection (of course nothing with my dick ), and she still curves guys left and right for me. I didn't believe that a girl will stay with a man who cannot have sex, I thought it was crazy talk. But it's been 5 months or more and I'm living proof. As long as you do not let it shut your life down, a girl won't care. As far as being single and attracting women, I'm not sure if women will care about your issue  when they meet you, but according  to neo, they don't. I don't want this to come across as self congratulatory either, although I am happy and proud of myself for climbing out of depression. I want this to help other people because I am literally living proof that the advice "your dick does not define you" is not some BS to make you guys feel better. It's true. I still have my bad days and I miss sex almost everyday, and I still deal with pain daily. And I still don't have my fill mental capacity because I am not completely at peace with myself due to the pain. But I go to college and work two jobs, I just hold on to the hope that this will one day all be over. And have accepted any and every option, whether it be surgery or an implant. I'll learn to live with either. And I have my family and my girl by my side. This condition is a crap thing to go through, it's devastating. And I believe it does take time to mourn before it's even possible to see the light. It's denial at first becuase it's hard to accept this. But I hope OP that you can find hope.  
Penis injury in late 2017. A lump formed at injury site that caused no deformity, just pain and a palpable lump. Pain is improving through proper rest and use, diet, and mindfulness. I am always learning and looking to share things that have helped.

Nitrometer2332

Thanks everyone for their comments. I'll be honest and mention that some comments did kind of irk me, but even those gave me something to think about, and that can never be a bad thing.

All the comments have got me thinking a bunch of "random" stuff I want to add, but I caution, some of what follows may seem a bit disjointed - but still relevant:

First, specifically to DeeDee's speculation, as much as I wish I were younger lol, I actually am same age as you - 45.

I can only imagine how much more devastating Peyronies Disease would be for a guy in his 20's or 30's.

But still, I do feel kind of struck down in the prime of life. I don't mean to come off as arrogant or "special" in any way, but  I think pretty youthful for my age, have worked out my entire life, and most people would probably refer to me as "built" (god that sounds sooo arrogant, I get that, but really I'm not "that guy" lol). But this fact actually adds to my stress over Peyronies; I almost feel like a fraud now, kinda like a fancily wrapped gift box, but inside is nothing but dog crap. PSYCHE! I feel almost like it's my responsibility to tell any potential partner I meet, "proceed with caution, what you see is not what you get." Does any of that make sense?

But also at age 45, I of course have aged as everyone does, and fully realize that it comes with an assortment of maladies. Aches, pains, etc... I expected that and can accept that. It happens to everybody. I also knew that, sooner or later, sex would most likely  no longer be viable. I figured in my 70's or 80's... seems reasonable, right? But suddenly, having my dick rendered non- functional at 45?! I couldn't have seen that coming a mile away. That DOES NOT happen to everybody. That only happens to an extemely unfortunate few. That is not reasonable. That is total BS that NO man should have to endure.

I went from rarely seeing a doctor, to having my dick poked and prodded at least once a month or more. And no matter how professional or compassionate your doctor is, and mine is very, it's just F^@$!ng awkward & a bit humiliating.

I don't know if this a good thing or a bad thing, but depression for me has subsided somewhat, replaced by, frankly, a seething anger.

Also, I understand that others have it far worse. As a father myself of a 14 year old, the story DeeDee tells above is heart wrenching.

That said, just because someone else's  problems are bigger than yours, doesn't mean yours don't matter (Admittedly, I heard that line on the Reba show, but I think it's valid and has always stuck with me 😂).

I can and do have all the compassion in the world for other people's struggles, but at the risk of sounding calous, mine are worse TO ME, simply because they're mine.

I guess I would just close by saying this... yes, I am very mych in the mourning stage. Let's face it, from birth, a boy's weiner is his favorite toy, and remains so the rest of his life. Guy's get attached to that organ, and recoil at anything that threatens it. But for Peyronies Disease sufferers... poof... just one day, it's gone, most often it seems forever. That is VERY TOUGH to just accept and move on from.

