Hi i'm 28, had a drug-fap binge 6 months ago, doc said lump is early peyronies

[K1ng]

Greetings men.

So i'm in need of a bit of support and i'm going to be upfront with you guys. I've f'^+'ed up bad and today im starting to take responsibility for my actions over the past few months...

Long story short. Around 6 months ago I went on a bit of a meth/dex/stimuluant binge for a month or 2 and beat the poor sucker raw. I actually even tore my frenulum... did that stop me? No. Didn't seek medical attention and the wound has kinda stretched. I did some serious fapping... i can't even remember most of it. But it was bad. Once I orgasmed and NOTHING came out (that was so strange), when i came home from work after not having slept for 3 days and dehydrated af, there was almost like dead skin on the glans in the ridge where it joined (where my frenulum used to be)... in what may have been a psychotic state i started rubbing the dead skin, oh man. like hours passed and i was just sitting on a mattress on the floor in my apt alone rubbing the skin off till there were spots of blood.

Well I used up the last of the last 8ball i bought- and for many reasons- (for one, I could see I was becoming tolerant and was needing seriously high doses) - i gave it up cold turkey around 4 months ago (i did have some dex left over and spaced them out over a couple of weeks). I took sick leave (i was a high functioning user- holding a decent job, during this time i actually got a promotion), locked myself in my apt and just played video games non-stop till the worst of it passed. I'd be pacing up and down the room overnight, sleeping during the day, ordering in food so I wouldn't leave the house. Smoking cigs and the occasional joint did help- I've stopped smoking weed, just need to kick the cigs now as they won't help my current situation.

I tried to give my dick a break (as best as I could- i fell into the 'is it still working trap', have had a few morning erections every now and then.

Yesterday drove out an hour of town to come clean to a doc (guess im paranoid)- and yeah it's ealry signs of peyronies. Hardness just under the top of my glans, along the shaft going down. I'm 'hard flacid' and the penis has kind of retracted into my body a little (i have also gained a bit of weight and i'm not planning to drive myself crazy worrying about size). I can get an erection and the penis now bends upwards significantly - the area of between the under the top of my glans and shaft is numb and there is a hardness to it- this where the doc said the plaque will form.......) - i was focusing my deathgrip on this part of my glans

I've signed up and posted because I figure I have a long journey ahead of me. For one joining a support forum may help me with not fapping while I repair the damage I caused.

Have set myself a few goals.
1. Taking responsibility and minising further harm
2. I want to learn as much as I can as reducing the progression / severity of the plaque
3. And i kinda just need support coz for one- nobody in my life actually knows about my secret drug habit, nor the injury i am now left with. The psychological aspect of all of this is one of the hardest hurdles i'll have to overcome.. Because I did this to myself. But I don't want to start on antidepressants as they were a serious boner killer in the past.
4. Going to use this as an opportunity to focus on my work/health. Need to quit smoking, working out etc. To focus on myself - don't plan on dating again for a while (my gf breaking up with me is what started this whole mess, she was the only reason i was doing anything, the only reason i'd get up in the morning or make the bed)-when it broke down, i fell apart and went back to old habits...



Sorry for the long post- not looking for sympathy i just need to start somewhere

[Thomas2]

dear K1ng, i am sure you had to deal with some serious crap even before harm, if you went on that self destructive path. As you said this is a good turning point, and you won't find my judgment. I can feel the pain, but you don't have to be alone in this. The only advise i'd like to give you, is to reach somebody, or as much people you can. Don't bring more pain to yourself, condemning yourself to deal with all this alone. Nobody deserve to suffer, i am sure whatever you did you don't deserve to keep on punishing yourself with loneliness and struggle. Reach people, share your load.

I won't wish you anything, because i am sure you will get out of this mess. I'll tell you, you are not alone if you don't let you.