From that moment on, men view themselves differently. I would guess that this applies to ALL guys on here to one degree or another, even to the most well adjusted, or even if some choose to deny it for some reason.

And when you view yourself differently, it absolutely colors your interactions with other people, casually, professionally, socially, and most certainly romantically & sexually. And I think this also necessarily means that others will also view you differently whether you or they realize it or not.

And that just sucks. This whole F^@$!ng thing sucks.


45, diag May 2018, 40 deg to right & 30 deg up with indentation & hinge effect, pentox & traction (restorex - painful af!), told by uro in Dec 2018 that xiaflex not an option, surgery?, don't know yet

TonySa

Hi Nitro, I just wanted to mention an implant may be an option for you if all else has failed and you have ED.??before an implant I'd start VED and traction to gain all posdible Lost length.  The implant can correct the curve or if needed with excision and grafting.
PxD 2 yrs 9/16.  Failed all treatment. 9/11/18: excision, grafting & implant Dr Karpman MtnView Ca, AMS CX 18cm + 3-1cm RTEs.
Pump failed.  2/11/20 Dr Karpman installed Titan 22cm +1cm RTE.

Nitrometer2332

Thanks! I actually have been using Restorex for about a month but don't really notice much so far.
Maybe hang a little longer flaccid. Also on Pentox, coq10, citruline, and one other otc thing who's name escapes me right now.

Had ultrasound about 2 weeks ago (done by another dr at the clinic i go to... Henry Ford Hospital Urology). Actually have a follow up appointment with regular uro (Liroff) tomorrow afternoon to determine what's next.  
45, diag May 2018, 40 deg to right & 30 deg up with indentation & hinge effect, pentox & traction (restorex - painful af!), told by uro in Dec 2018 that xiaflex not an option, surgery?, don't know yet

Dee Dee


Nitro, what a very open and honest post, Thankyou for sharing your struggles  and triumphs.   In my opinion as a woman it's rare to us to really get an insight into How a man really feels about his penis, sexuality, and feelings of insecurity, it's things a lot of men won't talk about and it just leaves us in the dark, maybe even blaming ourselves,  and I would guess it probably causes the end of many relationships. I feel privileged  to be allowed on this forum, and have learned so much in such as short time about how Peyronies and Ed actually make a man feel emotionally, and I know this will help me to be there for, and to try and  underatand my partners feelings -  100 times more than any google search or urologist appointment. Thankyou all  

Hawk

Dee Dee, I for one would like to say thanks for being here.  I am touched by your posts and how valuable you are as a sounding board and your perspective.  I wish more women would contribute.  
Prostatectomy 2004, radiation 2009, currently 70 yrs old
After pills, injections, VED - Dr Eid, Titan 22cm implant 8/7/18
Hawk - Updated 10/27/18 - Peyronies Society Forums

Hontas

Oh, cry me a river people... You are at the age of 45 and you are complaining because you are not as good in sex as your 20s? Well i never even became as good as that "supposed 20s" since mine started at the age of 29 and never stopped since.

suicidecomingsoon

Yes, here Hontas is absolutely right, if you are 45 yo, stop complaining and if you want to have good sex again, get an implant that probably you will only have a revision or maybe none

Stabler

@ Hontas and Suicide:

This is no place to be putting members down because they are in a bad place. This is a supportive forum, Use it as such.

Stabler
Moderator since 2015- Missouri- I work in the medical field and have strong knowledge of insurance and how to obtain coverage for medication and other treatments. Being a woman I do not have Peyronies but you can ask me anything. I am happy to help.

Hawk

Quote from: Hontas on October 27, 2018, 10:22:42 AM
Oh, cry me a river people...

I always find it interesting how people get so caught up in their own lives that they have no compassion for others.  Their situation or their tribe, or their gender, or their age group, or their nationality, always has it worse.  They are so absorbed in their own misery they do not think to serve or help others.  I submit that is exactly where much of such misery comes from.  Go build a website or a support group for others.  Go to a children's hospital and hold some dying children, and you won't be so pitiful.

Because you happen to be denied casual sex with a lot of good looking chicks you suppose a couple facing the stresses of a family and responsibilities and challenges you know nothing about don't suffer when a big part of their intimacy is stricken by Peyronies Disease?  I have had Farikrier on my mind for the past few days.  I was troubled by his plight but in all honesty posts like that do more to kill my compassion than anything I can think of.

I could say "what the hell do you know about challenges?  I am fighting cancer for the 3rd time.  It will likely kill me unless I get lucky and a truck runs over me."   But, instead, I have been thinking about you and providing a forum for others.  Try not setting around inflating your own concerns and get up and do something for someone else.  It is almost like magic.
Prostatectomy 2004, radiation 2009, currently 70 yrs old
After pills, injections, VED - Dr Eid, Titan 22cm implant 8/7/18
Hawk - Updated 10/27/18 - Peyronies Society Forums

JohnR

Nitro,

It's a big dark hole. Some days it's really dark and some days you can see light for a while.

I'm just 5 years older than you and also had the grand experience of waking up one morning last Feb with pain and a radically increased left curve. From my natural 20ish degrees to 80! I had no freaking clue what was going on. I thought that I must have rolled over on an erection and hurt myself... but the pain kept increasing.

Since then, I found a Urologist that specializes in men's sexual health and have undergone 3 rounds of intensely stressful Xiaflex injection with not much improvement. It has changed me and changed my life. I've been married 28 years and we've gone from a 4-5-6 night a week sex life to 2-3 attempts a month. The ed that came with the Peyronies Disease puts a damper on that too.

Now, these poor kids think we're old. I guess I don't blame them... we blinked and it happened to us. I truly hate their circumstances and what they are going through because I know I DID have the experiences they aren't able to have. I hate it for them .

That doesn't change the facts of what we as individuals are going through though.  I d be no worse off if I suddenly lost a hand or arm. All I can say is they make prosthesis for those too. I'm not interested but it may be an answer for you and others. There are many things to try first though. Find a GOOD Uro! One that specializes in sexual health or similar. That's the best thing you can do.  
50 year old, onset in Feb. '18, diagnosed in Mar '18, 4 rounds of Xiaflex completed, little improvement, mentally overwhelmed...ED issues, major anxiety issues now.

Hontas

Ok man, you are 45 , and if your wife is not ok with this, just be out. Care for your children if you have any, get a good group of friends and socialize, get a girlfriend, put yourself in a safe position economically. If you cant have penetrative sex try to relieve yourself in other ways, get a prostitute if it is legal. Just divorce if she cant deal with it.
,

Hawk

We all have sad stories as you point out.  If you want to have a sad story contest with me take your shot.  We can all come here and talk about how much worse we have it and then let the next guy top it and say cry me a river Farikigier you have it made.  I have to deal with.....................   Then someone can try to top him.  OR, instead of telling everyone how much worse we have it than they do, we can listen, learn, support them, and show some human decency and compassion.
Prostatectomy 2004, radiation 2009, currently 70 yrs old
After pills, injections, VED - Dr Eid, Titan 22cm implant 8/7/18
Hawk - Updated 10/27/18 - Peyronies Society Forums

Hontas

The biggest human decency i can show here that i am not gonna say that he is not a man.

Hawk

If you think most of ED associated with Peyronies Disease is psychological then you clearly do not understand Peyronies Disease.
Prostatectomy 2004, radiation 2009, currently 70 yrs old
After pills, injections, VED - Dr Eid, Titan 22cm implant 8/7/18
Hawk - Updated 10/27/18 - Peyronies Society Forums

JohnR

50 year old, onset in Feb. '18, diagnosed in Mar '18, 4 rounds of Xiaflex completed, little improvement, mentally overwhelmed...ED issues, major anxiety issues now.